31. The Weight of the World
THIRTY-ONE
THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD
? Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
NOAH
I step into my apartment, pressing my head against the back of the door as I struggle to breathe beneath the weight of our goodbye.
I should’ve kissed her one last time, but I knew the moment I did, I’d lose my will to walk away.
“What are you doing here, Noah?” Lexi’s tone seems almost disappointed.
Me too, kid.
What am I doing here?
My heart pounds in my ears, drowning out all rational thought. I don’t know how long I stand there.
Seconds.
Maybe minutes.
Too goddamn long.
“Fuck it.”
CLIO
The apartment door crashes open. Through my tears, I can barely make out the shape of Noah striding into the room.
He barrels past me, reaching beneath my coffee table.
I hear a harsh ripping sound, and then he’s standing in front of me, holding up a piece of strawberry-printed paper with two signatures on the bottom.
He tears it down the middle. “Fuck the contract.”
He tears it again. “Fuck the rules.”
Once more before he tosses the pieces in the air, letting them rain down around us. “Fuck all of it. I need you, Clio. Not for the night. Not for three months. I need you more than I need air. I can’t fucking breathe without you.”
I sniffle and swipe at my damp cheeks, failing to contain my watery smile. “You were gone for thirty seconds, and you figured out all of that?”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
“Hey, asshole, that’s my line.”
He swallows my protest, taking my mouth in a rough, demanding kiss as he lifts me off my feet and carries me into the bedroom.
He practically tosses me onto the bed, making the mattress bounce. I hold my breath as he strips out of his Christmas pajamas one button at a time, leaning back on my elbows in the middle of the bed.
“Merry Christmas, Clio,” I mumble amusedly.
He chuckles, the sound skittering across my skin like a million tiny pin pricks. “If you want to keep your cute little pajamas intact for next year, I suggest you start taking them off.”
“What is it with you and ruining perfectly good clothing?”
I pull my shirt over my head, not even bothering with the buttons, then I kick off my pants and underwear in one fell swoop, tossing them over the side of the bed. Now naked, I position myself on my knees. “There. Happy?”
“I was going to take it easy on you tonight, but maybe it’s time I give that sassy fuckin’ mouth something better to do.”
His boxer briefs drop to the floor, and he kicks them to the side, giving me the view I’ve been waiting for. He’s so beautiful it hurts to look at him sometimes. No man should be given that much power. Even his dick is pretty.
“Have you ever considered tattooing your dick?” I muse.
He takes himself in hand, smirking. “I’ve thought about doing a lot of things with my dick, princess.
Fucked you every which way in my imagination.
At the top of that list is fucking that pretty mouth of yours.
So, get on your back and lean your head off the edge of the mattress like a good girl, and I’ll let you tattoo your goddamn name on it when we’re done. ”
His gruff voice sends a flood of warmth pooling between my thighs.
I spread my knees and let my hand travel down to my wet pussy, teasing my sensitive clit.
“Brat. Is this what you were doing that night when I heard you through the walls?”
I nibble on the tip of my finger and shake my head.
“Mm. That’s right. You had help that night, didn’t you? Where is it?”
I close my eyes and exhale a ragged breath as my fingers move faster.
“Where is it, baby?” he repeats the question with more intensity the second time.
“In my nightstand.”
He walks to the drawer in all his naked glory and pulls it open. “That’s quite a collection. Which one is your favorite?”
“The red one.”
He pulls it out of the drawer and walks back to the bed with his cock in one hand and mine in the other. “On your back, just like I told you.”
This time I don’t hesitate, eager to see what he has planned.
“Open your mouth. Get it nice and wet for me.”
His crown slides against my tongue, bringing the salty taste of his precum with it. I close my mouth around the engorged head and hollow my cheeks as he presses forward.
He gives me a few shallow thrusts before sinking as far back as he can go. I gag as he hits the back of my throat. Noah’s not small by any means, and I wasn’t prepared for how far down I could take him at this angle. I swirl my tongue around his hard length, as my pussy pulses.
Not being able to see what’s happening adds another layer to the experience, and I’m aching for him to touch me. The anticipation might actually kill me.
Sweet relief comes when a low buzzing sound starts up, his palm sliding slowly between my breasts, darkening the space around me as his shadow looms above me.
The feel of his hands on my body ratchets up my pulse, and the tip of my vibrator presses against my clit, causing me to whimper around his cock.
“Your pretty little pussy is soaked for me.” He slides the vibrator lower, breaching past my entrance. “I bet you love having two holes filled at the same time, don’t you, baby? You’re taking it so well.”
I close my eyes as he pistons his hips, saliva dipping out of the corners of my mouth. I can hear the wet sounds my pussy is making as he moves the vibrator in and out, the short arm hitting my clit over and over but not staying in the same spot long enough to let me fall apart.
I grip the base of his cock, twisting my fist in tandem with each thrust forward and back.
I can’t think straight with so many things happening at once; all I know is I’m dangerously close to falling apart. My pussy spasms as I creep every closer to peaceful oblivion.
“I know, baby. You’re so close, aren’t you? Wanna watch you gush for me again.”
He holds the vibrator still, and my spine tingles like it does the moments before an orgasm.
Before I can get there, he pulls away, replacing the vibrator with two thick fingers, crooking them inside of me.
His thumb finds my clit again, and lewd, wet sounds fill the quiet room as he hits that spot inside of me that I know will give him exactly what he’s hoping for.
I hastily release his cock from my mouth, knowing I’m seconds away from detonating.
“Noah.” His name comes out on a cry as I clamp down on him.
My orgasm tears through me, and I come apart.
A kaleidoscope of color explodes behind my eyelids, and my thighs shake as I soak the bed.
He pulls out and lays a wet slap on my pussy, then rubs back and forth with the tips of his fingers, drawing out my release.
“Atta girl.” He leans forward and runs the flat of his tongue between my thighs, lapping it up, my entire body shuddering when he sucks on my clit.
In a surprisingly tender move, his lips gently press to the inside of my thigh. “So fucking perfect,” he grits out.
Completely boneless, I roll onto my stomach and grip his cock, licking up the length.
He hisses on an inhale and grips my chin, forcing me to look up at him through my lashes. “Such an eager little thing, but I’m not coming down your throat tonight.”
He moves away from the bed, stroking his hard length a few times. “On your back against the pillows. I wanna watch your face when you fall apart for me.”
My heart rams against my ribs as I get into position. He prowls closer, his gaze narrowed between my spread thighs. “Are you sore?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“Tell me if you need me to stop. I don’t want to hurt you”
In the time it took to shift positions, Noah has softened, his impenetrable armor disappearing as he gazes at me with such ardent affection. This is dangerous. I’m a fly stuck in a spider’s web, and he has the power to devour me whole if he wants to. My heart and soul all at once.
He drapes his body over mine, notching his crown at my entrances. His fingertips ghost over the side of my face as he achingly slowly pushes forward. “You’re mine, Clio.”
His words sink their teeth in my heart. I drag in a slow breath as he slides inside of me, and I feel whole for the first time maybe ever as some missing piece finds its home.
I don’t know why this feels so different from all the other times. Maybe it’s the look in his eyes or the absence of a contract holding us back, but something has shifted.
He rocks his hips back and forward again, taking his time, each delicious slide carefully measured. “You feel like home.” He whispers the quiet confession as his warm breath ghosts against my cheek.
It’s both the best and worst thing he could’ve said. Home is the only thing I’ve ever truly wanted—to belong to someone, to be wholly and emphatically loved. If home is not a place, but a person, I have found it, and it terrifies me to my core knowing I could lose him at any moment.
NOAH
I don’t know what I intended to happen when I barged back into her apartment, but I don’t regret a single second of it. I never understood the difference between sex and making love until now.
After experiencing both in one night, I’m more convinced than ever that she was made for me. She has this uncanny ability to be exactly what I need at any given moment. She’s soft and pliant when I need control, and when I falter, she lends me her strength.
After a hot bath, I wrap her in a fluffy robe and change the bedsheets, then we slip under the covers, and I lay my head on her chest, listening to her heart keeping perfect time with mine.
“Why did you come back?” she asks.
Tightening my hold on her waist as her fingers run through my hair, I lay my heart on the line. “Because in your arms is the only place that the weight of the world—and my past—doesn’t reach me.”