39. After We Broke
THIRTY-NINE
AFTER WE brOKE
? It Must’ve Been Love - Roxette
CLIO
It’s been raining for a week like a banal metaphor. It’s summer break, and I should be living my best life; instead, I’m curled up in the corner of my couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, surrounded by discarded tissues and my favorite blanket.
Roxette is playing in the background as Edward asks Vivian to stay, and she turns him down. He didn’t tell her she’s too much. He didn’t push her away. He opened the door and watched her walk out of his life like a gentleman.
A week ago, I watched Noah Weston walk out of my life, too, only I’m not sure there’s a happily ever after waiting on our fire escape.
They say grief comes in waves, but I’m still drowning under the first one.
Lexi strides into the room and frowns, taking the ice cream from me. “Ok. That’s enough chocolate therapy. It’s obviously not working.”
“You don’t know that.” I make grabby hands like a petulant toddler. “Gimme.”
“No. We’re not doing this anymore. It’s been a week.” She strides into the kitchen and sets the carton in the freezer. When she comes back, she slumps onto the couch beside me and turns off the movie. “I know you’re sad, but you’re stinking up the apartment. Time to shower.”
“Rude.” I raise my arm and sniff. “Ok. Fair.”
I stand, and an avalanche of Kleenex falls to the floor. That’s a problem for later.
The bed is rumpled from the last time Noah left it, and I know if I go over there it’ll still smell like him, too. I’ve slept on the couch every night for the past week so I wouldn’t have to face it.
I grab a change of clothes from my closet and pad into the bathroom. The first glance in the mirror is like a jump scare. My eyes are sunken and bloodshot, my nose is red-tipped with an angry rash around my nostrils, and my lips have been chewed all to hell.
I turn on the water and toss in a shower bomb.
As steam billows around me, fogging up the room, I strip out of my clothes and step under the hot spray.
I close my eyes and lean my head back, letting the scorching water wash away a week’s worth of dirt and grime.
It can’t take away the pain lingering beneath my skin or the harsh sting of rejection that carved itself into my bones.
The good memories are as inescapable as our ending, like invisible paint splattered all over the apartment.
The first time he washed my hair in the bathtub or the time we danced together in the kitchen.
All of our best moments happened between my apartment and his, and if I’m going to find a way to heal, it won’t be between these four walls.
I stay in the shower until the water runs cold and every trace of the last week has been erased from my skin. After drying off and slipping into a pair of sweatpants and a plain cotton tee, I find Lexi sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine.
“Oh, thank god. I thought you drowned in there.” She tosses it onto the coffee table.
“Ha. Very funny.” I plant my hands on my hips and glance around the living room. Decision made. I pull out my phone and text my sister.
Me: Does the offer still stand?
Copycat: You know it does.
Me: We’ll be there in a few hours.
Copycat: I’ll tell Jax to get the guest house ready. Love you, Cici.
Me: Love you too.
“Start packing.”
Lexi’s face falls. “What?”
“I can’t stay here, Lex. We need a fresh start.” I sink onto the sofa beside her. “Pack enough for the rest of the summer. We’ll come back a week or two before the school year starts back up.”
She stands and throws her hands up, huffing out a breath. “I can’t believe you would give up like this.”
“I’m not giving up. I’m trying to move on. There’s a difference.”
“Typical Clio Marsden,” she says in a mocking tone. “Always running.”
She darts to her room, slamming the door before I can attempt to defend myself. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I do have a bad habit of running when times get tough, but at least I don’t leave a trail of heartbreak behind when I go.
It takes an hour to pack, and another thirty minutes to coax Lexi out of her room. She’s set on giving me the silent treatment. I can’t say I blame her.
A horn blares outside the apartment. When I peer out the window, Callie is standing outside Jaxon’s truck. Tears spring to my eyes. I don’t deserve her.
After two trips up and down the stairs with various boxes and suitcases in tow, I hand Callie the last box containing my carefully wrapped cookie jar—the one thing I couldn’t leave behind in the kitchen. “I’ll be right back. I just need to lock up.”
I make my way through the shop, averting my gaze in case Noah is nearby.
I’m grateful we haven’t had a run-in this entire time.
Maybe the lucky pennies are working after all.
I do one last thorough check of the apartment, ignoring the sinking feeling as I stand in the middle of the living room.
Most of our stuff is still here, but it feels so hollow.
With a heavy sigh, I step into the hallway and turn the lock, pausing with my hand on the doorknob and my heart in my throat.
“This isn’t how I wanted it to end,” I murmur, resting my forehead against the door panel.
When I turn to walk away, I find Emma standing at the top of the stairs. I swallow and meet her sympathetic gaze. “Take care of him, Emma. He’s going to need somebody.”
“Auggie or Noah?”
“Both. Tell Auggie I miss him,” I choke out the words, blinking back tears. “And I’ll see him at school.”
She grips my wrist before I can pass, holding me in place as we stand shoulder to shoulder in opposite directions. “He needs you, Clio.”
I shake my head as the first tear falls. “It can’t be me this time.”
Her hand drops away, and I jog down the stairs, not stopping to look back.
NOAH
The apartment door snicks closed, and I look up from my position on the floor to find an upside-down Emma striding toward me.
“Auntie Emma!” Auggie squeals with his arms stretched wide, his belly resting on my shins. “Look at me. I’m an airplane!”
“Whoa, dude! That’s amazing. Think you can land so I can talk to Uncle Noah for a second?”
“Aw, man.”
I lower him to the ground, and he dashes off to his room while I stand and dust off my pants. “What do you want?”
“Hello to you, too, dear brother. You look like shit.”
I stand and straighten my clothes out. “Is there a reason you’re here?”
She slumps onto my couch uninvited, kicking off her shoes. “Ran into Clio in the hallway. You didn’t tell me she was moving out.”
“Did she say anything? How did she look?”
“Broken but beautiful. Like my asshole of a brother never deserved her.”
I pull out my phone and scroll back through my text messages from this past week.
July 12th at 10:00am
Me: How is she?
Lexi: She’s watching Pretty Woman again.
July 14th at 5:00pm
Me: Do you need anything?
Lexi: Can I come visit Auggie?
Me: Anytime, kid.
July 16th at 5:32pm
Me: Thanks for babysitting. Pizza is on the way.
Lexi sends a selfie with Auggie eating pizza.
July 18th at 12:21pm
Lexi: We’re moving to the ranch for the rest of the summer.
Lexi: If you’re half as miserable as she is, you’ll find a way to fix this.
Attached is a photo of Clio in a wedding dress at the boutique.
I linger on the photo again, the same way I did the first time I saw it.
She looks unreal—more beautiful than I remember.
I tap on the photo and set it as my home screen, drowning in the knowledge that I’ll never get the chance to see her like this, striding toward me with a bouquet of flowers and that dimpled smile I love so much.
That vision will belong to someone else now, if it was ever mine in the first place.
“Jonah gets out next week,” Emma says.
“And?”
“Are you going to let him see Auggie?”
“Of course. I’m not a monster.”
She bobs her head from side to side, her lips pulling into a lopsided grin. “Mmm… I know at least one person who would disagree with that assessment.”
I run my fingers through my hair and throw my head back against the couch cushions. “Where’s he staying?”
“With me, for now, but it isn’t a permanent solution. I only have one room, and my couch is dogshit.”
“What about Auggie?”
“Nothing changes, but you two need to talk. Work out your shit and figure out where to go from here. He’s hurting. I know you like to pretend you don’t care, but he’s still your brother.”
Something unpleasant gnaws at me, but I tamp it down. Whether I like it or not, I’m going to have to face my brother for Auggie’s sake, if for no other reason.
Emma glances at her phone. “I should go. I’m meeting Teddy at the Grove.”
“Tell Tedward I said hey.”
“You know he hates it when you call him that.”
“Exactly.”
She slips on her shoes and heads for the door. “You’re an asshole, Noah Weston.”
“So I’ve been told.”