Chapter Twelve #3
There was nothing much anyone could say to that, so they nodded and carried on eating their bagels in silence.
Maddie took the opportunity to admire her brother and the man he’d become.
There had been times when she had considered Marley exceedingly selfish.
When they had been younger, he’d insisted on moving to New York, despite knowing an ailing Bowie would follow him.
He had lived off an allowance their parents had given him for many years, blowing every penny of it on alcohol and partying while he’d chased his dream of becoming famous for something, anything .
He’d been driven by an insatiable need to stick it to the industry that had turned its back on him and protected an abuser.
When Marley had been nineteen, he’d walked in on a powerful family friend of the Whittles — a middle-aged, married man named Vincent who’d been grooming Bluebell for years — having sex with his sister in a dressing room and had beaten him up.
Marley, who had been acting in a professional production, funded by Vincent’s company at the time, had been arrested and lost his job.
He had been blacklisted from the industry, as most of his co-workers had been too afraid to confront Vincent and take Marley’s side.
Things hadn’t changed until the #MeToo movement had shifted the narrative.
Finally, the world of theatre had been ready to welcome back Maddie’s undeniably talented brother.
Marley was an incredible songwriter and an organically creative person.
He loved to play guitar and sing, enjoyed people watching him and basked in their compliments.
He was a natural extrovert. Since he’d been back on stage, Marley was happier than Maddie had ever seen him.
He had Autumn and Benjamin, his work and his family — the only thing he was missing was Bowie.
That last part was the important part. Losing Bowie had reset Marley’s priorities.
Autumn and Benjamin came before absolutely everything else.
He knew better than anyone that a future together was not guaranteed, and would never put anything above the people he loved ever again.
If something he was doing was not what was best for them, he would give it up.
He loved the stage, but he was happiest when the people he loved were happy.
They were not his, he was theirs. Everything he did was to make their lives better.
She was so incredibly proud of him, of his integrity, his caring nature and his drive to love everyone around him wholeheartedly. He’d become an incredible man.
Maddie didn’t realise she was staring at her brother until he caught her eye and winked reassuringly. Maddie smiled and threw him a subtle nod, turning back to her bagel.
* * *
When they were done with lunch, Maddie and James headed back to the bedroom to apply more paint to the parts of the wall that were looking dry enough.
They sang along to Christmas songs as they did so and chatted the afternoon away.
James told her about his travel plans. For a long time he’d been touring Europe in search of adventure, finding work wherever he could in exchange for very little cash in hand, often just bed and board, and living day by day, but he’d recently decided he wanted to make this a more permanent lifestyle.
Money was the primary obstacle. Work was seasonal and not always guaranteed, and since running out of cash had forced him home after a three- year stint away this winter, he recognised that this was the issue he needed to resolve if he wanted to stay abroad.
He’d signed up with a couple of agencies he hoped might offer him more permanent opportunities, which would solve those annoying visa restrictions that currently meant he needed to leave Europe every ninety days and stay away for three months before he’d be allowed to return.
If he could manage that, he would get Stevie a European passport from a vet in France, which would mean she could stay, too.
Previously he’d had to bring her home periodically to get an Animal Health Certificate to verify she was safe to travel.
He didn’t need much and was happy to rough it, but he did need sponsorship, guaranteed income and security for Stevie.
Finding that without restricting his movement — the key thing he loved about living this kind of life — was proving difficult.
Maddie was enthralled by his stories and impressed by his drive to chase something he really wanted with such heart. She told him so.
“What else is there?” He shrugged. “If there’s any silver lining to losing Harry, it taught me the future is not guaranteed. Life is short. I intend to live as much of it as I possibly can doing things that make me happy.”
Maddie felt a little boring, so she spent the next hour or so regaling James with happy stories about her childhood, emphasising how fulfilled her family made her feel, how happy she was at home, and how much contentment she derived from caring for people.
James listened intently, nodding in all the right places. When she was done, he grinned.
“We’re the same, you and me,” he said.
“Are we?” She was confused. His life seemed so glamorously bohemian. He was spontaneous and liked new things. He thrived without plans. Maddie was the opposite.
James nodded. “Yeah. We both know what we want and we’re determined to get it.
Your family is the same, your parents have always fostered that way of thinking so perhaps you don’t see it as much, but not everyone is out there chasing happiness.
Most people don’t even know what it is they want.
They’ve been told to work, buy a house, get married, have kids — and they haven’t deviated from that plan.
Most people never stop to consider if they’ve changed their mind, or if they even want what they’re chasing in the first place. ”
Maddie thought about that and concluded he was right. They wanted different things, but their approach to determining what it was they wanted was very similar.
“Marley is really good at that, isn’t he?” James said. “What he said at lunch really floored me. Being able to compartmentalise the things that are important to you in that way, it can’t be easy, especially when you have the welfare of a little one to consider.”
Maddie nodded. “He’s been through so much, too...”
Maddie told James about Marley’s history with Bluebell and Vincent, explaining how Marley had fallen into a deep depression because of it and — though he was ashamed of it now — had resented Bluebell, who had been blinded by the grooming and thought Vincent was in love with her.
For many years afterwards, convinced he would come back to her eventually, she had maintained that the much older man hadn’t had sex with her until she was over the age of consent.
“What a shitshow,” James said. Maddie nodded. “Are they all right now?”
“Oh, yeah,” Maddie said. “Autumn helped, I think. She talked a lot of it through with Marley when they first got together. Explained the psychology behind it.”
James pondered for a moment. “What a lovely little family those three are,” he said.
“Gorgeous, aren’t they?” Maddie concurred.
James nodded, thoughtful. “You know, I’d never given much thought to what I want family-wise until recently. Very recently. But I honestly think I want what they have. Best friends in love and a little cool dude to boot? Sounds cracking.”
Maddie smiled. As someone who was ‘involved’ with James — someone he’d just shared his detailed travel plans with — she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say to that, so she thought it best if she didn’t say anything. James had other ideas.
“Do you want kids?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Maddie said, suddenly certain. “I never gave it much thought either, really. Life was too busy and I was so unsettled. Plus, I’d never been around a baby, not until Benjamin arrived.
He changed my mind completely. I love him so much.
It’s probably not a very feminist thing to say, but yes, I’d like a husband and children. ”
“I think it is quite feminist, actually. Feminism is about choice, and that’s your choice, isn’t it? It’s not like you’ve come to the conclusion without considering it properly, is it? You’ve seen a sterling example and decided you want it.”
Maddie blinked at him. “You’re not mansplaining feminism to me, are you?” she teased.
“No!” He laughed. “I mean, maybe I was, actually. Sorry.”
Maddie shook her head. “You’re right, to a point.
The principle of a husband and family isn’t very feminist, but only because that idea traps most women in a patriarchal nightmare.
If I were to get married, it would need to be nothing like that.
It would have to look something like what Marley and Autumn have. And Mum and Dad, for that matter.”
“Makes sense,” he said, stepping suggestively towards her and closing the gap between them. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. They indulged heartily in each other for a moment.
“Are you staying over tonight?” she asked when they broke away.
“Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?” She laughed at his words. “I did tell Marley I would help him build some wooden planters for the wedding, though. And by ‘help him build some planters’ I mean build them myself while he watches.”
Maddie nodded knowingly. “That’s fine. Autumn has a deadline, so Bluebell and I told her she could come over and we would watch Benjamin while she works. And by ‘watch him while she works’ I mean distract her with frivolity.”
James tittered, but his expression was suddenly serious. “I’ll see you later, though?” His voice was low and suggestive. She gazed up at him.
“Does a one-legged duck swim in circles?”
* * *