Chapter 4
The sun was going down as we made our way back.
Small children were playing in the gardens of their homes.
We passed one house set in magnificent grounds.
Two attractive young girls were laughing as they led a toddler from the house, and were half walking, half running down the narrow path which led to the main road we were walking along.
The two girls reached the edge of the road just as we were going by.
‘What lovely happy faces they had, the pair of them,’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati said, as soon as they had passed. ‘What do you think of Japanese girls, Nopporn?’
‘I have to confess that I find their demeanour most attractive.’
‘More so than Thai girls’?’
‘Generally speaking, I think so.’
‘You don’t think they’re a bit too submissive for a man’s taste, then?’
‘No, I don’t.’
‘In that case you’re not like other men. I understood that most men like bold women, or at least those with a touch of boldness. They want some kind of wild streak, or something distinctive in a woman’s manner to prevent life from becoming boring.’
‘You may be right. But I think there are many ways of making life interesting. I may be in a minority in seeing gentleness in a woman as one of life’s pleasures.’
‘You’ve been away from Thai girls for a long time. Japanese girls have really got to you.’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati laughed. ‘To tell you the truth, I think you’re right and I admire your opinion, even though I haven’t the least expertise in such matters.’
When she had finished, I thanked her.
‘I can’t help thinking about the happy expressions on the faces of those two girls a moment ago,’ she continued, almost wistfully.
‘They were like well-nourished plants, bursting forth into bud, ripe with life and the freshness of youth. Such radiance makes me shudder a little when I think of myself.’
‘I don’t understand,’ I said, genuinely curious, ‘why the youth and freshness of those two girls should make you shudder. You yourself have those qualities in abundance. Perhaps the radiance you possess is worth even more than that of those two girls.’
‘Where did you learn to speak like that?’
‘My feelings inspired me,’ I replied at once. ‘Nor do I believe I’m the only one who is convinced of this.’
‘But you don’t know the reason for my anxiety.
My freshness – if it actually exists, as you seem to think it does – can’t be compared with that of those two girls.
They are, as I said, like buds opening into flower.
Theirs is the freshness of dawn; mine, if it still exists, belongs to the early evening, and will soon disappear.
Now, surely, you can see why I have reason to say I shudder. ’
‘No, I still don’t see,’ I replied with interest. ‘I don’t even agree with your comparison, when you say that your freshness is like that of the setting sun. To me, yours is still that of the morning, and even if you won’t call it of the dawn, it still has a long time to shine.’
‘Ah, you really have such faith in me.’ Even though Mom Ratchawong Kirati would not accept what I had said, her delight at my words was apparent in her voice. ‘And that’s why you don’t realize your eyes are deceiving you. Don’t you realize I’m too old to call myself a young woman?’
‘I think everyone would regard a woman under thirty as being young, especially in your case.’
She stared at me with a triumphant look in her eyes. ‘You probably don’t know I’m thirty-five.’
I was stunned by her words and stared at her quite inconsiderately. Then I laughed. ‘You’re pulling my leg. I know you’re teasing me.’
‘What do you mean? Tell me, how old do you think I am, then? Come on, quickly, tell me how old you’d guess I am.’
‘I’d say there’s no way you could be more than twenty-eight. In fact, you’re probably only about twenty-six or twenty-seven.’
‘Twenty-six!’ she cried, her eyes sparkling with joy.
‘You’re making me think back to how I felt nine years ago.
I remember my feelings vividly. At the time, life seemed full of hope.
I had not the slightest inkling, nor fear, that I would have to marry a gentleman who was on the verge of old age.
It is part of my nature to dislike things falling into decay.
Sometimes I might even say that I fear it. But that was nine years ago.’
‘And what’s happened to you now?’ I enquired with growing curiosity.
‘What’s happened?’ she asked, repeating my words and gazing ahead with a distant look in her eyes. ‘My youth and beautiful dreams took their leave. Whether I should have let them go or not wasn’t in question. I had to. Besides, as you can see, I married Chao Khun.’
I nearly asked whether she meant she was not happy in her marriage, but common sense managed to prevail over curiosity. I knew it would have been impolite and perhaps a liberty to ask such a direct question.
‘No matter how much I dislike decay and how much I love beauty, nine years have gone by. I wish I were as young as you guessed,’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati continued, ‘but we can’t deny the truth.’
‘And what is the truth?’
‘The truth is, I’m not the young woman of twenty-six or twenty-seven that you thought I was.’ She smiled calmly. ‘I wasn’t fibbing or pulling your leg when I said I was thirty-five. I’ve passed what people call the “halfway mark”. So I don’t think I have any right to call myself a young woman.’
‘But shouldn’t I believe my eyes rather than your words?’ I said in all seriousness.
‘You really are persistent today, Nopporn,’ she said, glancing at me with a lovely smile.
‘In all honesty, I beg your pardon for being persistent. Hundreds and hundreds of people would refuse to believe you if you were to tell them you were thirty-five. Your youth and radiance would be apparent even to someone with one eye closed.’
‘As long, of course, as the remaining eye wasn’t blind,’ she added mischievously.
‘I really mean it.’
‘All right, Nopporn. But just so that you won’t go around guessing people’s ages wrongly, I’ll tell you something. Women who know how to take regular care of themselves can always look five years younger than they really are.’
‘But you must have been blessed by Indra, or bathed in sacred fire, like Phranang Acha, to have been able to preserve your youth so amazingly well. I’ve never met a woman about whom I’ve been so wrong. Tell me, what’s your special secret?’
‘That’s enough, Nopporn, quite enough,’ she said, waving her hand to prevent me from saying anything further. ‘I’m not going to talk to you about it any more. You’re just trying to flatter me, you know, Nopporn, all the time, and that kind of behaviour spoils you.’
She looked serious and walked on in silence. If she had spoken to me like that during the first few days, with such an expression on her face, I would have felt really alarmed. But since we were close enough for me to understand what she meant when she spoke like this, I merely smiled faintly.
We arrived home at dusk. Chao Khun had not yet returned, so I stayed to keep Mom Ratchawong Kirati company for a while.
When she had bathed and changed her clothes, she invited me to take a bath before dinner.
She would not countenance me looking grubby or less than spotlessly clean, so my protests met with no success.
But why it was that I felt strangely pleased by her concern for my welfare, I could not say.
The pleasure I had experienced talking to Mom Ratchawong Kirati that evening lingered in my mind as I walked home.
I had only just learned her age, and it had come as a complete surprise, although I believed she was speaking the truth.
If I had known from the outset that she was thirty-five, which meant that she was thirteen years older than me, I would surely have felt she was very much my elder and I wouldn’t have been able to become close to her in the way I had.
But when we ended up becoming close friends, her age was a mere shadow of the truth, so I felt that Mom Ratchawong Kirati was only three or four years older than me.
When she told me her real age, it did not create a barrier, nor make the close friendship I felt for her in the slightest bit more distant.
Even so, some things she had said I had been unable to understand – in particular, what she had said about marrying Chao Khun.
Something she had said in passing had greatly aroused my curiosity.
As I interpreted it, she had not married of her own free will.
But I could not be certain whether my interpretation was correct.
The more I thought about her marriage, the more puzzling it seemed.
Eventually, after I got home and had gone to bed, I asked myself why it was that I kept thinking about Mom Ratchawong Kirati’s private affairs.
What business was it of mine to go sorting through such problems?
True, I might well regard myself as one of her friends.
But why was I worrying about her personal affairs when she herself gave no indication of any concern, nor had even called on me for any help whatsoever?
Having asked myself such questions, I was unable to find any answers, so I tried to banish such futile thoughts – something I felt would require considerable effort on my part.