Chapter 5
Relations between myself, Chao Khun and Mom Ratchawong Kirati continued as normal.
One evening, three or four days later, Chao Khun received an invitation to a party.
Mom Ratchawong Kirati said she was not feeling very well and so did not relish the thought of mingling with lots of people, preferring instead to stay at home.
Chao Khun therefore asked me to stay and keep her company.
That night there was a full moon. After dinner, we both had the same thought – that it would be utterly foolish not to go out and enjoy the moonlight for a while.
I suggested that we ought to take out a rowing boat in the public park, which was only about ten minutes’ walk from where we lived. Mom Ratchawong Kirati agreed.
It was still dusk when we got there. There were crowds of local people out strolling in the park.
Some just sat there on benches, watching others rowing on the large boating lake.
We walked around the park two or three times until we felt tired and then decided to take a boat out.
There were already four or five boats on the water, which was about the right number so that the lake was not too crowded and noisy.
I took the oars and Mom Ratchawong Kirati sat back.
As we lost ourselves in conversation, I let the boat drift along on its own.
The moon was shining brightly. It was a wonderful sight, whether we watched its reflection on the surface of the water or cast our eyes around at the many different kinds of plants lit up in the park.
Mom Ratchawong Kirati was enjoying herself.
At times such as this, she talked endlessly of the beauty of nature.
I agreed with everything she said, but it was not something I took particular pleasure in.
In my lifetime I had experienced the beauty of moonlit nights hundreds of times, but my eyes had never before beheld, by the light of the moon, any living creature as lovely as the woman sitting before me at that moment.
To add a little to the pleasure of the outing to the park that evening, Mom Ratchawong Kirati was wearing a silk kimono with a bold red pattern set against a white background, like a large bunch of chrysanthemums I had seen at Takarazuka Park the previous autumn.
The full moon parted the clouds and shone down on the chrysanthemums all over her body, bringing them to life.
When she looked upwards towards the moon, a gentle breeze blew through her hair so that it danced in the moonlight.
The sparkle in her eyes was like a ray of light, calling all my attention to them.
She sat with her feet stretched out towards me, her pale, slender ankles tapering into firm, well-fleshed feet.
She leaned back a little and abandoned herself happily to the beauty of nature.
‘Don’t you feel so happy, Nopporn, on a lovely night like this?’ she asked softly, her eyes shining as she gazed straight at me. I was quite taken aback as I marvelled at her beautiful face.
‘I’m indescribably happy,’ I replied with enthusiasm. ‘More so than I can put into words.’
‘Doesn’t it make you miss home a little?’
‘I left home three years ago. I’ve missed it from time to time, but after a while the feeling diminishes.’
‘You don’t miss it at all?’
‘No. At least not at a time like this.’
‘You’re just the opposite of me. When it’s quiet and my mind is filled with the beauty of nature, like now, I can’t help thinking of the things I love most. I think of my father, my mother and my younger sisters at home, where everything was so happy and peaceful.
I think of life ten years ago when we were all living together, and I think of my own life then, a life that was full of hope and happiness.
You’re very hard-hearted, you know, Nopporn, not to miss it at all at times like these. ’
I wanted to answer, and almost did, that in her presence, in the presence of such charm and riveting beauty, I never thought of anything else and would have found it difficult to be able to.
I dared not say this out loud, because I myself was still not clear why I had such thoughts.
‘I’m not hard-hearted at all, but I have to take my studies seriously.
Besides, if I may speak quite frankly, right now I’m enjoying being of service to you.
’ What it was that made me give voice to my true feelings, I do not know.
‘Such fine-sounding words!’ I looked the other way. ‘How many more years,’ she continued, ‘do you have to study?’
‘About five years. Once I’ve finished my studies, I intend to find a job here for a while, so as to get some experience.’
‘That’s a long time. You might end up becoming Japanese. Perhaps you’ll marry one of those Japanese girls you admire so much and settle down here.’
‘Oh, that’s impossible,’ I was quick to counter.
‘It’s true I do admire Japanese progress and Japanese women, too, but that wouldn’t make me become Japanese.
I never forget, even for one moment, that I’m Thai, and that I’m part of a Thai nation that still lags far behind other countries.
The reason I’ve come here to study is to seek progress for Thailand.
My ultimate destination therefore lies in Thailand. And marriage, too.’
The fact that I mentioned marriage was because Mom Ratchawong Kirati’s remarks had reminded me of the girl who was my fiancée.
Yes, that’s right. She was merely my fiancée, whom my father had chosen for me, as insurance that I would return and marry her, or at least as a warning to me not to get involved with women in Japan.
Since she was only my fiancée, and not a girl I loved, when I thought about her, I did not actually think of the girl herself, but rather of what married life would mean to me in the future.
‘Your ambitions are very praiseworthy,’ she said sincerely. ‘You have two major things awaiting your attention in Thailand, work and marriage. What plans have you made?’
‘I intend to specialize in banking because, as far as I know, there are still very few people in Thailand who are interested in it. So that’s where my future profession probably lies.
As far as marriage is concerned, I have absolutely no plans.
I think it’s too big a matter to get involved in at the moment. ’
I felt a little uneasy at not having told Mom Ratchawong Kirati, quite clearly, that the reason I had no plans on that subject was because the plans had already been made.
Unless something unforeseen occurred, I would have to marry my fiancée, whom I scarcely knew and for whom I, as yet, felt neither love nor understanding.
I do not know why I did not tell Mom Ratchawong Kirati.
Was I trying to conceal it from her? I am not really sure.
However, I did not lie to her, nor tell her something that was untrue.
Perhaps I was not trying to hide anything from her, because I had not been asked whether I had a fiancée waiting for me in Thailand.
But suppose she had asked, how would I have answered? My heart was pounding.
‘You’ve got a wise head on such young shoulders,’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati said when I had finished speaking.
Our rowing boat, meanwhile, was drifting gently in the middle of the lake.
I picked up the oars and propelled it forwards.
I was in a state of some agitation and wanted some movement which might prompt a change in the topic of conversation.
Our boat was following another one in which there were two girls.
They were singing softly in harmony, rowing slowly and gazing up happily at the moonlight.
‘They’re singing nicely,’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati remarked quietly. ‘They seem quite caught up in the song. It must be a very appealing one. Can you translate the words for me?’
‘It’s a song of consolation, not of love,’ I told her when the two girls had ended their song, ‘telling you to be content with your lot in life. It says that if we’re not cherry blossoms, we shouldn’t resent being another kind of flower; all we should ask is that we might be the most beautiful of our kind.
There is only one Mount Fuji, but all other mountains are not without their worth.
Even if we’re not samurai, may we be the followers of samurai.
We can’t all be captains, because without sailors a ship won’t sail.
Even if we can’t be the road, let us be the pavement.
In this world there are jobs and work, big or small, for everyone, but we’ll have a job or work to do, for sure.
If you can’t be the sun, then be a star.
Even if you weren’t born a boy, don’t feel slighted at being born a girl.
Whatever you may be, be it, no matter what it is.
The important thing is we should be it to the best of our ability, regardless of what it is. ’
‘It’s a song of consolation with a very valuable message,’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati murmured when I had finished. ‘And you translated it very nicely. I’d like to hear it again. The pair of them seemed to be enjoying it so much when they were singing it.’
‘I see that you seem to be enjoying everything here in Tokyo,’ I continued after we had passed their boat. ‘Can you tell me why it is you’re so happy?’
‘Anything beautiful makes me happy. But then again, I tend to see beauty in almost everything. Just take the surface of the water with its small ripples around the edge. I love beauty because it arouses beautiful feelings.’
‘In that case, you’d really enjoy it if you went to stay somewhere like Nikko, where the natural scenery is beautiful.’