Chapter 24
Twenty-Four
“ I hope you don’t mind, but it’s been a huge day, and I think I am going to head upstairs and go to bed,” Gita said.
Grace and Stacy still sat in the living room. Grace stayed, mostly to be polite and not go to bed before their “guest.” Not that Stacy was a guest. Still, she didn’t know why Stacy was staying so long, but she didn’t want to be rude.
But now that her mother was heading to bed, surely Stacy would head out too. After all, she had at least an hour drive to get home.
“It was so good to see you today, Mom. And I’m thrilled about Don. Sorry it took me a little bit to get my equilibrium back. It’s…weird to see you with someone that’s not Dad. But it’s thrilling to see you so happy.” She stood up and went over and gave her mom a hug.
Even though Grace lived there and saw her mom every day, she stood up and went over to hug her mother as well.
She supposed one of the things that she had learned was that a person never knew when the last time was the last time.
She didn’t want to not show love to her mother just because she assumed there would be another day.
Why couldn’t she have applied that to Trevor?
She should have said everything that she needed to say while they were under the kayak.
Better yet, she should have said it before she left the picnic area.
She should have admitted that she was scared, that she was afraid and uncertain, and not made it sound like she didn’t want to have anything to do with him, ever.
She wished she hadn’t been terrible. No wonder Trevor hadn’t come today.
Their mother left, and Stacy turned to Grace. “I wanted to talk to you a little bit privately.”
“Oh. Okay,” she said. She could just imagine that Stacy had all kinds of criticisms and suggestions and things that Grace had not been doing correctly. In fact, if Stacy knew that she’d allowed her mother to get in a kayak, Stacy was probably going to flip her brisket.
“Do you mind if we sit down for a little bit? I know it’s late, and I don’t want to keep you up but… You don’t have a job to go to in the morning.”
Just a week ago, she might have thought that her sister was saying that to be mean. But she could hear the tenderness in her voice, and a little bit of uncertainty, like she didn’t want to rub in anything that was hurtful. She appreciated the consideration.
“Of course you can sit down. You can stay as long as you like. What did you want to tell me?” she asked as she seated herself on the couch while Stacy perched on a chair.
“First of all, I wanted to tell you what a great job you’ve been doing with Mom.
She is not in any pain, and she said her physical therapist was surprised and impressed at how well she was doing.
I knew that Mom was determined to do as well as she could, but it seemed like progress had been slow while I was here.
But she’s just seemed to flourish under your care. ”
Grace knew she was supposed to say something, but she was having trouble wrapping her mind around the fact that Stacy had just given her a compliment. And not just a run-of-the-mill, casual compliment, but a really big, huge, nice compliment.
“Thanks. I…read a book that talked about how important it was for seniors to be active, and so whatever the physical therapist cleared her to do, we’ve been trying to make sure that she did, not that I am trying to exhaust her every day, but…
She just loves being out, and this is a good time of year.
It probably wouldn’t have been successful if it were winter. ”
“Winters here can be brutal, that’s for sure,” Stacy said, shivering as though the memories were that close, and they were. Really.
“I agree,” Grace said, wondering if that’s all Stacy wanted to talk about.
She had tried to reach out to her friends, and they didn’t answer, but her sisters were right in front of her.
She had tried to keep that in mind all day as they interacted.
So the Lord hadn’t opened the doors for her to reach out to Lauren and Claire, but Stacy and Jill had been right in front of her.
She didn’t think God could make it any more clear that he wanted her to start with her family.
That thought made her focus on Stacy even more. She saw that Stacy’s fingers were twisting, and it seemed like Stacy might have been a little bit nervous.
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
“It’s fine.”
Stacy was there without her husband. Although she had said that her kids had soccer games and her husband was going to the games while Stacy came to see her family. There really wasn’t anything weird about that, unless there was.
“I guess I wanted to ask how Trevor was. I know it’s not my business,” she said, moving her hands so that they were open and flat.
Like she didn’t have any ulterior motives.
“I just always thought that the two of you were so good together, and every time I thought about you, I was sad it didn’t work out.
I always got the impression that he would take you back at any time, not to lay the blame on you.
I just wondered if you’d reconnected with him since you’ve been back. ”
Grace didn’t say anything for a moment, mostly because she wasn’t sure what to say. After all, she had connected with Trevor, and she’d managed to screw it up a second time.
Then she remembered what she had been thinking about her sisters. She wanted to have a close relationship with them, and here was Stacy, reaching out, trying to help, or at least caring about her enough to ask.
Why couldn’t she tell her what her issue was?
She briefly explained that she and Trevor had met and then decided that they would try to pretend to be together so that they could trick their parents into spending more time together, which had been successful apparently, but she ended with what she had done after they were kayaking, although she did not mention the kiss. That felt…too private.
“Well, as you can see, I’m back to my old tricks. Doing stupid stuff that drives him away.”
“Then stop it, and go after him. You know he wants you.”
“That’s just it. I really don’t.”
“Did he give any sign at all that he didn’t?”
“He didn’t try to talk me into it once I said what I did while we were kayaking.”
“Do you want a man who can’t take no for an answer?
You said a clear no, he respected your boundaries.
If you put boundaries down that you didn’t want to have down, it’s your job to go tell him that you are wrong, that you want him, that you love him.
” Stacy paused. “If you do. I’m not suggesting you lie. ”
“I know. Do you really think that that’s what I need to do? I always thought the man should chase the woman.”
“Women do like to be pursued. To know that their man really wants them. But you told him no so many times. You don’t want him to disrespect your no, right?”
“I kind of do.” But she understood what Stacy was saying. When she said no, she wanted that to be respected. At the same time, she wanted him to chase her, which didn’t make sense.
“Sometimes I don’t understand myself.”
“I think women are so complicated they can’t even get themselves figured out.
Because we want to be able to say no and yet have the man know when we actually mean yes, but sometimes we say no and we mean no, and we want them to know that too.
” Stacy smiled, like she hadn’t just said something really complicated.
“You’re going to be a really great mom of teenagers.”
“Good thing, since I’m going to have a teenager next year.”
“Where did the time go?” Grace asked, wondering how her life had gone by so quickly and she missed it. Or not missed it, just…wasted it. Wasted time on her ex when she should have been spending that time on someone who appreciated her. On Trevor.
“I can’t answer that, but I can say you don’t want the rest of your life to fly by while you make wrong decision after wrong decision.” Stacy scrunched her face up. “No offense. I assume that you agree with me that walking away from Trevor the first time was a wrong decision.”
“Yeah. I can see that now easily.” Grace was surprised at how easy it was to admit that.
Maybe that showed the maturity she gained, because when she left, she wouldn’t have admitted that she was doing anything wrong, and for years afterward, she felt the same.
Admitting she had been wrong showed weakness.
She didn’t want anyone to see any weakness in her.
So, she would insist that she was right no matter how wrong she was. Talk about dumb.
“I think I’ve matured some. Maybe I give myself too much credit.” She smiled in a self-depreciating way. After all, she thought she knew everything when she left. Now, anytime she felt like she had arrived at all, it made her feel like maybe she was just as wrong as she was before.
“I think it’s hard to know when we’re deceiving ourselves and when we’ve truly learned. But I do think that you want to do your best to try to make things right with Trevor. Especially if you feel for him the way I think you do.”
“I always have. I don’t know why I felt like success outside of Raspberry Ridge was more important than the people here. I’m sorry. That included you, and I wasn’t very nice for a while.”
“It’s fine. I know I’ve messed up plenty of times in my life as well, and I don’t see you lording it over my head at all.” She laughed. “You could tell me how bossy and controlling I was when we were growing up and how bossy and controlling I still am. My family doesn’t hesitate to tell me.”
“In a loving way, I’m sure. There are times where we need bossy and controlling people in our lives, and there are definitely times where I appreciate your bossy controllingness.
” She paused. “Maybe now, when I really needed someone to tell me that I was being ridiculous by expecting Trevor to know that I said no but I meant yes.”
“I wouldn’t hesitate to go tell him that I was wrong. Of course…” Stacy sighed.
“He might not feel the same way anymore.”
“I suppose. Or he might not want to take another chance on you. I don’t think his feelings would have changed that much in this short amount of time, but… I guess that’s a chance we have to take when we miss our opportunities.”
“True.”
Stacy stood to her feet and stretched. “I better get home. My family is going to wonder where I am. And I’m going to need some of my bossy controllingness to get the house put back in shape, because it never is cleaned to my standards when I’m gone.”
“Or maybe you could just lower your standards and love your family,” Grace said with a bit of a gleam in her eye.
“That’s good advice, little sister,” Stacy said as they embraced, and they chatted for a bit more before Stacy left.
Grace went to bed feeling lighter than she had for a while.
She had a plan anyway. She needed to talk to Trevor and lay everything out on the line.
She needed to be vulnerable and humble, which was not going to be easy.
And maybe even apologize for her arrogance and pride.
Not just for her arrogance and pride of her teenage years, but of the last few days.
And then, it would be up to Trevor as to what happened.