Chapter Seven. #2
My nails almost tear into the skin on my face, my palm clasping over my mouth so hard, I’m almost suffocating myself to keep silent.
My other palm glues down flat to get a harder grip into myself.
Two fingers don’t feel enough anymore so I move a third finger in, squeezing tightly beside the other two.
I release my other hand from my mouth, lurching forward to get deeper, biting my lip hard to keep from crying out, barely feeling the pain amidst the pleasure.
My dress straps fall down my shoulders, exposing my breast that’s now being coddled by my hand.
I grind in rough circular motions to explore every part I can, panting and gripping my left breast hard, tensing more and more with each movement.
Pressure builds in my core and my muscles tense. I’m getting close.
How? How does this feel even better than the other night?
My heavy eyelids lull open, my eyes rolling back from pleasure as my toes grip the carpet.
My body tenses up, harder and harder until I can barely get a breath in.
Stars fill my vision as euphoric release hits me, and its pulsing grip sucks on my fingers.
Whispered moans escape as I writhe against myself through blissful completion.
That felt so fucking good. My God.
I sit forward and wipe my fingers on my dress, disheveled and breathing heavy, trying to get my bearings back.
A small amount of shame resurfaces but I shove it down hard, instead letting myself revel in the ecstasy I brought myself. Ben’s right. I’m an adult. I’m allowed to make my own choices and keep secrets about myself. It’s harmless pleasure. I’m not doing anything wrong at all.
After exiting Xypher and erasing my browser history for good measure, I go to stand up but freeze at the rev of an engine.
Is that Ben? Is our fight finally over?
Rushing to the window, I fumble with my dress strings, pulling them back onto my shoulders to make sure I’m covered. But it’s not Ben. It’s him.
My heart races, a sudden coldness hitting my core, replacing the previous warmth that was just there.
He’s staring down at his phone. Mouth parted, I watch in shock as he sits on his bike in idle like he belongs here.
Like he’s just pulled up to home and hasn’t a care in the world.
What’s he doing? Does he know I live here?
His gloved thumb taps the screen at the same time my phone dings.
What the…
His helmet snaps toward my window.
Oh shit!
Like a heavy sandbag, my body drops to the floor, taking the breath out of me from the impact. Ouch. My chest and knees took the full brunt of the hit on the hardwood, leaving a residual sting in my nipples and bones.
R.I.P, my boobs.
Why did my phone go off at the same time he tapped his? There’s no way…
Staying on the ground, my elbows scrape against my floor as I army crawl to my bed and pat around for my phone.
Gotcha!
The bright screen makes me squint, but the thudding in my chest only increases at what I see.
The unknown text has no number attached to it no matter how many times I click the name. No freakin’ way is the man I just masturbated to texting me that. Are you kidding me? Panic ensues with racing questions as his motorcycle still idles outside my house like it’s waiting for my next move.
He saw me? How the hell could he watch me masturbate to him? How many times has he watched before… And why is it so hot to imagine him secretly watching me get off?
A dull warm throb returns as my breathing increases. Would he come upstairs if I invited him in right now? My arms twitch from the power of my pounding heart as I text him:
I can’t believe I just sent that! Who am I?
Probably not a smart thing to do in case this dude is a serial killer, but my curiosity is getting the better of me. Plus, I don’t care if he reveals himself to me or not. He can keep his anonymity. It’s not like he needs to take the helmet off to play with me…
My toes curl, and I bite down on a mischievous grin.
A minute passes and I have no idea if he’s reading it or what’s going on.
So, daring a peek, I get on my knees and look over the windowsill.
The bright light of his phone shines in the reflection off his visor.
Both of my lips curl under my teeth and my fingertips drum on the wooden windowsill as I anxiously await his next move.
But instead of getting to live out my fantasy, he shoves his phone in his side pouch after obviously reading my message and speeds off, leaving me empty, wet and alone.
Did I do something wrong?
The rejection stings, setting my ribs tight and bringing about that familiar dull ache in my chest. With now two boys under my belt ignoring me, one who apparently has decided to stalk me, I swallow the lob in my throat and sulk into the bathroom to shower off the leftover pleasure coating my leg along with the cold emptiness settling into my soul.
Getting ready for school the next day is bittersweet.
Fighting the self-consciousness from being rejected by my latest obsession, I wear the next dress in my closet, a long pale blue sundress flowing down to my mid-calf and bunched up in the middle, pushing up and accentuating my breasts.
I pull the middle strings tight, tying them to allow the tops of my breasts to pop up more.
My eyes linger on them in the mirror. They seem bigger. Is it from my newfound explorations?
I bought this dress years ago for a Renaissance fair but never had the courage to wear it. Instead, I wore leather pants and a long white shirt. Safe, unnoticeable and comfortable just like me most of my life.
But this last week has been different…I’ve felt empowered for the first time ever and not just from the attention I’ve gotten from Jared but from the extra attention I’ve given myself. The ghost of a smile paints my lips. Yeah, who cares if Ben nor the biker boy want me.
My breasts bounce when I fling my backpack on, filling me with an overflowing lightness. Yeah, I’m freakin’ hot. I don’t need them. Like a string pulls my shoulders back and chest out, self-confidence returns with a vengeance.
I wish I’d found this confidence in myself sooner. My high school experience might’ve been much different than the low-key, isolated one I chose. I’ll just have to make college a different experience. One full of fun memories, life lived and new experiences.
I smile at the prospect as I park in the school parking lot. I have a feeling my life is about to get vastly better, and I’m excited for it.
When walking through the school hallway, more than a few heads turn my way, making me blush and causing me to return the attention with a painful smile.
When I got dressed this morning, I noticed my lower lip had slight bruising and swelling on it from how strong I had bitten it to keep quiet last night.
I hope that isn’t the reason heads are turning to stare at me and it’s just the fact I look good in the dress.
I tried to dig up whatever old makeup I had laying around to cover it so they shouldn’t be able to tell, but I’m still paranoid.
If anyone asks what happened, I’ll probably freeze and stumble over my words.
What would I tell them? Oh yeah, my lip’s bruised because I masturbated so hard last night, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and almost screamed out into the house alerting my parents to my sexual activities. That’d go over well.
I’m adjusting my backpack in my usual seat in first period when Ben walks in. He takes one look at me and blushes a deep shade of red.
Ben actually blushed?
My cheeks burn to match his. His eyes lower and widen for a split second, a second that wouldn’t have been noticeable if I didn’t know him so well, before he meets my gaze and quickly looks away.
An ever so subtle lip curl twitches at the edge of his mouth as if he’s trying to hide a smile.
I mirror him with a smirk of my own, hoping to break the ice, but unfortunately, he still moves to the other side of the classroom away from me.
I slouch, deflated from the small hope I held for a second and rotate back to my computer.
Why’s he not sitting next to me? I thought his initial flicker of a smile meant he wasn’t mad at me anymore, so why the distance?
Does he hate me now? Maybe he’s back with Tree, I think sadly, leaning my cheek on my left hand that’s propped up by my elbow off the wooden desk by the keyboard.
“Alright class, I know it’s the last day, but I still want to see the resumes I’ve asked you to type up.
Go ahead and open them on your computers.
I’ll go around in alphabetical order and review.
If you have any questions, feel free to write them down so we can discuss them when I get to you. Otherwise, you may talk, quietly.”
Mrs. Coxe is the best. I’m going to miss her. She always makes sure we keep to our rules but with some amount of freedom. I can only hope I find some professors at college that make me feel as comfortable as she does.
I lazily click open my resume and leave it on the screen to wait my turn. This is so pointless to do without any work experience. It’s like, here you go. I went to school and now I’m totally unprepared to do the job I’m interviewing for…hire me. But maybe that’s just the cynic in me.
I peer at Ben discreetly to see if he’s looking at me too.
Sigh.
He’s not. He’s caught up in a conversation with Greta who once again sits right next to him.
What a good guy. As much as she annoys him and as much as he teases about running away from her, he always entertains her with kind conversation. I’ve always loved that about him.
Oops, I stared too long. Ben locks eyes with me, his lips curving into a mischievous smile before turning away again.
Embarrassed, I turn back to my computer, placing my cool palms on my cheeks to calm down.