18. Not Just Yet
NOT JUST YET
A spen
My hands were above my head, tied to his bed frame. Where I should’ve been anxious about this current setup, I only found a cloud of immense joy and intense relief rolling over me.
I felt like I’d lost most of the day to my anxiety attack.
Today was supposed to be good, relaxing, possibly even fun.
Instead, I’d hidden for hours in my bathtub, convinced that Sam would show up at any moment to try and drag me back to Nevada, where he’d do heinous things that I couldn’t even think about right now—not here.
Instead, Rowan had shown up and offered me his arms and chest to cry on, and then brought me home with him. I don’t know what would’ve happened if he hadn’t shown up when he did.
I looked across the room at him. He was standing a few feet away from the foot of the bed, smiling at me, something small in his left hand.
“Ready to have some fun?” he asked, the mischief clear in his eyes. Nerves had me biting my bottom lip again, but I nodded anyway. I trusted this man. “What did we talk about, angel? Words.”
“Yes, I’m ready to have some fun,” I replied quickly.
He pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the side, leaving him in only his low-slung Wranglers.
His hair was pulled back low at the base of his neck, and he looked fucking delicious with the stubble growing back in along his jaw.
I watched as he crawled up from the foot of the bed, stopping when he was between my thighs.
I shifted them apart more so he could fit more comfortably and tried not to let myself blush when his eyes raked over my naked body.
“Fuck, you truly are an angel,” he murmured, his voice rough with tension that matched the bulge pressing against the inside of his jeans.
He set down the small package next to my thigh, and then lay down between my legs, his hands gently squeezing my thighs as they ran up to my soaked center.
“Are you ready to agree to stay with me?” he asked, his eyes lifting from my wet heat to my face.
I shifted slightly, trying to keep a solid bit of control over my anxiety. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Rowan,” I replied.
He nodded his head as if he was thinking over my words, and then he leaned down, running his tongue from my cunt all the way to my clit. I released a startled gasp and arched my hips towards his mouth when he stopped after one swipe.
“Why don’t you think it’s a good idea?” he asked calmly.
I was trying to get my breathing back under control, and he had questions? Right now? Really?
“I just…the last guy I lived with, it didn't end well, as we just talked about, and I don’t want that too—” I was cut off when he leaned down and started gently sucking on my clit. “Fuck—Rowan, please—” I started to plead, but he pulled away just like he did the first time.
“Now, I’ll remind you, little angel, that I’m not that fucker. I have no desire to treat you the way he did. I just want to love you—and yes, I mean what I said, love . I want to protect you and take care of you as much as you’ll allow. So, agree to stay with me,” he said from between my thighs.
“I just don’t know if—” I started again, but once again, I was cut off when he leaned down and shoved his tongue into my cunt, his hand coming around my thighs and his thumb slowly circling my clit.
I felt my thighs trying to close around his head, squeeze him, do anything to keep him exactly where he was, but his arms were already looped around me and held me firmly open the way he wanted.
He kept going, rubbing my clit faster, fucking me with his wicked tongue harder, and I felt my orgasm rising in my core.
My breathing picked up, and just when I thought it would crest and explode, he pulled away again.
I laid there, panting, staring at the ceiling while I attempted to compose myself again.
I could feel his stubble rubbing against my inner thigh as his lips pressed against me over and over, but never back where I wanted—no, needed him to be.
“Rowan?” I asked, my eyes still on the ceiling.
“Yes, little angel?”
“Please let me come,” I said, but it came out more as a whimper.
“Okay,” he said immediately, and I started to let out a sigh of relief. “Agree to stay with me,” he continued, and my sigh of relief turned into a frustrated growl.
“If I agree, will you let me come?”
I looked down in time to see him smirk. “There’s a higher possibility of it happening for you.”
I groaned and yanked on the ropes, keeping my wrists bound above my head. “Let me go. I’m over this,” I muttered, the frustration growing more and more by the second. “I can’t stay here with you, Rowan. So just, no. No,” I repeated.
“Explain it to me. Why not?” he asked. He didn’t sound angry or even annoyed with me.
He just sounded genuinely curious about my thought process in this.
It caught me off guard, and I could only stare at him.
Somewhere along the way, between my father and Sam, I fell into the constant need to be on the defense.
I stayed in a state of proving that I wasn’t an idiot, I wasn’t wrong.
But Rowan wasn’t saying I was wrong. He was just trying to understand where I was coming from.
It took me a moment to realize his fingers were drawing small circles on my thighs where his kisses had been before, while I was lost in thought. “I—I’m sorry, I was lost for a moment,” I finally said.
He nodded as if he could tell when I wasn’t truly here.
“It’s fine, but I do still expect an answer, angel,” he replied.
I opened my mouth to reply, but before I could even make a sound, his mouth was back on my clit, and two of his fingers were pressing deep into my cunt.
Instead of words forming, helpless moans and curses fell from my lips.
His mouth released me, and his fingers slowed down but didn’t stop.
The fullness from his fingers had me trying to fuck his fingers, but he wasn’t letting up on his pace.
“Well?” he asked, looking up at me, lips covered in me, looking like some sort of Greek God lounging between my thighs.
I released a shaky breath. “Well, what?”
“Tell me why you can’t stay with me while we figure this shit out,” he calmly demanded, his fingers still slowly moving in and out of my soaking cunt.
“I—I can’t—I can’t talk about this while you’re… doing this!” I whined as I tugged against the ropes again.
He chuckled under his breath. “Doing what, little angel?” he asked. “This?” As he asked, he slowly pushed a third finger inside of me, and I made a noise I didn’t even know I was capable of creating—something between a groan and a moan.
“Fuck, yes, Rowan.” My eyes closed, and I arched toward his fingers. It was so tight, and the stretch felt so good. “Please.”
“Say you’ll stay with me, and I’ll let you come, little angel,” he said as he slowly kissed along my inner thigh back toward my cunt.
I wanted to so badly. I wanted to just call it quits, give him what he wanted, let him pleasure me and fuck my brains out, only to take care of me when it was all over.
I wanted to lean on this man. I wanted to be his.
But I was terrified. Absolutely scared out of my mind that he would break me.
He’d build me up and break me down more than any man before him.
He was kissing along my hip bone, his fingers still slowly fucking me.
“Say it, little angel. Tell me you’re mine, as I am yours.
Please let me take care of you,” he whispered against my skin as he moved closer and closer back to the apex of my thighs.
His tongue slowly and oh so carefully flicked over my clit, and that was what broke me.
“Yes, I’m yours, Rowan. Please. Please. Please, let me come.
I’ll stay, I’ll stay with you,” I cried out.
He didn’t reply, but his mouth latched onto my clit, and he sucked hard.
My hips arched up toward him, and he used his other arm to press me back down toward the bed.
He let out a moan that vibrated against me, and all I saw was blinding white lights as my orgasm hit me like a freight train.
I wasn’t sure how long went by before I came back to my body, but Rowan was on his knees between my thighs, lazily stroking his cock. He’d lost the rest of his clothes while I caught my breath, it seemed, and fuck, I loved seeing this man naked.
I tried to reach down and touch him, but my hands were still tied to the bed frame.
“Ah, not just yet, little angel. I’m not finished with you,” he growled. He leaned down over top of me and ran the head of his cock through my wetness. “You look so damn pretty when you come, did you know that? Especially when you come with my name on your pretty pink lips.”
Before I could reply, he slammed home. His cock burying deep into my cunt in one swoop.
“Rowan…fuck,” I moaned as my eyes started to close again.
His hand came up and wrapped securely around my throat, gently squeezing.
“Nope. Open those stunning eyes, Aspen. I want you to see what you do to me. I want to see your eyes roll back in your head when I make you milk my cock again. I want to see your eyes and ensure you know who you belong to,” he growled.
I stared into his deep blue eyes, and that seemed to do it for him because he pulled his cock out to the tip only to roughly thrust back into me, leaving me breathless.
“Say it, Aspen,” he growled, as he squeezed his hand around my throat again.
I knew what he wanted, and I was torn between being good and being a brat.
I stared up at him as he squeezed harder, cutting off my oxygen for a few fleeting seconds.
He let up on his grip again, and I quickly sucked in a breath as he fucked me harder.
“I’m yours,” I whispered between breathy pants.