Chapter 21 #2
Vareena stared at me as though I’d just announced I had voluntarily swallowed poison. “That’s how he trains you?”
“Would you expect anything less from him?”
“No. No, I wouldn’t.”
“He says pain changes how you react.”
“I’m beginning to understand why everyone hates him.”
“Not everyone hates him.”
The words left my mouth before I could stop them. Vareena went very still. Then slowly, v slowly, she looked at me and I immediately regretted being born.
I pointed at her. “Don’t.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Your face did.”
“My face is innocent.”
“Your face has never been innocent.”
“That is deeply unfair.” I crossed my arms.
She watched me for another second.
Then her eyes widened slightly. “Oh.”
“Stop.”
“Lyra.”
“Absolutely not.”
“You like him.”
“I would rather eat my own shoe.”
“That wasn’t a no.”
“He’s insufferable.”
“You can like insufferable people.”
“He calls me Menace.”
Vareena’s eyebrows climbed. “He has a nickname for you?”
“He’s only used it twice and it was more of an insult, but that isn’t the point.”
“I think it’s very much the point.”
“He nearly dislocated my shoulder.”
Her eyebrows went higher. “That is considerably less romantic.”
“There is nothing romantic happening!”
She laughed. Actually laughed. And for the first time since the courtyard, the rune beneath my clothes didn’t feel like a death sentence. It was still dangerous. Still a secret that could get me killed if the wrong person discovered it.
But Vareena knew.
And she was sitting on my bed making fun of my nonexistent relationship with the most irritating man I’d ever met. The impossible stopped feeling quite so monstrous when someone else could look at it and still see you. The thought frightened me enough that I pushed it away.
Vareena’s laughter faded. “Why him?”
I knew immediately she wasn’t asking about whatever she’d decided existed between Kieran and me.
“Because he knows Shadow.”
“There are hundreds of Shadow wielders here. I never would’ve gone to him first.”
“He found out before I even had a chance to find anyone else.”
“How?”
I looked away. That was harder. Because answering it meant explaining the night in the ruined southern ring. The shadows responding to him. The things he’d said. The things he knew.
And eventually it led somewhere I wasn’t prepared to take her. The Codex. My mother.
Starborn.
The words that appeared on pages for me and no one else. “He saw it happen.” That wasn’t entirely a lie. Vareena studied me. I could tell she knew there was more.
For once, she didn’t push. “Does he know what you are?”
The question sank into me. “What do you mean?”
“You’re Light born with Shadow magic.” Her voice was quiet now. “That shouldn’t be possible.”
“No.”
“So does he know why it is?”
My gaze dropped to my hands. “No.” Another almost-truth. Kieran knew more than he told me. I was certain of that. Whether he knew why I could wield both was another matter entirely. “I don’t think anyone does.”
Vareena nodded slowly. Then she leaned back on her hands. “Well.” I waited. She looked toward the ceiling. “This is significantly worse than what I thought you were hiding.”
I barked out a laugh. “What did you think?”
“I don’t know. Secret lover. Illicit gambling problem. Murder.”
“Murder?”
“You’ve been behaving suspiciously.”
“And murder came before forbidden magic?”
“In my defense, forbidden magic seemed statistically unlikely.”
I sat beside her. Our shoulders touched, and for a while neither of us spoke. Outside, footsteps passed through the corridor. Both of us went rigid. The footsteps continued. Only when they disappeared did Vareena breathe again.
“This can’t leave this room.”
“I know.”
“No, Vareena. I mean it.” She turned toward me. “If anyone finds out—”
“I know.”
“You don’t.” My voice cracked harder than I intended. “They won’t just remove me from the Sanctum.”
Vareena’s eyes softened. “My father sits on the Light Council, Lyra. I know exactly what the laws say.”
“I could be executed.”
“I know.”
The words sat between us. “I didn’t want to put that on you.”
“That’s why you didn’t tell me?”
“Partly.”
“And the other part?”
I swallowed. “I didn’t want you to be afraid of me.”
Vareena was quiet for so long that I finally looked at her. She was frowning. “Should I be?”
“I don’t know.” That was the truth. “I don’t know what this is. I don’t know why I have it. Sometimes it reacts before I tell it to. Sometimes it feels…” I struggled for the word. “Familiar.”
Her frown deepened. “Familiar how?”
“Like it was always there.” I rubbed my palms against my thighs. “Like I’m not learning it. I’m remembering it.” The words sounded worse aloud. Vareena didn’t recoil. “I don’t know what that means,” I admitted.
“Neither do I.”
“I thought you’d have actual advice.”
“I’m still stuck on the part where Nyxara has apparently been secretly beating you with swords and giving you nicknames.”
“He isn’t beating me.”
“Your ribs disagree.”
“He taught me how to block better than combat forms have.”
“Clearly not well enough.”
“He’s working on it.” She smiled faintly.
Then reached for the small wooden box beneath her bed. “What are you doing?”
“Fixing his handiwork.”
“It’s barely a cut.”
“Then this should barely hurt.”
She returned with linen, a small jar of salve, and a bottle that smelled strongly medicinal. I recoiled. “No.”
“Yes.”
“That burns.”
“Good.” I stared at her. She sounded entirely too pleased with herself.
“What?”
“You sound like him.”
Her smile vanished. “Take that back.” I laughed again. She shoved my shoulder. “Lift your shirt.”
“You’re disturbingly bossy now that you know my secrets.”
“I’ve always been bossy. You’re only now appreciating it.” I lifted the hem of my tunic enough to expose the cut along my ribs.
Vareena’s humor disappeared. “He did that today?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re still going to train with him?” I looked at the wall. “Lyra.”
“Yes.”
She muttered a prayer for patience under her breath. Then the cloth touched the cut. I nearly climbed through the ceiling. “Gods!”
“I warned you.”
“You absolutely did not.”
“I said it would hurt.”
“You said barely.”
“I lied.”
“Monster.”
“Shadow wielder.” I stared at her. She froze. For half a second, neither of us breathed. Then horror crossed her face. “I didn’t mean—”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Vareena stared at me. Then she laughed too. Quietly at first.
Then hard enough that she had to put down the cloth before she spilled the entire bottle. “Gods,” she managed. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re horrible.”
“I panicked.”
“You called me a Shadow wielder because I called you a monster.”