31. Alina
THIRTY-ONE
ALINA
Jax and Becca finally leave, and even though I’m exhausted, I draw a bath.
I’ve just dipped my toes in when my phone vibrates. I look down at the display, already knowing in my gut who it is.
The Watering Hole.
Of course.
For the first time in a long time, I’ve had a good day. It’s only natural something would come along and screw it all up.
Johnny begrudgingly informs me he’ll be forced to call the police if Daddy doesn’t leave. He made a scene again, and it’s the final straw. Johnny says he’s not allowed on their premises anymore, and he isn’t listening when they ask him to stay gone. How did this become my life? I should just let him get arrested, but I know I won’t. The part of me that believes all of this is my fault forces my hand.
Daddy wouldn’t be the way he is if Mama were here. And she would be if they hadn’t been coming to my toddlers’ recital.
I grab my keys, lamenting the fact I’m dealing with this again. What would I have done if Jax and Becca had still been at the house? What you’ve always done. Make an excuse and get ’em to leave.
Once I reach my car, I realize the interior light is on. “Come on, come on, come on. Work with me,” I mutter, turning the key and watching the lights on my dash flicker. I hear clicks, but no engine. Shoot.
I should call Jax, but if I do, he’ll ask where I’m going, and I’m not ready for him to know about Daddy. I’m not ready for anyone to know about him. I lean my head against the headrest, closing my eyes.
“Keep it. Just in case.”
My eyes snap open as the words filter through my head, and I dig in my purse to grab the piece of paper with Chase’s number. Every bone in my body is telling me this is a bad idea, but unless I want to air out my family’s dirty laundry, I don’t have any other option.
With shaky fingers, I call him.
“Goldi?”
My stomach clenches at hearing the nickname, but I don’t correct him. “How’d you know it was me?”
“You’ve had the same number since high school. It’s burned into my memory. Is everything okay?” he asks.
I lean my forehead against my steering wheel. “My car won’t start.”
“Do you need me to come look at it?”
“No. Daddy’s causin’ trouble down at The Watering Hole and I need to go pick him up. I just… I didn’t have anyone else to call.” I lift my head, raising my eyes and willing the tears to stay at bay.
It’s silent on the line and I pull the phone away from my ear to make sure it’s still connected. I hear rustling on the other end and a female voice in the background, mumbling. My stomach bottoms out. Is he with someone right now? “Oh, you’re busy. I shouldn’t have called.”
“No,” he barks. “No, I’m not busy. You can always call. Just tell me where you’re at and I’ll be there.”
My chest warms with relief and something else I refuse to identify. I ramble off where I live and then I wait in my car until headlights are coming down the street.
It’s probably stupid, but I don’t want him in my apartment. It’s the one place in town that doesn’t remind me of him, and I’d like to keep it that way.
Chase pulls in behind where I’m parked, and I’m out the door and over to his truck before he can turn off his engine.
“Hi,” I say, strapping my seatbelt on.
He smiles. “Hey.”
His hair is mussed like he just got out of bed. Like fingers have been tugging on it. Something that feels a lot like jealousy crawls up my throat, squeezing as I remember the woman’s voice on the phone. “Thanks for this. I’m sorry to interrupt whatever you were doin’.”
He glances at me. “You didn’t interrupt anything.”
“Oh, I just heard a woman on the phone and assumed…”
His features tense, but he stays silent.
Guess that answers that.
I shouldn’t want to know anyway. It’s not my business.
He runs his hand through his hair. “You left work early today?”
“Yeah. I’m surprised you noticed with how busy y’all were.”
“I always notice you.”
My rebellious heart skips.
“So where’d you go?” he continues. “Or can I not ask that?”
“You can.” I side-eye him. “I picked up Jax from the airport.”
“Oh. You didn’t want him to come look at your car?”
“No, I… He was tired from travelin’. I didn’t want to bother him.” I stare at my hands, heat rushing to my face.
“Hmm.”
It’s quiet for the rest of the drive and I’m thankful. When we get to The Watering Hole, I see Daddy slouched against the wall outside.
Chase sighs as he pulls up to the curb. “Let me go grab him. You just stay here, okay?”
I start to take off my seatbelt. “No, I?—”
His hand covers mine, preventing me from unbuckling myself. “Alina. Trust me, stay here.” I shouldn’t trust him. I know this. But I lean back and listen to him anyway.
Surprisingly, he gets Daddy into the back with no fuss. It occurs to me that if I had gotten out, Daddy may have caused a scene. Maybe Chase knew that, too.
I wait until we’re on the road again before twisting in my seat. Daddy doesn’t seem too gone yet, and it makes a bit of the despair that’s clinging to my insides loosen. “Daddy, you all right?”
He ignores me and looks to Chase. “I thought…you said you weren’t back for her.”
An invisible fist lodges in my gut. He said that? I sit forward, looking out the windshield. I can’t pay attention to their conversation; I’m too busy wondering why it hurts so much to hear it.
Chase glances in the rearview mirror. “I’m not.”
My chest pinches.
Daddy grunts and then finally acknowledges me. “I should have…have known Johnny would be callin’ you out here.”
“If it wasn’t me, it would be the cops,” I reply. “Then where would you be?”
Chase is silent. Maybe I should feel embarrassed for hashing it out with Daddy right in front of him, but I can’t find it in me to care.
“You know you can’t keep showin’ up, right? They don’t want you in there, Daddy.”
He waves me off. “They always say that. It’s fine. I’m their best…their best damn customer.”
“Why don’t you come hang with me instead of goin’ to a bar? You can finally come see my place.”
I turn around again, watching for his reaction.
His eyes are ice. “I already gotta look at you enough.”
My eyes flutter closed as I will my heart back into my chest. No matter how often I take his jabs, they still leave a bruise.
Chase’s fingers tighten around the steering wheel.
“I’m just sayin’, maybe you should try not goin’ to a bar for a while,” I try again.
“Don’t you lecture me, girl. I’m the parent here, not you.”
I laugh. “Coulda fooled me.”
Daddy leans forward, and his breath reeks so much of whiskey I can smell it from the back seat. “Yeah? Well…I’m the only one you got. You can thank yourself for that.”
My already weathered and beaten soul is crippled further by his words.
“That’s enough.” Chase’s voice is sharp, his eyes glacial as he looks at Daddy in the rearview mirror.
Like a reflex, and without much thought, I put my hand on Chase’s forearm to keep him calm. I don’t know how his temper is these days, but the Chase I knew had a short fuse, and the last thing I want is for him to fly off the handle when we’ve already got enough going on with my father.
His muscles tense under my fingertips, and something hits me in the center of my chest when I recognize that I’m willingly touching him, and even worse than that, it feels easy to do.
“It’s okay, Chase. Daddy didn’t mean it,” I say.
His jaw tightens and he glances at me before staring back at the road. “I don’t give a fuck if he meant it. I won’t let that shit fly, Alina.” The car rolls to a red light and it gives Chase the perfect opportunity to focus on Daddy. “You hear me, Mr. Carson? If you disrespect your daughter again, we’re gonna have problems.”
“I ain’t sayin’ nothin’ she don’t already know,” Daddy slurs.
The shame burns my cheeks, his words slamming into me until they ring true like a reverb in my ears.
Chase’s mouth opens but I squeeze his arm tighter.
“Please…leave it.” My voice is a whisper.
Chase stares at me, his shoulders tensing before he nods sharply and puts his attention back on the road.
The rest of the car ride is silent, but we get Daddy home in one piece.
We pull up to the driveway, and my belt buckle is undone before Chase has a chance to turn off the truck.
I glance at him. “You can wait here.”
He shakes his head. “Absolutely not. I’m making sure he gets inside and that you get back out here before he abuses you more.”
My stomach cramps. “He doesn’t abuse me.”
Chase looks at me, his eyes sad and his lips slightly pursed.
Embarrassment fills up my chest with every second he stares, and I break our connection, looking back at Daddy who’s passed out, his head against the window.
“Yeah, well, let me help anyway,” Chase finally replies.
Pressure builds behind my eyes and I will away the burn, nodding and hopping out of the truck.
Watching Chase walk around and maneuver Daddy until he’s practically carrying him is another hit to the shield I’ve built up over the years, and when he gets him inside and sets him up in his recliner with a glass of water and some ibuprofen on the end table, that shield crumbles even more.
“You don’t think he should go into bed?” I ask, chewing on my lip.
Chase shakes his head. “Keep him upright in case he throws up.”
Swallowing, I nod, giving one more glance to Daddy.
Chase walks toward me, and before I can stop him, his right hand is cupping my cheek, and the other is tilting me up by the chin, forcing me to meet his gaze.
“You okay?”
I can only nod, unable to force the words out.
His thumb brushes against my skin, and my eyes flutter closed, hating myself for taking solace in the comfort.
But I’m too weak and worn down to resist right now.
“Come on,” he says. “Let’s get you home.”
I’m relieved once we’re back in his truck.
The boulder of Daddy’s problems and my shame for causing them sits heavy on my shoulders, and I prefer to wallow in my misery alone.
Chase sits with both hands on the steering wheel, the engine running but the car staying idle. His cheek muscle twitches and he says, “Go for a drive with me.”
I grip the handle of the passenger door. Part of me is screaming to open it and run away from him.
But the bigger part of me wants to give in, so I nod and give in to the moment, not caring if it makes me selfish or stupid to do it, and before I know it, we’re back at the lake, lying beneath the stars.