28. Mason
TWENTY-EIGHT
MASON
I’m fucked.
There’s truly no other way to put it. But when I’m with Lily, I get crazy ideas in my head. Ideas that make me think maybe I don’t have to do anything drastic. Maybe her knowing I’m a PI is enough. Maybe “one day” never has to come.
I could refund Chase his money, tell him I had no luck, and then stay. For good. Don would give me hell, but he’d get over it. Eventually. I think.
The longer I sit with the idea, the more merit I give it in my head, visions of carving out a new future here with Lily and her son taking root and growing branches around my soul.
A place where I can belong.
A family.
I know running from your problems isn’t the healthiest thing in the world, but it’s worked well enough for the past decade.
My brain has been a seesaw, the weight of my decisions tottering back and forth—a lot like the one on this playground where I’m standing with Lily, watching Chase run around.
The truth is that I could get used to this, and that’s a concept I’ve spent the past ten years avoiding like the plague. But it’s happened anyway. The pull to Lily is too strong for me to ignore, and while it terrifies the living shit out of me, the thought of leaving them scares me more.
So I guess it just comes down to what I’m willing to live with, and what I’m willing to lose.
There was once upon a time when I thought my life would end up differently. When I was still a young kid, thinking I was grown, wading through murky man-made waters. Back when I chirped like a parrot about family and faith. But even back then, deep down, I knew it wasn’t the truth. How could I when I spent my life watching snakes worshiped as gods?
Chase jumps off the monkey bars, running toward the slide, and my heart lurches as I watch him. I take the free moment to sidle up to Lily, dragging her into me until she molds to my side like a missing limb. She only comes to the middle of my chest on a good day, and yet somehow, she fits me better than anyone else ever has. The thought makes my lungs squeeze tight.
“Hi.” Lily smiles.
“Hi back.” I press a kiss against her forehead.
“Careful.” Her arms wrap tight around my waist. “A girl could get used to this.”
My muscles tense when my heart skips, and I press another kiss to her head.
“Mommy, Awex, are you watching?” Chase’s little voice soars across the air, and while it hits my ears first, it settles deep in my chest, spreading warmth through me like a heated blanket.
We both turn toward the slide, and I move Lily in front of me, pressing our bodies close together, my arms wrapping around her waist. Her fingers squeeze my forearms, and I swear I feel it in the depths of my soul.
How can I leave this?
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and she shifts, turning quickly to glance at me. “You need to get that?” she asks.
I do, but there’s no chance in hell I’ll answer it in front of her. Still, with every ignored buzz, our harsh reality drops back in, reminding me that she’s a job. A mark.
A paycheck.
I shake my head, my hold tightening against her stomach. “Nope.”
She smiles, leaning back against me, and that’s where we stay for the rest of the afternoon, until Chase is so tired he falls asleep in my arms on the walk to their apartment.
It isn’t until later, when I’m at the motel, that I check my missed calls and texts.
Most from Don. My brow furrows, irritation wringing my insides dry because I just talked to that motherfucker.
There’s also a missed call from Lily’s brother, Chase.
His name tugs on the chains binding me to the job I’ve been paid for, reminding me that I’m sitting here living a fucking lie. I’ve been avoiding him, stupidly hoping that maybe he’d be patient long enough for me to come up with a plan.
I pull up my voicemail and press play, Chase’s sharp voice coming through the line.
“Mason. It’s Chase Adams. Look…it’s been a minute since I’ve heard from you, and I get that this shit takes time, but fuck , man. Can I get an update? I’m fucking losing my mind over here. My girl is losing her mind with me, and I’m…” He blows out a breath, and guilt works its way through my insides at the desperation that leaks from his voice. “I’m starting to lose hope. I just… It’s been almost a year, and if you’re really the best, if you’re really the fucking best and even you can’t find her, then…” He clears his throat. “Maybe there’s nothing left to find.”
There’s a higher-pitched voice whispering words I can’t make out before he speaks again. “Anyway, call me back. Please . Just give me something .”
Click.
I lean back on the bed, swallowing around the burn from the crater that’s just been ripped open in my chest. Chase deserves to know his sister, but Lily obviously doesn’t want to be found.
And I still have no idea why.
Blowing out a breath, I call back Don, ignoring the anxiety that’s already brewing in my gut like a storm.
“Mase. Jesus , finally. You know I’m really not a fan of this whole ‘you avoiding my calls’ thing. I’m still your fucking boss.”
I smirk, amusement lining my lips. “That’s only a technicality.”
“Technicalities exist for a reason,” he grunts.
Laughing, I unwrap a toothpick and roll it between my lips. “If you say so, old man.”
“What the hell are you doing down there still, Mase?”
I cringe, drumming my fingertips on the desk’s top. “You won’t like the answer.”
“Then don’t fucking tell me. Just get your shit together and handle it, okay? I’ve been giving you time, but it’s about to be out, boy.” He sighs. “You wanna talk about your dad?”
My entire body tenses. “What’s there to say? We knew this day was coming, and my dumb ass should have been watching for it.”
“What’s your plan?”
My brows lift to my hairline. “What do you mean?”
“Come on, Mason. You aren’t stupid, so stop pretending like you are. There’s no way your face won’t be plastered all over.”
“I’ve stayed hidden for this long,” I grumble.
“You can add all the muscle and tattoos you want, kid, but someone will recognize you eventually. This isn’t the Senate. This is the fucking presidency. Your ghost will be in the limelight again whether you like it or not. They’ll use your story to snatch the vote. I advise you to think about that when you do whatever the hell it is you’re doing right now.” He pauses. “Think about who you’re involving.”
My insides pull tight, the need for a cigarette raging through my system like a stampede. “Yeah…” I clench my jaw, my teeth biting into the wood of the toothpick.
“Besides that, you have a job to do, and if you can’t do it, then you need to tell me right now. I swear to God if I were there, I’d bash your head against the wall until you got it through your brain.”
“Don, be real.” I laugh. “We both know you’d never beat me in a fight.”
“Fuck you.”
I smile. “Don’t be bitter.”
“Don’t be stupid,” he hits back. “Actions have consequences. What’s going to happen if he wins, Mason? This isn’t going away.”
My heart trips and stutters against my sternum. “I know.”
“Then be smart. Finish this job and get the hell out of the country. Come to the beach and stay with me.”
I roll my eyes, my stomach twisting. “Who’d keep the business going?”
“You let me worry about that.”
Cringing, I sit back, pulling up the pictures of Lily I took the first time I saw her, across the street from her apartment, hidden behind sharp bushes that bit into my skin.
Nausea churns in my gut. Fuck .
“Do you hear me, Mason? This is serious.”
“Yeah…” I run my hand through my hair. “I hear you. I’ll take care of it.”
“Make sure you do.”
He hangs up, and I put my head in my hands, his words stabbing my skin and sinking into my bones, causing an ache I know will never leave. Pushing back from the desk, I curse, standing up and grabbing the still unopened pack of cigarettes and heading out the front door.
The flick of a lighter, the singe of paper, and a deep inhale is all it takes for my body to unclench, nicotine flowing through my veins and wrapping me in its embrace, dulling the whisper of regret and the prodding of heartache that’s nicking my insides.
Pulling out my phone, I google Senator Wells, my blood icing over in my veins.
Senator Wells campaign stays strong as he makes his way to Phoenix.
He’s coming to Arizona.