34. Mason
THIRTY-FOUR
MASON
Her eyes glaze over, growing unfocused, and my rapidly pounding heart ceases to beat.
Fucking Olivia.
This is why I don’t come to the West Coast. And this is why I’ve always, always listened to my gut. Until now. Until Lily. She rolled in like morning fog, thick and muggy, skewing my vision and making things unclear.
I ignore the fury that’s cycling through my veins at seeing Olivia’s face and focus all of my attention on my girl. On getting us back to her place so I can talk her down. Explain. I was going to tell her. Just not tonight. We had enough heavy tonight to last a lifetime, and Olivia is a part of my past that is so raw it hurts to even think about.
But I won’t let Lily hide from me.
Part of me is terrified by her reaction. If she can’t handle this information, how the hell do I expect her to stick around after she knows it all?
I breathe deep and talk myself down, ignoring the heat of Olivia’s stare on my back and her voice that’s still calling out, raking down my insides like heated metal, reopening scabs that are far from healed.
But I don’t look back. Olivia ceased mattering to me the moment she decided to play by my father’s rules instead of doing what was best for us.
But Lily…
We can come back from this.
It’s everything else she doesn’t know that I’m still unsure about.
My insides tighten, and once again, I’m reminded of what a clusterfuck I’ve created. I can’t lose her .
I straddle my bike, my eyes meeting Olivia’s glassy gaze one last time, bile burning the back of my throat. I don’t buy her tears, and even if I did, I don’t care to clear them. Reaching my hand back, I palm Lily’s thigh, blowing out a breath of relief when she doesn’t jerk away.
And then I peel out of the parking lot, choosing to deal with the fact my past has come back to bite me in the ass after I explain things to Lily.
We beat the rain, but just by seconds, heavy drops splattering on my head and sticking to my eyelashes right as we pull into her apartment. I ride all the way to the back of the lot, parking under one of the spots that’s covered by a worn awning. I hop off the bike first, turning toward Lily with my hands on my hips, watching to see what she does.
She takes her time, slowly and methodically standing up, taking off her helmet and placing it on the seat. It’s silent other than the sound of rain smacking against the metal cover, and blood whooshes in my ears as I think about where to start. How to bring her back in order to actually hear what I have to say.
She disassociates better than anyone I’ve ever seen, and since I don’t want to fuck her while I know she’s upset, I’ll have to find a work-around.
“Lily.”
She locks her gaze on mine, but her eyes are like a mirror. I see nothing in them but my own reflection.
“Lily,” I repeat. “Don’t do that.”
She cocks her head. “Do what?”
I lift my hand and wave it at her. “Whatever the fuck this is.” The nerves inside of me rise through my vocal cords, making my voice tense.
She shrugs. “I’m tired. Think I’m just gonna go grab Chase and call it a night. Thank you for the dinner.”
My heart palpitates as she moves to walk by me, like it knows that if she walks away now, this will be it. She won’t open back up. And I need her to open up so I can figure out a way to tell her everything else. “No.”
She pauses, her back stiffening. “No?”
I move forward, small puddles splashing under my feet until I reach her, gripping her waist and dragging her into me. My hand grips behind her head, tangling in the strands of her hair, my other palm cupping her neck, fingertips grazing along the bottom of her jawline. I wrench her head back sharply so she looks me in the eye.
A small gasp escapes her perfect lips.
“You can stop singing for everyone in the world, little bird, but not for me.” My grip tightens on her neck, her pulse skittering underneath my palm. “You want to be mad? Be mad. But you stay here with me and you fight .”
Her eyes flicker, and my chest tightens.
“Are you going to let me explain?”
I pull her hair by the roots, strong enough that I know she’ll feel the sting, and her eyes flare, raging back to life. Relief worms its way through the beats of my heart.
Her hands curl into fists and her pliable body grows rigid.
“Explain what, Alexander ?” she spits. “How I opened up and shared things with you tonight and thought you did the same only to find out you were engaged to be married?” Her hands smack against my chest, the heat of her hurt singeing through my skin.
“I don’t need this.” She pushes against me. My grip on her tightens. “I don’t even know who the fuck you are.”
Thunder claps loud enough to make her jump, and I take the opportunity to grasp her waist, pulling her until every inch of her body is flush against me.
“You can lie to yourself all you want,” I say. “But don’t lie to me. You want to know the truth? I’ll tell you. You know I will. So what is it that you’re so afraid of hearing?”
She scoffs, ripping out of my arms and rushing into the downpour. I let her, my heart banging against my sternum as harsh as the storm that booms in the air.
“God damnit! ” I race after her, ignoring the way the rain blinds my vision and chills my skin. “Yes, okay? I was engaged.”
She ignores me and keeps moving toward the staircase.
“Yes, I thought I loved her.”
Her steps falter but only for a moment.
I follow her, irritation at the way she’s not even willing to hear me, propelling me forward. “Yes, I was going to tell you.”
She pauses halfway up the stairs and turns toward me, lightning striking across the sky, highlighting the wetness on her face. Her hair is matted, stuck against the side of her cheek, drenched from the rain, and her eyes are paralyzing with their intensity.
My heart ricochets off the walls of my chest cavity, echoing the sound of my footsteps on the stairs as I make my way to her. I stop when I’m one step down, my face level with hers. My hands reach out and cup her face, leaning in until our noses brush together.
“No,” I whisper. “I never felt a fraction for her what I feel for you.”
She sucks in a breath, and I lean so close I can taste the raindrops on her lips.
I hold her face tight, keeping her locked in my gaze. “I love you , Lily.”
Her eyes well with tears, her breath stalling in her chest. I see the moment my words click into place, and it makes relief douse the panic that was coiling tight inside me. She leans in, pressing her lips to mine, and I promise myself right there that, after tonight, I’ll tell her the truth.
The whole truth.
And then I’ll beg her forgiveness and pray to whatever God exists that she’ll keep me in her life.