Beneath the Waves

28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight

You’re My Home by Billy Joel

Everything goes silent. My eyes are closed, but I can sense that I’m back in the lab. The smell of Titanic and rising salt water is no longer surrounding me. Gone are the screams of passengers and the sounds of waves crashing against the ship. I stand on solid ground, no water swallowing me. I feel as if I’m in a dream until I realize my arms are still wrapped around something, and I can feel it breathing.

I tentatively open my eyes and there he is, still locked in my embrace.

“Charlie!” I can’t believe he’s here, and he’s real. I study his face, expecting the floor to fall out from beneath me at any moment, as if this is a cruel joke. He’s standing in his uniform just as he was moments ago. It’s as if we were always here, always together.

He smiles and squeezes me harder, as if he too believes this is all a dream. He doesn’t even stop to look around the room or take in his new surroundings. His only focus is on me. Us .

I feel an arm grab me by the shoulder. “Ben!” I turn and throw myself into his arms. I can see Sarah and Eric behind him and I extend an arm out to them to join. “Get over here!”

The four of us are locked in a tearful embrace, forever bonded by what we’ve done and what we’ve seen. No one will ever understand but the four of us. This was real. This happened. There’s a mixture of joy, sadness, and gratitude bursting between us.

I turn back to Charlie and return to his arms. He wraps them around me and picks me up. He beams at me as he lifts me. I cup his face with my hands and kiss him. I can’t believe it worked. He puts me back down on the ground and I stand facing him, with my hands laid on his chest, just staring into his eyes. All at once, it feels as if we are the only two people in the room, lost in the same seemingly impossible dream.

Finally, Dr. Conrad’s voice breaks from the background we’ve all been ignoring. “So… it went well?”

Dr. Conrad and Dr. McCoy are standing a few feet away, near the machine that sent us back in time, both smirking. I remember that for them, it’s as if we’ve only just left and come back seconds later. It’s completely wild that we’ve all experienced so much in the time they took to gulp or blink.

I take hold of Charlie’s hand and walk over to Dr. Conrad. I know I should apologize. I almost destroyed his work for the sake of my heart. I was selfish and acted in my own interests. It worked, which I am grateful for, but I still made a choice that could have been catastrophic.

“James.” I look at him apologetically. “I didn’t plan it.” I shrug and exhale deeply. “But I’m—”

“You’re not sorry,” he says with a smirk that’s laced with pride, as if he’s just happy to see me happy. He looks at Ben and me with a smile. “I’m just glad you’re safe, both of you.”

He’s partially right. I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry for loving Charlie, or for the decision I made to bring him here. I am sorry though for risking everyone’s safety and the integrity of their work for my own self interests.

Dr. McCoy looks up from the screen he’s been monitoring. “I don’t see any major disruptions to the timeline.” His voice sounds both full of confidence and disbelief. We all breathe a collective sigh of relief. “Just a small ripple right here,” he says as he points to a tiny little stem branching off. No doubt that’s my little adventure. Perhaps not even because of Charlie, as he had no living relatives and therefore was the last of his family. I can imagine that once back in Boston, Violet perhaps tried to locate the kindred friend she made aboard the Titanic, a friendly face to cling to in her grief, only to be met with confusion when there would be no record of her ever existing. I truly hope I was not the source of more pain or devastation for her.

“At some point, when you’re all ready, we’d like to sit and go over this,” Dr. Conrad interrupts.

“Over what?” Ben asks.

“Everything. The experience. What you learned. All of it.”

We collected plenty of evidence and took high quality photos that will be helpful for historians, but I know Dr. Conrad is seeking a more in-depth conversation on what we learned. The four of us look at each other, waiting for someone to speak before I decide to take the lead.

“Honestly, the things I’ve learned have nothing to do with history, why the tragedy happened, or what could have been prevented. We uncovered minor details, but I think I speak for all of us when I say we got caught up in the human experience of it all more than anything. I know what our mission was, and I feel like we failed you in that regard. But, speaking for myself, what I gained was far greater. I learned how to let go of my pain and my fears and just live. To open myself to not only the possibility of love and happiness, but for the first time, feel like I truly deserve it. I can’t thank you enough for giving me the ability to find that. I don’t know what else to say.”

Dr. Conrad smiles at me. He may never comprehend what we all went through, but he has understanding and empathy for it.

Dr. McCoy leans forward. “I suppose the biggest question we have is: what next? Considering the experience you all had, we’re curious to know your opinion on what we should do with this information. This discovery can change the world in more ways than one. We can learn so much. But I realize that each time we open this box, we’re taking a risk. Do we shut this down now and pretend we never discovered it, or do we move forward to a new mission to a new historical event?”

I shrug and look toward Ben, Sarah, and Eric. “I’m not sure I should get a vote here. I broke the rules for my personal gain. I don’t think I should get an opinion on whether someone else should have the same opportunity.”

“I want to know what everyone thinks,” Dr. McCoy affirms. “Everyone’s experience matters, Ali.”

Ben, Sarah, and Eric look toward me, and we silently communicate to each other that we’re all on the same page.

I break the awkward silence filling the room. “Malcolm, I don’t know if I can answer your question unselfishly. This experience has changed my life. I met people I will carry with me always. We all did. I found a once in a lifetime love that makes me feel like my life has finally really begun, and I could safely bring him home.” I squeeze Charlie’s hand. I don’t want him to think I regret the decision we made. “But I also realize that I was playing a risky game, and I put everyone in a dangerous position. I know how much could have been destroyed if I took one step out of turn. I don’t know if that’s something we should do again. What will we truly learn? This was a gift, and I cherish it, but we’re playing with fire here. At some point, intentional or not, someone will alter history and then it’s game over. I mean, even I almost brought the whole thing down. Can you risk that again? Can you risk your discovery falling into the hands of someone else, someone who perhaps does not have the intention to just learn?”

“I understand that, but to witness history…”

“You’re not just witnessing it, Malcolm. That’s the thing. You’re not just witnessing it. You’re not invisible. You’re part of it. These are real people, this is their real life, and real things will happen to them. Love, loss, all of it. It’s real. With all due respect, you weren’t there. We got to know these people, learned about their lives, their families, their stories. We heard their screams, saw their fear, watched them say goodbye to their loved ones. I’ll never get that out of my head. And I’m telling you, Malcolm, that guilt, of knowing the end and not being able to help them, that will weigh on me for the rest of my life. I don’t wish that on anyone. As hypocritical as this sounds, my vote is to shut it down.”

Dr. McCoy sighs and looks toward Ben, Eric, and Sarah. “And you all share this opinion?”

The three of them exchange a look with each other and nod.

“We do,” Sarah says confidently as she speaks for the group. “But in the spirit of compromise, I think we would all be willing to discuss it again if you’d agree to table it for a while. We all just need some time to process this.”

Dr. Conrad stands with Dr. McCoy, both looking crestfallen.

“James, please don’t be mad,” Ben pleads, fearful he has let down his godfather, who hasn’t spoken a word for a few minutes now.

Dr. Conrad’s frown softens. “I’m not mad, Ben.” He pauses a moment, almost as if he can feel his emotions taking over. “What you all went through is something I can never understand. Only you walked that path and only you can speak to what it was like. If you say it’s a heavy emotional toll, then I believe you. Do I wish it was different? Of course I do.” He gestures over toward Dr. McCoy. “Selfishly, I want the world to know of our discovery. I want us to be recognized. I want to send another group on a time travel mission. But if you all feel so strongly that it’s worth putting a pin in the issue and investigating whether it really needs to be done again, then that’s what we will do.”

I think we all breathe a collective sigh of relief. It’s not a win by any means, but it’s the closest we’ll get to one, for now at least. We agree to talk about it again when everyone has had time to digest the experience, letting cooler heads prevail for now. We all recognize that time travel is a monumental discovery. We just want to protect it, and if keeping it out of everyone’s hands safeguards it, then so be it. My greatest fear is it somehow becoming a monetized celebrity experience. I don’t want to turn on my television one day and find out Elon Musk is at the Battle of Gettysburg or Kim Kardashian is with Neil Armstrong on the moon or Pete Davidson is swooping in on a newly widowed Jackie Kennedy. Money shouldn’t be able to buy everything .

“James, I need to speak with you.” Ben grabs at Dr. Conrad’s shoulder, ushering him toward a private room off the side of the lab. His voice sounds urgent. I’m not sure what that is about and I hardly have time to worry about it before Dr. McCoy interrupts my thoughts.

“Why don’t you get changed, Alice? You’re soaked.”

In all the excitement at the turn of events, I’ve barely noticed that my dress is drenched. As the adrenaline subsides, I realize how heavy it is and how cold I actually am.

I look over at Charlie and squeeze his hand. “Will you be okay for a moment?” I have this unfounded fear in my head that if he’s out of my sight he may disappear, like this was all in my imagination, simply too good to be true.

He smiles at me. “Take all the time you need.”

Sarah and I go into a separate room to change, and I am immediately regretting the moto jacket and cropped jeans I wore this morning. Sarah changes quickly and puts her dress back on the rack. I don’t find the task as easy. These clothes hold memories in them. Woven into the threads are the people I’ll never see again but have changed me to my very core. I sit down on the bench in the changing room, clutching the emerald gown in my arms. I can’t bring myself to let it go. I fix my stare on the trunk and just think about the events that brought me to this moment, and the memories I created in these garments.

Dr. McCoy knocks and enters the room, watching me stare at the collection of dresses.

“Ali, are you okay?”

“Can I keep them?” Something about being separated from them feels unfathomable to me. I can’t imagine I would ever wear them again, but they make me feel closer to Violet. He reaches out and takes the dress from my arms. He smiles at me and begins folding the gown carefully and places it into the trunk I brought onboard. “I’ll have the trunk loaded into your car,” he says sweetly as he leaves the room.

I stare at myself in the mirror, taking a last glance before I return to Charlie. I haven’t seen the twenty-first century Alice in some time now. I’m nervous to leave the room, scared for Charlie to see the real modern Alice. What if she isn’t what he expected or hoped for? What if she’s too progressive? What if one day this becomes too much for him? I quickly push those thoughts away. I don’t need to think like this anymore, to always assume the worst. Everything Charlie has shown me these past few days makes it clear he fell in love with the real me and I don’t need to be afraid anymore. My wardrobe may have changed, but he’s already seen my personality and my flaws and he loves me for them. He loves me .

I walk back into the main room. As I enter, I can see Charlie and Ben engaged in a friendly conversation. Ben has already changed, but Charlie remains in his uniform. He stops when he sees me enter and his eyes brighten. I walk up to him nervously. I forget for a moment that he has already seen photos of me in modern clothing. Something about the real thing in person feels unnerving.

He looks me up and down and smiles. “You’re still my Alice.” He puts his arm around me and kisses me on the forehead. “I suppose I’ll need some modern fashions too, yes?”

“Oh! This will be fun!” Ben jumps in, excited at the prospect of shopping and styling Charlie.

I gently tap Ben’s arm. “Hey, baby steps, alright?” I know he will need clothes, and I know he will need them soon. But I want to tread carefully with this transition for him and make it as comfortable as possible. I also want him to find his own sense of style in this new world.

“Okay, okay,” Ben relents. His fashion vision will have to wait for another day. Right now, I just want to go home. I study Ben’s face for a moment. He looks like he needs to say something, like he’s nervous. “Hey, Al. Before you go.” Ben reaches into his bag and pulls out a large envelope. “These are for you,” he says as he hands it to me.

“What is it?” I open the envelope, unsure of its contents and why Ben seems so focused on watching me open it. Inside the envelope is a thick stack of glossy photos, printed as if you went to a kiosk in the grocery store. The first one on the top of the stack is of Violet laughing on deck when she initially thought Edward and I were an item.

“Oh, my god.” My voice trembles. I dissolve into tears. I trace my hand over the photo, over her face, her smile. Something I thought I would have to rely on by memory is now in my hands, to have forever. I flip through the stack to find more photos of Violet and me walking together, talking, and laughing over the last few days. I view photos of Charlie and me, walking together on deck, holding hands, and laughing in the cabin. Moments I thought I’d have to replay in my head can now live forever in my home, to remind me of this experience and the people that have changed my life. The photo of Charlie and I walking on deck is from the night Ben caught us out together, when I gave him some ridiculous astronomy cover story. Ben has been taking these photos longer than I realized.

“Ali, I noticed you changing during this experience. You started acting lighter, more free. It didn’t take me long to figure out it was because of certain people. I just started tapping my camera anytime I saw you happy, anytime I saw you being the truest, most free version of you. I didn’t expect things to unfold how they have, and I wanted you to have tangible memories to hold on to when we got back. And now, with everything turning out as it has,” he nods his head toward Charlie, “I just wanted you to have a reminder that you deserve to be this happy.”

“Ben, this is… this is incredible. I don’t know what to say. Thank you so much.” I pull him into a hug and cry into his chest. For someone who struggles to show emotion in front of others, I sure have broken some walls down over the last week.

Ben rubs my back and laughs. “At a loss for words? That’s rare for you, Ali.”

I pull back and sniffle through a smile. “Don’t get used to it.”

Sarah and Eric walk over with their bags and prepare to depart. We share a moment together, just reflecting on what we’ve collectively been through. I know I, for one, could not have survived this experience without Sarah’s support, or Eric’s consistent level headed thinking, or Ben’s entire existence. I’m sure Ben and Eric bonded, similar to how Sarah and I did. I think we weren’t just meant to do this mission; we were meant to do it together.

Before she grabs her suitcase, I pull Sarah aside privately a few feet away from where Ben, Charlie, and Eric are talking. I lean up against the doorframe with my arms crossed. “Thank you for everything, Sarah. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

Sarah’s face curls into a cheeky smile. “You know, I went into this, not liking you at all. I can’t even say why,” she laughs. “I just think as women, we’re sometimes conditioned to see each other as a threat and it makes us want to tear each other down. It’s not fair or right, but we do it anyway. But I was wrong and I leave here now with a friend. That doesn’t come easy for me. Thank you for making me your friend.”

Sarah extends her hand out to shake. I grab it and pull her into a hug. She may not be a hugger, but a handshake doesn’t seem to capture what we went through these last few days. I can see now that she and I are more alike than I realized, and I didn’t recognize the similarities in the armor we’ve both built around ourselves. We’re forever bonded over the transformative experience we both had this week.

“Hey, Sarah?”

“Yeah?”

“Ben and I eat lunch in the quad between Abbott and Whitmer every day if you ever want to join us.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”

“Of course. You’re my friend now. You're stuck with me.”

She smiles warmly. “I’ll see you next week.”

I watch with a smile as Eric and Sarah depart, hand in hand. Ben notices and looks confused, as if he’s just putting two and two together. After they leave, he turns his attention over to Charlie and I.

“I guess you’ll be going then too, right?” His tone sounds disappointed, almost lonely. We spent all week, the four of us, sharing each other's company. In a world of restrictions and etiquette, we’ve been a safe zone for each other to let our guards down and be ourselves. I can see in his face he’s uncomfortable with going home to an empty apartment while everyone else has paired off.

I smile at him. “Benj, let’s go home.” I nod my head toward the car waiting for Charlie and I. He looks back at me, almost in tears, realizing that my home is his home and I want him to come with me too.

It’s taken me a while to realize that home isn’t only a place. It comes in many forms and is different things to different people. It can be a physical place, a literal building you inhabit. But it can also be the people in your life that make you feel safe, and seen, and cherished. They say home is where your heart is. I used to think that was corny, something that was only embroidered on tapestry and hung on a wall. But it’s true. My home is my family, Ben and Charlie. Wherever they are, that's where my heart is.