29. Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Timeless by Taylor Swift
The ride back to my house from Dr. Conrad’s lab in Concord takes about forty minutes. Ben has his head in his phone but is chatting away in the car. I just sit and observe Charlie as he watches the world develop outside the window with a childlike delight and curiosity. I tell Charlie all about Boston as the car makes its way alongside the Charles River, with Ben interjecting whenever he looks up. As we make our way toward my house in Beacon Hill, I point out Fenway Park and Chisholm University. I can’t help but think about every bit of my life I will get to share with Charlie now. It’s exhilarating to experience everything I love for the first time again, through the eyes of someone brand new. I’m champing at the bit to take him to his first Bruins game.
But more than anything, I’m looking forward to the little things, the small moments that exist between the big ones. Cooking for two in the kitchen, getting coffee and reading the paper together, and Saturday mornings in the park. Ben once told me, "Ali, your life is happening without you" and he was right. It was. But now I get to live it. And not only that, I get to share it with someone.
The car stops at my house and Ben runs ahead to unlock the front door with his set of keys. I open the trunk of the car, and just as this magical journey began days ago, my hand meets Charlie’s on the handle of my luggage.
I laugh to myself, amused at the events that have brought us here, before letting go of the suitcase to allow him to grab it. I’ve spent years taking care of everyone else. I suppose I should get used to the idea of someone wanting to take care of me.
As I reach the front door, I turn my head back toward Charlie and smile, gesturing to the entrance. “Welcome home.”
He walks into the house with the luggage in hand before setting it down next to the front door. His eyes widen at the crystal chandelier hanging in the foyer and the large curved staircase. “Wow. This is… beautiful.”
“John had it built for Violet in 1901 right before they married. She stayed here until she died, then her grandson, my grandpa, inherited it. Then my dad left it to me.” I step toward Charlie and slip my hand around his back. “And now it’s ours .”
He smiles back at me. I have lived here my entire life, and it has been in my family for generations, but right now, this house feels like a new beginning. A blank canvas for us, ready to be filled with love, laughter, and possibility.
“I’ll save the full tour for later, but there’s something downstairs in the basement I want to show you.” As much as I’d love to show him all around the house, specifically to our bedroom, there’s something else I need him to see.
I lead him down the stairs and flick on the basement lights, watching as Charlie’s eyes widen as the room illuminates. “My dad’s project in his later years was restoring the house. He did a lot of woodworking down here. He had every carpentry tool imaginable.” I watch as his eyes look around the room in amazement. “I want you to have it.”
He runs his hands over the tables of equipment, surveying the stock of the room. “Alice, this is incredible.” I haven’t been down here in years. I couldn’t even bring myself to come down and pack everything up after Dad passed away. It was too hard. But maybe I was just waiting to find Charlie. I was waiting for someone to breathe life back into me. He turns toward me and kisses me gently on the forehead. I can feel a teardrop fall onto my face. “Thank you.” I was hoping this would give him some connection to a prior life, a thread between two worlds.
We head back upstairs toward the kitchen and living area. Ben is standing in the kitchen opening a bottle of Merlot, so I head to the cupboard to pull out three glasses. Ben pushes the bottle across the counter toward me and I pour the wine. I hand them both their glasses and raise mine.
“To new beginnings.”
“To new beginnings,” they both reply in unison as we clink our glasses together.
Ben puts the cork from the wine bottle into the palm of my hand. “You should keep this one. It’s a new beginning. That’s special.” My eyes become misty and before I can return a sentimental phrase to him, Ben continues talking. “I’m starving after all this excitement. What do you say our baby step for today is introducing Charlie to Ray’s pizza?”
I laugh at his ability to break an emotional moment with his stomach. “Well, I think that’s a great idea.” I pull out my phone and quickly order an assortment. It’s a Saturday night, so it’s going to be at least an hour before it’s delivered.
Charlie walks into the living room and begins looking around. Ben and I lean against the kitchen counter, watching him absorb his new surroundings. He picks up and examines each framed photo on my fireplace mantle and smiles to himself as he watches my life unfold in pictures. I can’t help but feel excitement at the idea of adding future memories we create together.
I look back at Ben, feeling guilty for everything I’ve put him through this week. “Hey Benj?”
He’s staring forward, amused at Charlie. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry. For everything.”
He looks back over at me with a confused expression. “What are you talking about, Al?”
“Everything I’ve put you through this week. I kept my feelings hidden from you. I’ve lied to you. I never do that. I put you in dangerous situations. If anything had ever happened to you, I… I don’t know what I would do.”
His face becomes serious. “Ali, we’re good. We always will be. You're my family.”
I can feel my heart swell. Family. I haven’t had that in a long time. “Promise?”
“Trauma bonded, remember?” Ben winks at me, a magical gleam in his eye. That phrase has a whole new meaning now.
I grin back at him. “I remember.”
“I like you like this, Ali.”
“What? How?”
“Happy. Free. In love. It suits you.”
I playfully nudge him on the shoulder. “It could suit you too, you know.”
He tries to laugh off the suggestion. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Let’s not expect more than one miracle this week, okay?”
“Do you remember what you told me last night, Ben?” He shakes his head. “You said once you realized there was no stopping me, you figured the best thing you could do was to jump with me and hold my hand on the way down. Remember?”
He cocks his head skeptically. “Yeah.”
“Well, I can do the same thing. Whatever journey you go on, whatever path you take, I’ll always be there to hold your hand.”
Ben slumps his shoulders and looks down at the floor. “But… Ali, I don’t want my darkness to become yours, too. Not when you’ve fought for so long to find the light.”
I smirk at him. “You’re forgetting something.”
“What’s that?”
I lean in toward him, as if I’m about to tell him a secret. “I’ve been down in that hole. And I know the way out.”
We laugh together for a moment, standing side by side against the countertop.
“Hmm.” I smirk as I laugh to myself.
Ben looks over at me with one eyebrow raised. “What’s so funny?”
I tip my wine glass to point in Charlie’s direction. “I had to go to the past to find my future.”
The love I have with Charlie is something I never saw coming, and I surely never expected to have to time travel to find it. It’s not a sappy you complete me, I was nothing before I met you, I can never live without you, kind of love.
He didn’t save me. I needed to save myself to not only be able to give love in the way he needs but learn to feel worthy of accepting it in the way I deserve as well. It’s like in The Wizard of Oz , when Glinda tells Dorothy she had the power to go home all along but wouldn’t have believed her if she hadn’t experienced the journey first. Part of my journey has been finding him and letting him love me so fully. He protects my heart and loves me so completely that I only feel admiration and respect for that love, and not a crippling fear of losing it.
He didn’t complete me, but he helped me complete myself. It’s like I had the tools all along, but someone had to hand me the instruction manual to see how they all got put together. It was all in front of me. I just needed someone to turn the light on.
And I believe that’s the best kind of love. I can live without you, but I don’t want to. I wasn’t nothing before I met you, but I’m even better because of you. I give you the power to break my heart, but I trust you not to, because what we have here between us is worth protecting.
Ben puts his arm around me and squeezes me close, and I rest my head down on his shoulder. Charlie looks up at us and smiles. I can’t stop staring at him, wondering if this was all a dream.
Most of all, I just feel incredible gratitude for our safety and the journey that has brought us all here. I know the road ahead will have difficulties. No doubt Charlie will work through survivor’s guilt, as will I. And the acclimation to life in the modern age will surely be full of adjustments for Charlie. I feel grateful to be here at this moment, safe at home with my family, the two people I love most in this world. Right here, right now, I am incandescently happy. Instead of fear, I am full of hope. For tomorrow. And all the tomorrows to come.
I walk over to Charlie and wrap my arms around him. “What now?”
He leans into me and gently traces my jawline. “We have nothing but time, love.”
Time.
It’s a curious thing, isn’t it?
You can’t see it, but you sure can feel it as it passes by.
It flies. It waits for no one. You can’t turn it back.
Or can you?