Chapter 31
This is a total nightmare. I cast my gaze around the pool area. Ged and Liam are looking baffled. Liam is still wearing my top but with short denim cut-offs because Sister Kevin is wearing his outfit. It’s very half Ken half Barbie. I will have to let that go for now. There are far more pressing issues. Such as Jorge is due any minute now to take us, and our many, many suitcases, to the airport. The flight is in less than three hours’ time and we need to get on the bus and on our way. I do a quick mental recap of the current status quo.
Big Sue is still standing where she was in the patio doorway, sweating buckets. She is not speaking to Ged and Liam nor Big Mand by the looks of things. Her big, fluffy white coat, black vest and gold medallion are making her look like gangster Ken.
Big Mand is not speaking to Ged and Liam. She keeps throwing them annoyed looks as though they are the root cause of all the upset. Which to be fair, they totally are.
Nobody is speaking to Liberty because she is still laughing over Cherry.
Tash has locked herself in her room and is refusing to speak to Sister Kevin without telling him why.
Cherry has locked herself in the bathroom and is refusing to come out.
Nacho is standing looking guilty. He can’t run off because he needs to check the villa before releasing the deposit back to Nancy, and he needs everyone to hand back the sets of keys.
I keep picturing him pounding into Liberty while poor Cherry is being tossed around like a ragdoll, asleep right next to them. What were they thinking? They could have at least rolled her onto the floor.
It is awkward. Very awkward. And I feel responsible for at least trying to get everyone back on track. After all, they’ve all helped me at one time or another. For which I am eternally grateful.
‘Sue, you were amazing,’ I tell her. ‘If you hadn’t started asking questions, this whole scenario might have gone very differently. You may well have saved a marriage, and even though you have a lot on your plate, you still came to the rescue. Thank you.’
She shrugs and gives me a half-smile.
‘She’s right,’ says Liberty. ‘Sisters before misters. You always have our backs. Every single time there’s a drama.’ Liberty goes over to Big Sue. ‘I’m sorry for being such a cow. I’m just sick of being lonely. You lot are all so loved up, and I never seem to find anyone.’
There’s a silence where we all wait to see how Big Sue will react.
‘I guess we don’t make it easy for you either, Libs,’ says Big Mand, jumping in to save Big Sue from answering. ‘I’m sorry if I always hog Sue to myself but…well, we’re…’ Big Mand smiles over to Big Sue. They lock eyes for what seems like forever. We all seem to be holding our breath.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Jorge has arrived just in time to pop the atmosphere like a balloon.
Big Sue smiles shyly back at Big Mand, and they both share what appears to be a moment of truce.
‘Come here yer daft slappers,’ says Liberty, dragging them both into a hug. ‘You don’t have to explain anything to anyone. Unless you want to. And FYI whatever is going on, we already know about so… just saying.’
How is that helping?
‘I’ll go check on Cherry,’ I say, desperate to escape before the situation escalates yet again.
‘It’s okay,’ says Liberty. ‘I’ve got this. She was exactly the same the last time she found out she was preggers. She’ll be savage for the next 24 hours at least.’
Great news. Cherry is going to go nuclear on board the flight to Vegas.
‘I’m going to go and find another outfit. I can’t travel in this because…’ Liam fiddles with the shorts.
‘NO TIME!’ barks Big Sue. ‘EVERYONE GET YOUR BAGS AND RENDEZVOUS OUTSIDE AT THE BUS. WE’LL SWAP COSTUMES AT THE AIRPORT.’
‘Good plan. If only Tash could get her shit together, we’d be ready to go,’ says Big Mand.
‘Leave that to me,’ Big Sue volunteers, and within minutes, I am staring at a full group.
‘Wow,’ says Ged. ‘They can really move when they need to.’ We are standing outside the villa by the minibus. Jorge is smoking his usual cigarette and looking at his watch. We are only running twenty minutes late. A new record for us. He looks pleased.
‘Nacho,’ I say. ‘Could you please take a group photo of us by the bus with our bags ready to go?’
Nacho takes my phone from me. ‘No problem.’
I organise everyone into a group. ‘I’m going to document the whole journey for scrap-booking purposes, and potentially get it made into rolls of wallpaper and items of clothing.’
No one bats an eyelid at the latest of Ged and Liam’s crackpot requests. We shuffle around, ensuring Ged and Liam are at the front and centre. While Nacho is indicating for us to move an inch to the left, an inch to the right, my phone goes off in his hand.
‘Hola tio!’ he says, his face lighting up. Cripes, it can only be Matteo. I listen to Nacho rapidly explain that he is taking a group photo. I see him fiddle with some buttons and then confirm he has sent him a copy. Then I hear him explain to Matteo that we are all going to the airport.
Shite.
Nacho looks concerned. ‘Connie. He wants to speak with you.’
As I make my way over, he lets out a strange noise. ‘Ah sorry. I have sent wrong photo.’ He shows me the screen. It is a photo of me and Luke on stage at Voices. We look very cosy. We decided because things were going so unbelievably well that we would treat the crowd to Mi Amore Mi Amore. We look about to kiss.
‘Is that from last night?’ barks Tash. ‘Is that who you replaced us with?’
‘Of all the singers, you chose your stalker?’ Big Mand is not happy.
‘Singing isn’t all that they appear to be doing!’ snaps Liberty. She has grabbed the phone from Nacho to get a closer look.
‘Connie,’ yells Ged. ‘What were you thinking?’ He snatches the phone from Liberty. ‘Look at the way he’s making cow eyes at you. For Christ’s sake. He’ll think you’re interested in him again.’
‘Oh my God,’ I shout back. ‘You lot dropped me in it. What else was I supposed to do at such short notice?’
Everyone quietens down just enough for us to hear Matteo’s muffled voice coming from the phone. Ged gingerly holds it to his ear, nods his head a few times and passes it back to me. ‘He says he’d like to speak with you.’
How much has he overheard?
I take the phone. All eyes pinning me to the spot. ‘Hi Matteo. It all looks and sounds much worse than it is. And the good news is that Nacho is no longer the father of Cherry’s baby.’
My attempt to change the subject does not work, and Matteo is wondering why all nine of us are travelling to the airport.
‘Well, er, because we’re all coming to Las Vegas… to surprise you,’ I finish lamely.
Liberty grabs the phone out of my hand. ‘We’re coming over for work if you must know.’
Ged grabs it from Liberty. ‘No. Matteo, we’re coming over to celebrate mine and Liam’s special pre-moon spree. We’re hoping you can…’
He doesn’t get to finish because Tash’s long talons appear from nowhere to grab it off him. ‘Matteo, honey, we’re also coming to celebrate Sister Kevin’s BIG birthday. So, if you could get us VIP tix to –’
I grab the phone off her.
‘Can everyone stop grabbing my phone, please?’ I yell. I’m getting so angry with them all. Matteo is on the receiving end of far too much information. Information that I should have had the guts to tell him two weeks ago.
‘Hi, Matteo. It’s me. Sorry about all of that…’ I say hurriedly. I’m surprised he doesn’t just cancel on me right here and now. I listen quietly to what he has to say. ‘Uh-huh. Yep. Sure. Yes. And again, I’m sorry.’
I click off that call and immediately accept another, holding it up high. ‘He wants to facetime us.’
We gather round the phone. All of us huddled close.
Matteo takes one look at us. He looks shocked. I forgot to warn him that we are all wearing blonde ponytail wigs and Barbie costumes. ‘Hi everyone,’ Matteo says, recovering quickly. ‘It’s great to see you all. Nice outfits.’
I sigh in relief as we all shout back. Matteo now looks unfazed by it all.
‘He’s so fucking fit,’ Liberty says, shaking her head. She smiles over at Nacho. ‘You’re like Hemsworth Hotties.’
Nacho grins back. He has no idea what she means, but he does look smitten with her.
‘So, Connie will message me all the details of all the celebrations going on. It sounds like I will need to pull some strings to see if we can make this week extra special for all of you. Just let me know what’s on the wish list.’
Everyone erupts into cheers while I melt, because Matteo is the loveliest guy on the planet.
‘But,’ he says firmly. ‘Connie and I are also going to need time together… alone. I hope you all understand that.’
I go bright red while the others make cooing noises and obscene suggestions.
‘Sorry we hijacked your romantic break,’ yells Cherry. ‘Of course you two should have time together.’
Tash sighs. ‘Yeah. That was on me, Matteo. I thought I was helping by getting the flights paid for. Sorry. I didn’t think to ask first.’
‘Same,’ says Ged, looking at me. ‘We got swept up in this whole pre-moon spree that we lost sight of why Connie was coming to Vegas in the first place.’
I smile back. ‘It’s okay, you guys. I’m sure we can work it out.’
‘I’ve got to go,’ Matteo says. ‘Have a good flight. See you soon. I’ll organise a limo to pick you all up.’
Everyone whoops while I say a quiet goodbye to Matteo. His dark eyes burn into mine making my pulse race. ‘I knew what I was signing up to. I should have guessed your entourage would muscle in on the trip. It’s no problem. I’ve handled worse.’
‘Thank you,’ I say. He really is very understanding. ‘And about that photo…’
‘Forget it. If you say it’s all innocent and there’s nothing going on, I believe you.’
Oh, wow. Considering what he went through with his cheating ex, this is a huge deal. It can’t be easy to trust someone after something like that. Finding out they are cheating a week before your wedding. I’m amazed it hasn’t put him off women and weddings for life.
‘I’ll make it up to you,’ I say, my heart skipping a beat.
He studies me for a second, a kind smile tugging at his lips. ‘You already have.’
BEEP. Jorge is on the bus. He has started the engine. ‘I go now. Not later. Now. Vamos.’
Matteo laughs, as I pull a yikes face. ‘See you soon,’ he says. I click off the call, my heart much lighter. As we throw our suitcases onto the bus in a silent frenzy, I hurriedly say goodbye to Nacho. He has an amused grin on his face. I suppose at the very least, there’s never a dull moment when The Dollz are in town. We line up to kiss him on the cheeks as they all hand back their villa keys.
‘Someone was sick on the bathroom mat, but it’ll definitely come out,’ Tash tells him.
‘Someone also burned a tiny hole on the sunbed mattress with a cigarette, but it wasn’t me,’ says Cherry, kissing him on the cheek.
‘Someone has left brown stains on the kitchen bench and brown footprints on the fake grass, but don’t worry, it didn’t bother us. You can hardly notice. The place is lovely. We’ll five star it on Tripadvisor,’ says Liam.
Good God.
‘See you soon,’ Nacho says, masking a worried look. ‘Have a great time in Las Vegas.’
He waves us off as the minibus hurtles down the street. We are now very late for our flight. Everyone is quiet. Cherry’s immaculate make-up has run down her cheeks with all the hoo-hah over her baby-daddy. We are all wearing the wrong outfits. They are ill-fitting and stained. We look uncomfortable and dishevelled. I’m not sure we’ll have time to swap clothes. We’ll have to do it on the plane somehow. Cherry is blaming her pregnancy brain on the mix-up which is a bit of a relief. Ged and Liam are looking dangerously jaundiced. I’ll be surprised if they let them fly. At least Big Mand and Big Sue are sitting together. Tash is sitting on her own. She has still not told Sister Kevin what he has done wrong. She is hoping that he will read her mind and telepathically ascertain what he must do to make amends.
Liberty is the only one who looks half decent. She has the hump with me about Luke and is the first to break the lovely silence.
‘So, Connie,’ she yells down the bus. ‘What exactly happened between you and Luke last night? What was so important that you felt the need to keep it a secret from us? It looked like you were almost kissing on stage. Call me old fashioned, but aren’t you supposed to be avoiding him? You did say he was a stalker weirdo. Or has that changed now?’
She has made it sound like I’m hiding something even though she bloody invited him here. But I’d rather not think about it right now. I just want to get to Las Vegas and put this whole week behind me. Including Luke, and the fact that right after that photo of us on stage was taken by Dan, he kissed me. In front of the whole crowd at Voices. I was mortified.
I twist my body to look out of the window. We are passing by signs for the historic Alicante castle and the jumbo sex hypermarket meaning we are almost at the airport.
‘Fine,’ she huffs. ‘Have it your own way. But just so you know, I’m finding seeing images of the two of you together very triggering.’
Ten minutes later, we have arrived at the airport looking like the Poundland version of the cast of Barbie. Everyone looks like they’re masking a lot of trauma. Tempers are fraying as we drag our luggage to the check-in desk. I have my work cut out for me on this flight. I have thirteen hours to turn it all around so that we arrive happy, presentable and ready to party hard, work hard and romance even harder. If anyone can do this, I can.
While we are queuing, Ged sidles up to me. ‘Can you please try to speak to Big Sue and Big Mand for us?’ he whispers. ‘We’re gutted we upset them. It was a genuine mistake.’
He has dark circles under his eyes and a stress rash appearing on his yellow cheek. I give him a quick hug. ‘Of course. I’ll do it straight away. As soon as we are on board.’
He brightens and shuffles back to Liam, who is near the front of the queue.
‘Connie,’ Tash hisses. ‘I need you to speak to Kev.’
Why me?
She looks drained under all of the fake tan and the huge eyelashes. I really hope for her sake she isn’t pregnant. ‘I need you to convince him that having a baby is a great idea.’
She can’t be serious.
‘I’d ask Cherry, but she’s raging right now. And I’d do it myself, but I’m not speaking to him. And there’s no way I’m asking Libs, she’ll probably try and get off with him. That girl has no boundaries.’ Tash shakes her head and gives me a sad look. ‘And Big Mand and Big Sue have made their opinions very clear.’ She sighs resignedly. ‘So, that just leaves you. You’re literally the last person I can ask.’
I feel so special.
‘But given what he just said about Nacho, and being forced into fatherhood without his knowledge, hasn’t that put you off going ahead with the surprise pregnancy? Unless… unless you’re…?’ My voice is barely audible. Sister Kevin is standing only feet away, and even though he is facing away from us, he is so tall his ears are probably picking up all conversations in a five-mile radius. It’s a shame really, because they make a very cute couple.
Tash shrugs. ‘I’m not sure. But is it too much to ask that someone is happy for me? Babes, you want me and Kev to be happy, don’t you?’
I nod back even though it is madness. ‘I’ll talk to him on the plane. No worries. But why don’t you lay the foundations for a reconciliation by at least talking to him while we check in? He has come all this way to be with you. He must really like you to want to spend his BIG birthday with you.’
Tash mulls over my pearls of wisdom and finally agrees to let Sister Kevin off the hook for now. I watch her sidle up to him and hug him from behind. Without turning, he reaches for her and sweeps her around to face him. Her eyes light up immediately.
Eventually, all of the bags are placed on the conveyor belt, weighed and tagged, and I am presented with a card reader to pay a massive surcharge for the extra luggage. I take out my credit card with a sweaty palm.
‘Don’t worry. We’ll give you it back once we have the full total,’ says Cherry kindly, her maternal streak making a brief appearance before she goes back to resting angry beast face.
I try to smile. I’m really digging deep to keep calm, to keep a lid on the turbulent mess of excitement over Matteo mixed with anxiety and responsibility swirling around in my stomach. They all need me to step up a notch. And I will. I will.
‘Fucking hell,’ yells Liberty, spinning round to face us. ‘I’ve just seen Luke.’
‘Where?’ I say. This cannot be happening.
‘Over there. He just went through to passport control.’
Deep breaths.
Deep breaths.
He could simply be making his way back to England or Norway now that we have cleared up our misunderstandings. Kind of.
They all turn to stare at me.
‘I’m going to check the departure board for flights,’ says Big Sue in an authoritative tone. Big Mand offers to go with her. We watch them race over to the boards at the far end of the concourse.
‘He’ll be going back home. I’m sure of it,’ I tell the group.
PING. It’s Big Sue texting. There are no scheduled departures for the UK or Norway today.
PING. It’s a message from Matteo telling me he has hired a bright pink limo to pick us up from the airport. He will have it stocked with Champagne for all the celebrating. He is so kind and understanding. He is about to board his flight from LA to Vegas, and he can’t wait to see me. He thinks the Barbie wig looked sexy. He signs off Mr Window Seat.
I clutch my phone to my chest, my heart thumping and my pulse racing. Everything will be fine just as soon as we are together.
Deep breaths.
Deep breaths.
Matteo is desperate to see me. He knows we have something very special. He also knows that I am very much a work in progress. I hope he clings to that when I turn up in Las Vegas with my two bridezillas, my broken Dollz… and my royal Norwegian sapiosexual stalker.
PING. Matteo has sent a screengrab of Luke kissing me. Actual lip to lip contact. Taken from Voices social media last night. His message is simple. ‘As soon as you land, we need to talk.’
THE END