Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Faith looked down at the mess he’d left. “I need to get that on video so I can watch it whenever I want.”
Tanner leaned forward to rest his hands on either side of her face. He was panting, his chest tight as he gulped in air. “What are we going to do with that mouth of yours?”
“Make it dirtier?”
He dragged a finger through the cum on her chest. When he brought the fingertip to her mouth, she sucked it in, eyes never leaving his.
This woman was going to be the end of him.
“Now I’m going to clean you up.” Tanner scooped her off the couch and into his arms. He carried her to the bathroom, setting her on the counter while he turned on the water and waited for it to warm.
But he didn’t want to lose contact for too long.
He trailed gentle kisses down her neck and shoulders until the water was hot enough.
They stepped into the shower. Tanner made sure she was under the spray so she wouldn’t get cold. Shower gel lathered between his hands, and he massaged the suds over her breasts and stomach and back, alternating with deep pulls from her lips with his mouth.
At work, he was used to forcing everything but the present moment from his mind.
But all that week, whenever he’d had a spare minute alone, his thoughts had immediately returned to her.
To her slender, toned body and the long sweep of her hair.
The way she gave herself to him completely, never hesitating to voice her desires.
Her laugh, her bravery, and the aura of innocence she still somehow embodied.
Like she was choosing to see only the good in him.
For the past several days, since they’d returned to West Oaks, Tanner had woken up next to her every single morning.
No nightmares. Only the slightest hint of unease during his sleepless periods.
He’d been able to switch off his lamp at night for the first time since the concussion.
A huge accomplishment, though he hadn’t explained that to Faith.
He’d promised himself he would conquer his issues for her, and miraculously, it seemed to be working. He was managing. Even tonight, when they’d been at Sylvie’s and the stress had started to build, he’d handled it.
Well, the voices of his friends had gotten a bit too shrill, the lights a little too bright. He’d felt panic rising up. But he hadn’t let it take him over.
Tanner couldn’t stand the thought of a lowlife like Kyle Spaulding targeting Faith. He hated this “sting operation” of hers. But she’d insisted on handling this problem herself, and in truth, he couldn’t think of a better solution.
Until Jon and Kyle did something more blatant, the police couldn’t nail them. Sean had made that clear.
Even if Faith refused to play along in their scheme—whatever it truly was—they wouldn’t leave her alone.
Worse, Kyle or somebody else might punish her for defying them anyway.
When Faith double-crossed them, the danger was probably even higher, but at least the police would be willing to get involved.
These assholes would finally see some kind of consequences.
And no matter what, Tanner was going to be there to protect her.
Once they were both cleaned up, they went upstairs to his bedroom. She put on one of his T-shirts and slid beneath his covers, her damp hair leaving droplets on the pillowcase.
Faith was already fitting effortlessly into his life. She was under his skin. In his bones. He felt the knowledge that she was his in every part of him. Not his to control, because Tanner had never wanted a relationship like that. But his to care for.
His to love.
His mom had asked him just a few days ago if he loved Faith. This still felt too new to say it, but whatever this feeling was in his chest—this overwhelming longing, even when she was right in front of him—he couldn’t deny it. He couldn’t hold it back, either.
Tanner stretched out beside her, propping his head against the pillow to face her. “I have a question for you.”
“Oh?” She sounded sleepy and relaxed, the way she usually did after love making. He relished knowing these small, intimate things about her. Like the freckles on her inner thighs. The dimples on her lower back.
“How would you feel about moving in with me?”
Her eyes widened. “Really?”
“I know it’s fast. Some people will say too fast. And they’d have a point.”
“They would.”
“Also, fair warning, my friends and family all agree I’m annoying.”
“Are you trying to talk me out of it?”
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her head. “No. I want you here with me. Every day. You make me a better man.” Better in so many ways. He didn’t want that to be a burden on her, some kind of responsibility to add to the pressures already on her shoulders. But it was true.
He needed her here. Maybe more than he was willing to admit.
“Then I would be honored to move in with you. I want to be with you every day, too. Just like we’ve been doing.”
His grin was so wide it made his cheeks ache. That was what he wanted. For every day forward to be just like this.
Blood poured from Scotty’s neck. Tanner packed gauze into the wound, the hot liquid burning his hands, but it kept coming. A bubbling waterfall of red.
Stay with me, he thought. I’ve got you.
Something thumped Tanner hard in the body armor on his back. At first, he thought it was the teammate at his rear, hammering him to get his attention. Which didn’t make much sense.
He looked over his shoulder. Saw the flash. Heard the pop. Another hard thump, jarring him. Movement, eyes, shouts, coming toward him.
In a split second his M4 was in his blood-soaked hands, but it was too late. They were already on him, shoving cold metal against the back of his neck.
He knew what came next. The darkness. Pain.
It was already here. He kicked his legs, as if that could force away the panic.
No air. They were suffocating him. He couldn’t breathe.
Sickening images seared his vision. Scotty on the ground in a pool of blood. The trail stretching behind as they dragged his lifeless form. Made Tanner watch what they did.
No. No.
He fell onto the ground and scrambled back till he met a wall. The wall of his prison. Scotty’s mangled body was lying somewhere nearby. Tanner’s hands were sticky with his friend’s blood. He wheezed, gasping for air.
A light switched on. “Tanner?”
Why was Faith here? He didn’t want her in this place. They were going to hurt her.
“Get away from here. Run.”
She climbed down onto the floor beside him. Her hand touched his knee, and he flinched.
“Don’t.”
“I’m sorry.” She sat across from him with her back against the bed. “Was it a nightmare? What can I do?”
“Just go. Please.”
He was terrified they’d hurt her. But as clarity started to cut through the panic, his fear shifted.
Tanner was afraid he would hurt her.
Faith wrapped her arms around her knees. Her eyes watched. He saw the shine of tears.
Slow down and breathe. The voice of his rational mind was kicking in. You can get through this. Even though he wanted to scream and fight. Even though this feeling—trapped, overwhelmed—was intolerable.
Faith was here, and she was seeing everything.
He wanted her to look away.
It felt like a year passed before his lungs worked. The terror started to recede, like floodwater slowly draining. But it left its mark behind. He felt dirty. Ruined.
He’d sworn he wouldn’t do this shit anymore. He thought he’d been managing. Sleeping with the lights off, like that was worthy of a fucking medal. He’d wanted to believe things would be different—because he had Faith now. He wasn’t supposed to let her down.
But it hadn’t mattered, had it?
He’d known, deep down, the darkness would come back for him eventually. Like internal bleeding. You might not see it on the outside, but at some point, it would break you down. He wanted to cry, but at least he’d regained enough self-control to keep that in. Faith had seen enough for one night.
“It’s been a while since I’ve had one that bad.” He sounded hoarse. As if he’d been screaming, though he was pretty sure that had only been in his head.
“I can go if you really want me to.”
“No. Please don’t go.” He opened his arms. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
Faith hugged him. “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.”
How could she say that? It wasn’t okay. The truth was, it would never be okay. If she kept on seeing how ruined he was, eventually she’d see that truth, too.