Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
“We’ll see you in another six months.” Faith led the patient to the front desk. After he was gone, she went to the exam room down the hall, ignoring the incessant hum of construction noise coming from outside.
The door to the exam room was cracked open. Faith popped her head in. Gabriella sat in the chair, while her mother and Myra hovered around her.
“How are things going?”
“Just finished up x-rays,” Myra said, “and now we’re waiting for Dr. Petrie.”
Gabriella had been suffering pain after a recent procedure. The girl’s demeanor was radically different from the last time Faith had seen her. Gone was her bubbly vivaciousness. The little girl barely glanced up.
Faith stepped inside, pulling a folded piece of paper from her pocket. “Hey Gabriella, I was hoping you might be able to help me with something.”
The little girl made a sound of assent, perking up slightly.
“I’ve been having some trouble with this drawing. Any suggestions?” Faith unfolded the piece of paper.
Gabriella sat forward. “A horse. She’s so pretty. What’s her name?”
“She doesn’t have one yet. That’s exactly what I hoped you could help with.” Faith shared a smile with Gabriella’s mom, who was watching all of this quietly.
“Is she a real horse?”
Faith knew what the girl meant—whether a real horse had been the inspiration. “As a matter of fact, she is. She wasn’t mine, but she lived not far from me when I was your age. I used to go visit her sometimes and give her carrots. She had a little diamond shape right on her nose, like I drew here.”
Gabriella studied the image. “I think her name is Starlight.” She nodded like this was a very serious discussion. “Yes. That’s definitely it.”
Faith handed her the paper, and Gabriella’s eyes brightened even further.
“Think you could hold onto her for me? She might seem like she’s just a drawing, but she gets lonely.
Now that I’m a grown-up, I don’t have nearly enough time to visit.
Starlight needs someone who can really take care of her. ”
“I promise I will.”
Dr. Petrie arrived, eying Faith. “Did you need something?”
“No, just saying hi.” Faith retreated, and Gabriella’s mom joined her in the hall.
“Thank you. She’s really been struggling. That tooth keeps bothering her, keeping her awake at night from the pain. I wish I knew what to do.”
Faith understood better than the woman could know. “I hope she gets some relief soon.”
“Me, too. But thanks to you, her spirits are back up.”
Faith wished there was more she could do. It wore a person down, feeling so powerless. Seeing someone you cared for suffering in front of you yet being unable to stop it.
Two days had passed since Tanner’s vivid nightmare.
Every time she’d woken on the nights since, he hadn’t been there in bed.
She wasn’t sure if the nightmares had recurred, or if he simply couldn’t sleep.
He’d been leaving the light on and asked if it bothered her.
Of course, she’d said no. But when she’d tried to discuss his nightmare further, he’d told her not to worry about it and changed the subject.
She couldn’t force him to open up to her more than he already had.
And maybe there wasn’t anything else for him to tell. Maybe this was just what he’d talked about before. How it was going to be hard. She had no intention of getting scared away. If she was scared at all, it was only for him.
It was one thing to hear in general terms what PTSD was like for him. But it had been another to see Tanner huddled against the wall, unable to bear her touch.
Just go. Thank goodness she hadn’t listened.
Somehow, they’d get through it. She believed in him. And she was willing to wait and support him as long as it took. She just wished she knew how to reassure him without that pained look crossing his face—like she was only making him feel worse.
Faith carried on with her day until she received a text message. It came from an unfamiliar number.
It’s me. I’m outside.
She knew who must’ve sent it. Only one person would show up at her work, acting all mysterious. A glance through the front window confirmed it. She could just make out Jon’s truck parked at the far side of the lot.
She was so tired of this, much too tired to even get angry.
When she was able to take a break, she pushed through the door outside. Shouts and engine noise assailed her from the construction site.
The passenger door to the truck was unlocked. She opened it. But she didn’t get in.
“What is it? I thought you were going to call.”
“I was afraid you’d get confused because of my new number. I’m supposed to use this one now.” He shrugged sheepishly. “But I wanted to see you, too. I miss you.”
Bruises still darkened his eyes, but his face looked better than it had on the video. “What about the delivery? Do you know yet when it’s arriving?”
“Can you at least get in, so we can talk like normal people?”
She laughed without humor. “You think this is anywhere near normal?”
But she went ahead and climbed up, closing the passenger door most of the way. This brought back memories, and not all of them terrible. Driving around their town on weekends. Singing along to the radio, even laughing.
Jon rubbed a hand over his mouth. “Sometimes, I think you’re the only person who’s ever cared about me.”
“What about your parents?” Or frankly, hers. So many people had been willing to give Jon the benefit of the doubt.
“But they don’t know me. Not the real me. You’ve seen everything that I’ve done, and you still stuck around. I hate that I put you through all that. But it felt good, too. Knowing you cared enough to put up with it.”
“Do you know how fucked up that sounds?” She stared out the window so she wouldn’t have to look at him. “I’m seeing someone,” she blurted, unable to keep it in. Maybe so he’d stop talking about their marriage like it wasn’t over.
Or, maybe because it would hurt him. A tiny repayment for what he’d done. She wasn’t above that.
“Is it serious?” he asked.
“Yes.”
Jon’s fingers tapped against his knee. “No wonder you changed your mind about helping me. You really want that divorce, don’t you?”
She regretted saying anything about Tanner. That had been petty. Pointless. “You don’t have to do this, you know. Whatever you’re into with Kyle, you could just forget about it.”
Her determination hadn’t faltered. But she wanted something better for him. It wasn’t too late for him to step up.
“You don’t get it, Faith. You never have.”
“I guess I don’t.” She was finished asking for explanations. She said nothing, fingering the handle of the door, ready to bail on this pathetic excuse of a conversation.
But Jon surprised her when he kept talking.
“Back in Texas, I sometimes had trouble with dipping into the supply I was supposed to sell. Kyle helped me balance the books, you could say. Stretch what supply I had left. He found some new buyers and took a cut of the money. But it felt like a deal with the devil.” Jon paused.
His hands were shaking, which made her wonder again about whether he was using these days.
Whether he was getting antsy for another fix.
“Kyle kept making demands, wanting to be in control of everything. After he came to our house a while back in Texas, hurt you, I stopped working with him. It was just too risky. In a lot of ways.”
Faith stayed completely still, her hand still on the car door handle.
Jon fidgeted in his seat. “Then you left, and I was desperate. I didn’t know how I was going to make rent.
Or buy food. And I didn’t want our parents to figure out, you know, how bad things were.
I needed a really big score. The guys I was working for, they agreed to step up my supply. I’d sell more, make more.”
“What did you do?” The accusation was clear in her tone.
He screwed up his mouth, looking away, which was all the confirmation she needed.
“I swear, this time it wasn’t my fault. Some assholes busted in the house, waving guns, nearly cleaned me out.
The product, the money. I was fucked. Completely fucked.
I had no idea what to do, how to make it right.
The guys I owed, they didn’t care about excuses.
Either I paid up on time, or I was dead.
So I did the only thing I could think of. I called up Kyle.”
Of course he had.
“Kyle’s got a bad reputation with a lot of people.
Doesn’t play well with others. But he’s the kind of guy with ideas, you know?
He’s like a snake who can slither through the smallest crack.
He came up with a plan for how I could turn things around.
He’s the one who thought of coming out to Southern California.
He knew you were here, and you could be part of our distribution chain.
You’re totally clean. Practically invisible.
Perfect for helping us stay out of sight. ”
Just as Sylvie’s boyfriend Nic had thought. Though Faith couldn’t understand what they were selling if Jon had lost his supply. Had they gotten more drugs from somewhere else?
“I hooked up with a few people I met online who live near L.A.,” Jon said.
“They handled some of the logistical, practical stuff. Then, I had to get you to talk to me again. Get you to cooperate. You already know I realized real quick that was a bad idea, and I tried to change the plan. But I couldn’t explain that to Kyle in time.
That’s why he barged into your house. Which I’ve already apologized for. ”
“Why couldn’t you contact him?”
“Because…” Jon shook his head. “Forget it. The important thing is, Kyle’s in charge now.
I have an insurance policy to make sure he doesn’t screw me over.
But Faith, you’re Kyle’s insurance policy.
Do you get that? If I fuck this up, he’ll go after you and me both.
And if you fuck it up? You don’t even want to know. ”
She turned cold. “Is that a threat?”
“I’d never hurt you. But Kyle would. You already know that.”
Faith pressed her lips together. Her pulse thumped against her neck. Jon’s words had the opposite effect than he’d intended. She’d never help these people. She was more convinced than ever.
Not even to save Jon. Because he would never choose to save her. He’d allowed Kyle to use her as a pawn because Jon only cared about himself.
“Do you know when the delivery will happen? Yes or no.”
“It’ll be next Tuesday night. I’ll send you a text from that new number.”
“Are you the one bringing the package?”
“Yeah. It’ll be me.”
“Fine. I’ll be ready.” The door handle popped open, and she got out of the truck.