CHAPTER 44
*PAST*
“Keys”
Aaron
Maya and I slow danced to a song. I wanted to ask more about what her mom had said to her, but she seemed like she wanted to talk about anything else but that. Our classmates started to leave, everyone with their own plans for tonight. I asked Maya what she had wanted to do tonight a week ago, and she told me that she thought the night would be too much to plan more. To live the night free to do whatever we wanted in the moment. I agreed with her. We still had many weeks left before leaving for college.
We still hadn’t chosen our college. I thought we were both waiting for hopefully my letter to Westword to come. I did receive a letter to go to Whitford, where Maya did have a place, too.
She had a scholarship there, but this one had less money than the one of Westword, and more importantly, it was not her dream college. I wasn’t going to ask her to come with me, giving up her dream college for my nightmares and jealousy. I want the best for her, and she worked too hard for me to get there.
When she received the letter for the college that I had, she didn’t give it much thought. She was happy to have any options to go to college, but she didn’t light up as she did when she received the letter from Westword.
I knew that we could make our long distance relationship work. At least, I was going to do everything to try to make it work. And hopefully next year I could ask to change to her college.
“Aaron, I’m terrible at this.”
I shook my head. “And if you keep your head in the clouds, I get even worse.”
“What are you talking about? You’re not that bad, and I was completely focused on this dance.”
“Oh, yeah?”
I nodded. “You didn’t say a thing when I stepped on you. Thrice.”
“A gentleman never does.”
“Cut the crap, Willow. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“That mouth, Amery.”
“Come on, you were the one that talked about communication. I seem to be better at taking instructions than you. I learn my lessons quickly.”
“That’s why you don’t want to talk about your mom?” Low blow.
“We didn’t talk much. She asked for forgiveness, and she told me that she kicked my dad out. She told me she misses me and that she messed up. She asked me if she thinks that I could ever forgive her. She tried to tell me that my father is sick and that she has tried for many years to bring back the man that she fell in love with. She’s sorry for causing me so much pain.”
I nodded. I didn’t know what to say to that.
“I mean, I don’t forgive her, but I understand her position more. She was trying to help someone that she loves. Her husband. And she thought I was strong enough to not need her help. She thought she was helping me, trying to bring back my dad. I feel bad for her. Is that weird?”
“No, it isn’t.”
“I don’t hate her. Part of me wants to forgive all that has happened and just run to her arms. Do you think I’m stupid?”
“Never. Whatever you decide to do, I will support you. I might have to play the bad cop so she knows not to try to mess with you if you decide to give her another chance. Also, you can change your mind, you know? You can decide tomorrow to try to have a relationship with her, but change your mind in a month if she is still not changing or you can’t get past what happened. It doesn’t have to be something that you decide tonight.”
“You’re right. I don’t want to think about it, either. I just want to focus on being present today. It’s our last day of high school, and I want to spend it in a positive light. I may or may not have a surprise for you, Willow.”
“What?”
“Yep, a surprise.”
“What is it?”
“Someone told me that if it is a surprise, you can’t tell the other person anything or it would spoil it. I am going to listen to his advice.”
“Twice you’ve said I’m right. Amery, are you going soft on me now?”
“Never,”
she said, pushing me slightly.
“You know, you are doing well in listening to me. I’m the alumnus of the year, you know.”
“Really? I thought it was a brunette girl who won it.”
“Oh, that one. Between you and I, she has the biggest crush on me.”
“I see. I thought it was the opposite. The lost puppy was you.”
“No, no, no more lost puppy comparison.”
She laughed at the stupidity of the answer.
“I’m ready when you are ready.”
“To?”
“Get my surprise.”
“Oh, but it’s not what you think. It’s going to take a bit longer to get your surprise. It’s more like a few of them.”
“Now I’m even more curious. Give me a hint.”
“No way. You didn’t give me any, Willow.”
“Come on, Amery, or I will use my lost puppy face.”
She laughed.
“You are the worst,”
she said with the biggest smile on her face. Then, she sobered up. She got shy. “I mean it’s not a big surprise, Aaron. It’s more like details, or, I don’t know. Maybe you won’t like it.”
“I’m sure I will. Don’t get shy on me now.”
I got closer to her, whispering in her ear. “You came over my pants the other day. It’s too late to be shy.”
I saw her cheeks get red. Her eyes dipped to my mouth. She swallowed and looked around. We hadn’t kissed in front of our classmates. I thought they knew we were together, but Maya and I hadn’t crossed that line yet.
“We will stay a little longer, mingle for a bit, and then you are going to show me that surprise and kiss me properly. Maybe kissing first and being surprised later, if you keep looking at me like that.”
She got closer and hugged me, putting her head on my shoulder. I hugged her tightly against me. I knew for Maya it was difficult, physical contact, or at least that’s what she thought. I didn’t take for granted her hugs and her trust in me.
We did as I said. We hung out with our classmates and friends, making jokes and dancing and laughing, living our last night as high schoolers. Some were leaving for a house party. Some were going to go to swim in the lake. We decided to leave so I could finally know what my surprise was.
My hand was at the back of Maya’s back all night. Pretty much we spent the whole night touching in some kind of way. I touched her smooth hair more than once, and she touched my tie many times. She touched my hair, too, always to make it more messy. I think she has a thing for my hair. I brush it with my fingers, trying to make it decent if just for her to touch it again to mess it up.
My parents left my car here while they went back with their car. All eight of them. I opened Maya’s door and went to my side.
“What do you think about learning how to drive this summer, my love?”
I asked while turning on the car.
“That sounds good. You are going to be my teacher?”
“I mean … if you want. My mom and Niko taught me the basics. My dad helped, too. I think they want to start teaching Carlo soon. But, I will be more than happy to be your private tutor.”
“And how do I pay you, tutor?”
“With my favorite thing. Sparring with me.”
She made a sound of incredibility in the back of her throat.
“You need game, Willow,”
Maya said.
“What do you mean?”
“I thought you were going to say something sexual,”
she said, too nonchalantly.
“What?”
I was nervous. “I—”
“Like a joke, I’m saying. It wouldn’t be real.”
“Obviously.”
I sounded too hard. “Maya, I—I would love to do sexual things with you…”
That sounded awful.
“Willow, you are making it worse.”
“I know. Fuck. What I mean is that I would love to teach you how to drive and do other stuff, too.”
“Me too. Now, let’s forget about this and talk about how your surprise is about to start. You need to get ready,”
Maya said, a big grin on her beautiful face.
“How?”
“Not falling asleep would be ideal.”
“Easy. After that conversation, I feel like running for ten miles.”
“Great, because that’s what we are going to do.”
“What?!”
I asked, surprised.
“Joking. Now, let’s get out of here.”
“It would be easier if you tell me exactly where we are going.”
“It would. Now, let’s go. Too many things to do. Too little time.”
I drove in the direction that she told me, the music as our third passenger. We sang along. It was great.
“We don’t have a song.”
“You want a song?”
“Of course I do. The cheesier the better.”
“There has to be a great one out there.”
“Maybe we don’t need to force it. It needs to find us.”
“That’s your way of making me drop this?”
“You know me too well.”
“But you are right.”
“I always am, Willow. Luckily it only took you ten years to learn it. These days, they give the best alumnus to anyone.”
“Brat.”
“You are trying to get a song with this brat.”
“Of course I am. It’s essential.”
“We are going to put it on the list of things to focus on tomorrow. Right now, focus on turning to the fucking left.”
“You keep with that mouth and I am going to stop so you can use that mouth for something else.”
Well, that sounded too dirty. I was referring to kissing, and it sounded like I wanted her to…
Yep, not a great idea to imagine that while driving.
“Maya, I meant—
She got silent. “I think you are right.”
What happened?
“I would love to do it.”
“My love, I can’t have this conversation while I’m driving.”
We spent the rest of the night going to other places that meant anything to our relationship, until it was time for the last surprise.
MAYA
We skipped town and went to a small hotel. My boss was friends with the owner and let her know that I wanted to rent something for a night. She gave me a special price and told me that she would give me the best room. I didn’t have time to decorate it before, but I didn’t know if Aaron thought that that would be too tacky. I did have the key. My boss gave it to me at the prom ceremony.
“Where are we going, my love?”
“Take the next exit.”
He looked at me weirdly. “That’s out of town.”
“I know.”
He nodded and followed my instructions until we got to the hotel’s parking lot.
“Here we are.”
“A hotel?” I nodded.
“This doesn’t mean that something is going to happen today, but I thought that maybe we could sleep on the same bed. Have some intimacy without worrying about being caught.”
“That sounds very nice.” I nodded.
“Do you like it? If not, we can go back home.”
He smiled and shook his head. I felt my shoulders relax.
“How did you pay for this, Maya?”
“With my money.”
“It looks very fancy.”
“I hope it is.”
“You didn’t have to do this.”
“I know, but I want to. I wanted to do something nice for you, Aaron.”
We went outside the car. I opened the trunk and grabbed a bag with some clothes and things that Aaron usually needed at night. He was surprised and then smirked at me. He kissed me. We grabbed hands. It was easier than I thought to find our room. Aaron opened the door and we went face to face with a very big bed and a little sofa. A TV and some furniture. A small fridge. A big bathroom with an even bigger bathtub. It had a shower, too, on the other side of the bathroom. It smelled clean. It had a big window. We looked, and it had the view of a pond. It was very romantic, and we were very alone. I had told Evie where we were going. She was very happy and thought it was very romantic, too. Then, she made a face when she remembered that it was with her brother.
“Aaron, I need to tell you something.”
I paused. I had had this conversation in my brain multiple times. I had thought of all the possible replies that he could give me. All the reasons why it was not the best idea. All so I could reply as best as possible. To make sure that he understood that I wanted this. That I had thought about it and that I had come to the conclusion that it was what I wanted. He looked nervous.
“What is it?”
“I have decided what college to go to.”
“Oh, that. I thought you had already chosen it. You have the scholarship for Westword.”
“That’s not the one I chose.”
He went rigid. “I’m going to go to Whitford. With you.”
“Maya, you don’t have to do this. We have talked about long distance. We can make it work.”
“I know. That’s not why I chose it. It’s not because of fear. It’s because I want to go to the same place. I want to study with you. To see you. And because I realized that I didn’t choose it because I thought it was the best for me. I chose it because it was the most famous one, and it was far away from here. I thought if I went there, it would mean that I was good, that I was deserving, but in reality, I don’t care about the place. It was what it meant in my brain. I want to go to Whitford.”
“Are you sure? What if you resent me for it in the future? What if … we don’t work out?”
My heart ached.
“I have thought about all of that, and I want to do this, Aaron. I’m not going to lie, if we broke up and I have to see you move on, it’s going to be painful and awkward, but I want to try. I want to share this experience with you. I—”
“You know that you don’t have to do this, right? You don’t owe me anything.”
“Aaron, I want to do this.”
He hugged me. “It means a lot, Maya.”
We spent some time like this, just holding each other.
“Maya, I’m a little scared. I don’t want to mess anything up.”
“Me too, but it’s going to be okay. We just need to say what we like and what we don’t. And we can always improve. It will get better with time. Maybe we won’t go all the way today.”
“I know. We just get lost and communicate. See how things feel like and follow. That’s what you mean?”
“Exactly. Aaron, I have loved everything we have done. This is going to be more than fine.”
“I hope you are right.”
“When we finish, you are going to realize that you had nothing to worry about.”
“I really hope so.”
“If you don’t feel ready, we can wait. This wasn’t just to … you know. It was to be alone. The two of us.”
“I know, my love, but I’m ready. I want to do this. Badly.”
“Me too.”
He came closer and kissed me. It started all sweet and innocent. Then, we got lost in each other’s embrace. He kissed my neck and started to take off my dress.
“You are gorgeous. I want so badly to see you completely naked.”
I moaned against his hair.
He kept kissing me while I was lying in bed in my underwear. Then, he took off those, too. He was still wearing his clothes. I was too busy feeling his lips on me to focus on removing his shirt completely. I needed to unbutton two more buttons to get him out of this shirt. Why so many buttons?
He continued to kiss me until he opened my legs. “Can I kiss you, my love?”
I nodded. “I need your words.”
“Yes, my love. Please, kiss me.”
He looked at me with hunger. Just when I thought he would kiss me where I needed him, he came back and kissed me on the mouth. Passionately. With hunger. Then, he lowered himself and kissed me where I needed him. It felt like paradise. He grabbed my hands and put them in his hair. “Use it to put me where you need me.”
I moaned loudly.
“Aaron.”
I started to chant while he kept his pace. I found my release.
I wanted him, too. To have my mouth on him. I undressed him, and before I could kiss him, he told me that he needed to be inside me more. He was the most gorgeous person I had ever met. His whole body was for my eyes only. He looked out of my wildest dreams, his cheeks red, his eyes the brightest blue, his hair completely undone. And all mine.
“Do you have condoms?”
I nodded. There were some in the bag. “You bought them?”
I nodded again.
“But Aaron, I’m on the pill. You know that I get really sick with my periods. We can not use them, if you want.”
I waited for his reaction. “We can use them, too. For extra protection. Whatever you want.”
He closed his eyes and looked at the ceiling. He was hard, and I wanted so badly to know how he would taste. My mouth was watering, looking at him. He opened his eyes.
“You can’t look at me like that and say things like that if you want me to last, my love. I’m trying very hard here.”
I laughed. “You are doing it on purpose, aren’t you? You love to tease me.”
“I do. But right now, I’m just being honest.”
He came close to me, and slowly and a bit painfully, he was inside me.
“Does it hurt, baby?”
“A little, but not a bad hurt. I love having you this close.”
“Me too, but I need you even closer.”
He kissed me again until I moaned in his mouth, and then he started to move himself. I could see his reaction to every move.
“I’m not going to last long, my love.”
“Just let go.”