Chapter 20 - Emily
Letting go of control and surrendering to the divine plan of the Moon Goddess has been like listening to a fork being scraped against a ceramic plate and grinding your teeth as your insides are churned, but there’s nothing you can do to stop the sound from ringing in your ears long after the utensil leaves the dish.
I’m grinding my teeth and questioning my every breath as I step into the shower stall, letting out the longest, deepest exhale as the warm water travels from the crown of my head, down my back, and whispers around my ankles.
I spent an entire day curled up in Sean’s arms, sleeping off the previous night like a hangover and doing it in the comfort of arms I once despised. I giggle to myself as I reach for the shampoo, feeling mischievous to be washing off the manly scent clinging to me when all we’d done was cuddle.
Waking up in his bed mid-afternoon came with another surprise when I found his side of the bed empty, but instead of panicking, I smelled morning coffee and was served a late breakfast in bed.
Sean has been doting on me ever since he moved me back to his house, and while I’m not complaining, his behavior now makes the past feel like a fever dream, as if the pain and heartache don’t even matter anymore.
Maybe it’s not supposed to matter, but the memory of the rejection is so deeply ingrained in my subconscious mind, linked to my fears and insecurities, that I don’t know how to remove it.
The wound might be healing, but there’s still a scar remaining.
And that’s the part of me the Harrower keeps scratching with a long nail, digging into an old wound to unravel my deepest, darkest fears.
That’s why I’m leaning more into this Goddess-ordained mate bond instead of dwelling on the past. It’s choosing light over dark, good over evil, and I’m just glad that the light is shining warmly on me today.
He suggested we get out of the house for the evening, and that’s why I’m dressing up with a giddy heart like some lovesick teenager whose crush just asked her out on a date.
“It’s not even a date!” I chastise myself as I inspect my reflection in the mirror.
After what happened last night, Sean is posted outside my bedroom door like a royal guard, just to make sure that I don’t wander into the woods on my own.
I cover my mouth with my hand as I giggle to myself, feeling silly for even considering this could be a date when he’s only doing something nice to get my mind off all the troubles I’ve been facing.
That’s all this is, even if I dressed up in my best summer dress with blue lilies printed on white cotton. I step out of the room, and Sean is waiting for me across the hall, leaning on the wall with his arms folded and one knee bent.
The moment I step out, his eyes glow like he’d been lit up from the inside. I feel an instant blush crawl up my cheeks at his silent reaction, wondering if I overdid it with the ruby-red lipstick when his gaze drifts up to my face.
Sean hesitates to say something, opening and shutting his mouth, then gulping as if to stop himself. He peels away from the wall, curtly bowing as he sticks out a hand. “Ready to go?”
“Where are we going?” I ask as I slip my hand into his, feeling the familiar stirrings of the mate bond awakening at the touch.
“I know how much you hate surprises, but would you mind just holding out for me until we get there?” Sean grins nervously as he opens the front door and allows me to step out first.
“You know what? I’m gonna just go with it, whatever it is.”
Sean gasps as he closes the door behind us. “Who are you, and what did you do to Emily Hudson?”
We both end up laughing as we step off the porch and down the path leading away from Sean’s house.
A comfortable silence soon takes over when we step onto the street illuminated by the moon and the stars hanging in the sky tonight, like fairy lights dressing a special occasion that neither of us can name.
He didn’t call it a date, and neither should I. But as we near a familiar spot in town, my heart does a little flip as it remembers the last time we’d been to the diner together.
“Pete’s Diner…?” I whisper in surprise, and Sean nods, rubbing a hand at the back of his head.
“Yeah. Remember how we used to come here when you were living with us?”
“Uncle Pete would keep the place open especially for our late nights,” I giggle. “He wouldn’t leave until we were done.”
Sean shoves his hand into his pocket and pulls out a set of keys. “Well, being the alpha now has its perks,” he chuckles, flipping the keys into his palm. “He’s left the place to us tonight.”
I nod thoughtfully, appreciating the gesture as Sean swings the diner’s door open.
“After you, madam,” he says with an outstretched arm, and I stop on the threshold.
“Please don’t call me that,” I giggle, rolling my eyes.
Sean straightens up as he pulls the door closed behind us, coming up so close that his lips are a mere inch from mine, his eyes boring into my soul.
“What should I call you, then?” he drawls, a hint of seduction in his tone that sets my heart alight.
“Er—Em-Emily is just fine…” I mumble dumbfoundedly, my mind going blank again, airways full of his intoxicating scent.
Sean wears a charming smirk as he straightens up, then points to the farthest table at a window. “Our table has already been set,” he says, and I follow him through the diner that should be closed on a Monday night. But it’s like Sean said, there are perks to being the alpha of Silverfang.
And there are perks to being the alpha’s luna if he treats me like royalty.
My heart skips a beat when Sean does something sweet, even if it’s small. When he pulls out my chair for me, and when he lifts the dome cover off the tray in the center of the table to reveal the delicious grilled meats prepared for our private dinner, and when he pours wine into my glass…
I’m left swooning, my toes curling inside my pumps as if he already has me in his arms.
“I have a confession to make…” Sean says when we’re halfway through our dinner.
I pick up my napkin and dab the corners of my lips, skeptically arching a brow. “Don’t tell me you kissed me while I was sleeping,” I blurt out without thinking, and Sean bursts out laughing, his ears turning red.
I feel a blush crawl up my cheeks, and I purse my lips to stop myself from saying anything else embarrassing.
“Yeah, who are you again? And what have you done with Emily Hudson?”
“Sean!” I exclaim, and he begins to slow down his laughter, his cool eyes meeting mine.
“Joking!” he admits, lifting his hands in a show of surrender. “But no, I promise I didn’t kiss you again.” His expression turns serious, and his eyes become intense as he stares at me fiercely. “I won’t do it again without your permission, of course.”
I gulp hard, fingers trembling on my fork as I reach for another bite of meat. But as I pierce the spikes into the piece of rib, it’s like my soul is penetrated by a sharp stake that arrests my vision and my ability to move.
No…
No!
It’s happening again. It’s another vision, another one of the Harrower’s psychic attacks.
I’m still in the diner, seated across from Sean, but the air around us has shifted; it’s turned icy cold, and the lights have dimmed in the place.
Sean’s lips are moving, but his voice is muffled, and I can’t make out a word he’s saying.
Shadows are cast over his face, dancing like smoke behind him.
I try to move; I try to warn him, but I’m a spectator of the horror that occurs when the dark tendrils of smoke wrap around Sean’s neck.
He stops speaking, his muffled voice now wrangled, his eyes bulging out of his sockets, and all I can do is watch in horror, unmoving, unable to do anything to stop this from happening.
Tears cloud my vision, but it’s only to cast a veil on the horror of watching Sean’s head being ripped off his shoulders by dark clouds of smoke.
“Emily!”
It hits me like a freight train at full speed—Sean’s voice—and it sends me snapping back to reality like a rubber band that had been pulled too tight and released. With it comes a flood of tears and a wretched sob pouring out of my lungs.
“Emily!” Within seconds, warm, protective arms are around me, forcing me to realize that this is real, that Sean is real.
He’s alive, and he’s whispering soothing words in my ear when I just thought I lost him forever. I just saw him die.
“Sean? Is it really you?” My breath comes in hot pants as I lift my face to meet his eyes. His blue orbs are the warmest they’ve ever been, the softest I’ve ever seen them, and something inside me snaps.
The last wall I’d built in an attempt to keep him out comes crumbling down like a bomb had been detonated. I grab his face like it’s a lifeline, and crush my lips to his. Just to feel him. Just to know he’s real. Just to know he’s still alive.
Sean kisses me back, but without pressure, his hands sliding into my hair to cup the back of my head with tenderness. He’s just there, present, a grounding force that brings me out of my grief and into the warmth of his existence.
But I can’t stop shaking. I can’t unsee what I saw, and it leaves me trembling uncontrollably.
My only consolation is that Sean is still alive, still breathing, still able to wrap his warm arms around me.
He lifts me off the chair and into his arms, cradling me to his chest as he carries me back home.
“You’re okay, Emily. You’re right here, with me. I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
I nuzzle into the crook of his neck, soaking up his scent as I curl fists into his shirt, not wanting to ever let go. How can I tell him that I’m not okay after seeing what I saw? How do I tell him that I’m not worried about myself, but afraid of him dying?
I don’t have the answers right now, and I don’t even have the energy to tell him what I saw in that vision. All I want to do is curl up like an infant in his protective arms and never leave his house or his bed. Ever.