Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
SAVANNAH
Emotionally wrung out from my conversation with Logan, I head back to campus, needing the thing that always makes me feel something.
And that thing is Harley.
Don’t get me wrong, Logan was supportive as hell and helped me calm down, but he’s not who I need. He’s my friend and nothing more, but Harley is… well, Harley. We’re not in a relationship, and thanks to what I did, we never will be. But that doesn’t mean we’re not something.
I hang around inside the library, knowing he’ll be here any minute, and when I finally see him enter the room, something inside me settles.
This. This is what I need. The relief of what he gives me.
When we came back to school after summer, I was worried we were done. He avoided me constantly until that night. The night that is seared into my brain, burned into the very essence of my soul.
I head towards the section of the library that no one uses, knowing he’ll find me.
This isn’t normally how we do things. Usually, I’ll be sitting at a table, and he’ll give me the look that tells me to get my ass up and to follow him, or there will be consequences, but I’m so goddamn antsy today, I just need him to give me what I need, and he’ll just have to deal with it.
“This isn’t how we do things, little devil,” he sneers, his eyes hard, and I spin around to face him.
God, he’s beautiful.
His blue eyes narrow as he takes a threatening step toward me. “Been crying, huh?” he mutters, and is that… concern?
No, surely not. I must have imagined it, because there’s no way he’d care either way. I’m just the thing he uses to get off.
“Allergies,” I respond dryly, not wanting to get into it. It’s not like I can tell him I was just in his house, crying on his best friend’s bed. He’d either lose his shit or think I’d lost my sanity.
“Right.” He snorts, not believing me, but he doesn’t comment on it further, which breaks my heart a little bit. Instead, he steps closer until he’s right in front of me and raises a brow.
This is usually the part where I’d drop to my knees, but not this time. This time, I need to feel something too.
I lean forward, and before I can second-guess myself, I press my lips to his.
It’s… fuck, it’s everything.
He’s stock still, frozen in time, and I wait for him to push me away and curse me out.
Only, he doesn’t.
He kisses me back slowly before crowding me against the wall. His body presses flush against mine, and I moan into his mouth. He uses the opportunity to slide his tongue against mine, making a kaleidoscope of sensations flutter through me.
God, how I’ve missed this.
How I’ve missed him.
I never thought I’d have this again, and I certainly don’t deserve it—deserve him—but that’s okay, because I did what I did for a reason, and I can live with that.
I can live with him hating me, so long as he’s safe.
I grasp at his shoulders, and his hands find my waist before he grinds against me, but the feel of his hard length makes my eyes roll.
“Harley,” I whine, but I regret the word as soon as it leaves my mouth, because it has him pausing, and I know I’ve fucked up.
Whatever trance he was in is now broken, and I only have myself to blame.
But he doesn’t pull away. He stands there, rigid. His heaving breaths fanning against my mouth before he shocks the shit out of me and brings his lips to mine once more.
Only this time, he doesn’t kiss me. He brings his teeth down on my lower lip and bites.
It’s not a nibble, it’s not gentle or teasing.
No, he sinks his teeth into me until I’m crying out as pain and pleasure mix together, and blood starts to pool in my mouth before his tongue darts out, gathering it for himself.
My legs are weak from the rush, and my head spins, my body feeling like it weighs a ton. He finally wrenches away from me before spitting my blood back in my face. His eyes are wild, a deranged look in them that I’ve never seen before.
At least, not on him.
“If you ever pull something like that again, you won’t like the consequences,” he grinds out, and my heart races. Even when he’s angry with me, even when he’s furious, he’s never looked or spoken to me like this.
“I don’t know what you think is going on here, Savannah, but we’re not together. I don’t even like you, I just use you as a way to pass the time. You’re a toy, and that’s all you’ll ever be.” With those parting words, he storms off, leaving me to slide to the floor.
I don’t bother wiping the blood from my face, I just let the tears fall and mix with it.
I cry for what I’ve turned him into.
I cry for everything I’ve done to him.
I cry for everything I’ve lost.
I cry for the things I’ll never have.
I cry for the future I have to come, and the knowledge that no matter what I do, I’ll never really belong to myself… not if my father has anything to do with it.
And I cry because I can’t keep doing this with him, not when it’s slowly killing me.