Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
SAVANNAH
A heavy feeling settles in my chest as I watch Lana and Cole, along with Gracie and Noah.
The guys joined us a few minutes ago, telling us about how Harley was with them before he ran off, but I didn’t have the heart to tell them it was because of me.
I should have, since I’m keeping him from his friends and that’s something I’ve never wanted to do, but I can’t make myself say the words, and the longer I sit here, the more out of place I feel.
Not because they’re making me feel unwelcome, but because they’re all so freaking happy.
I’m glad they have that. Really, I am.
It just hurts to know it’s never going to be something on the cards for me.
I’ll never feel the happiness they do, or feel the freedom they have, and that’s what has me making excuses.
Lana tries to fight me on it, but I just shake my head before leaving them behind.
It’s selfish, me wanting to get away from them just because of how happy they are, but it’s how I feel, and no matter how much I wish I could change that, I can’t.
Because I’ll never know what it’s like to be loved like they are. I’ll never know what it’s like to make my own choices in life.
Once they graduate, they’ll go on to have careers and lives that I can only dream about while trapped in my own version of hell.
The best thing I have in my life right now is my degree, but it’s not like I’ll be able to pursue it further and go to law school.
My father would never let it happen.
Hell, I’m not even sure he knows what I’ve been studying for the last three years.
No one cares.
I wish I didn’t either.
I walk blindly, heading toward the library, since it’s one of the only places where I can just be… me.
Only, once I head down the alleyway that acts as a shortcut, I stop dead in my tracks.
Harley’s slouched against the wall with his fist held to his chest, a pained look on his face, and his breathing uneven.
I don’t think about how I should head in the opposite direction. I don’t think about how I’m supposed to be avoiding him, about how nothing good can come from speaking to him, but seeing the way he looks and not like the man I know, has my feet carrying me forward without even thinking about it.