Chapter 38
THIRTY-EIGHT
SAVANNAH
I pace Logan’s room—even though it hurts—as I debate what to do. That’s three of them now telling me to stay here, and while that sounds like a nice idea, it also sounds like some kind of hell.
I don’t know what Harley’s game is, but it’s freaking me out.
And Logan and Lana have no goddamn idea how hard it would be for me to live here—even if temporarily—in Harley’s space.
Since even before betraying him, my entire life has centered around him, and finally, finally, over the last couple of months, I’ve managed to somehow find my way back to myself.
He began avoiding me, and while it’s nice he no longer wishes to do that, the cynical part of me thinks this is all just a ploy, whether by him or the universe, to let me lower my guard before I crumble completely.
I haven’t even begin to process, and I probably won’t for a while. That’s not how I work.
The police will no doubt want to talk to me, since I killed a man, and—God, this is going to get back to everyone in school.
And the media.
And my father.
Great, I’m fucked. As soon as he hears what happened, he won’t just send one person to collect me, he’ll send a whole team of them, and last night will be a tame comparison to what will happen to me.
For years, I’ve worked to avoid this outcome, but I’ve reached it anyway.
It’s a curse of my own making. If I could go back in time and redo what happened…
No, no matter how much I regret everything, I don’t regret my time with Harley.
I may wish I didn’t have to betray him, but the weeks we spent together, and the… consequences he’s held against me are the only things that have kept me going.
But then he started avoiding me, and while it felt like a hole in my chest at his absence, I knew it was for the best. It was better for us to be apart, and I felt peace knowing that the more he stayed away from me, the safer he would be.
Until everything changed.
Until last night, when I killed a man.
And now, everything is going to get so much worse, and once again, I only have myself to blame.