Chapter 37
THIRTY-SEVEN
HARLEY
Walking in to hear Lana telling Savannah off for not wanting to stay here was surreal. It honestly made me breathe a sigh of relief I’m not the only one who doesn’t want her going back to her dorm.
Savannah’s face pales when she realizes I’m here, and my gut sinks.
Is this how she’s always going to react to me now?
Have I been that big a piece of shit that she can’t stand to even be in the same room as me?
Did last night make her realize she deserves to be treated better than she has been? Because she does.
She looks nervously at Lana, and I bite the inside of my cheek, waiting to see what either of them will do. When both of them stay silent, I realize that maybe I just walked in on something a lot more important than just the two debating whether or not Savannah should stay here.
“Okay, I don’t know what’s going on here.” My eyes flick between the two of them, and I note how Savannah’s shoulders lose a little of their tension, so I focus my gaze on hers. “I just wanted to talk to you and found you both discussing whether or not you should stay here, and I agree with Lana.”
“B-but what a-about…” she stutters and trails off, and all I want to do is approach her, reassure her, comfort her, but I know it won’t be well received, and fuck if that doesn’t sting.
You’re the one to blame for all of this, asshole. If you had just paid more attention to what was going on, then you would have realized she did what she did because she didn’t have a choice.
I take a deep breath to center myself before fixing a pleading gaze on Lana, silently asking her to give me a moment alone with her best friend.
She regards me for a moment, clearly picking up on my silent question, and slowly nods before walking toward the door. “I’m just gonna go find Cole. If you need anything, Savannah, and I mean anything, then just yell.”
Lana reaches the door and glares at me in silent warning. I understand her hesitation to leave us alone, and I’m grateful she does because she scares the shit out of me sometimes.
Okay, maybe all the time.
I step out of her way, further into the room, and she closes the door behind her, leaving me to talk to Savannah alone for the first time in months.
I approach the bed slowly, making sure there’s a good amount of distance between us before I crouch down so that we’re eye level. Her breath catches, but she stays perfectly still as her eyes scan over me, no doubt waiting to see what I’ll do.
Little does she know that if she gives me even the slightest inclination that she doesn’t want me here, then I’ll leave without argument.
“I know you’re no doubt struggling right now, but I just want you to know that if you need anything—anything at all—then you can come to me. I know we don’t have the best history, but I just wanna help you, Sav.”
Eyes widening slightly, she sucks in a breath before slowly blowing it out. Then she tips her chin down in a single nod. “Okay…” she murmurs slowly. “But why?”
Ouch.
That hurts more than it should, but it’s nothing less than I deserve.
For some fucked up reason, my eyes begin to sting, and I blink rapidly to stop the sensation before answering her.
“No one deserves to deal with what you have, Sav. No one should put up with what you have, and I’m sorry for the part I’ve played in things.
If I could go back and change it, I would, but I can’t.
“I fucked up, Sav. I was such an asshole to you, and I’m so sorry. I don’t expect forgiveness from you; I just hope you know I’ll be here if you need anything. I’ll always be here.”
Her confused expression breaks my fucking heart, and I stand, backing up toward the door before I can put my foot in my mouth anymore.
The fact she doesn’t get that I want to help her shouldn’t come as a surprise, but it does.
Then again, why wouldn’t it? All I’ve done for the last few years is hate her, made my anger known, and done everything I possibly can to terrorize her.
All it does is remind me what a goddamn piece of shit I am.
As my hand touches the metal of the handle, I can’t help but add, “I really am sorry, little devil. You always did deserve better.”
Better than me.
Better than her father.
Better than whatever it is she’s been through.
I leave her there, blinking in astonishment and hightail it to my room, where I can finally break down in peace.
Where I can finally face everything I’ve done to someone who I not only cared about, but who I’m pretty sure cared about me.
I always knew she would be my undoing, I just didn’t think it would go down like this.
I didn’t think my world would fall apart around me, leaving her in the center.