41. Connor
CHAPTER 41
CONNOR
I meant what I’d said to Alex—the novelty of a man’s body against mine had faded away a long time ago. It was still sexy, of course, but there was no zing of “oh, wow, this is a man!”
Tonight, though, Alex’s naked body settling on top of mine gave me a rush I couldn’t even describe. Not because he was a man—because he was Alex. Because this man I loved more intensely than I’d ever thought possible was here. Kissing me. Holding me. Hard for me.
When he went for my neck, I tilted my head back into the pillow and dragged my nails across his shoulders. “Oh my God…”
He shivered in my arms, then murmured, “I’m so sorry, Connor. About earlier. I’m so?—”
“Shh, no.” I stroked a hand over the shaved back of his head. “Nothing to apologize for now. We’re on the same page again. We’re both still here. That’s all I care about.”
He pushed himself up on his arms and gazed down at me, a mix of heat and tears in his eyes. “I’m probably going to be apologizing for a long time. And… second-guessing us. Everything. It’s?—”
I lifted my head and kissed him softly. “You can second-guess anything you want. I’ll just keep reassuring you that I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”
Alex’s breath was hot and ragged across my lips, and then he was kissing me again, holding me close as if we were making up for lost time. Though he’d been in my life just a handful of weeks, he was a fixture in it now, and after being sure for a moment that I was losing him, having him back felt like my world was shifting back onto its axis. Everything felt right again.
“I love you,” he mumbled against my lips. “So damn much.”
“I love you too.” I cupped his cheek and let a soft kiss linger. “Every night we have to be apart at home, I miss having you next to me.” I brushed our lips together. “Sleeping alone just isn’t the same.”
“Me too.” His voice came out thick. “Didn’t realize how much I’d gotten into that.”
“I know the feeling.”
He lifted himself up again, and a sly but cautious grin spread across his lips. “I don’t suppose we can share a shower in the morning before we leave. You know, to save butano.”
The elation that rippled through me almost made me gasp. “Absolutely. Gotta save butano.”
He laughed, and then we were off and kissing again. We shifted around, and when we settled again, I was on top, straddling his narrow thighs as our hard dicks rubbed together.
This was the best. His mouth against mine. His hands sliding all over my hips, ass, and back. The sounds he made as we made out.
The first time we’d been together, I remembered thinking, Wow, if there was any doubt I was into men, those doubts are gone.
Tonight, all I could think was, There is no one on this earth I want more than I want you.
I’d never imagined it was possible to love with someone the way I loved Alex, and every time I saw that love looking back at me, it took my damn breath away. He thought he was unworthy of me? I couldn’t even explain how much it blew my mind that I was somehow worthy of all that love and desire and affection.
As we kissed and touched, everything ticked up. My heart pounded. Both of us were breathing sharper and faster, and every time one of us brushed the other’s dick, we’d both moan and shiver.
I nipped his lower lip, then pushed myself up so I could look in those stunning blue eyes. “Any chance you’re in the mood to fuck me? Because I want to ride you just like this.”
His helpless whimper had to be the sexiest damn thing I’d ever heard.
I kissed him one more time, then leaned away to get the lube.
Early on, he’d fingered me for ages before sliding in. I hadn’t needed that much—I was, after all, experienced with being penetrated—but he loved teasing me and turning me into a trembling, needy mess who was begging for his dick.
Tonight, he just did enough to make sure I was relaxed and there was enough lube. Then I was lowering myself onto him, my vision blurring as my body yielded to his thick cock.
“Fuuuck,” I groaned.
Alex whimpered softly. “That’s so hot. Jesus.” He slid a hand up my abs and chest. “Feeling you like this, and the view. So… So damn hot.”
I gazed down at him. “View’s amazing from here, too.”
He grinned, but then squeezed his eyes shut and arched, lips parted with a soundless cry. Calling this view amazing was an understatement; I could’ve stared at him all night, watching him come unraveled as I rode him. The twin ecstasy of watching him and feeling him was almost too much to take, and I wanted more; I loved the way he felt as much as I loved watching the bliss and wonder play out on his face.
Time stopped existing. We just moved together. Felt together. Breathed together. I wanted to come, but mostly I wanted to be here in this moment, consumed by this closeness and the heat in his touch.
We’re here, and we’re not going anywhere, and I will never take a second with you for granted.
After God only knew how long, Alex shakily breathed, “Holy fuck. That feels…” Squeezing his eyes shut, he gripped my hips tighter and arched under me, pushing himself deeper. “Oh my God .” The desire—the need —in his voice had goose bumps springing up all over my body. My need for some friction was suddenly too much to ignore, and I started pumping myself.
Alex groaned as I clenched around him, and he stared at my hand on my cock with renewed hunger. “Fuck, that’s so hot.”
“Yeah?” I licked my lips. “You like that?”
“So much.” He grabbed my hips and thrust up into me, moaning almost as if he were in pain. “I need to come, baby. I need—fuck, you feel so good. I need…”
“Come,” I gritted out. “Come for me.”
As if the words had been an incantation, he jerked beneath me and pulled me down onto him, still thrusting up as if he could get even deeper as he cried out with the force of his orgasm. I kept rocking my hips as much as his grip allowed, trying to drive him on, and I kept pumping myself as my own orgasm barreled toward me.
Beneath me, he relaxed with a heavy sigh. “Holy fuck.” He stilled my hips, biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut as he lay there a moment. I got it—he was probably sensitive as all hell from his orgasm.
“Want me to get up?” I asked.
“No.” He opened his eyes, then reached for my neck and drew me down, and his breathless kiss almost had me coming between our bodies. When he broke away, he whispered, “Hand me the lube.”
I felt around on the sheets, found the bottle, and pressed it into his hand.
“Stay just like that,” he whispered as he opened the bottle. “I want to make you come while I’m still in you.”
I bit my lip, genuinely surprised I didn’t come right then and there, especially when he started pouring the lube on his hand. “Please.”
His grin was wicked and his eyes were on fire as he started stroking me with his slick hand. He was still hard inside me, and he rocked his hips just enough to keep up that amazing stimulation. Along with what he was doing with his hand—Jesus Christ.
I leaned back, putting him at a perfect angle against my prostate, and I released a shuddering breath as I matched the movements of his hips.
“Fuck, you’re hot,” he whispered. “God, yeah, baby.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, fucking into his hand and on his hard dick as I chased my orgasm, and he murmured encouragement and curses as I started to come unraveled.
“Fuck, Connor,” he rasped. “You are so hot .”
And just like that, I was there, shouting my release as I came between our bodies, and Alex kept right on talking, telling me how sexy I was, how much he loved watching me come. How much he loved me.
When I sank down into his arms, I was trembling and out of breath, and nothing had ever felt more like home than this.
How did you ever think I wanted to live without you?
I didn’t say that, though. I understood why he’d pulled away. I was just relieved I’d persuaded him that, yes, I was all in. I wanted him, and this, and everything we could be, and this moment—being as close as two people could possibly be—was so perfect I almost cried.
I pulled myself together, though, and we finally managed to separate. We cleaned up, though we’d still need a shower at some point, and returned to bed. It was too hot for covers, but that was fine—the air was comfortable, and Alex’s warm skin against mine was never unwelcome.
After a while, he whispered, “Thank you. For not giving up on us.”
“Of course.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I wasn’t going to twist your arm if you really didn’t want to be with me, or if you didn’t want to take the risk, but calling it quits just felt… wrong.”
Alex relaxed more into my embrace. “It did. I was just afraid…” He trailed off into a sigh. “I’m sorry. About everything. I was?—”
“You don’t need to be sorry.” I kissed his forehead again, then his mouth. “I know other people have convinced you you’re not worth the effort, but they’re wrong. The way I feel for you—that’s worth all the work it takes to be with you.”
He held me tighter and sniffed.
I closed my eyes and stroked his hair as we lay in silence. He’d spent so much time believing he wasn’t worthy. I had every intention of spending even more time—maybe even the rest of my life—showing him he absolutely was.
“I love you,” I murmured. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Alex took a deep breath, then drew back enough to meet my gaze. His eyes were a little wet, but he was smiling. “I love you, too. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m glad you’re too stubborn to let go without a fight.”
“You better believe it.” I lifted my chin and kissed him lightly. “All the secrecy—that’s temporary. We’ll get through that. And then…” I grinned. “Then we won’t have anything holding us back anymore.”
Disbelief sketched across his face, but after a second, he smiled, and he cupped my cheek as he leaned in for another kiss. “I think I can handle that.”
“Me too.” I glanced down at our sweaty bodies, then met his eyes again. “We should clean up.” I slid my hand along his inner thigh. “Join me for a shower?”
Alex grinned. “To conserve butano?”
“Yes, Alex.” I rolled my eyes. “To conserve butano.”
His mischievous laugh was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen.
And once we got into the shower, we probably burned through most of that cylinder of butano.
Totally worth it.