23. Zane
Zane
I shouldn’t have kissed her. Because now my mind is thinking very married thoughts.
Bliss is attractive. I’ve always known that objectively, but I just didn’t think it had anything relevant to do with me.
She’s my wife. I should have carried her straight to my bedroom last night.
I mean, I tried to, but then I realized I was rushing things, so we paused in the hallway. She opted to go sit in the hot tub by herself.
I brought her a cold Pepsi but knew that I couldn’t get in the hot tub with her, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands off of her. I know it.
How did we get this far? I feel like I’ve been living in a fever dream, not thinking about the consequences of my own actions—until now.
I asked Bliss to marry me. What did I think that would entail? Of course, I’m attracted to her. And of course, she’s a beautiful woman and there’s nothing holding us back. We both committed to this marriage. But I don’t want to scare her away.
If I come on too strong, she’s going to think I’m manipulative.
I can’t rush this. Because I love my wife. I’m miles past only physical attraction. I’ve fallen in love with the woman.
This depth of feeling for someone…I didn’t know this was possible.
I had loved Alexa, my ex-fiancée. It’s why I asked her to marry me.
But the love I had for Alexa doesn’t compare with what I feel for Bliss.
I’ll have to go slow. It doesn’t matter that I want to rush in headfirst and blurt out that I’ve fallen hard for her. She’d run away screaming.
A truck pulls into the barnyard next to me. I’m parked at Max and Nash’s processing shed with a load of first-calf heifers in my trailer. I’m tightening my calving window, and Nash wants to buy them from me.
Today, they’re in the process of sorting their herd, and the vet is going to preg check everything.
I glance at the truck next to me and climb out to greet the vet.
He walks around the front of the truck and looks at me in surprise. “Wait, you’re not Max, but you look familiar.”
I hold out my hand and shake his. It’s Grey. The man I thought Bliss was flirting with. “We met in town.”
He smiles. “Oh, that’s right! I met you and your wife yesterday. Sorry I didn’t remember right away. I’m trying to connect everyone’s faces with their names.”
“Yeah, you’ll get it straightened out fast. There aren’t a lot of people in town.” That’s stating the obvious. The population limit is 749. That might be generous.
“Nice that way,” Grey comments.
Max and Nash walk out of the barn and head our way. “Zane, I wasn’t sure you’d make it,” Max says. “You’ve been so busy at home.”
He grins at me. He’s having way too much fun with me being married to Bliss. He’s almost as happy as he was when he married Charlie.
“Very funny. I’m still working.”
“It wasn’t a very long honeymoon. Maybe you should go on another trip?” Max suggests.
He’s the only one who knows we stayed home for our honeymoon. He covered for us by telling everyone that he was taking care of the animals for us.
“Don’t we have some work to do?” I ask dryly. “Daylight’s wasting.”
It’s probably all of five fifteen. But anything to get Max to shut up about going on another honeymoon with Bliss. Because I know that there’s nothing I’d love more than to go on a first honeymoon with her.
I turn around and climb back into my truck, backing the trailer up to the gate Nash opens for me. He swings open the trailer door and the twelve heifers amble out.
“Are you sure these aren’t a bunch of old cows?” Nash jokes. “They’re so calm.”
I shake my head. “Feel free to mouth them. They’re the ones that were up by my house. They’re used to coming up to the barn every night.”
Working with the guys all morning ends up being the distraction I need. I hate to admit it, but even Grey isn’t too bad. He’s quiet, intelligent, and can hold his own. And he doesn’t keep making comments on my love life like Max does. Even Nash is getting in on the newlywed teasing.
We finish up with the cows and are putting away all the supplies, when Nash makes a comment. “So, married in the spring, does that mean we’ll hear another announcement soon?”
I glare at him as I pop the vaccine gun out of the medicine bottle. “I’ll wait for your announcement first. You’ve been married longer.”
“Yes, but you’re older. You don’t want your kids to be able to outrun you,” Nash says with a chuckle.
Maybe working with the guys this morning wasn’t the distraction I needed.
“I doubt Bliss is in a hurry to have kids anytime soon.”
“And why is that?” Max asks with a gleeful smile.
“You two are ridiculous,” I mutter as I put the vaccine bottles back in the cooler on ice.
Grey’s just finished repacking his ultrasound equipment and he stands to go.
“Now, Grey, are you married?” Max asks him.
“Nope. Been busy with vet school.”
“What a shame you didn’t move out here sooner. Bliss was single only a few short months ago,” Max explains.
Grey smiles but doesn’t take the bait. “She seems very happy with Zane.”
Yes, I always knew I liked this guy. No one can convince me otherwise.
Grey takes his boxes of things and walks out of the barn, Nash trailing behind him.
Max looks at me seriously this time. “But really, how is it going?”
I glance at the door that Grey and Nash just walked through. “I love her. I love her so much and can’t believe I didn’t realize it sooner.”
“You have been married for almost eight weeks now…” Max leans back against one of the cattle panels and folds his arms across his chest. “Have you told her you love her?”
“No, not yet.” I bend down and pick up a cattle tag that was dropped on the ground. I put it in my pocket to toss in the trash on the way out.
“What are you waiting for?”
“I’m not sure she feels the same way. I want to tell her, though.”
Max nods slowly. “Probably a good idea not to scare her away. It’s probably better if you act like it’s the most normal thing.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, Charlie doesn’t like a big dramatic fuss. If I blindsided her with asking her out…it probably would not have gone over well.”
He’s got a point. “So you’re saying I shouldn’t tell her I love her?”
“Oh, you definitely should. She needs to hear it. But ease into it. Don’t just spring it on her in surprise.
And for goodness’ sake, if for some reason she says she loves you first, don’t overwhelm her with all the stuff you’ve been holding in.
Let her have her moment. You don’t want her to feel like you’re pressuring her into it. ”
I’d never considered it that way before. I have to be careful how I go about this…test the waters and be patient a little longer. Even if it feels like my heart might burst.
There’s no way on God’s green earth that I could survive losing Bliss, so I’ll act as nonchalant as I need to.