Chapter 16
RAINIER
The moment Dewalt left the room, I gripped Em’s hand as I sat down beside her.
“Don’t fight me, dear heart,” I warned.
“Rain, I just slept for more than a day. I don’t think I could sleep now if I tried. Especially not with all this,” she said, gesturing to the letter detailing Raj’s death. I was devastated by the loss, but I couldn’t let myself be paralyzed by the knowledge. I’d do what Raj expected of me—wait to process the information when I had a moment to breathe. Even now though, I swallowed down my emotions. Raj had been more of a father to me than my own. Sleep wouldn’t come easily to me because of it but I wasn’t worried about me. “Besides, with your success at the Aesiron, we need to meet with Ashmont,” she continued.
Em’s hair was slicked back into a braid, and I ignored the dirt and grime coating her dress. I was probably worse off than her, but she didn’t look like herself. Gaunt and pale, she appeared as if a strong wind could knock her over.
But she was more formidable than anyone I knew. She wouldn’t allow anything to impede her taking care of her kingdom. And to think she hadn’t wanted any of this. When I’d asked her to wed me and she balked at the idea of being queen, I knew it was fear of the unknown more than anything. Her caring nature made her more suitable than anyone for the task. I was glad she’d risen to the responsibility. I wondered if she realized just how capable she was.
“I will handle all of that. Dewalt has his orders, and Ashmont took over his post. Cethina was seen heading north toward the bridge, and I doubt she’ll be back before morning.” Disbelieving blue eyes met mine, so I continued. “These city walls have withstood longer sieges than this, with far more capable foes. They might have surprised us, but the Supreme and Nereza only know what their advisors tell them. They’ve never experienced proper war—not as I have.”
“They were alive during the Great War,” she argued. “They lived through war before.”
“And I’ve bled through it. There is a vast difference. The Supreme has always been exempt from the violence, intervening only to meddle, and Nereza remained neutral.”
Did I believe the words I spoke to her? Or was my confidence an attempt to convince myself? Did my skirmish on Varmeer count toward my experience? I’d earned a vile nickname over it, but could I count it as war?
Did I truly know what I was doing?
When I had returned to find Em, I knew I hadn’t just imagined their advancing troops. The crescent of shadows encompassing the Supreme’s forces had allowed them to move farther than I would have liked. I couldn’t blame Dewalt; he was doing everything he could with the men we had.
I understood why Em wanted to keep moving. A city under siege was in a constant state of in-between. Everyone was on edge, waiting for things to go one way or the other. By cutting off the enemy’s supply line, I hoped to sway the outcome to one we’d survive, but that didn’t change the morale within our walls. It didn’t change the fact that we couldn’t hold space for joy amidst all this fear and fury.
“There are people to heal,” she argued, and though she was right, I couldn’t bring myself to allow her to leave.
“And there are healers to heal them.”
“It seems you will scorn all of the divinity the gods have cursed me with. No matter that it could help us.” She scowled at me. Spine straight, her defiance pulled her body taut.
“We’re not doing this again, Em.” I shook my head. “If it comes to using them, it is the last?—”
“Lux’s fire could decimate their army.”
“And their bolts could kill her before she breathes a spark. You know how it affects you when?—”
“I know,” Em said, slamming her fist on the table. “You can lock me up here, ride her to glory, and I’ll stay here so I’m not injured. Exactly as the prophesied Beloved would do. I’m certain that will work.”
The bond flared angrily as she shot daggers at me with her eyes, heat rippling down the golden thread. I hadn’t experienced it breaking before, being locked away in Declan’s obsidian cell, but had it felt like this for her? Or had it simply faded into nothing? I wasn’t sure which was worse.
“There is no winning this war without you,” I said. Her fist clenched, and I rested my hand on top of it. There would be no success if we were divided, and I needed her to understand my feelings on the matter. “Glory is the least of my concerns, Em.”
“Well, I’m concerned that the gods would choose me as the Beloved, that Rhia would allow her seers to have visions of great things I would do, and yet, here I am, safely hiding within the city. If I am to defeat the Accursed?—”
“You think the Supreme is the Accursed?” I demanded, leaning back and crossing my arms. “He’s been blessed by Aonara. Did any other gods find him worthy in my absence?”
“Who else could it be? He obviously wants the god’s favor.” She sat back in her chair, mirroring my posture. Despite our heated conversation, one of the golden strands moved between us, stretching like a cat in the sun. Just talking to her was helping.
The entire bond was imperfect enough that I was able to ignore the specific call of the Body, but I knew the faster our connection recovered, the harder it would be to ignore.
“I think until we know for sure who it is, it’s dangerous to risk you and the dragons.”
She frowned at me, but a retort never came.
“Have we learned who created the shadow barricade?” I asked, knowing she’d been debriefed multiple times daily. I didn’t have any intentions of letting her bring those dragons into the fray, so I wanted to change the subject. She’d nearly died when Hy?e was killed. I wouldn’t chance that again.
Em shook her head, huffing in something more sinister than amusement; I could feel its echo down the bond. “Nereza, herself.”
“Nereza? I didn’t know she was blessed by Ciarden.”
“Neither did I.” She laughed, relaxing in her seat. “It seems anyone can be the Accursed if they try hard enough. She has Hanwen’s blessing too, doesn’t she?”
“Yes. But I don’t think Nereza has the moral deficiency required to rape her way into Rhia’s favor.”
She flinched, and I regretted my phrasing. Too harsh, my disdain for the villainous Declan made my words sharp.
“Perhaps Cyran and Reminy are progressing with the prophecy. We could really use a god’s favor right now,” she said, referring to what Cyran had translated weeks ago. If there was a way to summon a god, to use them to win this war, we would do it without hesitation.
“Nothing new, as of yet,” I said, wishing I hadn’t felt the guilt and grief coming through our damaged bond. When I’d seen the letter from our daughter, written only to me, I knew how much it had hurt her. I was disappointed and sad, but I understood both of their feelings on the matter. I didn’t know what to do, and I hated it.
Her shoulders slouched, and I wanted to hold her in my arms. But knowing Em, it would allow her to cry, and then she’d be angry at herself and at me for letting her give in to that weakness.
“I suppose you’re right. Until the Accursed truly reveals themselves, I should avoid putting myself in danger.” She pursed her lips after her admission. Gnawing at her lip, I knew she had more on her mind.
I couldn’t fix the wound between her and Elora, not now anyway, so I did my best to distract her instead.
“I am often right,” I jested, and Em smiled at me. Tremulous, as if it required a great effort, but a smile nonetheless.
The bond shivered, and I couldn’t help tracing it in my mind. Em’s smile only grew as she felt my touch upon our connection. Divine hell, even covered in gods only knew what and exhausted beyond measure, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
“I’ve missed you,” she said, entwining her fingers with mine.
We’d been with each other every moment since I rifted her out of the Dragon Hollow, stopping at the healer’s tent in the morning to help them catch up before I forced her to return to the palace. Seeing her trapped in shadows, the dark divinity wrapping so thoroughly around her, had scared me endlessly. I had been helpless, and I decided she needed to rest more. Pushed to the brink, she’d passed out, and no one had known where she was. I couldn’t let it come to that again.
Though we hadn’t found respite after receiving the news about Raj, we’d talked over decisions about removing people from the Wend and sending Nor out of the city. But none of that time together had been restorative in any sense of the word.
“I’ve missed you too, Em.”
She stifled a yawn, eyes widening in surprise.
“Even your body agrees with me,” I chided.
“It often does,” she said. There was a quick tug on the bond, and I was certain the golden thread was wrapped around my cock. She felt it too, considering the shift in her posture and the sly smile she attempted to hide.
“The bond too.”
“The bond isn’t concerned with sleep,” she said. Heaving out a sigh, her bewildered expression nearly made me laugh. “Hanwen certainly had nothing to do with the bond. How could the God of Wrath have time to seek pleasure amidst all his wars?”
“I assume the same way we have time.”
Pushing out her chair, she slowly stood, as if each muscle ached in protest. Her tan dress had turned gray at the hem and where she wiped her hands. I wondered when she’d last changed. I stood beside her, holding back mirth as she raised an imperious brow toward me.
“And what do you mean by that?”
“If Hanwen knew sharing his body would make him and his bonded partner more fearsome, do you think he would ever stop? He’d likely fuck them atop their steed, if it gave him the edge to persevere.” Placing my hand on her neck, I used my thumb to tip her chin toward me. Em’s eyes were bright with amusement, though heavy with fatigue. Her lips were parted, and a hint of affection wrapped in something I recognized as lust rolled down the bond. I couldn’t contain my grin as I spoke ridiculous words. “For the greater good, in order to restore our bond and strengthen our divinity, we should do as the gods would.”
“I don’t quite care for the gods, right now. Do you?” Her lips twisted as she fought a smile.
Though my actions weren’t without pressure from the bond, I decided to allow myself the enjoyment of my wife. If the enemy stormed the walls in these stolen moments, so be it. “No. But sometimes, they have a point. For Vesta, we must take our pleasure, my Queen.”
When she barked a laugh, I seized the opportunity. Slanting my mouth over hers, I teased her lips to part with my wandering tongue. Em’s body melted into mine, and I wrapped my arms around her. Placing my hand at the small of her back, I pulled her flush against me as I kissed her.
The bond was all frenzied satisfaction as I placed my leg between hers, rubbing my thigh against her sensitive center. Em moaned, nails scraping down my back, and I hauled her ever closer. She nipped at my lips, gently biting, before turning us around. She leaned back against the table, and looked up at me through a lust-clouded haze.
For a moment, I paused; the purple bruises beneath her eyes from lack of sleep were a reminder of how much she needed to rest. But as the bond fluttered, I knew I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. For a brief moment, I felt something like reluctance pass over the bond, but it dissipated when she wrapped her arms around my neck. Pulling me toward her, she pressed a kiss just below my ear. Perhaps she couldn’t stop either.
I tugged at my breeches, ready to press myself into her and take her right there in our war room, when I remembered. I broke away from her to speak, even as my hands roamed her body. Reaching beneath her dress, my palms skated over her soft thighs as I groaned in frustration. “The tonic,” I said.
It had been the last thing on our minds, and there was nothing left to make the concoction by the time the bond had hinted at satisfying this aspect of our connection. We’d pushed aside our desires then, and perhaps that was why the bond was insatiable now.
“I don’t care,” she breathed, but a faint tremor down the bond told me she must have worried a little, even if not enough to voice it. And besides—I cared. I wouldn’t endanger her further, if I could avoid it.
Instead of answering, I slid my hands beneath her legs and placed her on the table. The large map showing the western half of Vesta crinkled beneath her, and I was grateful the meticulously placed pawns were all on the other side. Rubbing my hands over her skin, I couldn’t help myself as I grabbed her thighs, spreading them wide. The lush flesh dimpled beneath my fingertips, and my cock twitched as I stepped between them. I pressed a kiss to her neck, needing the taste of her, the feel of her, the scent of her.
“But it does feel wrong,” she admitted. “Being with you right now. Not when so much?—”
“Just enough to help the bond,” I replied. Finding each spot buried amongst the ink on her skin, I laved the Damia constellation of freckles above her collarbone. Six stars of recognition peppered her flesh, and I worshiped each one. I followed the flower vining up her neck with the tip of my tongue. The ink had served as our salvation when I’d needed it most, and I’d forever love that it brought me back to her. I nipped her ear and tugged her closer to the edge of the table.
“Just enough to make this sweet cunt clench around my fingers while you moan my name,” I murmured against her skin. Soft panting breaths escaped her parted lips as she reached for me.
“Not without you,” she said, grabbing the waistband of my breeches and tugging me into the warm embrace of her thighs.
I slipped my hand up her leg, my callused fingertips dragging over her smooth skin, as she tugged at my breeches. There was barely any space between us as we moved, each of us intent on each other’s desire.
When I found her warm center, already impossibly ready for me, she tilted her head back on a moan. I teased her, slipping my fingers over her slick folds, spreading her desire over her skin.
“My needy little wife is already so wet,” I whispered, pressing just the tip of my finger inside her. Her movements stalled and her hips jerked as she unbuttoned my trousers. I inhaled her, pressing my nose to that delicate spot beneath her ear that I loved so much. Pushing my finger fully inside her, the sound of her desire was obscene. “I wish I was on the tonic so I could coat my cock with this.”
She moaned my name before sliding my pants from my hips. Freeing my length, she leaned back as it bobbed above her. With her hands supporting her body, she looked at me through lowered lashes, biting her lip as I thrust a second finger into her along with the first. Slow and steady, I massaged her inner walls, using my thumb to gently rub her clit.
Hot and heavy, my erection only got in the way as I tried to bring her to the brink. Her breathing grew harsher as her legs began to shake, and I knew she was nearly there. But suddenly, she reached for me, wrapping one hand around my neck and hauling me closer as the other wrapped around my shaft.
“I want you inside me,” she said, taking my cock and gently smacking it against her soft mound.
I groaned as her fingers squeezed around me, teasing me with each motion. The bond rumbled in anticipation, and I almost gave in to its demands.
Pressing an open-mouthed kiss to her chest, to her neck, to just below her ear, I couldn’t help the sounds I made as she pulled on my length. Flicking her wrist enough to twist on the head of my cock, just the way I liked, she moved with purpose.
“We can’t,” I grunted, pressing into her grip with fervor. Spreading my fingers, I stretched her wide, letting her imagine my cock instead.
“I know.” She grabbed my chin, pulling my mouth to hers. She bit and nipped and sucked at my lips, not stopping to breathe.
The bond flared brightly at the edge of my vision as we hurtled toward orgasm, and I wasn’t convinced we’d last much longer.
Em let go of my cock, sliding her hand toward mine where I moved inside her. She moaned, fingertips dancing over my hand, feeling the motion as I thrust into her. Em touched my thumb, applying a bit more pressure where I rubbed her clit, and for a moment I was ashamed that I wasn’t doing what she needed, but I dismissed it quickly. She trusted me enough to show me exactly what she wanted.
With my increased force, Em’s motions grew more shaky as she writhed on my hand. She traced her opening, gathering that wetness on her fingertips before grabbing my cock once more. Coating me with her pleasure, her motions became smoother. I panted with each thrust of her fist around me, the sensation unreal.
“Close enough?” she asked, laughing as she pressed a kiss to my lips.
“I suppose it will have to do,” I teased, nipping at her mouth. “In fact, I don’t know how much longer?—”
“I want you to spill yourself on me,” she said. “Right here.” Pulling my free hand toward her body, she indicated the spot where she’d slapped my cock against her.
“Fuck. Is that what you want, Em? You want me dripping off you?”
“Please,” she begged, voice breaking off into a whine as she continued fisting my cock. My thumb rubbed rough circles over her clit, and her voice gave her away.
The pitch of her sounds went higher, climbing along with her pleasure. My own body tightened, and I kissed her deeply. I’d do as she’d asked, leaving the evidence of what we’d done to soak into that tender flesh.
“I love you,” she whispered, and despite our connection being less than what the bond usually demanded, it purred in satisfaction as she tipped over the edge. Crying out, her muscles fluttered around me as she pressed an open-mouthed kiss to my lips.
I followed after, groaning in ecstasy, hot rippling waves of pleasure rolling through my body and making a mess of her.
“I love you too,” I whispered, repeating myself as I continued to thrust into her hand, drawing it out as her own body quaked beneath my touch.
We stayed embraced in that way, my cock growing soft where it rested upon her, her legs spread around my hips. She leaned toward me, pressing her forehead against mine.
“I think the bond is pleased,” she said, tracing her fingertips over my hip. “I feel more...stable.”
“Good,” I answered, stepping back and pulling up my trousers. “Let’s get you cleaned up and in bed, dear heart.”
At this, her smile turned dark. “I think I’ll need your help with the washing. Perhaps you’ll fill the basin for us?”
“Only if you let me rub the tension from your muscles when we’re done,” I countered.
“That seems more than fair, my love.”