Chapter Sixteen
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
HUNTER
Lennon and Sophie walk to the bar and think about how good it was to hear her laugh again. She looks gorgeous, as always, and I’m shocked she went with the outfit I suggested. I thought for sure she’d tell me it was a bad choice, but the moment I saw her walk into the living room, I had to remind myself not to react.
The fact she’s letting her guard down gives me hope that someday she’ll be able to move on and find happiness again. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for her. It’s all Brandon ever wanted too.
“You know she’ll always be off-limits, right?” Liam’s words have me snapping my gaze at him.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I ask roughly, not appreciating his accusing tone.
“Lennon,” he clarifies as if I’m a fucking idiot. “I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but she’ll always be Brandon’s girl. No matter what.”
I swallow hard, not wanting to lose my cool with Liam. Fuck, I wish I had my beer right now.
“Nothing’s going on,” I reassure him. “I’d never cross those boundaries, and for you to think otherwise is pretty fucking shitty, man.”
“Look, I’m only calling it like I see it. You two are getting chummy, and I know how vulnerable she must be right now.”
“We lost someone close to us,” I harshly remind him. “She lives in my apartment that she barely leaves, so yeah, we’ve grown closer over the past month or two. Doesn’t mean I’m trying to fuck her.”
Liam shrugs. “Doesn’t mean you don’t want to, though.”
“What’s your deal?” My hands ball into fists.
“Hunter, calm down.” He keeps his gaze locked on mine. “You’re more transparent than you think.”
My jaw clenches, not appreciating what he’s implying. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means Mason and I knew you had feelings for her before Brandon passed. Whether or not you still do, I’m not sure, but now that you two are getting closer, I’m just reminding you not to act on those feelings.”
Liam, the relationship wizard. Pfft .
I want to ask him how the hell they knew when I never told a damn soul other than Hayden. Didn’t make it obvious as far as I knew, considering I was an asshole every possible chance I got. Doesn’t matter that he’s right because I’m not going to confirm anything.
“Just like you’re not acting on your feelings for Maddie? What’s up with that?” I turn the tables, not wanting to talk about this anymore.
He scoffs, then laughs. “Don’t change the subject.”
“Then stop talking about it.”
“Okay, then let’s talk about how you haven’t hooked up with a girl in two months.” He gives me a look that dares me to prove him wrong.
“Are we gonna paint each other’s nails too? Or maybe I can braid your hair while you text scandalous crotch shots?” I quip, turning toward the bar, wondering where the girls are, when I notice a guy standing next to Lennon. He’s too fucking close, and she looks uncomfortable as hell. I wait to see if she or Sophie will tell the guy off or not.
“You still dating that Jenna chick?” he asks.
“We were never dating. And no.”
“Hmm.” He grins, and I’m ready to smack it off his face.
“Fuck off.”
Mason and Maddie finally come back at the same time as Sophie and Lennon return with drinks.
“Which one’s mine?” Maddie asks.
“This one. We decided to put a little something in there for you.” Sophie hands her a glass.
“What, really?” Maddie takes it and sips it. Her eyes widen, and she lights up. “This is delicious!”
Lennon snorts, holding back laughter. She stands next to me as she continues handing out beers.
When she gives me mine, I lean in and whisper, “What’d you girls do?”
“Nothing.” She struggles to contain her smile.
I tilt my head, grinning. “Liar.”
Shrugging, Lennon takes a sip of her drink. “She thinks we gave her alcohol.”
“And did you?”
“Not unless grenadine is alcoholic.” Lennon breaks out into a smile. “It was Sophie’s idea.”
I shake my head, smiling at how she’s finally letting loose. I know it’s only temporary, but that’s how grieving typically works—with constant ups and downs. But for now, I’m going to soak in these moments.
“Did you forget me?” Mason asks with a pout.
Lennon looks around the table and notices two beers in front of Liam.
“Oh, were one of these for you?” He smirks, taking a swig from both bottles. “My bad.”
“You fucker,” Mason says.
“Liam!” Lennon laughs. “You’re buying the next round now. Hold on, Mason. I’ll grab another one.”
I give Liam a look. He’s being a next level asshole tonight.
“Rough week,” he offers.
I ignore him and take a drink of my beer, glancing at Lennon. The same guy moves toward her, and Lennon takes a step away, but the motherfucker gets closer.
My fists clench under the table, and it’s taking all my willpower not to get involved. I stand, wanting to go over there so I can hear what he’s saying. The others are too busy chatting to notice me leave, so I inch closer to the crowded bar.
“So you here alone tonight, baby?” The guy slurs his words. Asshole’s wasted.
“No, my friends are here.” Lennon’s response is short.
“Ah okay, cool. You wanna come hang with me for a bit?” Fucker has balls of steel.
“I don’t wanna ditch my friends.” Lennon’s being way too damn nice for her own good.
“Oh yeah, cool. Well, are you single? You could give me your number, and we could hang out another night.” My jaw tightens, ready to get in this dude’s face. Lennon’s showing no signs that she’s even remotely interested, yet he continues to push for her attention.
Lennon freezes, and I know she’s lost in her head right now. She’s always been able to say she has a boyfriend, and I bet she’s wondering how to answer the question.
When she doesn’t, I know she needs an out and say fuck it and walk up to her other side.
“You okay?” I ask her, purposely ignoring the other dude.
She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. Yep, I knew she was thinking about how she’s single but not by choice and how much that hurts.
The bartender finally comes up and apologizes for taking so long. I slap down a five-dollar bill, and Lennon grabs the beer.
When we walk away, the guy shouts behind us. “Fuckin’ whore.”
Without hesitation, I stalk toward him. “The fuck did you call her?”
“I think you heard me loud and clear.” He stands taller.
“Better back the hell off,” I warn, getting in his face.
“I was asking her out, and you come up and pay for her beer, and now she’s willing to go home with you?” He scoffs. “So yeah, she’s a whore . A cheap one too.”
It takes me less than a second to pull my arm back and deck this asshole in the nose. He whips back, then hunches over, covering his face with both hands.
“Hunter!” Lennon screeches, grabbing my attention. “He’s not worth it! He’s drunk,” she tells me.
She’s never seen me fight before, which is something I don’t talk about anyway. I’ve been fighting since I was a teen, not that my dad left me any other choice.
The guy pushes against my chest, blood dripping from his nose. “What the fuck was that for, you pussy!”
People at the bar fan out. I vaguely hear the bartender telling us to get the hell out, but the moment this fucker calls her that name again, I see red and lose control.
I swing again, my fist connecting with his face even harder this time. That should successfully break his nose. “You're gonna apologize to her, dickwad. Have some fuckin’ manners when talking to a lady next time.”
Before I get a response, Mason and Liam are pulling me away as the bartender threatens to call the police. They walk me toward the door, and I push them off before we get out.
“I can walk by myself,” I scoff.
The crisp air slaps me as I hit the sidewalk and start walking. I’m not leaving without Lennon, but she’s probably pissed at me for ruining her evening.
I turn around and wait for her to come out. The guys left me out here to calm down so I don’t get arrested, but I need to make sure Lennon’s okay.
A bit later, she comes rushing out and looks for me. I say her name, and she hurries toward me. I’m in complete shock when she runs forward and wraps her arms around me. She hugs me so tight, I feel every inch of her body. I wrap an arm around her and hold her closely. She pulls back slightly and inspects me for injuries.
“Are you okay?” Her voice shakes.
“Lennon, I’m fine. The guy barely touched me.”
I glance over her head and see Liam and Mason. They’re staring in disapproval, but fuck what they think. They have no idea that I’ve beat myself up every single day for having feelings for Brandon’s girlfriend. I tried to fight it, and neither knows the pain this causes me. I know she could never be more than a friend. It’s all we can ever be. The fact that I knew Brandon’s plan to propose eats at me daily, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Telling her would only hurt her, and she’s finally allowing herself to have a good time again.
Looking down at Lennon, I see her lips tremble. “Are you alright?” I grab her shoulders and force her eyes on mine.
“I can’t believe you did that,” she says, studying my face. “Why would you get into a fight because of me?”
The fact she’s asking that question means she has no idea how I feel.
Friends. Just friends .
“Because that asshole called you a whore. He couldn’t deal with your rejection.”
“So that merits hitting him in the face…several times?” I’m not sure if she’s scolding or ready to high-five me.
I release her and brush a hand through my hair. “Lennon, listen.” I pause, trying to get my thoughts straight.
“Thank you,” she says before I can speak. Her words take me by surprise, and I’m not sure I even heard her correctly. “No one’s ever stood up for me before. When he asked if I was single, I…froze. It was like I couldn’t get the words out. I didn’t want to say them.”
“I know, Lennon.” I give her a sincere look. “Wait. You aren’t mad at me?”
“Are you kidding? No. I mean, I don’t usually encourage fights, but hell, that guy wouldn’t get a clue even if I shoved it up his ass.”
Her words have me laughing and pulling her in for another hug, then I kiss the top of her head. Fuck it, I’m going to hell anyway for the dirty thoughts I’ve had about her.
“Still, I should’ve controlled my temper,” I say, separating us. “Sorry for wrecking your night out.”
“You didn’t.” She shakes her head. “Thanks for having my back.”
“Of course. Always, Lennon.”
Her face contorts, and I know I’m probably confusing the shit out of her right now. She has no reason to believe those words, considering how I’ve treated her in the past, but I’m determined to be what she needs—a friend, someone to rely on, and someone she can trust.
We ride to the apartment in silence, and it’s not even midnight by the time we make it home. Lennon walks to her bedroom, and for a moment, I think she’s going to sleep in there tonight, but then she comes out with a change of clothes.
“It’s still early. Wanna watch a few episodes of Friends ? I’m not tired enough to sleep.” The hopeful look in her eyes has me nodding in agreement.
Even though I should go to bed and cool off, I can’t deny Lennon. She doesn’t want to be alone, so I’ll do whatever she needs.
“I’m going to wash off this makeup and change in the bathroom if you want to get out of your clothes.”
“Yeah, I’ll go grab some.” I walk to my bedroom and pull out a pair of gray sweatpants. I strip down to my boxer briefs then slide them on. It’s been a while since I’ve done laundry, and now I can’t find my favorite California State University T-shirt.
“Hey, Lennon?” I tap my knuckles on the bathroom door. “Did I leave my black CSU shirt in there by chance?”
She opens the door in her pajamas and stands in front of me with a toothbrush in her mouth. “Huh?” Her eyes widen the second she stares up at me. Her gaze rakes down my chest, and I arch a brow at the way she’s gawking.
I clear my throat, leaning against the doorframe and crossing my arms.. “Is my CSU shirt in there?”
“Uh…” She blinks, then looks around. “Oh.” She holds up a finger, then turns to the sink and rinses out her mouth before facing me again. “I borrowed it. It’s in my laundry basket.”
I raise my eyebrows, not saying a thing. She wore my shirt? I don’t know why this seems so sexy, but I quickly shake the thoughts away.
“I got warm in my leggings and sweater the other night and was afraid I’d wake you if I came in to get a pair of shorts, so I grabbed the first thing I found. I’m sorry.” Her voice sounds so small when she apologizes, and it causes me to smile and laugh.
“Don’t be. I was just looking for it and couldn’t find it. No biggie. But don’t think we’re swapping clothes now.” I wink, and she teasingly shoves me.
“Funny. Now go put on a shirt.”
“What’re you trying to say? Don’t like my muscles and tats? That’s like every girl’s wet dream,” I taunt, backing away into the hallway toward my room.
“Trust me, I know. I’ve met your parade of women.” She rolls her eyes but playfully smirks, so I know she’s not that annoyed.
Ten minutes later, we’re on the couch watching the episode where Rachel and Ross get into a fight and take a break. During the whole episode, Lennon grins, and it’s hard not to smile right along with her. It’s so damn contagious.
“Seriously,” she begins. “Who gets into a fight with their girlfriend and then jumps into bed with the first girl he finds? Ugh. He’s my most disliked character on this show.” She grumbles about it, which is freaking adorable. She’s getting all worked up over a TV show that’s almost as old as we are.
“But they were on a break?” I say smugly.
She shoves me and hisses. “So? He couldn’t go one night without getting a woman’s attention? Oh wait, look who I’m asking?” she teases, rewarding me with a playful smile.
“Really?” I smirk at her dig and put a hand over my heart. “I almost got into a fight for you.”
“I can tell it was a real hardship.” She chuckles, her eyes trailing down my body, knowing I don’t have any battle wounds.
“Well, now I can see why Ross went crazy. Girls.” I shake my head, that nagging feeling hitting me hard in the gut just like when Liam and Mason looked at me as if they knew my secret. The one I’ve tried so damn hard to hide.
“Uh, no. He could’ve kept it in his pants,” she states matter-of-factly.
“Hey, he was trying to be sweet and romantic for their anniversary, and she basically told him her job was more important,” I try to defend the guy, but it’s a lost cause. I already know he’s an idiot for cheating on a woman like Rachel.
Oh my God . Now she has me thinking these characters are real people.
“We need something else to watch,” I deadpan. “I’m too invested.”
Lennon snorts. “There’s a series I’ve been meaning to start. It’s based on a book and is about a hot stalker or something.”
I face her with both brows perked up. “What’s wrong with you?”
“What?”
I laugh. “He’s hot, so it’s okay he’s a stalker?”
She pinches her lips and rolls them from side to side, bobbing her head. Then she shrugs. “It’s called You .”
“Never heard of it.”
“Let’s watch the first episode and see what we think,” she suggests.
“The last time you said that, we ended up ten episodes deep into Friends .”
“And look how into it you are now.” Lennon smirks proudly, then laughs. “Okay, maybe you’re right. I should go to bed anyway.” When she raises her arms over her head and stretches, the fabric of her shirt rises up slightly.
She doesn’t move to get up, so neither do I. Lennon glances at me but doesn’t say anything. She fidgets with the hem of her shirt and stays silent.
“What is it?” I ask, grabbing her attention. “I can see something’s on your mind.”
Lennon nods, then turns to face me. “Earlier, you said you should’ve controlled your temper.”
I nod.
“Has that always been an issue for you, or is it recent?”
Fuck. I hadn’t expected her to ask something like that. It’s a part of my past I don’t talk about much to anyone. Not even Mason and Liam know much about my family. Only Brandon knew the ugly truth.
“I guess, around middle school.” I shrug, ashamed to admit it.
“Why’s that? Does something trigger it?” she asks, genuinely curious.
“Well, if you wanna know, I’ll tell you,” I begin and swallow hard.
She nods, keeping her eyes locked on mine.
“I’m not sure how much Brandon told you about me, but my dad’s a state senator.”
Lennon’s eyes widen as the realization hits. “Oh my God. Harris Manning. I never put two and two together.”
I’m impressed she knows him by name, considering anyone else I’ve told had no clue.
“I can’t believe that’s your dad. How cool.”
“Yeah, unfortunately.”
“Oh. Sorry. Not a good relationship, huh?”
“Nope. He’s been in politics my whole life. Started on the city council, then ran and won for mayor of Sacramento, then worked his way up to attorney general, then lieutenant governor of California, and now he’s a senator. He’s always picked his career over his family, yet still had time to pressure my brother, Hayden, and me into playing football all through middle and high school and then college.”
“I thought you loved playing football?”
“Didn’t have a choice. I grew to like it eventually. Mostly because I was able to channel my anger for him through sacking other people.” I half-laugh, but it’s true. I put all my rage into the sport.
“So you didn’t have a good relationship because of all that?”
“Wasn’t just that.” I inhale, thinking about how much I want to share. Deciding to say fuck it, I tell her the truth. “He had an affair for years, and the media found out. His money covered it up mostly, then he put on this whole charade about having the perfect happy family. Two sons who played football. A loyal wife. He sold himself as a family man to get reelected over and over, and as ridiculous as it was, it worked. I hated him for it. I hated how people fell for it too.”
“Oh God.” She sucks in a breath, her gaze never wavering from mine. “That’s awful. How could he do that?”
“Because he’s corrupted by money and his career. I was so pissed when I found out what he did to my mother, but she didn’t leave. I still don’t know why she stayed or continues to. I love her, but I wish she’d get out.”
“Maybe she feels like she has no choice,” she suggests with a half-shrug. “A lot of women feel that way, especially when the man is the breadwinner. Maybe she didn’t want you and Hayden to have a broken home. Did you ever ask her?”
“I did after the media released it. She told me it was a misunderstanding. Clearly, she was in denial.” I groan, remembering it so clearly. “I knew there was no fucking way. There were pictures.”
“Eww.” Lennon scrunches her nose. “Did your dad ever talk to you boys about it or anything?”
“Nah. He’d have to man up and admit what he did to talk to us. It was swept under the rug like it never happened. He came downstairs for breakfast, talked to us about football and school, then went about his day. Made me so goddamn pissed. That’s when the fights started.”
“With who?”
I shrug, thinking back to my middle and high school days. “Anyone and everyone. In middle school, they’d pick on me for being from a wealthy family, though I never felt that way, and called me a rich snob. They thought since my dad was in politics, it would be fun to mess with me. After a while, I had enough of it and started pushing back. When words weren’t enough to get them to back off, I used my fists. In high school, other team players who got in my face about my dad’s reputation got tackled to the ground even when they weren’t my targets. They all thought I’d do nothing and assumed I wouldn’t be able to because of my last name, but they were wrong because I didn’t care. I didn’t want any part of his campaigns or his life. So instead of dealing with it through words, I fought people to get my feelings out.”
“Wow…” she says, and I realize I probably rambled off way too much information. “I can understand that.”
“Oh yeah?” I laugh. “Well, you’d be the first one then.”
“It was your form of rebellion and releasing pent-up anger you didn’t know how to express. I mean, I sorta did the same thing.”
“You?”
“Yeah! I dated a guy my freshman year in college. He was my first real boyfriend since my parents were too damn strict to allow me to date in high school. It was a toxic relationship, to say the least, but I didn’t know any better. He used me as an emotional punching bag, and for a long time, I let him. I thought that’s what love felt like. But then I saw my friends in these loving relationships, and their boyfriends were so sweet and caring. I started wondering what was wrong with me because mine wasn’t like that. It finally hit me that it wasn’t me , it was him, and I got so mad. One day, I found out he was messing around with three other girls, and I felt so filthy. I’d let him be my first everything, and I stupidly trusted him. Everything he’d done to me in the past on top of his cheating made me want revenge. I didn’t want to just break up with him. I wanted him to feel the same kind of pain he’d caused me.”
“I’m kinda scared to ask what you did, Lennon.” I blow out a laugh.
“Well, we were at a huge party with all our friends one night. When it was nice and packed, I told him to come stand in the middle of the room with me. I stood on a chair, told everyone to be quiet, then said ‘Malcolm, you sorry, cheating piece of shit. I’m done with you, with how you treat me, and your three-inch dick. It’s not average. So you can fuck off because I’m done.’ Then I jumped off the chair, grabbed a cup of beer, and?—”
“Please tell me you dumped it over his head?” I ask with amusement.
“Hell yeah, I did!” She chuckles. “He deserved it too. But anyway, I’d never done anything like that in my entire life. I’d never done anything to grant me extra attention or make a scene before that. However, it was the realization as to what he’d been doing to me, using me, for all those months that finally struck a nerve. I was ready to fight back.”
“Lennon,” I say with a proud smile. “Who knew there was a badass under those polyester clothes?”
She laughs so loud it nearly makes me jump. I love the sound so much. I want to bottle it up and store it away so I can hear it anytime I want.
“It was a one-time thing.”
“Well, I’m glad you stood up for yourself. Bet that guy didn’t get laid for a long time.”
She snorts. “Pretty sure he left that party with his tiny dick between his legs. Only saw him a couple of times after that.”
“I’d hide from you too after that.”
“Ha! I’m not that scary. Just don’t piss me off and there’s no problem.”
“Yeah, I learned that the hard way,” I quip, but then realize it doesn’t come out that way.
Her lips form into a frown as she looks down in her lap.
“I should get to bed.” She pushes herself off the couch and starts to walk away. I’m quick to follow and grab her shoulder.
“Lennon, wait.”
She turns around but keeps her gaze low.
“I didn’t mean it.”
“Sure, you did,” she says, bringing her eyes to mine. “All we did was fight up until the night Brandon died, so don’t pretend we didn’t. I know you hated me. Maybe you still do.” She shrugs, and I can see the tears forming in her eyes.
Fuck . Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“You had every right to get pissed at me then,” I tell her. “You had every right to yell, trust me. But I never hated you.” Even though I wanted her to think I did. “I’m glad you never took my shit, Lennon. I purposely pushed your buttons, and you pushed back. I’m happy you didn’t put up with it.”
She looks confused as hell, not that I’m surprised. I’ll never tell her why I acted out because my feelings for her don’t matter. They can never matter.
“I don’t understand, Hunter.”
“Just know that I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for how I treated you, and I don’t want us to ever go back to that. I wish I could explain it, but I can’t, so you’ll need to trust me on this.”
Surprisingly, she doesn’t push further. “Okay.”
“Well, I’m going to lock up and turn off all the lights,” I tell her, needing some space between us before the temptation to push her against the wall and claim her mouth becomes too strong to deny.
“Okay. Good night, Hunter.” She walks away, then stops right as she reaches the bedroom door. With her hand on the knob, she looks over her shoulder until our gazes meet. “Thanks again for tonight.”
“Of course.” I flash her a small smile. “Night, Lennon.”
I wait until she’s safely tucked into the room before making sure the door is locked and the lights are off. I’m still worked up, even more now because of Lennon, and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to control myself before I slip up. Sharing my past with her wasn’t something I intended to do, but it was easy to talk to her about it. Lennon doesn’t judge me. She tries to understand, and then when she shared her own story about her past, I forgot for a moment who we are.
Two people bound by grief.
Two people who can never be together.
Two people who need each other more than ever.
As long as I keep remembering that, I can do this. I can be there for her in the way she needs me. Friends .
Before I go to sleep, I take a shower and jerk off until my dick is nearly raw. I can’t act on these feelings, but I can allow myself to live in the fantasy for a few minutes. As wrong as it is, for just a moment, I pretend I live in a world where we could be together—if she’d even want me.