Chapter Thirty-Four
For the fifth time in a row, Liam’s phone goes directly to voicemail. I check my watch, and it’s already six in the evening, and he leaves tomorrow morning for New York. I’m sure he’s busy getting ready, but I can’t imagine not seeing him before he goes.
“You seem anxious.” My mom puts a bowl of fresh green salad in front of me. “Is it about the gala? Is anything else on your mind?”
“No.” I send another text to Liam. “Did I tell you Dad is coming on Friday?”
My mom puts down her fork. “Your dad is coming to the gala?”
“That’s what he says.” I shrug. “We had lunch yesterday, and he was going to pick up a suit afterward.”
“Birdie.” My mom puts her hand over mine. “I don’t want you to feel any sort of way when your dad once again doesn’t come through for you.”
My mom has spent her entire life trying to protect me from disappointment. As I’ve gotten older, I realize that she can’t protect me from this. Not anymore. I’m either going to get hurt, or I’m not. Nothing that she does will change that.
“I’m not even sure if he has the ability to hurt me anymore.” I stand and bring my bowl to the sink. “I have such low expectations for him. I expect him to mess up.”
I call Liam once again. Now it’s nearly seven. When I look up, my mom is staring back at me.
“Trying to get a hold of Liam, I’m guessing?”
“It keeps going right to voicemail.” I blow out a breath. “He leaves tomorrow for his interview. I want to say good luck.”
“Oh.”
My mom wraps her strong arms around me and pulls me into a hug. “I wish I could protect you from everything in this world that could hurt you. And that everyone realized like I do how amazing you are.”
“Mom,” I say slowly. “Quit being weird.”
“I hope he’s worthy of you, Birdie.”
“Mom.” I say, annoyed. “Liam is my friend.”
“Oh, Birdie.” She grabs a bottle of wine from the counter and pours herself a glass. “You’re almost twenty-six. It’s okay to like a boy.”
“Seriously, Mom.” I roll my eyes as I look at my phone. “I’m going to run out for something. I won’t be late.”
I turn to leave, but my mom takes my arm and then grips my cheeks. “I love you, my Birdie girl.”
“Love you.” I grab the keys to my Jeep. “See you in a bit.”
The drive to Liam’s cottage is only about ten minutes, and I try not to talk myself out of coming. He’s my friend. I want to wish him well. Maybe his phone isn’t working? Or perhaps he doesn’t want to talk to me. I start to lose my confidence and almost turn around when I reach the dirt driveway, but I press ahead.
His car is parked out front, so I know he’s here. I inhale a deep breath, and before I have a chance to knock, the door flies open. Liam jumps back and puts his hand on his chest.
“Birdie,” he says. “You scared me.”
Liam holds the door open and lets me pass through.
“Hey,” I say. “Your phone kept going to voicemail, and I wanted to see you before you leave tomorrow. Is this a bad time?”
He smiles, and it could light up a room. His hair is damp, like he just stepped out of the shower. His skin is bronzed from the late summer sun.
Liam holds his phone up. “I dropped it in the lake. It’s completely dead. I was just leaving to come see you.”
“Oh.” Relief floods through my veins. “Good.”
We stand in the doorway, both of us breathing heavier than normal, staring at each other. I crave closeness in a way that scares me. I want to drop my walls for him, or at least lower it to a safe height. Gravity pushes me toward him. I’m exhausted from the mind gymnastics that I play with myself, trying to convince myself that I can only be friends with this guy.
“You’re staring at me, Birdie.”
I bite into my bottom lip. “You’re staring at me, Liam.”
He nods. “I know. I can’t help it.”
I cup the nape of Liam’s neck, lift myself onto my toes, and gently press my lips to his. He freezes, his hands at his side.
“Birdie,” he says against my mouth. “Nothing’s changed. I’m leaving.”
“Yeah.” I cup his face and move my hands through his hair.
“What are you doing?” His voice is quiet, but he leans into my touch. “What happened to just being friends?”
“I have no idea.” I press myself against him.
Liam moves his hand to my waist. “It’s not that I don’t want to. But are you going to freak out again afterward and ice me out? Because I need you in my life.”
I part his lips with mine, and he sucks in a breath. I move my other hand to his head and run my fingers through his hair. I kiss down his neck, and he tastes like vanilla and cinnamon.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No,” he says. His skin pebbles beneath my touch. “But you didn’t answer my question.”
I stop kissing him and look into his eyes. “The truth is, I never know how I’m going to react.”
He nods, and I spread my fingers and run it down his chest, his stomach, and he holds his breath as I go below the belt.
Liam draws me close, lifting me effortlessly as my legs instinctively wrap around his waist. He carries me slowly toward his bedroom, our lips meeting in a deep, intoxicating kiss. I’m entranced by the overwhelming sensation of this man.
He lays me down on the bed, hovering above me. Liam gently lifts my shirt, his lips trailing soft kisses over the sensitive skin of my stomach. He pulls the shirt over his head, pressing his full weight into me—warm, heavy, comforting. His lips return to mine, kissing me slowly, as his knee presses against the heat between my thighs.
“Liam, please.” I grab a fistful of his hair to bring him closer.
“The slower we go,” he says, kissing a trail down my collarbone, “the longer I have you.”
Liam pulls his shirt off and kisses my chest.
“This could actually take all night.” He smiles against my skin. “I’m going to kiss all of your freckles. Every single one of them.”
The heat between my legs intensifies, and I grind against Liam.
“Birdie,” he moans. “You’re not playing fair.”
He unbuttons my jean shorts. “It’s never a fair fight when you wear these little things.”
He smiles as he pulls them off. He kneels above me, staring at me, his expression undecipherable.
“You’re staring again, Liam,” I say, moving to cover myself, suddenly feeling exposed.
He presses his lips together. “I like seeing you like this.”
“Naked?” I draw a knee up.
“Well, yes,” he says. “But I meant vulnerable.”
I grab his hips, and he falls atop me. I push down his shorts, and both of us struggle to catch our breath. He reaches into his nightstand drawer. He pulls out a condom, opens it, and places it on his length. Liam cups my face, and we look into each other’s eyes.
He moves with deliberate care, his body methodically gliding over mine. Our lips meet in a deep kiss as he takes my hand and places it over his heart. The friction against my sex is intense, building to a crescendo.
Liam hovers above me, his deep blue eyes locked on mine, never wavering. Is this what people call making love? It’s the most intimate thing I’ve ever experienced. We truly see each other, with all our inhibitions stripped away.
“Liam.” I cup his face as my body heats, and my lower belly reacts to the intensity of it all.
His mouth parts as if he’s about to speak, but instead, he closes his eyes momentarily before flicking them open again.
Liam gently brushes the hair from my face, his lips trailing across every inch of my skin. My wall is filling with cracks and holes. I can’t hold on any longer; an eruption builds within me. My back arches, and I moan into the crook of his neck.
He shortly follows as he murmurs something unintelligible against my face before collapsing onto me. He quickly realizes the weight of himself and rolls to his side, facing me. He takes my hand in his and kisses it. Neither of us says anything for a while. Only pausing our staring for me to kiss his cheek, and for him to reciprocate by kissing my nose.
“Birdie.” Liam opens his mouth to say something else, but nothing comes out.
I’m uncertain about what being in love truly feels like, having never experienced it before. But this connection between us seems to be more than just friends with attraction. Best friends? That isn’t enough either. As I delve deeper into my thoughts, I press a hand against my chest, feeling a sudden, intense ache.
“Hey, Birdie,” Liam says again, kissing the top of my hand. “I need to say something. I—”
“Please.” I press two fingers over Liam’s lips before he’s able to say anything else.
Liam shifts to his side, and I mirror his movement, pulling a sheet over myself. We lie there, gazing at each other, as I memorize every detail of his face. He seems to be doing the same, because he reaches out, his fingers gently tracing the contours of my face and jawline.
“You’re beautiful,” he says, and I shake my head.
“I’m not.”
He leans forward and presses his lips to mine. “You’re beautiful, Birdie.”
There’s no point in arguing with a man basking in the afterglow of a post-coitus high.
He takes my hand in his. “Spend the night with me.”
I shake my head. “I shouldn’t. I can’t.”
I sit and pull the sheet up with me, suddenly very self-conscious. Liam grips my wrist.
“Birdie,” he says. “I feel like we should talk.”
“Is that what you want to do?” I straddle my legs around him.
“Birdie, don’t try to distract me.”
“Liam.” I move off of him and find my clothes that are scattered everywhere around the room. “This was perfect. Let’s not ruin it with words.”
“You really won’t stay?” Liam sits, and I make the mistake of glancing at him over my shoulder, which nearly derails my plan of leaving.
“I don’t really do sleepovers,” I say.
Liam pulls on a pair of shorts and stands. “I’ve noticed that about you, except I did spend the night at your house once and nap with you another time.”
“Sure.” I shrug. “But there was no sex involved.”
“Ahh.” Liam nods. “I apologize that it’s taking me a while to learn all of your rules.”
Liam walks me to the door, but I pause and turn to him.
“I’m not running away, Liam,” I say. “It’s late, I work in the morning, and you need to be rested for New York. I’ll see you Friday.”
He grabs my hand. “Do you promise?”
“Yes,” I say. “Are you going to get a new phone anytime soon?”
“Shit.” Liam runs his hand down his face. “Hopefully, I’ll have time to get one in the city tomorrow. If you don’t hear from me, that’s why.”
“Good luck.” I smile. “You’re going to blow them away.”
“You are going to love my tux. I’m picking it up in Minneapolis when I land Friday morning.”
“You’re going to love my dress. It’s the most beautiful color blue.”
Liam spreads his hand against my lower back and drags me toward him. I stick to the skin of his chest. It’s so tempting to stay, but these feelings are new for me and I need to take baby steps.
“Two days,” he says, pinching my chin and kissing me.
“What about two days?”
“Only two days apart, and I’ll see you on the third.”
But many, many days apart after that.
“Good night.” I quickly kiss his cheek and walk out into the darkness.