Chapter 18 #2
My eyes shut and I hang my head for a fraction of a second. “It’s fine. I’m on the pill. You’re clean, right?” I’m not ignorant to him having a lot of sexual partners. He’s never mentioned having an STI. He would have told me if he did.
“Of course, I’m clean. I’ve been tested and I haven’t been with anyone since you. Fuck. You should know that, Nova!” He runs a hand through his hair and slips on his boxers.
“What’s going on?” I feel like him pushing me away isn’t so much about the condom as something else. “Ashton?”
“We just … can’t get pregnant,” he whispers, and he looks flustered. I slide my panties and jeans back on as he dresses.
“Don’t worry, I’m on the pill,” I reiterate. “We’re fine. What’s really bothering you?” I reach for him as he buttons his jeans, and he slowly approaches me tentatively.
“I don’t see this working,” Ashton mumbles.
I hear his words, but I don’t want to believe them. “Excuse me?”
“If you’re expecting me to walk away from the mafia, I can’t. That isn’t who I am.” Ashton stares at me, and my heart shatters.
I want you.
I scream the words in my head, but they don’t spill past my lips.
Silence follows, and he glances down, grabs his shirt from the bed and slips it on. “I should go get ready to meet up with the hockey team.”
He’s met by more stillness. I stare at him, both unwilling and unable to look away.
I don’t say anything.
He reaches for the door, his hand on the knob.
“I love you, Nova.” His words are soft, warm, and make every part of me ache.
I want to scream I hate you, but he shuts the door and waves of tears roll over me.
“I love you too,” I whisper, sobbing as the pain consumes me.
I’m glad he’s with his teammates, because if he were hanging around the house, I’d be screaming at him.
The tears have subsided.
Did we honestly just break up? My head swims, I’m a mess of emotions and I forego dinner and opt for a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
I plop down on the sofa, spoon in hand, shoving the chocolate cherry goodness past my lips.
Bristol comes to sit beside me. I barely know the girl, but she’s spent the past couple of nights here and doesn’t seem intent on leaving.
Fine by me. She’s a pretty tidy housemate.
Sophia, Liam’s sister, on the other hand, her backpack is sprawled on the floor, there are clothes strewn beside it and her laptop is on the table.
She’s not even home. She’s working tonight for Dante.
If she’s going to be living here, maybe she can take my room, and I can move into the dorms. Not that I want to leave the house, but seeing Ashton every day, his room right across from mine, my stomach sinks.
I don’t even want to think about his bachelor lifestyle, how he used to bring countless girls to his room. Is that going to resume now that we’re … over?
The word breakup seems too final.
I don’t want to say it, let alone admit it to myself. Maybe we’re just figuring things out.
But what is there to figure out?
He loves working for Dante, it seems, or he’s doing it because he wants to work for his father. Either way, he plans on being involved with the mafia for the rest of his life.
That wasn’t why I wanted to go to college. I want my freedom from that lifestyle. I want nothing to do with Dante, Dad or anyone else when it comes to the mafia.
That’s not to say I don’t love my brother, Luca, or I won’t be friends with them, but that’s not what I want when I graduate.
I don’t want to be tied down to the business.
“Breakups suck,” Bristol says as she nods toward my ice cream.
Zeke is lying down for bed, and Harper grabs a seat on the opposite side of me. “I’m sorry,” she says, giving me a hug.
“Is it that obvious?” I raise an eyebrow.
Bristol smiles weakly and turns to face me. “Hockey players are the worst. They’re always selfish and have huge … egos.”
I snort. “We didn’t break up because he plays hockey. Ashton would never cheat on me. He would, however, choose his father over me.”
Harper winces. “Come on, you know how the boys are. Ashton loves you. I’m sure it’ll all blow over.”
“It won’t. He made it clear he chooses his mafia family and mafia job with Dante over me.”
“Mafia?” Bristol’s eyes widen.
I groan and shut my eyes, tilting my head back on the sofa, facing the ceiling. “Shit.”
Harper clears her throat. “It’s an expression.”
Bristol glances from Harper to me as my eyelids slowly flutter open, and I turn my head to glance at her. “No one uses mafia as an expression.”
I’ll admit, Bristol is a hell of a lot calmer than I would have been finding out about Dante. “There’s no point in lying to her.” I sit upright and take another bite of ice cream to take my mind off what happened.
“I’m not getting in trouble for Bristol finding out. That’s on you,” Harper grumbles at me.
“Fine, tell Dante it slipped. I don’t care.” Another bite of ice cream and at least the sugar is helping my mood, maybe.
“You’ll care when he punishes you,” Harper says.
I point my spoon at her. “He only punished you because of the chaos you caused. And let’s not forget that he helped you.” I’m careful not to divulge all the secrets of the family.
Harper’s jaw tightens; I sense her concern as well. “Enough about me. This is about you and Ashton.”
“Which is over.” I shove another bite of ice cream into my mouth to keep from groaning on about the breakup. It’s depressing me to think about Ashton choosing his father over me.
“You don’t know that,” Harper says. “Maybe it’s just a really bad fight?”
“He told me he didn’t see it working. That he wasn’t going to walk away from the mafia.” I don’t even bother to hide it anymore; Bristol knows, so what’s the point of pretending?
“Maybe he can’t walk away?” Bristol whispers. “I mean, wouldn’t it be dangerous?”
“He’s only working for Dante because he wants to; he’s not indebted to him or anything. Trust me, Dante and Aurielo are friends.”
“Aurielo?” Bristol asks.
“Ashton’s father.” I’d never met the man, though I was curious if he was more cunning and ruthless than Dante. I suppose it doesn’t matter any longer.
“Ashton’s father is also mafia?” Bristol rubs her forehead as she tries to make sense of the secrets that I’ve inadvertently spilled.
Loose lips, and I’m not even drinking. I suppose breakup anger is my kryptonite.
“Yeah, but you have to keep this conversation between us. Got it?” I warn her.
“Of course.” She purses her lips, puts her index finger and thumb to her mouth and pretends to turn a key, locking away her secrets.
“Maybe you dodged a bullet.” Harper reaches for her bottle of water on the coffee table and takes a swig. “Remember the wedding? Dante had ordered Ashton to marry me. He wasn’t—”
“What?” I stand, dropping the spoon to the floor. I curse and head to the kitchen to wipe up the mess. “Ashton never told me any of this. You two were going to get married?”
What is Harper talking about? Why hadn’t Ashton mentioned it to me?
“Dante insisted, but neither of us would have gone through with it,” Harper says. It’s not as reassuring as she thinks.
My brain goes quickly over the timeline of events. “Wait. This was while we were dating, wasn’t it?”
If it had been before we started dating, I may have been annoyed, but knowing it was during and he never said a word to me—the nerve of him!
I clean up the mess on the floor, blotting up the remnants of ice cream. “Was Dante behind it, or my father?” I have a sneaking suspicion that the order may have come from Dante, but my old man wanted to keep us apart.
“Dante, as far as I know.”
I laugh darkly under my breath, finish cleaning up the stain before I collapse back onto the couch. “I guess that’s why Ashton wasn’t afraid of my father finding out about us. I can’t believe he fucking kept that from me!”
“Well, at least you’ve already broken up with him,” Bristol says.
Yeah, that doesn’t exactly make me feel better.
She offers a wayward smile, and I groan and toss my head in my hands. “What am I going to do?”
Harper rests a comforting hand on my back. “About?”
“Ashton lives across the hall from me. We share a common living area. It’s not like I won’t see him every damn day. And if he brings another girl here—”
“He won’t,” Harper says, cutting me off before I can finish that dreadful thought. She pulls me in for a hug. “I know he’s not what you were hoping, but he does love you.”
Tears threaten my vision. I don’t tell her that he even whispered those words to me on his way out of the bedroom.
The lock on the front door clicks, and already, I know who it is. The guys are done with their practice with Coach and back for the night.
Standing, I brush the stray tears, prepared to slink off to my bedroom before having to lay eyes on Ashton.
The front door opens, and Harper grabs my arm, not letting me escape in time. “Stay,” she whispers, pulling me back down to sit with her.
She wraps an arm around my shoulder, protectively, and I lean into her touch. “Thanks,” I mumble, quiet enough for only her to hear me.
Liam and Luca are chatty and loud, but whatever they’re saying barely reaches my ear as I stare at Ashton. His shoulders are slumped a bit, his head bent downward as he pushes off his shoes and shuts the door behind himself.
“You didn’t tell me you were going to marry Harper,” I say, interrupting the chatter.
Liam and Luca exchange glances and go silent.
Ashton expels a heavy breath and glances at Luca.
Luca opens his mouth as if to answer, and I hold up a hand, indicating that I don’t want his answer. “My question was directed at Ashton,” I bite.
“I didn’t hear a question.” Ashton stares back at me and then runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it.
He always looks so damn sexy when he does that. My eyes flinch, and I do my best not to catch feelings for him.
He’s officially my ex.
Nothing can happen between us.
Not now.
Not ever again.
Not as long as he’s mafia and has no intention of leaving that life behind. “Why didn’t you tell me that Dante demanded you marry Harper?”