Chapter 18 #3
Ashton exhales heavily. “Do you want to do this out here, or in private?” he glances behind himself, toward his bedroom.
“Out here is fine. I have nothing to hide. Bristol already knows Dante is mafia.”
“Nova!” Luca growls at me, and Harper holds up an arm protectively.
“Don’t you dare!” Harper scolds her husband. “You both kept this from Nova. She had a right to know.”
Luca scoffs. “It wasn’t like you were forthcoming, either.”
“This is between Nova and Ashton.” Harper glares at Luca. “Let them talk.”
I appreciate that Harper has my back, but Luca is right, she also knew and kept it a secret.
“Please, can we talk in private?” Ashton says, holding out a hand for me.
Sighing, I stand and follow him to his bedroom. I don’t take his hand. I don’t touch him. I fold my arms across my chest, making sure I keep my hands to myself.
Ashton gestures for me to step inside first and then quietly closes the door behind himself. “What good would it have done, had I told you that Dante accosted me, told me I was to marry Harper? There wasn’t a choice.”
Clearly, he hadn’t gone through with it.
Or maybe Harper had turned down his advances.
“Did you ever have feelings for Harper?” I ask. It shouldn’t matter, but I need to know if that’s why Dante suggested it.
Had he seen something between them? Perhaps a spark?
“I love you, Nova,” Ashton says and takes a step closer toward me.
I back up, needing to keep ample space between us. Ashton moves closer toward me, but he still keeps his distance.
His room isn’t overly large, and I bump up against his closet door, grimacing when the doorknob pokes me in the back. “You didn’t answer my question. Did you have feelings for Harper?”
“When I first met her, yes, sure.”
He doesn’t even deny it.
Heat flames my cheeks and I push away from one door, heading for another, the exit out of his bedroom.
Ashton grabs my arm, pulling me within his reach, not letting me walk away. “I don’t love her. I love you,” he says.
“You love the mafia too,” I whisper, staring into those dark pools that suck me in. I glance away, worried if I stare too long, he’ll pull me back into his world.
“Of all people, Nova, I thought you’d understand.” His hand moves down my arm to my fingers, trying to hold my hand, but I don’t let him latch on. I keep my palm flat, while he flexes his digits around my hand. “I don’t want this to be over between us.”
I bite my tongue, trying not to give way to the emotions surfacing.
Does he think I want us to break up?
It’s the last thing that I want to happen, but I also don’t want secrets between us. There are always secrets when you live and breathe the mafia.
“You could rule the city beside me,” Ashton says, staring straight into me. “I’ve seen the fire in your soul, you have a talent for it.”
I shrug his hand away and fold my arms again, keeping space between us. “You’re all talk. Besides, do you think your father is just going to retire the day after you graduate?”
“Well, no.” Ashton glances out the window. “He’ll train me, take me under his wing.”
“You’ll be his second, the same job as my father.” I’m not intending to mock him, but I’m appalled. “I’m not marrying my father!”
“Who said anything about marrying—” Ashton grabs both of my hands and drags me with him to sit at the edge of his bed.
“Babe, I love you. We’re not running headfirst down an icy mountainside.
The work I’ll do for my father, yes, I’m sure it will be dangerous, but he’s not going to risk the life of his son.
That isn’t how my father operates. He wanted me to go to college so I could do better than he did, be better. Stronger. Smarter.”
“And wouldn’t that mean not following in his footsteps?”
He laughs under his breath. “It’s not that simple. Besides, like I told you, I’m majoring in Criminology. I’m not going to be putting men like my father behind bars.”
I can’t believe him. He thinks what he’s doing is noble, like he’s going to make an actual difference. Maybe in his own life, but he’s not going to be helping anyone else. “Which leaves you as the criminal mastermind. Real hot.”
“Isn’t it?”
“That was sarcasm.” I blanch. “I’m not marrying my father.”
“And I’m not proposing,” Ashton says, staring at me. He rests a hand on my thigh, the gesture far too intimate right now. He’s not trying to arouse me, but his touch is distracting.
He’s distracting.
I press my lips together and scoot back on the bed, keeping out of his reach.
“Right, you’ve already made that clear. You’re not going to marry me. Just date me.” I don’t know why I sound so bitter. I’m not ready to settle down or have an engagement ring on my finger. It’s just the way he keeps reminding me that he’s not proposing, it burns.
I used to see a future with him, of us together.
Did he not have that same vision?
I don’t dare ask. What would it matter anyhow? We’re broken up.
I fold my hands in my lap, staring down at the bedsheets. It’s easier than dealing with his intense darkened gaze that is like a molten fire heating me to the core.
I don’t want to have feelings for Ashton Rinaldi.
Not after how things ended. I want to hate him. To scream at him. To tell him to go get fucked, but I also would never forgive him or myself if that happened.
Because he owns my heart.
“Would you say yes if I proposed?”
His question catches me by surprise. “What?”
“Would you say yes if I proposed? Right here. Right now?” He stands, and I swear to God if he gets down on one knee, that scream earlier will be nothing compared to the sound I’ll make that will blow out his eardrums.
“Don’t you dare,” I seethe. I yank on his shirt, dragging him back up to his feet. “You don’t get to pretend to be madly in love with me when—”
“Pretend?” Ashton stands in front of me, towering above. “Do you think anything I’ve ever done with you is pretend?”
I open my mouth and shut it.
No, of course not.
He knows that as well.
“Never known you to be silent,” he says, tilting his head, staring down at me. It’s a challenge; he’s goading me.
I don’t let him provoke me into falling for whatever game or trap he’s set. “I’m just not giving you the satisfaction.”
“Do you think I’m happy right now?” Ashton asks, appalled.
I know he’s not even the least bit thrilled, and any hint of a smile is more out of spite or maybe anger than anything else. Amusement, at best, but happy, hardly.
“Never said you were happy.” I purse my lips, glaring up at him, trying to make it clear that I’m pissed at him, and that damn list keeps growing.
If I had a list…
I don’t have one; that would be weird, but the number of reasons he’s irritated me this evening is off-the-charts.
“I won’t be until this gets resolved,” he says, gesturing between us.
Does he think I’m just going to cave and give him what he wants? “Well, don’t hold your breath.”
Ashton leans his head closer, his face practically in mine. “I’m not stupid enough to think you’d budge an inch.”
I inhale sharply and push him away, standing. He’s in my personal space, and when he does that, I can’t think clearly!
Inwardly, I scream.
Outwardly, I’m a bundle of nerves.
How easily he irritates me. It’s annoying.
“I never loved Harper,” Ashton says, offering me space. He even takes a step back, letting me have the bed, but I don’t sit back down. I opt to stand. If he’s standing, I’m standing. I don’t like him towering over me when we’re in a fight.
“Good. Glad that’s settled.” I shrug off his words, like it shouldn’t matter.
He never loved her.
Okay, good.
I didn’t really think that he did. Our breakup and this argument weren’t about his feelings for her. I know they’re just friends.
Harper and Luca are happily married.
“I love you,” Ashton says, his voice calmer, smoother, more relaxing. But it still hurts to hear it after knowing we’re not together and can’t be ever again.
“You love the mafia,” I say, keeping my expression stoic.
Ashton is quiet, perhaps contemplating the words that he wishes to say or maybe he realizes there’s nothing he can say that will change my mind.
“Do you know the good things that Dante has done for the family, for the community? There are worse monsters out there. Men who abduct women and children. Dante isn’t like that.”
“And what about your father?” I don’t know anything about Aurielo.
“I wouldn’t want to follow in his footsteps if he were like that. I thought you, of all people, would know that. Family is the most important thing to me, Nova. And one day, I want us to be a family, but more importantly, I want you running the business with me.”
“You’re insane.” I choke at his words. “I’m not, we’re not … that’s never happening.”
The smirk on his face doesn’t cease to vanish.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Because you didn’t tell me you hate me or that we’ll never get back together.” He heads for the door.
“Hey! This is your room,” I say, reminding him that if anyone should be leaving, it’s me.
“Stay as long as you need.” He’s so damn cocky. Ashton opens the bedroom door and waltzes out. “I’ll win you back,” he says under his breath, but loud enough for me to hear him.
It’s intentional. He doesn’t need his housemates to hear him, but he wants me to know that it’s not over between us.
I grind my teeth, keeping from saying something regrettable, because I do love him. He just aggravates me so damn much.