Chapter 27
Reyansh Carter
Aisha is dead asleep on my shoulder, and I cannot take my eyes off of her. The way her eyelashes fall on her cheek so perfectly, her chest falling up and down in a monotony, her lips parted slightly—she is a sight to look at.
I know watching this video wasn’t easy for her; after all, it brought back all the memories we had so carefully buried deep inside our hearts. It surely wasn’t easy for me either.
After all, these were the best days of our lives.
I still remember how ecstatic she was to have her version of a Bollywood-coded Punjabi wedding.
She had given me a list of things and songs she wanted at her wedding, and I was happy to oblige.
I made sure to learn all the songs she wanted, get my clothes matched to hers, and everything in between.
I wanted my wife happy, and I was ready to go to the ends of the world to do that.
If only I had kept that sentiment alive, we would have never reached this point.
“Maa,” I say slowly, trying not to wake her up. “I am taking her back to our room. You guys should sleep too. It’s too late.”
With one hand below her legs and one to secure her head safely, I lift her up. Her face steady in the crook of my neck, I take slow steps towards our room when Maa stops me.
“Reyansh?” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “Take care of my daughter.”
I know what she means, and I know how much I have hurt her too with breaking my promises. And she has been the one who has supported me throughout.
“I will, Maa. I won’t break my promise this time.”
* * *
I tuck in Aisha carefully on her side of the bed.
In her sleep, she holds my shirt in her fist, not letting go, and I so wish she did it when she was awake too.
I so wish she didn’t want to let go of me or our relationship.
I don’t say it that much because I know it is all my fault, but it does hurt to think she was more ready to give up on our relationship than talk it out with me.
“I love you so much, Aisha,” I say, brushing the hair out of her face. Adoring her is my favorite thing to do. I could go all day with just staring at her face and never get bored.
She scrunches her feet in her sleep, and I have noticed this pattern a lot. She does this when her feet hurt, when she has been up on her feet all day long. I have told her multiple times to take rest, not to exert herself so much, but my hyper independent wife doesn’t listen.
I lift her feet and place them on my lap, and she groans in her sleep, turning to the other side. I gently lift up her pajamas so I can massage her legs. I find the nights to be the perfect time to speak from my heart because when she is awake, my courage falters.
I slowly press my fingers into her skin, trying to ease the tension in her legs. Her skin is warm in contrast to my cold hands, and she shivers in her sleep, her lips parting slightly.
“I am so in love with you,” I say to her sleeping figure, hoping that my words somehow reach her heart.
“I sometimes wonder if you have done some sort of voodoo magic on me because the hold you have had on my heart and my soul from the moment our eyes met is inexplainable. I don’t mind if you have done it to me; I would say do it even more because if I were to ever be forced to live with someone, I would always choose it to be you.
In any lifetime, in any universe. It has and always will be you. ”
I sigh, my fingers gently moving from her legs to her feet, and I notice her body relax slightly.
“I don’t even know if what I am saying is making sense right now. All I know is that I love you. I have only been certain about that. Every cell in my body yearns for you, loves you, and wants to be with you. You have carved your name in my heart, in my body, and in my soul.”
I lean down to press a kiss to her feet.
“I know I cannot erase the past, but I can promise to give you a future you won’t ever regret. Cross my heart.”
She hums in her sleep, as if she’s heard everything I said, but I know she’s dead asleep.
I tuck her in before lying down beside her, and when my eyes close at last, with sleep taking over me, they close with her beautiful face pressed against mine, and I pray that this is how it happens every day for the rest of my life on this earth.
* * *
“Maa, you need to stop pushing me past my limits.”
I groan in my sleep as Aisha’s voice reaches my ears. She sounds annoyed, and just her voice manages to wake me up. I wipe the rest of the sleep away from my eyes as I look around, and clearly she isn’t in the room.
I stretch my arms, a yawn leaving out of my mouth as I make my way outside to see why Aisha is arguing with Maa this early in the morning.
“Beta, I only want the best for you,” Maa urges, her eyebrows creasing in frustration, and my mom just keeps looking to and fro between the mother and daughter. “I want you to have a happy life.”
“I can have a happy life in my own ways too, Maa,” she says, her voice breaking. She sounds like she can ram her head against the wall any moment. And if she starts to sound like this, it is usually a cue that she can have a breakdown any moment.
Usually, I wouldn’t step in between the duo, but today feels like a different day. It feels like the conversation is breaking her heart, and in any way, I do not like the sound of that.
Anything that hurts her is a problem to me, even if it is her own mother.
“What’s going on?” I ask, and they all turn to look at me, and there’s accusation visible in Aisha’s eyes, and I wonder what I could have done now.
“Nothing, beta,” Maa says softly with a smile. “I was just suggesting she goes on a date with you.”
My eyebrows furrow. I don’t hate the sound of that. In fact, I would love to go on a date with her, but not if she isn’t happy about that. And looking at her, she clearly is not.
“She has a day off—”
“I do not have a day off,” Aisha interrupts, clutching her head in her hand. “I have a work-from-home day because there’s some work being done in the office for a few days. But that does not mean I can go out anytime I want.”
“I am not asking you to go out all the time,” Maa says, her tone strict. “You are being unreasonable. You need to take out time for each other if you want this three-month arrangement to work.”
“Maa,” I interrupt, no longer able to stop myself. “I am with Aisha on this.”
Aisha looks at me with surprise, and I feel her body relax slightly.
She always looks like she is in fight or flight mode, and I have done my best to take her out of that.
I have tried to make her understand that she can turn her brain off when she is with me, that she doesn’t need to fight the whole world when I am by her side because I will gladly do it for her.
“She might have a work-from-home arrangement for a few days, but that doesn’t mean that she can go out anytime she wants.
I would love to take her out on a date.” I look at Aisha to make sure she sees that I am serious about that.
I would love nothing more than to have a whole entire day all to ourselves.
“But I don’t want you or anyone to force her to go out with me. I know you guys want us to stay together. I know you want these three months to work out in our favor, but I will never want her to do something out of obligation. She stays with me if she wishes too.”
Aisha scoffs at that, and I pass her a confused look. “If you really meant that, you would have agreed to my wish.”
“What wish?” I ask.
She throws her hands in the air in frustration, and I know whatever is going to come out of her mouth is going to hurt. Too bad. I would let her hurt me as many times as she wants. If she cares enough to hurt me, it means she does care about me despite all that she says.
“Of you giving me a divorce. We wouldn’t be stuck in this arrangement if you truly meant what you said. All of this is happening because of you, Reyansh.”
Her words stab me right in my heart, and I have to look away so she doesn’t see the pain in my eyes.
“I can give you anything you want but that,” I say, my voice firm. “Call me selfish or whatever you want to, but I will not be giving you a divorce.”
“You can’t force me,” she shakes her head. “And no one can make me stay in this marriage if I don’t want to.”
“Aisha,” Maa yells, and Aisha flinches. “You are being stubborn again.”
“Are you my mother or his?” she asks, accusation and pain lacing her voice. “Because all I see is you taking his side as if he is your son and I am a nobody. Not once have I seen you tell him that what he did was wrong.”
She has tears in her eyes, and all I want to do is take her in my arms and apologize because it is all my fault. No matter what I say or do, it won’t change the fact that she is in undeniable pain because of me.
“Aisha—”
“I am done.”
She doesn’t let me hold her, nor does she listen to her mother as she walks towards our room, slamming the door shut.
“Meher, that was wrong of you,” Mom says, and I agree. It was very wrong of her, and every cell in my body urges me to go after her, but I need to draw a line here.
“Maa, I know your intention was right, but I do not appreciate anyone lashing out at my wife.”
I take a breath, trying to keep a check on my emotions.
“I appreciate you looking out for us and our relationship, but if you keep pushing her past her limits, you will not only push her away from me but also from yourself. Please never do that again.”
I make sure she understands what I mean because I cannot allow anyone to talk to her like that, nor can I let anyone hurt her.
* * *
I knock on the door once, wondering whether she opens up.
“Aisha?” I call her name, “Can I come in?”
She doesn’t answer, and I take that as my cue to go in. When I open the door, I find her to be aggressively typing on her computer, her vision glasses on, and her face is as blank as a sheet of paper.
I gulp, sensing the tension in the room, before stepping closer towards her.
“Can we talk?” I ask.
No answer.
I bite the inside of my cheek, contemplating what to do. I choose to sit down in front of her so that I am in line with her view.
“Aisha, please.”
She doesn’t speak a word, and I do something that I probably shouldn’t do because it means she will throw anything that she has in her hands on me, but have I ever taken a sane decision? No
I snatch her laptop from her lap, and she gasps as I throw it on the other side of the bed.
“Are you out of your mind, Reyansh?” she yells, her eyes ablaze, and I see the eye bags under her eyes.
“I am,” I say. “You are right. But can we please talk?”
“I don’t want to talk, Reyansh. I need space. Is that so hard for you to understand?”
“It is not, but I cannot leave you alone when you are like this.”
She huffs, covering her eyes with her palms. “Why are you suddenly saying and doing all this when you’ve never done any of it before?”
Her accusations land straight to my gut.
“You have left me crying a lot of times, Reyansh,” she lets out. “This is just like those times. So, please leave me alone.”
A tear slips down her eyes, and my hands immediately latch onto them. Her eyes go wide as I wipe the tears from under her eyes.
“I know, Aisha.” I cradle her face in my palms, and when she tries to pull away, I still don’t let her go.
“I know, and I am ashamed and sorry about that. But that doesn’t mean I will repeat the same mistakes.
These three months were to fix things that I broke, and I am willing to work on that. I just ask you to…let me.”
“It is not that easy.”
“I know. But it is not that difficult either, baby. And I promise, no one will force you to do things you don’t want to. If after these three months you wish to leave me, I will let you go.”
The words hurt me as I say them, but I mean it. If after three months, I am unable to win her back, I will let her go. For how long, I don’t know, and I don’t say.
She looks in between my eyes, searching for a lie.
“Do you promise?”
As gut-wrenching as it is, I let myself say the words.
“I promise.”