Chapter 28
Aisha Kapoor
Even though I am the one who initiated our divorce, a corner of my heart still hurts when Reyansh says that he will let me go after these three months are over—if I want to.
It is totally unfair of me to feel this way when all I have been doing is accuse him of binding me to this marriage, not letting me go easily, but what can I do? Being with Reyansh has been the most confusing thing in my life. I cannot think rationally when it comes to him.
His hand rubs soothing circles on my cheek, and that feels oddly comforting for some reason. There’s a throbbing pain in the back of my head, and I can only attribute it to the amount of reasoning and yelling I had to do with my mother just a few minutes ago.
Living abroad and away from her made me completely forget how arguments feel between us. She doesn’t listen, and I don’t either. We are a typical kaleshi duo.
When she asked me to leave my work and go on a date with him, I thought she was joking considering the fact that she knows how much I value my work.
I rarely take days off, not even if my health is down.
It was only when I told her no quite a few times and she didn’t budge that I realized that for her the most important thing is my relationship with Reyansh and not my work.
She has always supported the fact that I would much rather have a career than a man in my life, but now that I am married, it seems her priorities have shifted, and not for good.
“I am sorry that Maa pushed you to do something you didn’t want to because of me,” Reyansh says, his hold on me still tight as if he thinks I will disappear or run away if he doesn’t hold me in his arms.
“It is not because of you.” I shake my head.
“I think it’s more because now that I am married, she wishes I would prioritize family over work.
After all, she did that. She left working after I was born.
And her mom never worked in the first place.
I always used to think that she understood how important it was for me to have a career, but I think her priorities have shifted now. ”
Reyansh just keeps looking at me as I let everything off my chest, and I realize how lighter it instantly makes me feel.
I have never had to filter what I want to say when I am with him, which is a relief because growing up as the only daughter of my mother and living with my extended family, I had to bite my tongue so many times to not cause problems for my mother.
“I just…” I lick my lips trying to find better words for my feelings, and his eyes instantly track that movement, and my cheeks heat up.
The tension between us is still the same, if not more.
“I just find it so difficult to talk about my feelings. Especially with her because I know she won’t get what I mean.
The generation gap between us and the way our minds work is so different.
I don’t blame her, but just a little compassion would go a long way.
I love my mom, Rey, but I cannot emphasize enough how much she gets on my nerves sometimes. ”
He nods, and I take a deep breath. I know I was harsh on my mother, but it was all pent-up feelings coming out all at once.
“I understand,” he says, taking hold of my hands in his.
He slowly brings them up to his lips, pressing a firm kiss on the back of my hand, and I feel my heart gaining life.
“I know how hard it was for you and how hard it still is for you. But I want you to know that I understand. I know how important your career has been for you; after all, you have worked so hard for it, and I am so proud of you. One of the reasons why I fell for you is because you were unabashedly ambitious, and not only that, but you also weren’t afraid to admit that you would rather be alone than live a life with someone who didn’t accept your opinions.
It takes courage to be like that, especially in a world like ours, which is so cruel to women who know their worth. ”
There he goes, stealing a piece of my heart that already belonged to him but I had carefully guarded from him.
The reason why I fell for him was because he wasn’t like other guys.
Not in the cliché way. But in the way that he was raised so well that when he said he understood you, you could believe him.
He didn’t say that to shut you down. When he said something, he meant it.
“I know our mothers can be harsh, but we have to remember they just want the best for us,” he adds, and I nod, because I know. “They are probably hurt and disappointed in us and our relationship, and that’s fair. But we can’t let it get to us, hm.”
I nod. “Your mom is better at handling this than mine, though. She loves me.”
“Agree to disagree,” he says, and I chuckle. “But yes, she does love you. You are the daughter she never had. You don’t see me complaining about that, do you?”
“Oh, I do see you sulking in the corner when she is gushing over me,” I tease, and the atmosphere suddenly feels very light and breathable. “Plus I am very lovable.”
He laughs out loud at that, and that feels like a breath of fresh air. Like the warmth of sun on a cold London day.
“That you are. I agree.”
I open my mouth to say something and close it just as soon when I register his words. Did he just render me speechless? Yes. Yes, he did.
“Let’s do one thing,” he adds. “Every day from now on we are going to tell each other our feelings. No matter how hard. No hiding anything from each other.”
“No filter?”
He kisses my cheek, and I smile. “No filter, baby.”
* * *
I could never imagine that one conversation with Reyansh would make me feel so much better.
For the past few days, I had been feeling as if I was a nobody, that maybe my mother didn’t care about me as much as I thought she did because from the day that she came here, she had been pushing me towards Reyansh, regardless of how I felt about it.
“Do you think I should go and talk to Maa?” I questioned Reyansh, who was now working on his phone.
I don’t know if he is going to go to work today or not because when I asked him about it, he said that he will think about it, and truth be told, I don’t want him to go out of the house today.
For whatever selfish reason, I need him here.
I promised myself that I would hold my ground and maintain distance from him, but with each passing day, that becomes near impossible.
With each passing day, I see him becoming more of who he was when we first met, the man I fell for head over heels, while I stay the shell of the woman I was before. And the scary part is, he might just bring that girl back. The one who forgot about the world when she was with him.
He looks at me, keeping his phone aside as if all his attention was meant for me.
“I think you should,” he says, after thinking for a while. “You guys fight all the time. This isn’t any different. Go hug your mom, talk it out, and get over with it.”
I roll my eyes at his tone. “Never knew you were a relationship therapist.”
“I am far from a therapist, but if you ever need any private lessons, let me know,” he chuckles with a wink, and I shake my head even though my whole body gets tingles from his words alone.
“You are gross,” I say, getting up, and his laughter follows me out of the room.
“Maa,” I call her name, only to find her sitting on the sofa, passing glares to Mom from time to time, who stands in the kitchen, cooking breakfast.
“What?” She bites out, and I just know she is mad mad.
While I think her anger is unreasonable, I remember what Reyansh said to me and calm myself down. I cannot solve things without being the patient one. Even if it is in contrast to my nature.
I sit down next to her, and she doesn’t look at me, choosing to stare ahead.
“I am sorry,” I say the words even if they are incredibly hard to say.
I understand her point of view, but I don’t think I am wrong at expecting a little more kindness and compassion from my own mother.
“I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.
I was just overwhelmed and frustrated with how things have been going the past few days.
I still shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. I’m sorry.”
She doesn’t say anything, but I see her demeanor soften, so I take it as a green sign to hug her, and then she completely relaxes in my arms.
“It’s okay,” she says, patting my arms holding her close to me. “I won’t apologize, but I know I was in the wrong too.”
I chuckle. “It’s okay.”
“Yes, I won’t push you to do something you don’t want to. Because it is wrong, and your husband surely doesn’t like you being talked to in that tone.”
“Yes,” Mom says from the kitchen. “I have not seen Reyansh put his foot down that way in front of his elders ever. He can silently disagree but never talks in that way. But he did for you.”
I try to hide it as best as I can, but the smile that curves up my lips can be recognized from a mile away.
Not many people have taken my stand in front of people, let alone my own family, so the fact that Reyansh did it not because he had to but because he wanted to is something so special I can’t even express in words.
“That’s good,” I say, clearing my throat, and they give me a look. “I mean, it’s the bare minimum.”
Mom shrugs. “True. I cannot disagree.”
“But how many people do the bare minimum in your generation?” Maa asks, giving me a pointed look.
“Yes, Maa. We know you are the founder and CEO of the Reyansh Carter fan club.”
“Ha ha,” she says. “Very funny.”
Mom laughs, coming to hug me. “Don’t worry, sweetie. I am the owner of the Aisha Kapoor fan club.”
“Aw,” Reyansh’s voice comes from behind, and I turn to look at him, still in Mom’s arms, and his eyes drop down to her hands holding onto me.
He is in his work clothes. An olive green shirt with brown trousers that makes him look exceptionally hot.
I can’t deny, even at moments I don’t want to like him for his personality and actions, his looks compensate for it.
I mean, how can I hate them when he looks like a five-course meal?
His eyes squint as he stares at us before coming back to my face. “Such a sweet moment that I hate to interrupt, but I am leaving for work.”
“Why?” The question flows out of my mouth before I can stop myself, and I don’t miss how his lips tilt slightly in a smirk.
“I meant,” I correct myself, pulling away from Mom’s hold. “Didn’t you say you were going to stay home?”
“Yes,” he says with a smile. “I have an urgent meeting. It will be late when I get back home today.”
I don’t know why my heart falls as if he has said he won’t come home for the next week, but it does, and I know that is nowhere a good sign.
“Okay” is all I manage to say when he comes up to me.
I pass him a smile as I stare up at him to show that I am okay, but the way he looks at me tells me that he knows what I am feeling. Because maybe somewhere he is feeling the same way too.
For a moment I forget that our mothers are here too as he dips his head to press a firm kiss on my forehead. Just like he used to before, and the feelings that come up in my heart are oddly familiar.
“I will see you soon. I love you.”
I don’t say the words back, but that is not what disappoints me.
What does is how much my heart wanted to say those words back to him.