Chapter 41 Reyansh Carter
Reyansh Carter
Iwish I could open my heart up and show to her how much I mean every single word that I just said to her.
This beautiful woman that I have hurt multiple times—because I am the most idiotic and undeserving person to ever exist—has a chokehold on me. I would do anything for her.
No questions asked. No hesitation.
We break apart when someone knocks on the window.
Of course. What timing.
“Damn, Aisha,” Chhavi says as we step out of the car. Honestly speaking, I forgot that we were here to pick her up. And the way she interrupted us, I would much rather she stayed somewhere else.
With our mothers here, we already get very much less time together even though we wouldn’t even be close to being back together without their help, but still. I would appreciate some privacy and no more guests.
“You didn’t even step out to greet me, so busy romancing your husband.”
Taunt number one. I am keeping a count this time.
“Sorry,” she says sheepishly, giving her a reluctant hug. “We were just talking.”
Chhavi rolls her eyes dramatically, and I take her suitcase from her begrudgingly. Can I send her back already?
“I could see,” she says before focusing on me. “Hello to you too, Reyansh.”
I pass her a tight smile.
“But I didn’t say hello.”
She purses her lips and looks at Aisha, who gives me a look, and I just shrug.
“Is he always so grumpy?” she asks her.
“Not with me, at least,” she shrugs, and I smile. “Come, Chhavi. Maa is waiting for you.”
“Oh, can I sit in the front seat? I get motion sickness.”
Aisha hesitates, and before she can agree, I stop her.
“Actually, the front seat is reserved for her only. But I will hand over the paper bags to you if you get sick.”
Chhavi narrows her eyes, but when she sees that I won’t budge, she reluctantly opens the door of the car, and quite literally, like the brat she is, she slams the door in my face.
“I get you, Aisha,” I say, opening the door for her. “I get you.”
* * *
“So, are you excited?” Aisha asks the brat, who is now sitting behind us with her arms crossed.
She looks more funny than angry, to be fair.
“Of course,” she says, and for the first time I see what you would call a smile on her face. “I can’t wait for the freedom.”
Aisha snorts. “It’s not like you didn’t have that back home, Chhavi. Besides, you’re on a scholarship. You should focus on your studies.”
“Don’t be a buzzkill,” she says, and I roll my eyes.
“She isn’t being a buzzkill,” I say, not able to take her attitude. If it were up to Aisha, she would have never taken her home. But because she values her mom’s opinions so much, we have to tolerate her annoying ass.
But I won’t tolerate this attitude. Especially towards my wife.
Chhavi crosses her arms and sinks further down in her seat as if that is going to affect me.
“You are here for a reason. Even Aisha came here to study, and look at how well she has done. She has made your entire family proud. You should listen to her.”
I try to soften my tone as much as I can, but I can’t help but think that this isn’t going to work on her anyway.
“Yes, I know how focused she was here.” Chhavi rolls her eyes.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Aisha asks, and I can tell she is annoyed now.
“Well, Aisha, it is no new news that your marriage was not so liked by everyone. Like, no offense, but nobody sent you here so that you could bag a British boy and get married within a year or so after graduating without having any set career in sight.”
Just as I am about to open my mouth to give her a piece of my mind, Aisha speaks up, and I can tell that she is mad mad. Like the level of mad that scares me.
“Well then maybe you don’t repeat that mistake. Focus on your studies and not on boys. After all, you had plenty of “fun” back home, didn’t you?”
I agree with whatever she said, but does she really think of me as a mistake? Or did I read the room wrong?
“It is not like I don’t know about your fun lifestyle back home, Chhavi. I am just maintaining both of our dignity. We are sisters, after all.”
She doesn’t argue further, and the tension that fills the car is suffocating. All the while only one word and question keep swirling in my head.
Does she really think I am a mistake?
Is that why she has a hard time thinking of us getting back together? I know I am responsible for our relationship not working, but I also can’t help but think that maybe she has her doubts too.
Because I know she had doubts when we got in a relationship. I know she had doubts while telling her family about me for all the right reasons. I just never thought that she would count it as a mistake.
* * *
Chhavi gets out of the car as soon as I park in front of our house, leaving behind her luggage, and Aisha stares at me, but for the first time, I don’t have the courage to look at her.
Because I have so many questions etched on my face that are going to make her go down that spiral, I don’t want her to ever visit again.
“I will go take her luggage,” she says before getting out of the car, and I take some time to calm myself down.
Maybe I am overthinking.
“Aw, Chhavi,” I hear Maa gush over her as Aisha stands behind them with a frown on her face.
She looks done, and honestly, after her arrival, even I am.
“Thanks, Bua,” she says. “I am tired. Can I take a nap?”
“So welcoming,” I whisper more to myself, but obviously she hears.
“What?” she asks
“Nothing.”
Maa glares at me before turning to Chhavi with a smile.
“Of course, beta,” she says. “Go rest.”
As Chhavi goes and takes her beauty sleep in the guest room, Maa turns to me and Aisha.
“If you’ve welcomed her in your house, treat her with respect.”
“If she treats me with respect and stops commenting on my choices, then sure, I will treat her with respect too.”
“She is right,” I back her up. “I hope she realizes that we are doing this for you, Maa. If she wants the respect of a guest, she has to act like she deserves it.”
Maa shakes her head, probably thinking it’s fruitless to argue with us. I kind of agree with Aisha that she won’t argue with me on stuff. Maybe I do have some leverage for being her son-in-law.
“I hate when kids grow up,” she says to Mom, who just shrugs.
“Maybe listen to them, Meher,” she says. “I mean, if Aisha doesn’t like her staying here, then you shouldn’t have forced her to. If you were my mum, I would have argued till you heard me.”
Maa gasps, and I can’t lie. Even though I have terrible anxiety at the moment, I am severely entertained by their conversations.
“Well, guess what, Margot?” she says, “If you were my kid, I would beat your ass.”
“You guys fight like kids,” Aisha says, done with them.
“Shut up.” Both of them speak at the same time.
Aisha chuckles and gives me a look, but for the first time I don’t meet her eyes.
I won’t pretend that I feel fine. Past me would have done that.
Past me would have plastered a fake smile on his face and acted as if nothing had happened.
Like someone’s words or someone’s actions didn’t just pierce through my heart and make a pit in my stomach so hollow that I wanted to puke my insides out.
But not this Reyansh. I promised myself I would change for the better. For her and for myself.
I aim to keep that promise no matter how difficult it makes me feel.
* * *
Aisha Kapoor
I sense that something is wrong. The conversation we had before Chhavi came made me feel warm. It felt like I could maybe let go. That maybe I wouldn’t have to take the gut-wrenching choice of leaving him.
But after that moment, he has changed as if something or someone is bothering him, and I can’t pinpoint what it is.
It only sucks that I hate having people be mad at me.
My extremely sensitive self acts as if the world is ending, but I need to get over it.
Reyansh has put up with that habit of mine for a long time, but if he is putting in efforts to change his habits that don’t sit right with me, why shouldn’t I?
So I get off my high horse and tell myself to calm down, internally, and take a step towards him.
He is lying down on his side of the bed, scrolling through his phone, and I go and sit down beside him. For the first time in these months, he doesn’t pay attention to me, his eyes focused on his mobile, and I suddenly get this impending urge to take that phone and break it.
“Reyansh?”
“Hm.”
“Can we talk?”
He nods, and I bite my lip to stop myself from losing my calm. I hate when he answers in monosyllables. It gives me the itch to do something.
“Are you mad at me for something?”
My heart thumps louder than the dhols inside my chest, and I gulp hard when he shuts his phone down and looks at me.
He looks me straight in the eyes, and no matter how overwhelming it is under his gaze, I don’t let myself cower down.
“If I ask you something, will you answer truthfully?”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
He purses his lips because he knows I am right. He is the one person I have never lied to. No matter what. Especially not about my feelings.
“Do you think our relationship is a mistake? Do you ever doubt that maybe you would have never reached this point if you had said no to me? I know our relationship was not liked by your family before because in their eyes I am just British. But did you ever have that feeling in your heart that maybe you shouldn’t have been with me? ”
I open my mouth to cut him off because he is speaking absolute rubbish, and I don’t know from where he got that. At what point did I make him feel that he was a mistake?
As far as I know, he is the best decision I ever took in my entire life. In fact, he is my life.
“Do you think loving me was a mistake? Is that why you want a divorce?”
My eyes burn with tears that I won’t let down this time because what the hell is he even saying? Are the words even making sense to him, or is he saying this all to hurt me?
“Can I slap you?”
“Wha—”
I lightly hit him across the face with my hand to shake him up and let him know what utter bullshit he’s saying. It’s not even a slap; it’s a mere touch of my hand against his face, but it’s enough to bring him back to his senses.
“Are you done? Because now I am about to say something that actually makes sense, and you are going to need the last two brain cells of yours to understand it.”
He nods, finally done with his ramble, and I take a deep breath to sort through my thoughts and feelings.
“At what point in our relationship did you think I saw you as a mistake? What did I do that made you feel like that? Because if I did something, I would like to change that. I have never, ever taken you or this relationship for granted. If I saw you as a mistake, I would have rejected you the day you asked me to be your girlfriend. Don’t you know me?
Don’t you know that I would never waste my time on a man like that? ”
His eyes relax, and I see him realizing how stupid he was to question me like that, but I am genuinely hurt.
No matter how much I love that he said his feelings out loud, I would have been happier if he actually tried to make sense of them himself too because this way he just questioned my love for him. Something I have always taken pride in.
“Reyansh, I get that I am not perfect. I know I have made mistakes in this relationship as well. But I never thought I would have done something that made you think I didn’t love you. I thought that was clear since the beginning. You are the first man I have ever loved; I thought that was clear.
“Aisha—” he starts, but I cut him off. Maybe I am overreacting by saying all of this. He is allowed to overthink as well. But I can’t stop when my feelings for him are questioned.
He is the only one I have, and for him to question it makes me feel worthless.
“The reason I asked for a divorce wasn’t because I thought you were a mistake or because I didn’t love you. I asked for a divorce because you didn’t care anymore, and I had lost the ability to keep a dead relationship alive.”
“Then why would you say that to Chhavi?” he asks, his voice soft and almost as if he is going to break down too
“Say what?” I ask, confused.
“In the car. You advised her to not make the same mistake as you.”
God, why are men so stupid?
“Have you always been this stupid, Reyansh?”
He gives me a blank stare, and I swear I could use my mother’s special treatment on this posh boy at the moment, but he wouldn’t survive that.
“Do you even understand me? I said that in a taunt. In sarcasm because she views our marriage as a mistake. I said that because I know arguing with her is pointless. No one in my family would have understood what you mean to me, so I simply don’t care.
My mom likes you, and that has always been enough for me.
If someone thinks I made a mistake, that is on them.
I don’t care. You have never been a mistake to me, Reyansh.
You have always been the best decision I ever made. ”
His eyes soften, and I bury my face in my hands to calm myself down because I am exhausted and hurt.
Hurt from all the times he has doubted me in this relationship and exhausted because I didn’t know it would be so tiring to fix our broken relationship.
“I am sorry,” he says, taking my hands in his, and doesn’t let me go when I try to pull away. Sadly, I am no longer in the mood for his theatrics.
“I just got that word doing rounds in my head on loop and lost my sense of thinking. I just have always been so scared of losing you.”
I look at him, my eyes carrying the hurt I am feeling right now.
“You are all that I have too, Aisha. I can’t risk that. The thought of you leaving me, thinking I am not worth it, or doubting our relationship sends me down this weird spiral that I can never escape even if I try to.”
“I never doubted your love, Aisha.”
“You did. Just now.”
He tries to apologize, but I fear if I say something more, I am going to end up hurting both of us, so I get off the bed.
“No matter what happens, Reyansh, I hope you know that the reason for our separation will always be that the love I was always proud of failed us both and not because I didn’t love you.”
I know my words must have hurt him because his face speaks volumes. He looks broken and doesn’t chase me when I leave our room.
And if nothing else broke us, my words definitely did.