Reyansh Carter
There have been a lot of things that I have been indecisive about in my life.
But if there was one thing I was sure of, one person that I wanted for the rest of my life, one person that I would never, ever let go of, it was Aisha Kapoor.
But when I heard her talking to Maa, when I saw her shaking and breaking in front of my own eyes, I realized that maybe, for a while, I needed to let her go.
Even if it shattered me, even if it made me feel like I had no purpose—because without her I had no purpose—I knew that if I wanted to be in her life, I had to set her free. Even if momentarily.
Even if it broke me.
Last night was special because it made me and Aisha come closer in a way that we never had before, but I couldn’t remove the image of how Louis looked at her and how he tried to be mean to her.
So, this morning when I went to the gym, I decided to give him an answer in a way that he would never forget. By damaging his reputation and releasing stuff about him in the market that he would never want to be revealed.
That he was a cheating, disgusting prick, among other things that are looked down upon in this industry. Of course, I didn’t do it under my or my company’s name, but he would know who was behind it. He just won’t be able to prove it.
I was so happy to know that I could finally let her know this, but when I came back, I heard her sobbing, and that tore apart my heart.
So, even though it sent me into panic mode, I decided to let her free. In the hopes that maybe she would come back.
I reminded myself that God didn’t hate me enough to take the one thing I loved purely and selflessly in my life.
So now, as I sit beside my angry mother in the courtroom, I look at the blank wall ahead of us, waiting for Aisha to come here.
I left home after telling her that I will give her a divorce, and when I asked Aarav to plan everything, he gave me enough gaalis to last me another decade.
No one understands why I am doing this, but I can’t keep holding her back this way.
I don’t want this relationship to turn into a prison for her.
I don’t want her to lose herself for me. I already hate myself enough to have made her do this before.
A shadow of a man comes in front of me, and I finally look up to see a pissed-off Aarav standing in front of me.
“I hate you for doing this,” he says, and I know. I hate me too. “But I am proud of you for being selfless one time in your life.”
I nod, and I hope that some miracle happens.
Something nice. Something that makes her change her mind.
Something that doesn’t break us both in a way where we can’t heal.
* * *
Aisha comes in five minutes before it is time to meet our attorney. I don’t know how Aarav pulled strings together to make this work within a day but I didn’t want her to feel trapped with me even a minute more.
She doesn’t look at me or anyone. Maa holds her hand, and I know this is as tough for her as for me.
For once, I hope she looks at me. Even if it’s for one last time.
My heart breaks even further as I see her walk inside the room when we are called the same way a robot would walk, and it makes me want to kick myself because what have I done?
“I am confirming that this is mutual,” the family attorney says, and we both give him a mechanical nod. My eyes don’t move away from her as he slides the papers in front of us.
“You both need to sign this for further proceedings,” he says, and I nod.
My heart beats as loudly as possible when I see her pick up the pen, and I keep my hands to myself and blink my eyes rapidly to send the tears back.
I can’t break like this. Not when I know she will break too.
“Aisha,” Maa says, and she finally moves to pick up the pen. She moves a little to pick up the pen but still doesn’t sign the papers.
I see her hand shake, and every inch of my body shakes to hold her hand.
What’s wrong?
* * *
Aisha Kapoor
My hand shakes, and I feel everyone’s eyes on me. Especially my husband’s, whom I am here to divorce. His never really do stray away from me, do they?
It was me who wanted this, right? Even when I didn’t fully believe it. Even when I could see how much it was breaking him.
Even when I saw the pain on his face as he let me go yesterday.
So why was I hesitating now?
But ever since he said he would let me go if it meant not losing me, I had been getting flashbacks.
Flashbacks of what I was before him, who I became with him and who I was momentarily after him.
I know which version is the true version. I know which one of those was healthy.
It was always with him.
Maa calls my name once again, and I drop the pen hastily. It drops on the floor with a thud that pierces through the quiet room, and I hear him intake a sharp breath.
“Aisha, are you okay?” His hand comes behind my back, and even though I have hurt him so much, he still cares. He always does, and that proves how wrong I was to think this was a good decision.
“I can’t do this,” I say, standing up, and he follows me.
“What?” he says, and I can feel my heart race.
Both of our mothers stand up, and I can tell they know what I am about to do.
“I can’t do this,” I say to him, and he comes close to me, and I can see the relief and anticipation on his face. Just one night of us being away, and he looks like a man who is tired and exhausted, with tear stains marring his face.
“I thought this was the right thing to do,” I say as I shake slightly and tears run down my face. He holds me steady in my arms, and I feel my heart calm down one touch of his at a time.
“I thought that this was what we both wanted. That this would be healthy. But I was wrong. I don’t want to be away from you.”
“Calm down,” he says, pulling me towards him, and I forget that there are people around us. “It’s okay.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head, and he cups my face in his hands, his thumbs wiping my tears softly. “I love you, Reyansh. I want to stay with you. I want to fight and fix. But I don’t want you to let go. I am sorry for hurting you.”
His own eyes glisten, and a tear slips down his eye.
“I know,” he says. “I know. I could hear the fear in your voice yesterday. I knew that if I wanted you to come back to me fully, I needed to let you go, even if momentarily.”
“So if I gave you a divorce today, you wouldn’t have moved on?”
He shakes his head with a smile, and my heart feels so safe with him.
I was stupid to think I could live without seeing this stupid smile every day. I would never be me if not with him.
“Not in a million years, baby. I would have chased you again after giving you some space. But I meant it when I said that you are stuck with me for every lifetime.”
I chuckled, and I looked at our mothers, who had tears in their eyes too.
No way they would have wanted this too.
“I love you, Reyansh. You are my home.”
“I love you, meri jaan. I am who I am because of you. I am sorry for disappointing you, but I will be a better man.”
He kneels down in front of me, and my eyes widen.
“I don’t have a ring with me right now,” he says, and I smile.
“But I have a heart full of love for you. I have dreams and hopes of waking up next to you, sleeping with you in my arms. I promise to be a better man, and I promise that the only tears you will ever have in your eyes from now on will be of happiness.”
I chuckled, waiting for him to go on.
“So, today, I ask you the one question I asked you years ago,” he says, and tears run down his face. “Will you do me the honor of calling myself your husband? Will you let me remarry you?”
“Yes,” I say, bending down to kiss his face. “I will. I want to be your wife. Always and forever.”
And as he takes me in his arms, wrapped in his embrace, I realize that this is home.
He is my home.
And I have never been happier.