39. Fia
Fia
Idrop the grocery bag in my trunk, giggling at the strawberry Pop-Tarts box on top. It’s not like I could pass up the opportunity to grab Caden’s guilty pleasure. After everything he’s done for me, it’s a simple gesture.
Maybe he’ll find it super odd, but nothing about the last week has been normal.
For instance, the first week I was dating Brett, I sat by my phone, hoping and praying he’d call me, ask me to go out. At night I’d wait until he got off work, just to see a text from him. It was agonizing.
But Caden doesn’t make me wait; he’s right there when I need him. How can it be that the grumpy guy turned out to be my prince charming?
He’s almost too good to be true.
“You know what,” I say way too loudly as I shut the trunk.
Daisy gives me a drooly grin, happily gripping a pouch of yogurt bites as she sits in the shopping cart.
“I think he’ll like the Pop-Tarts. It’s silly and random, like your mama.
” The woman unloading her groceries at the car next to me glances at us, probably thinking I’m having some type of breakdown.
It’s the opposite. I think I’m having an upward spiral?
I woke up in Caden’s arms . . . his incredibly buff, warm, arms. Granted it was 6:00 AM, and I woke up to Daisy crying because she couldn’t find her pacifier, but nonetheless, it was an incredible night.
It might be clinically alarming how many times I’ve replayed all of it in my head.
When I click the buckle into Daisy’s car seat, I lean in to nuzzle her little button nose. She giggles, and my whole heart calms. Knock on wood, her teething episode seems to be done, and though her nap schedule is starting to waver, she’s totally adjusted to being in a new space.
Hamburger will never adjust, but I’ve been trying to placate him with extra treats.
We sit there in the parking lot for a moment to cool down as I plug my phone into the dash and wait for it to power on.
Caden brought it to me as I was about to head out the door—apparently I left it in his living room before we ran out into the storm last night.
Who can blame me for forgetting all about it?
And when he handed it to me, it was dead, so I just threw it in my purse.
“You know what . . . we might have time to swing by the house. Just take a tiny peek,” I say to Daisy, who’s rubbing her eyes.
It’s almost nap time, but my house is on the way back to Caden’s.
It would add an extra three minutes, tops.
I know Caden wanted to wait for it to be a big surprise, but I can still pretend to be surprised. It’s just a roof.
My phone powers on and immediately starts pinging with alerts.
“Shit.”
I start swiping through them.
Penny called me twice last night, and texted me three times this morning. The latest text from a half hour ago.
Penny: Didn’t hear back from you, you’re worrying me, everything okay?
I begin to text her back, but another text pops up.
Penny: Okay, officially freaked out, I’m coming by your house.
My heart drops into my ass, and I grip the steering wheel, the phone falling into my lap. “No, no, no,” I gripe and text Penny back feverishly.
Fia: I’m fine! My phone was just dead, so sorry!
Seconds later three dots appear.
Penny: OMG you brat, I was worried sick. I’m already near the house, you home?
Fia: I’m actually at the grocery store.
Everything is spiraling, my fingers are shaking, my throat tightening with every passing second.
Penny: That’s fine, I have something I picked up for Daisy. I’ll leave it on the front porch.
I pause, taking a deep breath, because if I start hyperventilating, nothing good will happen. I will be stuck here in this parking lot until I calm down.
“Okay, Fia, it’s okay . . . The roof is not finished, maybe the house still looks exactly the same on the outside actually,” I murmur, eyes flashing to the mirror. Daisy’s lashes fan over her rosy cheeks. She’s nearly asleep.
So much for making it back to the guesthouse in time for her afternoon nap.
It’s fine. It’s all fine.
I’ll wait a few minutes here in the parking lot, then head to the house and grab whatever Penny left for Daisy.
I crank the air as high as it goes, letting it blow cold on my forehead as I lean against the steering wheel, praying I don’t get a call from Penny, praying the dumpster has been moved from the side of the house.
After ten minutes have passed and there are no new texts from my sister, I exhale the breath I’ve been holding in. My head feels dizzy, but Penny would’ve called me, freaking out if she saw something out of the ordinary at the house.
So I don’t wake Daisy, I drive slowly in silence and turn onto the old familiar street. Tall oak trees span their branches over the road, casting my car in a shadow as I near the blue Victorian house.
But as I slow down, ready to pull into the driveway, my eyes land on my sister, standing in the yard, her back to me, hands on her hips. She’s not looking straight ahead though, she’s looking up.
At the roof.
There are no patches of moss or ripped shingles. There’s a brand-new roof.
I wince when the car bumps along the cracks, but Daisy’s eyes remain shut. My sister and I lock eyes through the windshield, the blood draining from my face.
“Hey,” I croak, opening my door as quietly as possible. I leave the car running with the AC on as I step into the yard towards my sister.
“Holy shit, Fi—” She turns fully towards me, fists at her thighs. “You can’t just ghost me. I was so worried when you didn’t even read my message.” She hurries towards me now, smacking her gum as she comes around, pulling me into a hug.
My body doesn’t respond though, my arms limp as she quickly lets go of me, staring me straight in the eye. I open my mouth but it’s bone-dry. Why isn’t she saying anything about the roof?
“You okay?” Penny asks.
“Yeah, sorry.” I scratch my head. “Daisy woke up early and now she’s sleeping in the car. I think we’re both just out of it.”
Penny raises her brows and makes a face. “Rough night?”
It feels like the entire weight of the house is on my shoulders, and part of me yearns to come clean right here, right now.
I force a laugh but it comes out strained. “It’s all good.” Other than the fact that Caden didn’t mention the roof was done almost two weeks early. Seems like important news to tell the homeowner.
Penny steps towards the back door of the car. “I’ll carry Daisy in if you want to grab your groceries.”
My stomach falls even deeper into the pit of despair. My lungs burn as I search for oxygen, which has seemed to evaporate from the air.
“No, wait!”
Penny’s eyes travel over my shoulder, beyond me to the house.
“What is wrong with you?” She stares at me. “First, you don’t tell me you fixed the porch and shutters, and now you’re barely texting me back.”
“Fixed the shutters . . . porch . . .” I repeat, turning around to look at the house.
All six of the shutters across the second story of the house are straight, with a bright new coat of white paint. My gaze drops to the front porch. I step towards it, not believing what I’m seeing.
“What the hell?”
I walk up the wood steps leading to the house. They don’t bow. Fresh new wood, unstained and solid.
I never agreed to anything but fixing the roof. I can’t afford all of this.
There’s such a loud buzzing in my ear that I don’t hear Penny until she’s right in front of me, her eyes studying my face.
“Fia, you’re freaking me out. What’s going on?”
“I . . . I . . .” I shut my eyes, and Penny’s hand steadies my shoulder. I open them, knowing I’m about to open a can of worms, but there’s no choice now.
The bubble around me had to burst at some point, I just didn’t think it would happen like this.
“It was only supposed to be the roof,” I stammer, arms pinned to my sides. “He was only supposed to fix the roof. I didn’t know about this.”
Penny continues to watch me, waiting for clarity I’m not sure I can provide.
“A new roof?” She tilts her head, and I bite my cheek so hard I taste blood. My sister lets go of me and backs up into the yard, eyeing the roof.
She walks towards the driveway, checking the house out at a different angle, but I stay frozen in my spot.
“Wait—is that a new AC unit too?” Penny points and I shake my head.
“No?” I croak, rushing to her side.
But a shiny new unit sits next to the house, humming to life in the summer heat.
Penny spins around. “Please tell me what’s going on . . .”
I shove my hands into my pocket. “I need to check on Daisy.” I jog back to the car and peer in the window. She’s still napping soundly in the cool backseat.
Penny is hot on my heels though, arms crossed over her pink tank top.
“Is this why you’ve been avoiding me for weeks?” She doesn’t sound angry, but her voice wavers.
It’s teetering on hurt, which is truly a hundred times worse.
“It was just supposed to be a roof fix,” I mumble, the backs of my eyes stinging fiercely. “I swear to you, I didn’t know about anything else.”
“I’m just confused. How can you not be aware of what’s happening here? You live here.”
Her voice is sharp and I want to cry.
“Listen, it’s complicated.” I stumble a step away, my sandal sinking into soft summer grass.
“Last month, I found a leak, which turned into the entire roof needing to be replaced. But I figured it out. I had no idea it was done already. If I had known, I would’ve already told you.
As soon as I moved back in, I was going to have a family dinner. ”
I slap a palm to my mouth. But it’s too late.
Penny’s face flushes. “Wait—you haven’t been living here?”
I shake my head. “For safety reasons, I had to move out while they worked on the house.”
For the past few weeks I imagined telling my sister about this, but this isn’t how it was supposed to happen. I certainly never imagined feeling sick to my stomach, or having to justify things I have no answers to.
Caden wasn’t honest with me about the timeline, and I wasn’t honest with Penny about the house repairs. And now I look like a complete idiot. None of this is happening like it’s supposed to.
Penny’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts. “So how long have you been living somewhere else?”
“I have everything under control,” I reply, but Penny shakes her head.
She throws her arm back towards the house. “Clearly not. Not if you had to hide this from me. I thought we were done hiding things from each other.”
Her face falls, hurt lacing every word, and tears well in my eyes.
With a sob, the dam breaks and every nerve, every fear I’ve been suppressing since the first drop of water fell in my house, comes pouring out. My body quakes with emotion, but I can’t stop, I can’t hold back now.
“I’ve been living at Caden’s guesthouse for the last four weeks. He loaned me the money for this roof.” I slap my hands on the side of my legs, shrugging, fighting back the tears.
Penny steps back. “I don’t understand . . . why didn’t you come to me? Or Danny, or Jesse?”
I let out a bitter laugh.
“Are you serious, Penny?” I clench my fists. “You would’ve used this as an opportunity to control everything. You would’ve had us moved out permanently before I could even blink.”
Penny scoffs, brows pulled tighter. “And you thought hiding it from us was the better option?”
Guilt gnaws at my already bleeding chest when I think about Jesse. Clearly, he kept his word to me. Doesn’t matter now though.
“Maybe I did lie.” I swipe the tears away, swaying with anxious energy. “But I just wanted to prove to you all that I deserve to stay here, that I am able to handle things on my own.”
Puffy white clouds move above us in the sunny sky, and cars drive slowly down the residential street as the moment stretches between us.
Just when I think she’s going to say nothing, she shakes her head, eyes cast down.
“Well, you handled it alright. You borrowed money from a man you barely like, and you’re not even aware of what’s happening to our family home.”
Her words sting more than they should. Because she doesn’t even know the extent of what his unapproved repairs mean.
She doesn’t know the pain in my chest from realizing he hid things from me.
Even if they were good-natured, he knows that transparency is important to me.
He knows what this home means to me, and I trusted him with that.
I kick at the grass, ready for the earth to open and swallow me whole.
“Did you forget that we all own this house?” Penny whispers.
“That’s not fair.” My gaze snaps to her amber eyes. “You want nothing to do with this house—you would burn it all down if you had the chance.”
Penny shakes her head slowly. “I just want what’s best for you and Daisy . . . and I may not want to hold on to it, but I’d never let someone I barely know fix it without consulting everyone.”
“Stop saying that. Caden’s not a stranger.” I sniff. “I trust him.”
Well, I did this morning when I woke up.
“Holy shit.” Her amber eyes go wide. “Are you with him?”
My jaw grinds. I say nothing.
“Fia, if you’re in trouble, you can tell me. If you’re indebted to him . . .” She pauses, inhaling sharply, like she’s the one who’s about to have an emotional breakdown. “I hope you thought this through. You have a daughter now, you know.”
Her words hit me like a sledgehammer.
“Did you really just say that? Everything I do is for her.” My voice is hoarse as I bite my cheek, fighting back more tears. “I’m not a child, Penny, you don’t get to decide who I should or shouldn’t be involved with.”
Penny throws her hands up.
“You’re right. You’re not a child, but take some advice from me—no good relationship starts with hiding things from each other.”
Penny brushes past me, pausing at her car door. “I need to go home. I hope you know what you’re doing.”
I stand motionless as my sister gets in her car and backs away.
It took five minutes to destroy everything I’ve been working for.
Five whole minutes.