40. Fia
Fia
Atiny wave of sour relief rolls over me when the Jeep is gone from the driveway. Despite thinking about what I was going to say to Caden the whole drive home, I still have no idea how to handle this.
But I just keep moving. It takes a bit of coaxing, especially with my heart racing, but I finally get Daisy to fall back asleep for a nap in her crib.
Which means, I only have another thirty minutes before she’ll be up again.
I use the time to put the groceries away and clean up a bit.
Anything to stay distracted from the ache in my stomach.
As I toss the Pop-Tarts into the back of the cabinet, the sound of tires crunching down the driveway pulls my attention to the window.
Caden steps out of his Jeep, carefree, face covered with his signature aviator sunglasses. He steps into the garage, returning to the driveway seconds later with a bottle of beer hanging loosely in his fingers. Completely unaware that everything has changed for me.
My throat is tight as I clench my fist to my chest. I could wait to talk to him tonight, after Daisy is asleep and there’s more time, but there’s no way I can go a whole day pretending everything is fine. He’ll see right away that I’m barely holding on by a thread.
So I slip on my shoes and step outside to join him.
Just this morning I was dreaming about our future, trusting him with my life, and now I have to force myself to look at him.
He tips back his head, cooly, with a small grin. “There she is.”
Caden sits on the edge of a lounge chair, patting the spot next to him, but I can’t bring myself to sit down.
“You alright there?” He takes a sip of his beer.
I shield my eyes from the sun. “Yeah, yeah.” I attempt to sound casual, shuffling my feet a bit. “Hey, remind me, exactly how much is the repair loan for?”
Caden drops his phone beside him and leans back to look up at me. It’s been a while since we discussed the price—he’s expertly avoided the subject for weeks. I already put a hundred dollars from my pay aside though.
“You’re asking how much I paid Eddie?” he repeats the question, and I force a small smile and nod.
“You said you paid for the repairs up front and it was like twelve k, right?”
Caden pulls his sunglasses off. “Yep. Like twelve k.” He smiles but my shoulders stiffen.
And what, the AC was thrown in for free?
“So I saw my sister today,” I say, feeling my heart staccato with each word.
Caden sets his beer down, and the air shifts between us.
“Oh? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I cross my arms over my chest, the sun beginning to heat me beyond comfort. “Actually, no, it’s not . . . I didn’t text her back last night, so she was worried about me and Daisy. She went to my house this morning, and I met her there.”
Caden slowly stands. “Oh . . .” The color drains from his face, but he doesn’t say anything else.
“The funny thing is,” I say, without an ounce of humor, “she didn’t notice the new roof at first. The first thing she noticed was the porch . . . then the shutters . . . then the new AC unit.”
We lock eyes, and I wait. The ball’s in his court.
“Damn.” He tips his chin up. “You weren’t supposed to go yet. I wanted that to be a surprise.”
“Well, color me surprised,” I bite out, unable to hide my hurt.
“You’re pissed,” he replies, and it’s not a question but a statement.
Caden steps towards me, but I lift my hand and step back, snapping my gaze to his.
“Yeah, I’m pissed. You didn’t ask me if I was okay with all the other repairs. Let alone consider if I could afford them.” I shake my head. “You have no idea how my sister looked at me when I had to admit I wasn’t aware of the extra work.”
“Fia—I’m sorry. I didn’t want to bother you with small details and stress you out, so when I saw something wrong I took care of it.”
“I just wish I wasn’t blindsided,” I reply, my voice a raspy whisper as tears well in my eyes. “And it’s not for you to decide what stresses me out. That’s my house, Caden, it’s my home. You had no right.”
He reaches out and touches my arm. “You were hardly sleeping and constantly slipping up at work, so I thought I was protecting you by not telling you.”
I shake my head, fighting hard to hold my ground. “Even if you were trying to do the right thing, we had an agreement that you’d be honest with me, transparent. I feel like you took the little control I had over my life away from me.”
“I was going to tell you about the extra repairs tomorrow, I swear.” His face drops but I take another step back, widening the distance between us. “And I never expected you to pay me back . . . for any of it.”
I cock my head back, unsure I heard him right.
“No,” I say sharply, losing resolve. “We agreed on a loan. I don’t want a handout.”
“It’s not a handout, it’s a gift.”
“So this whole time, you were never planning on letting me pay you back?” I ask, my shoulders cramping with tension.
Caden sighs, dropping his head. “Maybe at first, but no . . . I never expected you to repay me.”
“Why, do you not think I’m capable?” I ask, my voice shaky and getting louder. “You know how important it was to me to do this, to feel like I own that house, to pay you. You knew that.”
My pride is crushed as I stand here feeling two feet tall in front of the man I’ve been falling for.
Caden opens his mouth but I cut him off.
“I think you were right,” I say.
“About what?” he rushes out.
“Maybe we shouldn’t have mixed business and pleasure.”
“Fia, please—”
I step back, stumbling over the lounge chair behind me. “I need time to think. I want to be alone right now, please.”
Turning, I walk into the guesthouse, and once the door is shut behind me, I sink to the floor, curling into a ball.
Hamburger pads over, sniffing my face.
“I fucked up everything,” I whisper to him.
It hurts too much. I can’t cry, all I can do is lie on the cool floor, letting the numbness take over. I don’t know how long I’m down here, and it’s not until Daisy lets out a cry that I snap out of it and attend to her.
Caden doesn’t knock on the door, and he doesn’t text me.
Our cookout doesn’t happen.
In fact, I don’t see him at all the rest of the day, and by the time I walk outside the next morning, his car is gone from the driveway and it’s quiet on the property.
Like he never existed at all.