Chapter 15
Tori
Dead on my feet after back-to-back shifts at the gym and Neon Possum, I climbed the porch stairs, cursing as the tip of my shoe got caught on the second step for the umpteenth time.
Fuck you, porch stair. I’d bet anything this goddamn thing wasn’t standardized.
Gran opened the front door with a flourish. She was wearing a feather boa and a sparkly gold sash that said BIRTHDAY QUEEN. While this shouldn't technically surprise me, it was a little confusing since today was definitely not her birthday.
“Excellent,” she declared, grabbing my arm and yanking me inside. “You’re just in time for the dry run.”
Confused, I stumbled inside. “Huh? The what?”
But then Kai stepped out of the kitchen, holding a tray of teacups and a small plate of Double Stuf Oreos — Gran’s favorite — as though he’d been practicing this for years. A huge, glittering gold cowboy hat sat crookedly on his head.
I frantically checked myself over, hoping he wouldn’t comment on the fact that I was wearing one of the hoodies he supposedly kept forgetting in my room.
“Hey!” He was smiling a little too broadly, like he was trying not to laugh. “Your gran’s funeral’s gonna go off.”
I slow-blinked, then closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath, beseeching whatever higher power might be listening for patience.
Opening my eyes, I raised my brows and asked Gran, “You roped him into this?”
Gran sniffed. “He volunteered. He said, ‘Anything for you, Janet.’ And then he kissed my hand like a proper gentleman.” She turned to him and squeezed his bicep with both hands. “Look at this angel. Your mother must’ve eaten very well during pregnancy, dear.”
Kai flushed bright red. “Uh. I … yeah? Maybe? I dunno.”
He clearly had no idea how to respond, and Gran cackled with glee. I wanted to melt into the floor. Could puddles of human goo feel mortified?
Gran clapped her hands together, her gold rings flashing.
“Places, everyone! This is my rehearsal. I need to know my funeral will be a party, not one of those boring weepy things. If people are sad, I will haunt them. Tori, darling, stop glaring. I’m old, I’m allowed to plan fun things.”
“A funeral is not supposed to be a fun thing!” I threw my hands in the air. “Besides, you’re perfectly healthy, as you very well know.”
“I’ve outlived two husbands,” she shot back. “Which makes me statistically riskier. Alright! Kai, dear, you’re carrying the casket.”
I choked on a breath. “THE WHAT?!”
Gran pointed to a cardboard box spray-painted gold with glitter glued around the edges, sitting in the middle of the living room.
“Oh my God,” I whispered, staring at the sparkling thing in horror.
“It’s symbolic.” Gran patted my arm. “Now, Kai, lift it up, dear.”
Kai obeyed without question — he was apparently delighted by her antics — and set the tray down to hoist the monstrosity over his shoulder as though it weighed nothing. Glitter fluttered across the room.
He’d be sparkling like Edward Cullen for the rest of the week but he didn’t so much as bat an eye.
Of course he didn’t.
“Oh!” Gran clapped. “Look at you! A perfect pallbearer. Tori, you stand next to him and prepare your speech.”
“What speech?”
“The one you’ll give when I’m dead, darling. Something heartfelt.” She pointed one bony finger at me. “None of that sarcasm.”
Kai snorted so hard he almost dropped the box. “Yeah, good luck.”
I glared at him, but his grin only widened. Gran smacked him affectionately with her boa, which earned him a mouthful of feathers.
Ah, Karma.
“Okay!” Gran announced. “Processional music!”
She pressed play on her speaker and the opening beats of 'Another One Bites the Dust' filled the room.
I covered my face with both hands. “I can’t be here.”
But Kai … Kai was having the time of his life.
He hip-checked me lightly with the cardboard casket, genuinely dancing his way past the couches, navigating Gran’s furniture maze with impossible grace for a man shaped like a fucking boulder. He even did a little shoulder shimmy in my direction.
“C’mon, Tori. At least pretend you’re having fun. Your gran’s put heaps of effort in.”
He looked ridiculously happy; being in my house with my family and doing the stupidest thing imaginable seemed to be exactly where he wanted to be.
Something in my chest tightened when I realized how right it felt — too right. Scarily so. This was why I didn’t let people get close.
Because he’d leave.
He’s leaving, he’s leaving, he’s leaving. I chanted this in my head, never allowing myself to forget he wasn’t staying; that he’d return to his real life, while I stayed here with mine.
Gran lay down with a theatrical flourish across the loveseat, arms folded across her chest.
“Okay! Imagine I am dead. Tears only from ugly criers. Tori, begin.”
“I’m not doing this.” I stubbornly shook my head, folding my arms across my chest.
“Kai?” Gran turned to face him dramatically.
Kai cleared his throat, his expression suddenly softening. “Uh, right. Janet … cheers for kind of adopting me.”
My chest did that tightening thing again, only it was sharper this time.
He continued, though more quietly.
“And for feeding me. And for giving me cookies even when Tori reckoned I didn’t need them. And for telling me I’ve got good shoulders, I suppose?”
“You do,” Gran said solemnly.
Kai nodded. “Yeah. Going to miss you.”
Gran sat up slightly. “Well don’t make it sad, dear!”
Kai opened his mouth as if he were going to try again, then shifted his gaze to me, looking helpless. I had to look away.
This was too much. Because while he had been joking around earlier, this — this softness, this gentle earnestness — wasn't pretend.
He cared. He cared about her, cared about being here and he cared about us.
“Oh!” Gran gasped suddenly. “I forgot the most important part! The conga line!”
“The conga li— no!” I held up both hands. “Absolutely goddamn not.”
But Kai had already set down the makeshift casket, grabbed my hips and steered me forward like a human forklift. “C’mon,” he breathed into the back of my hair, but I could hear the smile in his voice. “It’s a mock funeral. Live a little.”
His hands were big and warm on me and I could feel his breath brushing my skin.
Tingles shot all the way down my spine, setting my whole body on fire as he brushed the softest kiss on the side of my neck.
This wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t sensible, either. This was precisely why I avoided getting close to people. Most people left me behind eventually, and I’d stopped having expectations in this regard.
No expectations, no disappointments.
Gran joined us, and we formed a three-person conga line around the living room. She swung her boa and shouted, “CELEbrATE MY MORTALITY!” at the top of her lungs.
Kai couldn’t keep it together any longer, breaking out into a fit of laughter. It was a deep, warm, full-body laugh I could feel in my ribs as he hunched over and rested his forehead on my shoulder.
He fit here, in my house, with my ridiculous family, like he’d always belonged and that was what scared me. While Gran was yelling about her impending imaginary death, I was dealing with something far more real.
I was in trouble.
Serious, heart-squeezing, stomach-dropping trouble.
I’d been trying to pretend it wasn’t happening. Trying to pretend he wasn’t becoming part of my daily life, to pretend he wasn’t slipping under my skin and pretend he wasn’t looking at me as if I were worth staying for.
But there he was, wearing a ridiculous cowboy hat and carrying my grandmother’s fake coffin, dancing as if he’d never been happier.
He was looking at me as if this were how it was supposed to be, as if he actually cared about me.
And when the horrifying, terrifying truth slammed into me, I realized the feeling was mutual.
I was falling for him, and not just the idea of him. Not for his body, his jokes or the chaotic brand of joy he brought to my life.
Him.
The gentle giant who remembered Gran’s favorite cookies.
Who filled my water bottle without being asked.
Who wasn’t too afraid to ask me for help, to show his vulnerability.
Who listened — actually listened — when I talked about losing my fight last year.
Who fixed the squeaky hinge on our hallway door and pretended he didn’t.
Who didn’t give a shit when I was being a prickly bitch and just smiled until I got over myself.
Who humored Gran and went along with all her ridiculous ideas.
It felt like I’d been sucker-punched and slammed down on the mat simultaneously. There was no air left in my lungs; no air was coming in to fill them.
There was no air.
This wasn’t the plan.
I wasn’t supposed to get attached; I wasn’t supposed to want someone who was only temporary. We’d agreed this thing between us was only temporary. Kai was leaving and he wanted to leave.
I couldn’t survive that kind of exit. What the fuck was I supposed to do?
Gran leapt onto the couch and struck a dramatic pose. “AND SCENE!”
Kai bowed deeply like he had just finished a performance on Broadway, while I stood there frozen, my heart pounding and my mind screaming.
Then he looked at me, his face still flushed from laughing, his cowboy hat askew and glitter coating every inch of him. My heart skipped a beat, then pounded against my ribcage, almost like it wanted to break free.
I can’t fall for someone who’s leaving.