10. Lani
10
Lani
L ani was working on the couch, sketching ideas for a new mural in Hilo, when Rory crawled up next to her.
“Mama, can we read the whale book?”
“In a minute,” Lani said, distracted.
“We don’t have a whale book,” Olivia said.
“The whale book,” Rory repeated, popping up on her knees to get a better look at Olivia on the other end of the couch. “The book about the whales!”
“This one?” Olivia asked, holding up the novel they had started the day before.
“Yes, the whale book!”
“Those aren’t whales. They’re orcas.”
“She’s a killer whale!”
“Orcas are dolphins,” Olivia told her with exaggerated patience.
“The book is called Whale of the Wild ,” Rory shouted.
“Dolphins are toothed whales,” Lani said with a sigh, setting her tablet aside. “They’re all cetaceans.”
Rory stuck her tongue out at Olivia.
“None of that,” Lani scolded. “Do you both want to read more of this book?”
“Yes!” Rory said, bouncing on her knees.
Olivia nodded.
“Okay. One chapter, and then I need to get some more work done. Deal?”
“Deal!” Rory said.
Lani’s phone pinged, and she checked the screen.
“Mom,” Rory groaned. “You promised.”
“Sorry, it’s from Alohi. She sent the pictures.”
Rory gasped. “Our family photos?”
“Right, those pictures.”
“Let me see! Let me see!”
“Okay, okay,” Lani laughed. She followed the link to the website where Alohi had uploaded the photos, and she was unprepared for the magnitude of the emotion that hit her when she saw them.
The first picture was a more traditional shot, the four of them all together in the golden light of morning, and it made Lani’s eyes burn with a fierce and almost fearful sort of gratitude. This was something that she never thought she would have, their perfect little family of four. Sometimes, amid the kids’ squabbling and the endless piles of laundry, she lost sight of just how precious those everyday moments were.
“There we are,” she said, tapping on another one of the pictures to zoom in. It was a great shot, striking in its simplicity. Tenn stood with one arm around her and the two girls stood in front of them. All of them except for Rory were smiling at the camera; she stood with her chin lifted and her head back, grinning up at her mom.
“I love it!” Rory reached out and swiped to the next one. “Look, Livie! Your hair is like gold!”
“That’s why they call it golden hour,” said Lani. “When the sun is low in the sky, the light is warmer. Look how our skin is glowing golden too.”
Alohi had done a beautiful job with the edits, making their faces glow without it looking overwrought or artificial. Rory was beaming, but when Lani glanced over at Olivia, the girl looked stricken.
“Livie? Are you okay?”
“I don’t look like any of you,” she said in a tiny voice.
Lani looked at the photos again. It was true; the contrast was strong. Rory, Lani, and Tenn all had black hair and dark brown eyes. Olivia, with her golden hair and bright blue eyes, looked nothing like them.
“It’s okay, Livie.” Rory leaned over Lani’s lap to pat Olivia’s arm. “You’re so pretty.”
“I don’t care about pretty!” Olivia exclaimed.
Rory doubled down. “I wish my hair was gold too.”
“You don’t get it!” She turned and ran down the hall.
Rory looked to Lani with wide eyes. “Why’s she mad, Mama?”
Lani was quiet as a number of things clicked into place in her mind. She thought of how often aunties and uncles and even other kids assumed that Rory was her and Tenn’s daughter while assuming that Olivia must be a friend of theirs.
She stood and moved to follow Olivia. When Rory followed her, she shook her head.
“I want to help her feel better too!” Rory insisted.
“Thank you, sweetheart, but let me talk to her alone for a minute.”
Rory crossed her arms and wrinkled her nose.
“Thank you,” Lani said again with finality.
“Can I watch cartoons?”
She sighed. “Sure.”
“Yes!” Rory bounced back to the couch.
Lani walked down the hall and found Olivia sitting on the floor of her room, trying to color her hair with a black marker – washable, thankfully. It was an impossible task even for a kid with two good arms, and Olivia still had a cast on. Lani sat down next to her and gently took the marker from her hand.
Olivia burst into tears.
Lani sat there, rubbing her back like she had done for Rory hundreds of times – but never Olivia, she realized. They hadn’t been a family all that long, and Olivia was a calm, self-contained sort of kid. When she was upset, she went to her dad.
“I just want to look like my family,” Olivia sobbed. She pulled her legs up to her chest and buried her face in her knees.
“You look like your grandma,” Lani said weakly. Olivia looked like her mother too, but Lani didn’t think that bringing up her dead mother was the right thing to do in that moment.
But maybe that was wrong. Maybe Olivia needed to talk about her, needed to see pictures of her. There were none in the house, and until that moment it had never occurred to Lani to wonder if that was hard on her stepdaughter.
“But I don’t look like you,” Olivia said, still crying. “I don’t even look like my dad!”
“Families don’t always look alike,” Lani said, her voice low and soothing.
“ You all do!”
“Yeah,” she acknowledged. “We have black hair and brown eyes.”
“No one ever thinks I’m yours, but everyone always thinks that Rory is his! It’s not fair!”
Lani’s heart sank. So she had noticed. Of course she had.
“Everyone else looks like their families,” Olivia sobbed.
“That’s not true,” Lani said gently. “Look at your friends. The twins have bright red hair, but their mom’s hair is golden like yours. Emma has brown hair and green eyes, but Kai has black hair and brown eyes. Lots of families look different.”
“I don’t want to look different,” Olivia said, leaning into her.
Lani put both arms around her. “I hear you.”
“Will you help me make my hair black like yours?”
“Oh, Livie,” she sighed. “I love your golden hair. And there’s no changing your bright blue eyes. But that’s okay. That’s good. We love you just the way you are.”
Eventually, Olivia stopped crying. She was quiet for a while, just sitting there cuddled into Lani.
“Hey Mom?” she said after a while. While Rory said ‘Dad’ with a comfortable confidence, there was still a sort of hesitation in the way that Olivia said ‘Mom’.
“Yeah?”
“Sometimes families wear matching clothes.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” She leaned back and looked at her, the blue of her eyes brighter than ever with the whites pink from crying. “Sisters wear the same dresses, or everybody wears the same t-shirts, like that.”
“You want me to find us some matching clothes?”
Olivia nodded, and her lower lip trembled.
“Then maybe people will know I’m part of the family too,” she said through her tears.
Her distress was so pitiful that it brought tears to Lani’s eyes too.
“Okay,” she agreed. “We can find some matching clothes.”
Olivia put her arms around Lani’s middle and squeezed her fiercely. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, baby,” she said, holding her tight.
They sat like that for a long time.
When Lani did go back to her tablet, it wasn’t to work. It was to order a few sets of matching dresses and family t-shirts in an effort to help her bonus daughter to feel at home in their family of four.
These things took time; she knew that. She couldn’t just snap her fingers and make things better for Olivia. But she would help her along in any way that she could.