Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
BIG RED
ONE HOUR AGO
A fter picking the kids up from school, they convinced me to go to the grocery store to get ingredients to make homemade cookies for their movie night with Alice. Their movie nights have become a ritual in our home at least three times a week.
As we stroll up an aisle, I make sure to scan my surroundings. With Chloe and Declan being MIA, I’ve become more vigilant. I have a gut feeling Chloe isn’t done. When she finally comes out of hiding, I hope she smartens up and moves on because if coming for my kids is her move, then it’s a deadly one.
I watch as Cindy and Colt throw all kinds of junk into our kart. They have everything from chocolate chips, M&M’s, peanut butter chips, raisins and so on. When Colt throws an enormous-sized bag of marshmallows into the mix, I decide to intervene.
“Is all of this really necessary, guys?”
Cindy turns around with a hand on her hip. “Dad, you know snacks are a must for movie night. We’ve never done cookies before, and we need options.”
I chuckle as she gives me her sassy little attitude before turning back to the shelf. I stand off to the side, allowing her and her brother to get whatever the want.
Growing up, my parents lived paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes, meals were skipped because my father was constantly drinking. My mom did everything in her power to keep the house maintained. She would go as far as to hide money because she knew he would beat her for any money he knew she had.
Once I became a father, I wanted to spoil my kids in a way I never was. I needed their entire upbringing to be different from mine. Chloe threw a wrench in my plans, leaving them behind, but I think I’ve done a pretty good job at giving them a great life.
As if the universe is in tune with my thoughts, I hear a voice that makes my heart drop into my stomach.
“Clifford?”
I spin around, facing the woman who birthed me. The day she chose to side with Senior over me, I couldn’t look at her the same. I already resented her because she never took us out of there. She kept me in a place where I was scared to close my eyes at night.
My love for her is why I stepped in that night I beat Senior. But when I walked out that door, it was like I had set myself free from not only him but her as well. Everything about them is toxic. I’ve called her a few times over the years. Part of me just wanted to make sure she was still alive.
Our conversations were never long. I always asked her the same two things. Are you okay, and is there anything you need?
Even though I didn’t care much for her anymore, she was still my mother. She wasn’t ever abusive to me. At one point, my mother truly loved me, but she loved Senior more.
“Paula.” Hurt shines in her eyes from me using her name. I would like to say that I care, but she lost the privilege of being called mom years ago.
Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I look over my shoulder to make sure the kids are still occupied.
I don’t want them to know who she is.
Paula gasps when she notices the kids. Her eyes water as she places a hand over her mouth. “Y-you have kids? How come you never told me?” she splutters.
Looking her up and down, I pinch my nose, shaking my head. She can't be serious. Even with a well-coated face, I can still see the black eye she’s trying to hide behind that makeup.
Not to mention, it’s ninety-eight degrees outside, so I know that scarf she has on is not a fashion choice.
I’m not surprised that Senior is still up to no good. What I am taken aback about is the fact that Paula is dumbfounded that I never discussed my kids with her.
“Because I never intended to bring them around you or Senior.”
Paula gulps before looking around nervously. “Look, I know your childhood wasn’t perfect, but?—”
“Perfect? That’s a joke, right?” I laugh. “Paula, my childhood was a damn nightmare. Instead of making the boogeyman go away, you laid in bed with him every night. Do you know how I felt watching you be slapped down to the ground time and time again? Do you know how it felt to feel weak because I couldn’t save the one person I loved? You’re right. My childhood wasn’t perfect. It was hell.”
Tears stain her cheeks as she quickly wipes them away. A few shoppers stare at us as they pass by. Paula takes a look at the kids before turning back to me.
“Cliff, honey, you don’t understand. Your father just gets a little angry, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.”
Anger brews inside of me. How could she be this loyal to someone who treats her the way that he does? It’s not like my mother can’t leave because she’s stuck. She chooses to stay. That’s where my lack of respect for her comes in.
Biting my lip to prevent an outburst, I look away for a moment. After I feel calm enough, I speak my piece.
“If you say so. But the next time you start to question why I won't allow you around my children, just look in the mirror.” I pull her scarf down slightly, exposing the fingerprints around her neck. “ That right there is it. I will never subject my kids to what you did to me.”
I walk away and gather the kids. They are still browsing over options, so luckily, my little tiff with Paula goes unnoticed. As we are checking out, I notice Paula watching us from afar. She looks crushed, but that doesn’t have anything to do with me.
The day she chose Senior was the day she drew the line in the sand.
On the drive home, the rage takes over me. I am ready to explode. I thought I had buried my feelings for my parents, but seeing Paula today struck a fuse.
All the memories came flooding back to me. Every hit, every insult, every sleepless night I went to bed hungry, listening to my mother be beaten was replaying in my mind.
I am so zoned out I don’t even realize that I have pulled up to our home until Cindy taps my shoulder.
“Dad, are you alright?”
Trying to save face, I give her a small smile. “Yeah, baby girl, I’m okay. Let's get these bags inside.”
When we exit the truck, Marco is on his porch and yells to Cindy and Colt to come over when they are done. Something about Hannah already being there, and they are hopping on Fortnite .
After we get the bags inside and unloaded, the kids double-check if it is okay to go over to Marco’s. I hurriedly agree, seeing as I am not in the best mood.
I sit in the kitchen, sulking and downing shots. I don’t want to be this angry. I need to calm down because getting upset over this is pointless. Nothing would change.
After taking another shot, I decide to go and see Alice. She’s been sick for a few days, so I want to see how she’s feeling. Plus, that woman always seems to reel me in whenever my anger gets the best of me.
When I make it to her home, Debbie opens the door, letting me in. She lets me know Alice is in her room, so I go up the stairs. As I approach her room, I hear Will’s voice, and his words make me come to a screeching halt.
“I don’t know how he’s going to feel about this, Alice, but you have to tell him. He deserves to know. But just know that if he turns his back on you for some reason, I’ll be behind you every step of the way.”
My body freezes. I can't handle this. Not her, too. I need her. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but her response infuriates me even more.
“I hear you, but for now, I think I’m going to keep this to myself until this drama dies down. Once it does, I’ll tell Red.”
I’m pushing through her bedroom door as soon as the last word leaves her lips.
“Tell me what?”
Alice sits on her bed, looking like a deer caught in headlights. Automatically, I know whatever she’s hiding isn’t good.
I swear I can't catch a damn break. Every woman in my life always finds a way of betraying me. I actually thought Alice would be different.
“What? You forgot how to talk? What is it you're hiding from me?” I grit out.
Alice's eyes wander to her dresser before quickly looking away. If I hadn’t been staring at her so hard I wouldn’t have noticed. Walking over to the dresser, I see a positive pregnancy test.
Almost instantly I become more enraged than I have in my entire life. I remember her words the first night we had sex, like yesterday.
I can't get pregnant.
“Wow, you really had my ass going,” I spit before locking eyes with her again. Will opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. “Last time I checked, I wasn’t talking to you. This is between me and her. You can leave.”
His eyes turn thunderous as he stands to his feet. If he thinks I’m scared, he better think twice. It would be in his best interest to get the hell out of my face.
Alice grabs his arm, shaking her head vigorously. “Will, it’s okay. You can go. He’s right. This is between me and him.”
He looks like he wants to object but walks away instead. After he’s gone, I turn back to Alice.
“I don’t know how this happened,” Alice says.
I scoff and drag my palm down my face, trying to reel in my emotions, but that’s easier said than done. With everything between Declan and Chloe and then seeing my mother today, I’m not in the best head space. Add on to the fact that I know Alice would have deliberately hidden this from me is like the cherry on top of this shit show of a day.
“I really thought you were going to be different, but you’re just like Chloe. Lying to me just to get a baby out of me. Tell me something, are you going to drop this baby off on my porch before disappearing like your mother did to you?”
As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I want to take them back. All the emotions on her face are wiped away as she stares at me blankly.
I know I went too far. I let my anger get the best of me. I can’t believe I just said that to her. Even though I’m pissed at her for lying to me, I didn’t mean it.
I love her.
“Get out.”
Alice's voice is flat as she stares at me with disdain.
“Alice, look I didn’t mean?—”
“I said get out!” she snaps at me.
Knowing I really hurt her, I decide to leave to give her some time to cool off. Honestly, I need it, too. Before I leave, I take one final look at her, and my stomach turns.
The look that’s in her eyes is one I’ve never seen before.
I might have just lost the woman I love all because I let my anger get the best of me.