Chapter 27
Sage
It’s dark and quiet. There’s only the beeping of the monitor and whispers around me.
“Do you think she’ll make it?”
“What if she doesn’t wake up?”
“Do you think she can hear us?”
I try to speak, yet nothing comes out. I want to tell them that I’m fine, but my mouth and my brain are not on good terms.
I try to open my eyes, but there’s a sharp pain at the side of my head that feels like ten thousand needles on my temple. Exhausted by the exertion, I let go and fall back into darkness.
I think I’ll sleep for a little while longer.
*
I’m not sure how much time has passed, whether it’s been ten minutes or ten hours, but the voices around me are louder and angrier.
“What do you mean I can’t see her? Everyone else has.”
“Sir.” The nurse’s voice is stern. I recognize the New York accent from earlier when she told everyone to leave the room. “Her blood pressure rises every time there’s someone in here. Now keep your voice down before I throw you out of the hospital and not just this room.”
I smile and flutter my eyes.
I squeeze them shut when the light is too bright. “Turn off the lights,” I whisper.
The nurse again. “Did you hear what I said?”
“What was that?”
“I said—”
“No, not you. I think Sage said something.” What is Casey doing here?
I force my eyes open despite the bright lights.
“Turn off the lights,” he says.
After some grumbling, the nurse turns them off.
I blink slowly and open my eyes. Casey towers over the bed, clutching the guard rails. His hair is sticking out from all ends. His eyes are red and there are lines around them I hadn’t noticed before.
“What’s wrong?” I whisper. There’s something around my nose, oxygen I think, and I turn my head to pull it away.
“Shh,” he says and stills my head with a touch of his finger at my chin. “Don’t move. You’ve been in a car accident.”
I blink, confused. I don’t remember driving. I remember walking to the corner bodega to grab some snacks for the plane ride to California. Then I don’t remember anything else except for excruciating pain all over my body.
“Am I okay?”
He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah. You’re going to be fine. You just need to rest now.”
“Why are you here?” I ask.
His smile doesn’t falter. “I can’t imagine being anywhere else right now.”
His answer and his smile warm my chest, but something seems wrong. “Did you pitch? Did you win?”
He nods. “The Jets won the first game.
I smile and close my eyes. That’s good. I’m glad he didn’t miss it.
“Rest,” Casey whispers while he grabs my hand. “I’m going to be right here watching over you. You don’t need to worry about anything.”
His words soothe my mind and my heart. I fall back into the darkness and let my body sink into the bed. It’s a calmness I don’t think I’ve experienced even in a deep meditative state. Casey’s touch keeps me grounded as I fall into a quiet abyss.
*
The next time I wake up, the sun is shining through the tall window of my white hospital room.
I can spot several tall buildings, but the sun is peaking above them.
It must be early morning, but Casey sits beside me.
His hand is still holding mine, he’s still wearing the same black T-shirt, and his hair is a mess.
Only his eyes have changed. If possible, they look even redder than before.
“Hey,” I say, groggily. My tongue feels larger than usual, and drier. “Can I have some water?”
Casey pushes his chair back and frantically looks for water. I smile at his carelessness when he knocks the bottle over. He must be exhausted.
He returns to my bedside with a large cup of water and a straw, but I can’t seem to move my neck to reach for it. “One second,” he says and brings the straw closer. “There.”
I take a sip and it feels as though tiny shards of glass run down my throat. I wince and move my head to the side, done with the water.
“What happened?” I ask, realizing now that something must have happened on my way to the bodega. I recall a car driving toward me, but I thought he was going to stop at the red light. I only get bits and pieces of memories and I see the car getting closer and closer until it—
“The cab hit me, didn’t it?”
Casey nods.
“Then what happened?”
“Someone called 911 and they found you unresponsive on the scene. You nearly crashed on the way to the hospital, but the EMT brought you back.”
Casey’s voice cracks at that last part, and he drops his head into his hands and rubs his face.
“Fuck, Sage. I thought I’d lost you. I was so fucking scared.”
I hadn’t realized how close I’d come to dying, either. I think about all the people I would miss—Jane, Charlotte, Frankie… Casey. Oh, how I would miss Casey after we’d finally found each other.
But I would have seen my parents again. A tear falls down my cheek at the thought. I imagine my mother wrapping her arms around me like she did when I was small and my father picking me up and twirling me around. The tears fall furiously and Casey is there wiping them away.
“Don’t cry, baby. You’re here with me now.”
His beautiful face blurs through the tears, and despite my heart aching to see my parents again, I know I’m not ready to leave him.
I don’t want to leave. I want to build a life here with Casey.
I’ve felt so lonely for so long, but now I’m not alone.
I have a future with Casey. As unexpected as that is, I see it clearly.
It seemed so unlikely a few weeks ago, but now it’s all I can see.
I open my mouth to tell him and catch a glimpse of the television in the hallway.
It’s the World Series. It’s still on, and the Jets are playing. Only Casey isn’t there. He’s here with me.
“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you playing in the World Series?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t care about that. This is where I need to be.”
Panic sets in my chest and I have a hard time breathing. “You can’t miss this because of me. You can’t. I won’t ever forgive myself.”
“It’s not because of you, Sage. I choose to be here. You’re not making me stay.”
“Maybe not, but I’m going to make you leave.”
“What?”
“Casey, I won’t ever forgive myself if you miss the World Series because of me. Ever. So, please, you must go back.”
“Sage, it’s not important.”
“It is important. I know how hard you’ve worked to get there. You went to hell and back. You clawed your way through injury both physically and mentally. I won’t let you miss this. I won’t.”
“Okay, okay,” he says, and I can feel my heart beating like a drum in my chest and the monitor beeping rapidly. “Don’t get riled up or that nurse will kick me out for real this time.”
He smiles, but I’m not letting him change the subject. “Promise me you’ll go.”
He looks away. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I choose you, okay?”
I shake my head. “I don’t understand.”
“On my way here, I made a promise to myself. I said that if you made it, I would put you first. You would always come first, Sage. Not baseball, not anything. I intend to keep that promise.”
I look down at the hospital bed for the first time. I wiggle my toes and fingers. While I can move my extremities, my arm is in a sling. I feel battered and bruised but I can move. “I’m fine.”
“You seem to be healing from your internal injuries, but you fractured your shoulder and suffered a mild concussion that will take a little longer to heal.”
I nod. “So, I’ll live.”
He smiles. “Yes, you’ll live.”
“Good. Now go.”
“Sage!” He laughs and shakes his head at the same time.
“I know it sounds crazy, but I know what this means to you. And it doesn’t mean that you love baseball more than me. You came, and I’m glad you did. But now I’m okay, and there’s still time for you to live your dream.”
He bites his lips and his eyes brighten. “Lately, all my dreams are about you.”
“Oh, Casey,” I cry. “I dream about you, too. But now, you need to finish this one. Go chase this dream, Casey, and then come back to me.”
Casey drops his head into my stomach and rocks his face back and forth. My unhindered arm reaches across the bed and caresses his hair.
“Shit, Sage,” he cries. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Yes, you do. You don’t need to feel guilty. Go. I’m asking you to.”
He fists the comforter between his fingers, and I worry he won’t get up. I worry that I haven’t said enough. His hair is soft between my fingers, and I tug on the ends.
“I love you,” I whisper. “I always will.”
He looks up and his face is devastated at first, then it changes and he looks resolved. He sniffles a couple of times and nods. “All right. I’ll finish this, and then I’m coming right back home to you. Do you hear me?”
I smile brightly. The biggest smile since I’ve woken up from this terrible headache. “You come home to me, Casey. And bring back a World Series title.”
“Shit.” He laughs and wipes his face with the back of his hand. “You’re one tough woman, Sage. You’ve always been.”
“I know. And you love it.”
“I do.” He chuckles and leans down to kiss me. “I fucking do.”
Then he squeezes my hand and says, “I’ll call you as soon as I land. And before I get onto the field.”
I nod, tears welling up in my eyes. I want him to go, I really do.
But I can’t help those old thoughts. My heart calls out to him, but I keep my lips pressed together.
It’s the right thing for him to go even though I can’t stand watching him leave.
Feelings of abandonment overwhelm me, but I push them deep into my chest.
The room is quiet when he’s gone. There’s only the beeping from the machines and the nurses in the hallway.
I close my eyes and place my hand over my chest. I inhale slowly through my nose, and exhale through my mouth.
I do this for five breaths, concentrating on how the air fills my lungs and belly.
Keeping my body still, I calm my mind and anxiety.
After a little while, my body sinks into the bed and I fall asleep, dreaming of Casey lying beside me, telling me that he dreams of me, too.
*
The next day, I feel so much better. I have more energy and the weight that I’ve been carrying on my shoulders seems lighter. I ask Jane to wheel me to the visitor’s lounge so we can watch the World Series game together.
Austin, Caleb, Charlotte, and the kids are all at the game, but Jane stayed back for me. “You really didn’t have to do that,” I say. “You could have gone to the World Series. I wouldn’t have held it against you.”
“Oh, you know me. I hate the anxiety of it all. At least if I don’t want to watch it here, I can turn it off.”
“We are not turning off the game,” I warn her.
She purses her lips. “Fine.”
Heels click down the hallway, and a familiar face appears around the corner. “Hey! So, this is where the party is then.”
“Frankie!” I say, a grin spreading across my face. “What are you doing here?”
“Like I said, I heard there was a party, and you know that I hate to miss a good one.” Frankie rushes over to me and throws her arms around me. “I’m so glad you’re ok,” she whispers.
I squeeze her back. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Jane waves her hands. “Casey’s up. The manager is calling him in.”
“Oh good. I’m just in time then.” Frankie pulls out three wine coolers from her large tote bag.
“Frankie, I don’t think she’s allowed to drink.”
Frankie’s forehead wrinkles. “You said the concussion is gone and it’s just the arm sling. She’s leaving the hospital tomorrow. One day earlier won’t hurt, so what’s the harm?”
“It’ll get us kicked out?” asks Jane, looking behind us for a nurse, but Frankie just waves her off. “I brought a couple extras for them just in case we get busted.”
“Geez, Frankie.”
“Shh.” I wave. “Here comes Casey.”
“Shoot. He looks nervous,” says Jane.
I shake my head. “No. He’s just zoned in. I know that look.”
“I bet you do,” snickers Frankie.
I smirk and tap my bottle against hers.
Jane groans but a smile creeps up on her face. Casey’s warming up on the mound. His face is calm, and his movements are smooth. He doesn’t take a deep breath to settle his nerves; he’s just focused and ready.
“I don’t know how he does it with the World Series on the line.”
“What do you mean?” asks Frankie. “This is only the fifth game. Aren’t there seven games in the series?”
“Yes, but it's the best out of seven. The first team to win four games takes the series. So far the Jets are losing one game to the Philly’s three. If Casey costs them any runs here, the Jets lose the World Series.”
“Wow, that is a lot of pressure.”
My eyes are glued to the television, and I bite my nails as the first batter comes to the plate. Casey strikes him out with three pitches.
“That’s good, right?” asks Frankie.
Both Jane and I nod.
The next batter hits a ground ball, and my knees start to bounce. “One more,” I whisper into my hands.
I didn’t need to worry. Casey strikes him out, and the catcher jumps to his feet, racing to the mound to hug Casey.
“They won!” shouts Jane and throws her fists in the air. “They won, oh my god, they won!” She grabs a wine cooler and takes a long sip of the drink.
Frankie and I burst out laughing and Jane grins from ear to ear, not caring what anyone thinks. Or at least for a little while.
“What’s going on in here?” asks a nurse, crossing her arms over her chest.
Jane hides the bottle behind her back. “Nothing.”
Frankie and I hold back, covering our mouths with the back of our hands. The nurse eyes us suspiciously and the bottles we’re holding. “You’re being discharged tomorrow morning, isn’t that right, Ms. Summers?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I say.
“Mmm, then I guess I haven’t seen anything.”
“I guess not.”
She leaves and the three of us burst out into loud giggles, Jane practically wheezing near the end. “I don’t remember the last time I laughed so hard,” she says.
A few minutes later, Jane looks down at her digital watch. “It’s Casey. He texted me that he’s trying to get a hold of you in the room.”
“Oh,” I say. “Wheel me back in there.” She races us down the hallway just as the phone starts ringing. “Hello,” I say.
“Did you watch the game?” Casey’s out of breath but the elation in his voice is unmistakable.
“Of course, I did. You were magnificent.”
“It was incredible. I can’t even describe it to you. It was like fireworks went off in my head when the umpire called strike three.”
“I knew you could do it.”
“Damn, I wish you were here.”
“I wish I was, too. I’m being discharged tomorrow but the doctors don’t think it’s a good idea for me to fly. They want me to take it easy.”
“Then that’s what you should do.”
“I know, but it worked out so well the last time we defied the doctor’s orders.”
He chuckles. “This isn’t the same thing. You just barely woke up from getting hit by a car. Give it a week at least. But I miss you like hell.”
“I can’t wait to see you again.”
“I’ll see you soon, baby. I promise.”
There are loud cheers around him now. “I’ve got to go. I love you, Sage.”
“I love you, too, Casey.”