29. Bikar
BIKAR
The small medbay chamber is lit up and online before Bambi and I cross the threshold.
Logically, I know I am acting irrationally, but I do not care.
My mate, my one, told me that she was ritualistically tortured, and I have to know she is hale.
Stalking over to the medbed, I smoothly settle Bambi onto its cushioned surface while simultaneously initiating a general health scan.
Bambi—for her part—is being freakishly patient with me, but I do not miss her eye roll. “You acquiesced to this; do not forget that, little one.”
Huffing out a laugh, she regards me steadily. “Yeah, I know, but it’s still kinda silly. I’ve been fine for a while.”
“Intellectually, I know this, but I must see the report results for myself, and I do not have time to hack Einar’s sealed records at the moment.”
Her mouth drops open in shock. “You can do that?”
Delving into the results of her bioscan, I absentmindedly answer.
“Yes, but do not tell Einar that; he thinks his firewall is impenetrable and that his medical files are all perfectly safe where they are. Technically… they are safe, since they are not accessible to any being other than the two of us.”
“So… you could have hacked into my stuff at any time…?”
“That is correct.”
What I am reading is not making the rage I feel lessen; if anything, it is making me far angrier.
The list of old wounds is… extensive. Several of her bones are showing calcifications from being broken in places, some even fractured multiple times over the course of her life.
It is the scarring, however, that is the most severe.
The medbed scanner can penetrate almost to the cellular level, building a holographic image so the healer can literally see what is going on inside their patient.
Bambi’s digital image is covered in scars. They are systematic with torture and eerily similar to Murgul’s, with the intent to break the mind of the victim.
Death by a thousand cuts.
The human idiom pops into my mind as my eyes flit back and forth across the screen. There is no need for Bambi to tell me the rest of what happened… I can see it here for myself. Peering closer, I realize there is not a single piece of her body that does not have some sort of scarring…
She will never suffer like this again as long as I draw breath.
Inhaling deeply, I dismiss the hologram and turn to face her. I am at a loss for words and do not know what to do with this excess emotion. I am not sure what she sees in my face, but hers softens with understanding, and she opens her arms.
“It happened a long time ago, Bikar. I’m alright now, and the people that did all that… are dead now.”
Wordlessly, I drop to my knees in front of her and bury my head in her lap, wrapping her in my arms and wings in a desperate embrace, shutting reality out. Clutching her to me, I take deep breaths and try to calm down, lest I do or say something I cannot rescind.
Time passes indiscriminately.
Eventually, I notice the soothing, rhythmic sensation of her wee fingers drifting through my hair. Lifting my head from her lap, my voice is raw when I finally find it. “I cannot fix it. That is what I do; I am a fixer. This… this I cannot repair.”
Lifting her hand, she tucks an errant lock of hair behind my ear with a gentle and understanding smile.
“I’m starting to realize that about you.
You’re the one that keeps everything running here and on the Zenith, aren’t you?
The computer part of your brain never really turns off from what I’ve seen, and you make sure everyone has what they need to be comfortable. ”
She is far more observant than I realized, much to my chagrin. My shoulders curl inward as I avidly avoid eye contact.
“Sleep… does not come easily to me since I am not wholly organic. It helps… to stay busy. Keeping all systems fully functional and providing small amenities is basically second nature to me now. I have found that being idle does not ever end well, as my mind will wander, and that is exceptionally unwise.”
I see the tic her sharp mind makes the connection, and her luminescent brown eyes flare with understanding. “You’re the fixer…”
Her voice trails off, and she tilts her head, peering down at me steadily. Threading the fingers of her hands through my beard, she frames my face, forcing me to maintain eye contact as she lands a tender verbal blow.
“Bikar, who takes care of you? Your brothers all treat you like a pest, someone not to be taken seriously, and you play into that persona. While simultaneously keeping all of them, their mates, me, Heather, and the rest of the Ruks comfortable. You keep everyone at a bit of a distance. Why do you do that to yourself?”
Yes, she sees far more than expected.
Closing my eyes, I let the weight of my head fall into her hands, leaning my forehead against her and pointing my horns away. “I am a freak amongst freaks. Have you not wondered why the mating sickness is not a problem for me?”
Waiting a tic, I let that question linger in the air.
“It is because I am made of so much tech that the mating sickness has not and will not develop. So, now you know you’re under no obligation to mate with me, as the lack of bond will not end my life.
I apologize for not telling you this information earlier in our courting, but I was being selfish and wished to spend as much time with you as possible before you rejected me. ”
Bambi’s eyes widen, her mouth drops open, and the scent of surprise fills the space between our bodies.