Chapter 37 – Shay
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Shay
Renshaw paces the room like a maniac with his pistol.
I keep watching the weapon, partly to avoid being the victim of a careless misfiring, but partly because I want an opportunity to grab it.
There’s something wrong with this town, I saw it in the eyes of that skinny teenager at the gas station.
He wanted to say something to me, but Renshaw couldn’t risk anybody learning that he brought me here against my will, so the kid stared as Renshaw glared at him menacingly before spitting insults at him that the boy didn’t even react to – he just watched, like a sentry.
I can only hope Cody stops there. It’s the only gas station in town and this town is the first town south from the turn-off where I went to the craft fair. Renshaw doesn’t seem like he thought this out too deeply.
“I can’t believe you have another man living with my son. You’re denying me the opportunity to talk things out. That’s the problem with black women.”
Here we go again. One of the things I relish gaining freedom from Renshaw was never having to hear him rant about how the problem with almost everything in his life and mine was directly connected to black women’s failures.
The worst part of all of it was being under his thumb and feeling like the very failure he was talking about.
Cody never treats me like this.
“If you want to see Caleb, I can talk to my husband about it.”
Renshaw laughs. “You think this is funny, Shay? You think it’s funny? Selling me out to some big racist white boy is funny to you?”
I can feel him getting more unstable. Even after all this time away from him, my body remembers what it was like to be underneath Renshaw’s absolute control.
He found a way to keep things off balance between the two of us with a gun and the only weapon I have is a secret one – and a weapon who might not even know where I am anymore.
The man Renshaw refers to as a racist white boy might not be perfect and I certainly couldn’t tell you that I’ve ever heard Cody discuss politics in any meaningful way, but I know that he cares about me.
And he might not know all the right words to express all the right things, but when he sees a black woman, he doesn’t have the instinct to stomp her beneath his heel.
Renshaw acts like his desire to abuse me is somehow inherent to his skin color, but it really isn’t.
It took me years to recognize that he simply chose to treat me the way that he did and that there are plenty of black men who wouldn’t treat me like crap.
It just so happens I gave up on searching for love and let Oske drop it on my lap.
But that doesn’t give Renshaw a pass. I just hope Mr. Hollingsworth doesn’t keep me waiting too long.
“I didn’t sell you out to anyone. Our relationship is over. I had to go through hell with immigration to get Caleb to safety and I made an arrangement with a friend. It turned into something more. That’s all you need to know.”
He doesn’t need to know any of that, but my version of surviving right now is keeping this man talking and trying to keep his emotions neutral. I believe there’s going to be an opportunity, even if I don’t hear any signs and even when Renshaw turns on me and glares.
“Turned into something more? You really ain’t shit, are you, Shay?”
“I don’t want to argue.”
Because I want to watch… I shouldn’t even let the dark thought come to my head. I shouldn’t. I made such a big deal of how it made me feel to watch Cody blow somebody’s brains out. My gaze flickers angrily to Renshaw as if the thought of Cody harming him is enough to give me strength to face him.
“What do you want then?” Renshaw asks. And to prove to me he can take my defiance and flip it on me. “I have a gun right now Shay. So the only thing standing between my dick and your smart ass mouth… is me.”
There’s nothing that will stop me from fighting for my life.
I almost don’t care about the gun anymore, even as Renshaw tries to point it at my head while grabbing onto my ankle.
I kick at him, using my weight in my favor.
The one thing about me that has been true my whole life is that I am not the type of woman you can easily throw around.
I push Renshaw back, but I also end up pissing him off and getting him angrier.
“You bitch!”
Fighting isn’t like the movies. There’s no sound track.
Just heavy breathing. The sound of my kicks moving through the air with only a few landing on Renshaw’s body.
I know I have to get the gun, but I have to get off the bed first. I shove him away far enough and he loses a good grip on his pistol for long enough that I can roll onto my knees where I lunge for his legs in an effort to knock him over.
I grab onto his leg and he kicks me hard in the stomach.
I can see flashes of his firearm waving over my head.
I keep trying to drag him to the ground so I can punch him.
I’m not making sense, just running on adrenaline and pure instincts, my muscles actions registering in my brain long after they move.
Somehow, I drag Renshaw to the ground and I think I have the upper hand.
I can’t see the gun, which is a huge problem, but I’m still landing punches on something firm, but not as firm as Cody’s chest. I hear screams as I hit him hard, but then I feel my arm wrenching suddenly behind my back and pain sears through me.
I don’t know what I missed, but the situation suddenly flips and Renshaw has control of me on the floor.
I shove my knees into his torso in an effort to kick him off, but he glares at me and I see the pistol coming towards my head.
I can smell the inside of the barrel and I have to do everything in my power not to throw up while I kick him hard in desperation to get free.
I can’t die here. I can’t let him rape me.
I have to fight. I don’t know where this toughness comes from, but my desire to survive feels stronger than my fear for the first time.
But I’m losing the fight at this point, and I feel it.
Renshaw has me in a position that I can’t move out of. There’s too much pain. I’m at a bad angle and I can’t breathe. I might be a bigger woman, but he’s still a man who can overpower me with the right leverage. Renshaw’s nostrils flare as his eyes glaze over with excitement. This is it for me.
I grab his hand. He has total power over me. I feel his arm bending towards my head as I scream and kick, pushing with all the force in my body to get his body away from mine and stop the creeping metal from reaching my temple, where one flick of Renshaw’s fingers can send me to Jesus.
There’s a loud scream – I think it comes from me.
Then I hear a loud thudding noise. The fingers around my throat release me.
I roll over a few times until I’m on my back again, gasping and clutching at my throat.
I hear another yelp, this time it’s like a dog getting hit between the legs. I gasp and turn over onto my sides.
I make eye contact with Renshaw. His eyes are such a bright shade of hazel, but the whites of his eyes are now red with blood so he looks more like a demon.
I remember when I used to think I could find the world in those eyes.
His nostrils flare out and in his last moment, Renshaw glares at me with hatred.
“BITCH–”
I shut my eyes, instincts awake.
Cody pops the gun. Three gun shots. I hear something soft and wet slamming against the ground.
I keep my eyes shut. I cover my ears, although it’s too late for me to stop myself from perceiving everything around me.
I lie there gasping desperately for breath until I feel Cody’s fingers wrap around my forearm.
Warmth floods through me. Not fear. I don’t know what to make of this and I don’t know what happened to change me but…
I have no time to think. Cody keeps my head wrapped in his arms so I don’t have to look at what happened and he helps me to my feet.
I can feel his familiar body holding mine close.
I love him… I love him for keeping me safe.
But he killed Caleb’s father.
Cody holds me close and kisses the top of my head. “I love you, Shay. I love you…”
“How did you find me?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Cody whispers. “We have to get out of here. It’s dark – you’re not safe here.”
He pulls away from me and my eyes tear up the moment I’m exposed to the dim light in our motel room. It’s hot in here and everything smells like blood. I don’t know why we aren’t hearing any sirens, but there’s something I see in Cody’s eyes that I’ve never seen before.
Fear.
“What’s wrong?”
“The wrong kind of folks live around here. We’re going to pin this on them but… I can’t let anyone hurt you, Shay.”
“Can you be less confusing, Cody?”
“It’s a sundown town,” he says. “And we need to leave before the mob gets here, because according to my friend in town – you’ve both been marked for death…”