Chapter 38 – Cody
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Cody
Igive Shay the helmet and ride home with the wind in my hair.
We make it out of town and back to our place without as much hassle as I thought.
I never see that kid Lopez again, but if he makes it out to Oklahoma, I’m sure I’ll find out what happened to the kid.
I have to appreciate the heads up he gave us.
Shay doesn’t want to talk about what happened when she gets home.
She cleans up, says almost nothing and goes to see her son.
She does a great job putting up a normal front for Caleb.
He would never know that his mother fought for her life.
He’s barely awake because his babysitters spent the whole day tiring the kid’s ass out and it looks like they fed him all his favorite junk foods for supper too.
I’m just glad we’re home okay and that Shay isn’t dead.
I’m cold and unsettled by the time she sets Caleb back to bed and comes to our bedroom to change into clothes to sleep. I’m in my towel after a quick shower. She doesn’t look at me. Will she ever look at me again?
“Shay?”
“Yes?”
Her gaze flutters to mine. She made it clear how she felt about murder.
I love everything about this woman so much that I’m willing to risk losing her love just to keep her alive.
I didn’t expect to be in this position again, but I couldn’t watch Renshaw hurting her, knowing there were killers who had Shay marked for death and wait for conversation.
I couldn’t even wait for permission from the club president, making this murder fully my responsibility if the racists don’t take the fall.
Her lashes are so long and dark, everything about her so rich and full of life.
I feel like death follows me in a way it wouldn’t follow Shay if it weren’t for me – and this is all my fault.
“I’m sorry.” I don’t expect my voice to sound so shaky and vulnerable to her.
I can’t bear the thought of this pushing her to leave me again, or to close her heart off from me because of my actions.
I didn’t kill for pleasure. I killed to save her.
It’s the only time I have ever exposed Shay to violence – to keep her safe.
There’s darkness inside me, I won’t deny it.
Maybe it’s easier for me than it is for most people to pull a trigger and sleep at night.
It feels like I was born holding a rifle sometimes, and that I was raised on the hunt.
You have to kill coyotes out in the desert, sometimes a horse you loved.
Killing a man you hate for a woman you love feels like nothing in comparison.
More Americans used to be like me – tough.
Willing to die to protect the people they loved, rather than seeking that sense of manhood from treading down on the folks beneath them.
At least that’s the version of manhood I was taught to believe in.
Can’t say for the rest. I find it painful to stand in silence with Shay and not know where she stands with me. It hurts.
She says nothing.
I can’t stop looking at her, wanting some answer, some shred of approval from her for what I’ve done – because I only did it for her, as fucked up as it is.
“Makes no sense to say I’m flawed. We both know it’s worse than that,” I stumble along my words, as guilty as any sinner.
Shay’s expression only makes my guilt worse.
I can’t read the confusing mixture of emotions painted on her face, but anything other than bliss feels like my responsibility and personal failure.
“Cody…” When her voice finally breaks, I’m so desperate that I interrupt her, hoping to stave off any pain of rejection from the woman I would burn the world for without a second thought.
“I love you. I can’t let anyone hurt you, Shay. I just can’t.”
There’s another minute of painful silence. I can see her processing everything to happen with real emotion, and I watch it happening in real time. Her face twists into a mixture of grief and something else. I don’t know what she’s thinking.
Shay explains what I already know, but it’s like she needs to hear the words out loud to truly believe what happened. “Caleb’s father is dead.”
I let it sink in. I don’t know if a moment of silence is appropriate, since I had a hand in the man’s death, but I tried everything in my power not to let my jealous outrage lead to this.
I love Caleb. I don’t want to be the person responsible for my stepson’s pain.
But I am, and nothing I do at this point can take back the fact that I killed Shay’s ex-husband to protect her and that means I killed Caleb’s father.
“I know.”
She exhales a sigh of relief. I still don’t know what to expect until she says the most surprising words that Shay could have possibly said. “Thank you.”
“What?”
She glares. Don’t make me say it again.
I feel like I misheard her. I didn’t expect her to thank me – I expected rejection. “I broke my promises to you. If you want a divorce, Shay – just say it.”
She says nothing. I watch her carefully, half expecting her to explode and call me a monster, but Shay just seems… tired. And I have to admit, so am I. Everything about losing her has me on edge. I’m just happy that I can have her close to me again.
She crawls into bed and I join her. What does this mean then?
I pull her close to me, wrapping my arms around Shay and just holding her.
Thank you. She said hardly anything our entire ride over – not even the stops.
I find her hard to read at times. She keeps her feelings to herself, which can be hard to understand.
But she’s still soft, I know that, and I’ll still do everything in my power to protect her.
“I love you,” I whisper. Our bodies press together in the dark. Whispering my love to Shay quickly turns into kissing and before long, we have our clothes off and we make love in the dark – nice, slow, and sweet. It’s the perfect reunion. I don’t want it to be different between us in the morning.
She’s so perfect and more importantly – mine.
I kiss her neck and take her missionary, pulling out right before I’m about to climax.
I flip her onto her side, which allows me to take in Shay’s curves and really appreciate the fleshy softness around her hips, waist and thighs while I pump into her.
She cums easily from this position, especially when I take my thumb against her clit and rub in smooth, slow circles. She loves that.
I struggle to keep holding back, but I want to make love to Shay as much as possible tonight before tomorrow brings her too much clarity and a possible desire to divorce me. She won’t want to be with a killer – especially not one whose cock hurts to get inside her.
Shay can’t take another climax even before I’m done.
Her sweet tightness has me edging closer to a powerful release that I’m still desperate for.
I flip Shay onto her stomach and take her from behind.
This angle is different. She moans when I slip inside her and something about the angle of Shay’s pussy as I hit it from behind drives me absolutely wild.
Fuck, she feels good.
This is the angle that really hits the spot for me.
Shay cries out with each deep thrust and while I take her slowly from behind, I feel her building to an orgasm that might hit the same time as mine.
I want the intimacy of a mutual climax, so I tease her clit with my hands while I slide into her, exerting powerful effort with each thrust to hit her sweet spots.
It works. I feel Shay’s pussy tightening around me and as that pulsing grip wraps around my shaft, I explode. We cum together as I slide all the way inside her to the hilt one last time, burying my face in her neck to truly enjoy every goddamn second of this woman’s body pressed against mine.
I don’t want to lose her again – I can’t.
“I love you, Shay,” I whisper. “I wish I was a better man, but the truth is, I’ll kill for you again and again if that’s what it takes to keep you safe.”