Chapter 37
Asher
Every ounce of my righteous fury and indignation fled in less than a heartbeat.
Fucking hell!
I couldn’t stand to see Sierra cry. And how in the hell had she gotten…pregnant?
Pregnant?
That reality couldn’t even seem to penetrate my brain.
“I know you told me that you never wanted kids, but I’m pregnant. I’m so sorry.”
If she didn’t stop crying and apologizing, I was going to lose it all over again.
I sat and pulled her sobbing, trembling body into my lap.
Okay. Yeah. I had said that.
But it had been more of an I-never-planned-on-having-kids-so-I’m-okay-with-it-never-happening than a hatred for the whole idea of having a child.
Truth was, I’d never planned on her, either, but I was fucking grateful that I had her in my life now.
I’d been under the impression that she couldn’t have a child, and I’d been perfectly okay with that.
It had been fine with me because a child had never been on my radar.
What I really wanted was her, and it had been fine with me if that didn’t include a kid in the future.
“Stop,” I demanded as I wrapped my arms around her protectively. “I’m not angry because you’re pregnant. But you have to stop crying.”
She was sobbing like her heart was breaking, and that was one thing I couldn’t handle.
Hell, maybe she was upset because she was pregnant.
She’d lost a child.
Maybe just the idea of being pregnant was more than she could take.
If that was the case, I couldn’t say that I blamed her.
She sniffed loudly. “You’re not?”
“I’m not,” I assured her huskily. “God, Sierra, how is this even possible?”
“I have scarring,” she said in an exhausted voice as she laid her head on my shoulder. “It probably shouldn’t have happened, but there was still a tiny chance that I could conceive because it healed better than expected. I didn’t know or I would have gotten on some kind of birth control.”
I listened as she babbled her way through her condition and all of the risks involved.
Oh, hell no.
This would be a really high-risk pregnancy for her.
Even though she tried to downplay it, there were a multitude of things that could go wrong and that could be dangerous to her health.
I couldn’t live without this woman anymore.
How could she not understand that?
I honestly still couldn’t seem to process that she was actually pregnant.
My gut wrenched.
Under normal circumstances, I’d probably be ecstatic.
I’d want the child that we had made together.
Badly.
But this wouldn’t be a normal pregnancy for her.
There was a damn good chance she could lose this baby and put herself at risk in the process.
“No,” I said hoarsely. “This pregnancy could kill you, Sierra. I’d be happy about this pregnancy if the risks weren’t huge, but that’s not the case. Just the possibly of placental issues scares the hell out of me. You could bleed to death.”
“That won’t happen with careful monitoring,” she assured me.
“What about the risk of uterine rupture?” I said irritably.
“That won’t happen with careful monitoring, either.”
She was bullshitting me, and I knew it.
Even with careful monitoring, shit could happen.
“I’m willing to take the risks, Asher,” she said in a shaky voice. “I want to try to have this child. If I don’t, I’ll never forgive myself, and I’ll have to wonder forever what would have happened if I’d just tried. I won’t be the same woman anymore.”
How in the hell was I supposed to tell her that I wasn’t willing to take the risks? That I’d never risk her damn life for any reason?
I knew without a doubt that I was going to support her decision.
Whether I liked it or not.
And I was going to be there if she had to cope with the loss of our child.
It was her body, and no matter how much I wanted to protect her, I wouldn’t be able to watch her live the rest her life miserable and not knowing what could have been.
This would be her only chance to have our child. She’d explained that to me.
I’d have to watch her torture herself with what-ifs for the rest of our lives, and that would definitely kill me.
It was a hell of a position to be in, but I needed to be there to support her.
Deep down, beneath my fear, I wanted this child, too, and Sierra was going to have to believe that and lean on me.
This pregnancy was probably going to take me to hell and back, but I needed to make it as stress-free as possible for her.
“We’re moving,” I grumbled. “I’m renting us a place right next door to the damn hospital.”
“Okay,” she said softly.
“No riding for you and no damn cleaning,” I added. “I’ll hire someone to clean. And we’re getting location tracking on our phones.”
“Okay,” she agreed.
I pulled her head back gently to look at her. “Are you going to agree with everything I ask?”
She smiled. “Probably. You supporting me means everything to me. I can compromise or just plain give in on everything else.”
“Believe me,” I said grumpily. “This isn’t easy for me.”
She shot me a grateful look. “I know. But I want our child so badly.”
I felt like I’d just taken a gut punch.
The yearning look in her beautiful eyes made me hope more than I wanted to.
“Don’t ever misunderstand me on this…” I cautioned. “I want our child, too, but I need you more, Sierra.”
“I’ll always be here,” she crooned as she hugged me tightly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You better remember that promise,” I answered. “And we’re getting married as soon as possible. This week.”
If a miracle happened and we had this child, Sierra and the baby were going to carry the Remington name.
She sighed. “You’re not going to marry me because I’m pregnant.”
I lifted her gently off my lap and put her on the sofa without saying a word.
I made it to my office and back in record time.
“I’ve had this ring in my office for a while now. Baby or not, I’ve always wanted to marry you, Sierra. I was planning on asking in the next day or two, but now we’re getting married. I’m not even asking,” I said as I opened the box.
She was pregnant with my child.
She wasn’t getting the chance to say no.
Okay, I probably wouldn’t have taken no for an answer before, but I knew I wasn’t taking it now.
No debate.
No questions.
It was done, as far as I was concerned.
She beamed up at me with a smile that made my heart swell inside my chest.
“Okay,” she said gently.
Thank fuck!
I got down on one knee beside her, took the ring from the box, and slid it on her finger.
Her hand started to shake. “Oh, Asher. It’s beautiful.”
It was a nice ring.
It probably wasn’t as big as I’d wanted, but anything bigger would have swamped her delicate fingers.
Sierra was a petite woman, and the ring on her finger was as big as she could handle.
“You like it?”
She nodded emphatically. “I love it.”
“Good, because you’ll be wearing it for the rest of your life.”
“I love you,” she said softly as she met my gaze. “I love you so much. I’m not sure what I did to deserve a man like you, but I’ll spend the rest of my life grateful for you.”
I swallowed hard.
She loved me.
It wasn’t like I hadn’t known that, but hearing her actually say those words hit me hard.
“I love you back,” I told her gruffly. “But I’m sure you already know that. I’m definitely going to be spending the rest of my life trying to be the man you deserve.”
How could she not know how I felt?
I’d been crazy about her almost from the beginning.
Whether I deserved her or not, she was mine now.
I kissed her because a herd of stampeding wild horses couldn’t stop me from doing it.
For better or worse, no matter what happened, she was absolutely stuck with me forever.