Chapter 29
Lauren
A few weeks later, I was completely convinced that my life couldn’t be more perfect.
I was in love with an amazing man, and I was fairly certain that he felt the same way about me.
Okay, we hadn’t said those words yet, but it was going to happen soon.
My love for Cole was getting way too powerful and too hard to contain.
Someday soon, I was going to say those words because there was just no way I could not say them.
Cole and I talked about our future together all the time now.
Places we wanted to go.
Things we wanted to do together.
I was getting incredibly spoiled because I was getting used to the fact that Cole would whisk me away on his private jet whenever that was possible.
He liked overnight surprise dates, and I looked forward to them as much as he did.
I sighed as I fingered the beautiful necklace he’d given me.
I’d even stopped protesting about his out-of-control gift giving.
Yes, he’d tried to contain himself, limiting himself to one gift a month.
He’d never quite reached that goal, and I’d never bothered to scold him again.
At some point, I’d finally realized that was just part of who Cole was in our relationship, and I didn’t want to change anything about the two of us together.
Truthfully, although I couldn’t keep up with him on giving expensive gifts, I was always thinking about doing things that would make him happy, too.
We’d even talked about living together full time just yesterday.
God, I really wanted that.
It would have to be me who moved in with him at the ranch.
Our horses were there, and that property was Cole’s legacy.
I’d never ask him to give up his dream of breeding champion Arabians someday.
Honestly, I was starting to share that dream with him, and I loved his ranch home.
Yeah, I loved my little house but giving it up to be with Cole all the time was probably going to be easier than I would have thought.
On nights like tonight, when we weren’t together, life didn’t feel quite right to me anymore.
Quite simply, I missed him.
I’d talked to him on the phone earlier, but it wasn’t quite the same as being cuddled up with him while I read or watched TV at night.
I’d missed out on having my person my entire adult life.
Now that I had him, I wanted to truly be with him.
We hadn’t been dating for long, but I knew exactly what I wanted with Cole.
I probably had for weeks now.
I desperately wanted a future with him.
We hadn’t resolved the issue of living together. Cole had wanted to give me time to think about it.
Tomorrow, I’d give him my answer.
I was going to tell him that I wanted to move in with him as soon as possible.
I knew I was also going to tell him that I loved him.
I wanted to lay my cards out on the table before we made that final leap of moving in together.
Strangely, doing something like that didn’t scare me at all anymore.
I trusted Cole more than I ever could have imagined trusting a man in my life.
I smiled as I picked up my brother’s journal that I’d been reading earlier from the place I’d left it on the bed.
I stretched and plumped my pillow behind me.
I was just about ready to sleep, but I’d been wanting to finish Keith’s last journal for a while now.
I’d just been too distracted by the incredibly handsome man I was dating.
I’m almost done with all of the journals. I’m down to the very last journal.
Reading my brother’s journals had been like a journey for me.
Even though he was gone, I’d gotten a lot of insights into his adult life and his personality.
I’d really only seen the guardian side of my brother, the parent figure he’d needed to be for me.
Raising me hadn’t been easy for him, but he’d taken on that responsibility with no regrets.
I’d always known that my brother had loved me, but I’d seen the depth of that brotherly love through his writing.
My heart had ached at times when I’d read about his struggles with his responsibilities at a young age, but he’d always made it clear that he wouldn’t have wanted things any other way.
I fingered the pages of the journal, knowing I was getting to the last few entries.
Part of me didn’t really want to know my brother’s last thoughts before the motorcycle accident that had taken his life, but I wasn’t going to stop now.
I took a deep breath and started to read…
It’s hard for me to believe that Lauren just graduated from high school and celebrated her eighteenth birthday.
She’s not a child anymore.
That’s both a good and bad thing for me.
I’m so damn proud of her. I’m proud of every scholarship she earned and that incredible valedictorian speech she made at her graduation.
She’s so smart that it’s kind of scary, but I can’t wait to see her tackle the world. My sister is going to do amazing things with her life.
But now that she is an adult, I’m going to have to face the consequences of what I did all those years ago.
She worships me as her older brother. How do I tell her that I screwed up worse than most men ever could ten years ago?
I’m a murderer.
I can’t run away from that or make excuses anymore.
I killed Asher’s father, and I let the suspicion fall on Asher and Cole for years.
I’d had an excuse for that back then.
I’d wanted to see Lauren grown and on her way to college before I turned myself in.
Now, here I am, finally at the time when I have to face the truth.
It sucks because I’d like to see my sister live the rest of her life.
I’d like to be there for her whenever she needs me, but I know that’s impossible.
I did exactly what I thought I needed to do all those years ago. At the time, I’d seen it as the only way out.
I hadn’t gone to the ranch intending to kill him.
My intentions had been to warn him away from my sister.
The bastard had tried to molest my eight-year-old sister, for fuck’s sake.
He shouldn’t have laughed in my face and told me that he’d find a way to get to her someday.
That comment had put me into a haze of fear and anger like I’d never experienced before.
He’d even admitted that he’d killed his wife. She hadn’t just disappeared with another man.
I knew he’d mentioned that to intimidate me, scare me into backing down.
He was letting me know that he’d do whatever it took to get what he wanted.
When I’d looked into his cold, lifeless eyes, I’d known that he wasn’t bluffing.
I’d thought that taking a loaded shotgun with me would intimidate the asshole, but I’d been wrong.
He probably never thought that I’d actually use it.
But I did. I’d lifted that gun before I could think about it, and he’d been dead a moment later.
I’ve always told myself that the police wouldn’t have done me any good until something had actually happened to Lauren.
It would have been my word against his about him killing his wife.
So, I’d gotten rid of the threat myself.
The man had killed his wife.
He’d tried to molest my sister.
The bastard was pure evil.
Still, that hadn’t given me the right to kill him. I’d realized that not long after I’d pulled that trigger.
Lauren is grown and she’s safe.
She has a bright future ahead of her.
It’s time for the true perpetrator to take the blame.
My hands were shaking when I dropped the journal into my lap, unable to read another word.
Dear God!
How was it possible that my beloved brother was the person who had murdered Cole and Asher’s father?
And how was it possible that I’d been ignorant about it for all these years?
Denial and a fierce desire to defend and protect my brother rose inside of me, but I pushed it down.
I had the proof, and I had it in his own written words.
Denial just wasn’t an option.
Tears started flowing from my eyes like a river, and I didn’t even try to stop them.
In moments, my entire world had been turned upside down.
My brother was a killer, and he’d killed to protect me?
I wasn’t even sure how to process something like that.
Keith had been a gentle, thoughtful person, and the kind of brother that most kids would love to have.
I’d never seen the side of my brother that was capable of murder, even if the victim had deserved to die.
I threw the journal on the bed, my heart aching so badly that even the sobs coming from my throat didn’t relieve the pain.
My brother must have known exactly what kind of sacrifice he was making.
He must have known that he’d be giving up his own life to ensure my safety.
He’d allowed himself ten years.
Ten years to raise me and to make sure that my future was going to be secure.
Had anyone known the truth?
I guess I finally understood why my brother had always avoided relationships.
He’d never had a girlfriend or a woman in his life after that incident with Cole’s father had happened.
Now I knew why he’d never wanted to get involved with anyone while he was raising me to adulthood.
I picked up my phone.
It was late, but I didn’t care.
I couldn’t wait.
I had to know.
There was only one person who may have known the truth.
There was only one person my brother had been close to during that time in his life.
“Did you know?” I asked tearfully as soon as Tanner answered the phone.
“Lauren?” he said in a perplexed voice. “Are you okay? You sound like you’re crying. What in the hell is going on?”
“I just want to know if you knew?” I said shakily.
I probably wasn’t making a lot of sense, but I wasn’t rational enough to select my words better at the moment.
“Knew what?” Tanner grumbled, his voice concerned. “You’re scaring me, Lauren. Tell me what’s going on right now.”
I took a deep breath. “Did you know that Keith killed Cole’s father?”
“Fuck!” Tanner cursed. “Where did you hear that?”
Tanner was like a second brother to me, and I couldn’t stand the thought that he’d been keeping the truth from me all these years.
If he’d known, he could have told me the truth a long time ago.
He hadn’t immediately denied knowing, and I was so distraught that a sob escaped my throat instead of an answer.
I was confused, and I had no idea who to trust right now.
“I’m getting in my vehicle,” Tanner said gruffly. “I’ll be at your place in a few. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I think you need me right now.”
I didn’t stay on the phone.
I disconnected, my heart completely broken.
My brother had murdered the father of the man I loved more than anyone else in the world.
I had no idea how to even begin to cope with that.