Chapter 30
Lauren
I was slightly calmer when I opened the door to Tanner.
I’d cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
I’d washed my face, taken many deep breaths, and gotten myself a glass of wine.
Rationally, I knew that all these things had happened years ago.
The murder.
My brother’s death.
The writing in the journal.
But it all felt like those events had just taken place for me right now.
I wanted to be mad at Tanner because he might have known about all of this, but the moment he closed the door and held out his arms, I rushed into them.
He hugged me tightly, and I clung to him like a lifeline.
This man had been there for me for so many years that my actions were as natural as breathing for me.
He’d always been the person I turned to when I needed someone to talk to or some kind of comfort.
I couldn’t just change those years of closeness in an instant, even if he had been keeping a huge secret from me.
“Tell me what happened,” he said huskily as he finally released me. “What’s all this craziness about Keith killing Cole’s father?”
“You didn’t know?” I asked carefully as I led Tanner into the living room, sat on the sofa, and picked up the very large glass of wine I’d poured earlier.
“It didn’t happen,” he said firmly as he dropped into the recliner. “Your brother was my best friend. We knew everything about each other.”
No, you didn’t.
Not everything.
It was clear to me that Tanner didn’t know that Keith had killed Cole’s father, so there were some things my brother definitely hadn’t told his best friend.
“There was one thing you didn’t know,” I said softly, hating the fact that the information I had was going to hurt Tanner, too.
“Keith did kill Cole’s father. I started reading Keith’s old journals several weeks ago.
I just got to the last one. One of the last entries was about the murder and how my brother killed your uncle.
” I picked up the journal that I’d put on the coffee table.
“I’ll let you read it if you want to, but I need to explain something else first.”
I was going to have to tell him about everything for Tanner to understand the entire situation.
Tanner shook his head in disbelief. “That makes no damn sense. Your brother didn’t have a bone to pick with my uncle. He had no reason to kill him.”
“Actually, he did,” I confessed.
I told Tanner everything about the attempted molestation and how Cole had saved me from a worse fate that day.
I explained that Keith and Cole had been the only ones who had known about that incident, and how my brother had kept it quiet to protect me.
“Fuck!” Tanner exclaimed in a highly frustrated tone as he rose from his seat. “I need a damn drink. Do you have anything stronger than wine?”
“Cole left some Scotch in the pantry,” I called out as he strode into the kitchen.
I heard some banging around before Tanner came back into the living room with a healthy glass of the whiskey.
He tossed back a mouthful before he sat back down in the recliner.
He was shocked, and I couldn’t blame him.
Tanner had thought he knew everything about my brother, so all of this had to be hard for him to accept, too.
“Why did you keep that childhood incident from me?” he asked. “I get that Keith wanted to protect you, but you could have told me about it after you were grown. We’ve always been tight, Lauren.”
I shrugged. “I really didn’t want to talk about it with anyone. I think I just buried it for a long time. I couldn’t change the past, and I wasn’t molested. It was just something scary that happened to me when I was a kid.”
“Thank fuck that Cole was there,” he grumbled. “It could have been a lot worse. I can’t blame your brother for wanting to kill the bastard. I’m surprised because I never saw Keith as a guy who could murder anyone, but I understand why he did it. He wanted to protect you.”
I went on to explain exactly what had happened that day, and how Keith had killed his uncle after the man had sworn that he’d get to me somehow.
“He also knew that your uncle killed your aunt. He told Keith about that to intimidate him. He planned to turn himself in, Tanner. He’d just wanted enough time to get me to adulthood and to make sure I was going to be okay.
If he hadn’t died in that motorcycle accident, he would have spent the rest of his life in jail.
He sounded like he was resigned to his fate. ”
“Fuck!” Tanner growled. “If I’d known, I would have tried to talk him out of that.
Your brother wasn’t a murderer, and my uncle was scum who murdered his own wife and put his kids through hell.
Keith did what he did out of desperation and fear.
It was a gut reaction, and he probably regretted the way he handled it later. ”
“Maybe he knew that you’d try to talk him out of turning himself in,” I suggested. “Maybe that’s why he never told you. You knew Keith better than anyone. I don’t know if he could have lived with himself if he didn’t do what he thought was the right thing. He had a moral compass.”
“I know,” Tanner said, his voice full of regret. “Learning all of this has been really hard on you.”
“It upended everything I knew about my brother,” I admitted before I took a large sip of my wine. “You knew Keith. It never even occurred to me that he could be violent in any way.”
Tanner swallowed a mouthful of whiskey. “I think Keith was just pushed to his limit. His reason and logic just shut down in his brain. Maybe there were things you didn’t know, but never doubt how much he loved you, Lauren. You were everything to him.”
“I know that,” I answered. “I’ll work all of this out in my head eventually, but I’m not sure what to do now. I have to go to Ralph Norton. I can’t just let the information go now that I know what happened. Cole and Asher need to be completely exonerated, and the case needs to be closed.”
“Is that what Cole wants?” Tanner questioned.
I shook my head. “I haven’t talked to him. He can’t possibly want to be with me now. My brother killed his father, Tanner. He and Asher were suspects.”
“Only in the eyes of some of the town. If they were serious suspects, they never would have been allowed to freely leave Montana,” Tanner said gruffly.
“And just FYI, there’s no way he’s letting you go.
He’s crazy about you, Lauren, and I think you feel the same way about him.
You two just need to talk. I’m surprised he hasn’t put a ring on your finger yet. But mark my words, he will.”
“I love him,” I said tearfully. “But I’m not sure I can live with the fact that my brother killed his father. People were vicious to him and Asher, especially when they were younger. Cole wasn’t even an adult, yet he was getting attacked by the people in this town for murdering his father, Tanner.”
“I know you’re emotional right now,” Tanner said gently.
“But don’t make any rash decisions until you’ve had time to think this through, Lauren.
You’d be thinking with your emotions and not your head.
It’s going to take a while to process everything.
Hell, it’s going to take me a while to come to terms with the truth.
I can only imagine what you’re going through right now. ”
I watched as Tanner pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“It’s Hannah,” he explained as he looked at his text. “She wants to know if you’re okay. I took off in a hurry.”
“Please tell her that I’m fine. I don’t want her to worry.”
Tanner took a minute to write a text to his wife.
“Go home,” I told him when he finished. “I should have tried to control my reactions and talked to you tomorrow. I just freaked out.”
Tanner lifted a brow. “That’s not something you do very often, so you should understand why that scared me.”
I nodded. “I do. I’m grateful that you came over. I think I needed someone to talk to about all this. You were Keith’s best friend. We’ll talk more once we’ve had some time to think about all of this. Part of me feels incredibly guilty because Keith felt like he had to kill someone for me.”
“Don’t,” Tanner said gutturally. “You were a child, Lauren, and it wasn’t your decision.
Keith decided to handle things that way.
He could have gone to the police. Hell, he could have picked up and moved you away from here.
He could have made a million different decisions.
He was thinking with his gut and not his head.
I get why he did what he did because I know how protective he was with you, but the way he decided to resolve it wasn’t your fault.
I wish he’d talked to me about it before it happened.
I wish he’d done things differently. But don’t you dare for one fucking second blame yourself for his decisions. Do you understand?”
I looked at Tanner’s fierce expression. “Reasonably, I do understand,” I explained. “I guess it’s my gut reaction to think that it’s my fault. He made that decision because of me. ”
“You need to find the rational part of your brain right now,” Tanner argued.
“He was an adult. You were a child. He was your guardian. He made a mistake, Lauren. If he’d gotten caught, he would have left you even more vulnerable because you wouldn’t have had him to look out for you.
He felt backed into a corner and made a stupid decision. ”
“He was barely an adult himself when it happened,” I said.
“Yeah, but he was still an adult,” Tanner grumbled.
“Sometimes we think we’re invincible when we’re young.
Leave it, Lauren. His decisions were his decisions.
You didn’t cause the murder, and you were in no way responsible.
Don’t let some misplaced guilt ruin what you have with Cole.
Hell, he needs you. He’s a completely different man now that you two are together, a really good man.
I think he’d completely lose his shit if you broke up with him. ”
“I’m going to have to tell him,” I said, my voice cracking with emotion. “I’ll tell both Cole and Asher. They deserve to know. I just need some time. I think I need to go see Ralph. My brother wanted to turn himself in. I think that’s probably what he’d want me to do.”
“Everything has changed since then, Lauren,” Tanner said. “That was ten years ago and he was still alive. Nothing good can really come from people knowing the truth now. The gossip about Keith would be vicious, and he’d be branded a murderer forever. I’d fucking hate that.”
I wanted to remind Tanner that my brother was, in fact, a murderer. Maybe it was a murder with extenuating circumstances, but still a murder.
Still, I really didn’t want to hear the horrible things people would say about someone I’d love so much, either.
“The case could be closed, and nobody would ever accuse Cole and Asher of being murderers again,” I said. “God, do you think I want to tell everyone that my brother killed your uncle? I wish I could just forget it and never talk about it again.”
“Then do it,” Tanner insisted. “Tell yourself that your brother made a mistake and move on with your life. This happened years ago, Lauren, and your brother is gone now. Keith would want you to be happy. I know you think this is a big deal, but I don’t think Cole is going to give a flying fuck about what happened to his father. I think all he cares about is you.”
“I don’t want to hurt him,” I said tearfully.
“Then don’t,” he said forcefully. “Tell him what happened, come to terms with it, and marry the poor guy. Cole has changed since you two got together, Lauren. I don’t think you realize how much.
He even seems to like being around his family now.
A good woman can give a guy a whole new perspective, and that’s exactly what happened to Cole.
I’d like to see the two of you happy. You both deserve it. ”
“I think I’m going to need a little space right now,” I told Tanner. “I’m going to have to be prepared for however he reacts to the truth. It’s a lot to find out that the brother of the woman you’re dating killed your father.”
“Not if that father was an abusive asshole who killed your mother,” Tanner grumbled. “Let go of the guilt, Lauren, or it’s going to eat you alive. It wasn’t your fault that Asher and Cole got the blame after it happened, either. You can feel bad that it happened without making it your fault.”
I stood because I really wanted Tanner to get home to Hannah. “I’m not sure that I know exactly how to do that yet,” I said in a lighter tone.
Tanner rose from the recliner. “Figure it out,” he suggested. “I’ll give you time, but I’m going to do whatever it takes to see you happy in the future. You didn’t need this shit right now. I wish Keith had never written those damn journals.”
I met Tanner’s gaze as we stood facing each other. “Is ignorance really bliss?” I asked softly.
The man in front of me caught me up in a giant bear hug as he answered, “In this case, I think a little bit of ignorance would have been just fucking fine.”