Chapter 31
Lauren
Cole: I haven’t talked to you in eight damn days. I respected your request for some alone time last weekend, but I don’t think you just want some time to yourself. Something is wrong, angel. I can feel it. Talk to me.
It was Friday night, and I’d stalled for one more night.
I’d desperately needed the last eight days to put things into perspective.
I’d tell Cole the truth tomorrow.
My head was a little clearer, and I’d had some time to reason things out.
I’d calmed down, and my initial heartbreak was over.
I was still stunned that Keith had killed someone, but it didn’t diminish the love that I’d always felt for my brother.
All of my guilt hadn’t completely disappeared, but Tanner and I had talked several more times, and talking to Keith’s best friend and the man that had been like a brother to me had helped.
God, I missed Cole.
The man wasn’t just my lover and my boyfriend. He was my best friend. He was the man I wanted to run to whenever I needed someone to talk to.
Unfortunately, he was just too close to this situation.
Me: I promise I’ll come tomorrow. I have your reports ready. I wanted to bring them by anyway.
I was deliberately keeping things more casual.
Tanner had convinced me that there was no way that Cole was going to immediately break up with me.
Maybe he wouldn’t, but I had to wonder whether things would ever be the same between us.
What if the truth got to him eventually? What if he had a hard time accepting that he’d been accused of his father’s murder because of me? Okay, I was trying not to accept guilt, but it had happened because of me…indirectly.
Cole: I don’t give a shit about the reports.
I want to see you. I want to see your healthy, smiling face.
If I don’t see it early enough tomorrow, I’ll be at your place.
Don’t push me, angel. If you don’t want to be with me, you’ll have to tell me that to my face.
This is bullshit. Something is wrong, and my patience is gone.
Tears filled my eyes.
God, did he really think I didn’t want to be with him?
Me: It isn’t that. This is about me, not you. I want to be with you. We need to talk tomorrow.
More than anything, I wanted to be with him. I just wasn’t sure how he was going to feel about me after all of this was over.
I’d been through hell and back in the last week, and the only thing I’d really wanted was to be with Cole.
Cole: If it’s about you, then it’s about me. Whatever it is, we can work it out together, angel. I just want you to talk to me.
Me: I will. I promise. Tomorrow.
Cole: Be here or I’m coming after you.
I sighed at his grumpy response as I heard my doorbell ring.
He’d been patient.
He’d also been kind and understanding.
When I’d told him I needed some alone time, he’d respected that until the silence had become just a little too much and too long for him to believe that I simply needed some time alone.
If I were in his shoes, I’d have to wonder if he was trying to avoid me, too.
I looked at the time as I got off my sofa.
It was after ten.
Who is at my door at this hour?
Luckily, I was still dressed in jeans and a T-shirt instead of my pajamas.
I was extremely surprised to see exactly who was standing on my doorstep.
“Maybe you don’t want it, but I have a word or two of advice,” Asher announced as he stepped inside.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as I closed the door behind him.
Asher never came into town, and it was completely out of character for him to seek out anyone.
“I know you’re thinking about going to Ralph Norton. Don’t do it,” he said.
I looked at him in surprise. “How did you know that?”
“Tanner called me. He figured you deserved the chance to give Cole the news yourself, but he also thought I deserved a say in your decision since that asshole was my father. My advice would be to let it go. Keith was the closest thing I had to a friend when we were younger. He helped me get a job as a welding apprentice in the same shop where he worked in Billings. In the beginning, I didn’t have a car, so he picked me up and took me home from work every day.
I don’t want the rumors about him flying around this town.
They’ll crucify him. I don’t want that happening to someone I always called a friend. ”
“He killed your father,” I said, confused.
Actually, I hadn’t decided whether or not I was going to inform the police.
I’d planned to talk to Cole and then Asher first.
“I’ve actually suspected it for a long time. Cole told me what my father did to you right after it happened. It was too big of a coincidence that my father ended up dead just a few days after it occurred.”
My eyes widened. “You never mentioned it to the police?”
“Even if I’d wanted to do that, which I didn’t, I had no proof. He was a good man, Lauren. That probably wasn’t the best way to handle the situation, but I had a younger brother that I wanted to protect. I understood that instinct.”
“But people blamed you and Cole,” I reminded him.
He shrugged. “I think it hurt Cole a little, but I didn’t give a shit. He got over it once he became an adult and got out of Montana. It’s been years, Lauren. Let it go. Anybody who gossips about us isn’t someone we’d call a friend. It doesn’t hurt either one of us anymore.”
“So, you don’t want me to tell Ralph Norton the truth?” I asked. “You don’t want me to clear your name?”
“There’s no reason to clear our names. We never did anything in the first place.
Do I want you to satisfy the gossips with more gossip?
I wish you wouldn’t. I’d much rather you let it go and talk to my brother.
He hasn’t seen you for a week and he looks like he’s about to lose it,” he finished drily.
“What if he wants me to talk to Ralph?” I questioned as I motioned toward the living room. “Do you want to come in and sit down?”
He shook his head. “He won’t. I know my brother.
He’ll ask you to do the same thing I’m asking you to do.
I think we’d both like to forget the past and move on with our future.
Our father doesn’t deserve to take up space in our heads anymore.
And no, I don’t want to come in. I have to go.
I just wanted to stop by and give you my opinion.
I’d really prefer it if Keith could just rest in peace. ”
I nodded. God, I really want that, too. “You’re right. Your father doesn’t deserve a second thought from either one of his sons anymore. I’ll do whatever you and Cole both want. Let me talk to him.”
Asher reached into his pocket and held something out to me.
I opened my palm, and he dropped the object.
“A key?” I asked.
“Cole’s,” he said with a smirk. “In case you decide to put my brother out of his misery later tonight. I’m assuming he hasn’t gotten around to giving you a key because you aren’t living together yet. Goodnight, Lauren.”
With that, Asher turned, opened the door, and let himself out.
I let out a long sigh after I’d locked the door behind Asher.
Still shaking my head at the fact that Asher had actually come to my home, I walked back into the living room.
I guess that just showed the level of closeness between Cole and Asher.
Asher seemed to be willing to do anything to secure his younger brother’s happiness.
I sat down on the sofa and did something I hadn’t done for eight days.
I picked up my brother’s journal, opened it, and decided to read the very last entry.
I needed to read the last words my brother had written before I could move on.
The entry was dated the night before my brother’s death, and it was relatively short…
Everything is done.
I’ve sold all of the personal property I can sell to put more money in Lauren’s college savings account.
I’ve paid the rent until Lauren’s departure for college. She was raised in this rental home, but it isn’t like she can keep paying the rent while she’s on the East Coast in college.
Besides, it’s time for her to leave this place behind for now and enter an exciting new future.
I’m going to work one last day tomorrow. I’ll be going straight home to talk to Lauren before I go to the police station here in Crystal Fork.
Going to prison isn’t going to be the worst part of this confession.
Nothing could be worse than telling my sister what I’ve done.
She’ll somehow find a way to blame herself for my asinine mistake. She’s always been the kind of girl who tried to take the blame for every shitty thing that happens in anyone’s life.
Pure and simple…I made a bad, emotional decision that she had no part in.
She was a child.
Fuck! I really hope she doesn’t wallow in guilt over this.
The only thing I really want is for my sister to be happy.
If I could just see that happen in the future, spending the rest of my life in prison wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
If she’s eventually willing to forgive me, I’ll always be there for her, even if I’m behind bars.
I swiped a tear from my cheek as I closed the journal for the last time and put it back on the coffee table.
Maybe I’d store the journals or give them to Tanner if he wanted to read them, but I was never going to open them again.
God, even my brother knew that I was going to wallow in pain because I was always so willing to shoulder guilt and shame, even when I shouldn’t.
I laid my head back on the sofa and closed my eyes.
Tanner had mentioned how much Cole had changed since we’d met.
I could say the same about myself.
I wasn’t really that woman who blamed herself for everything and thought she wasn’t worthy anymore.
I’d just let myself fall back into those habits because of the shock of learning the truth about my brother.
I wasn’t self-conscious or unhappy with my body anymore.
I accepted who I was and had found plenty of things that I liked about myself.
The new me had so much to do with Cole coming into my life.
I’d learned to accept who I was because Cole had taught me that I was worthy of affection.
I accepted my body because he lusted after it and had shown me just how incredible passion and desire could be with the right man.
He’d taught me how amazing a good relationship could be.
Cole Remington was my soulmate, and maybe that was true for a reason.
We both knew how crappy life could be when you were alone.
We both knew sorrow and loss, so we understood each other so well that it was scary.
Cole was my person.
And it was killing me not to be with him right now.
Me pulling away from him when I was scared and confused had hurt him, and I hated that worst of all.
I opened my eyes and looked down at the key that was still in the palm of my hand.
My trust in Cole was stronger than my sometimes-irrational fears.
I’d just forgotten that when I’d gotten so mentally distressed and so damn afraid of losing him.
The pull to see him, to be close to him, was suddenly impossible for me to resist.
I’d completely screwed up, and I wanted to fix that as quickly as possible.
Maybe I didn’t know exactly how Cole was going to react to the news that my brother had killed his father, but I trusted that Cole would never do anything to intentionally hurt me.
Talk to me.
God, I really wish I’d done exactly that.
I wish I hadn’t let my fears of losing him control my actions.
I didn’t need an overnight bag anymore to go to Cole’s ranch. I’d gotten into the habit of leaving things there so packing wasn’t necessary anymore.
I shot off the couch, found my car keys, and was in my vehicle in less than a minute.