Chapter 32
Cole
I wasn’t going to sleep.
I’d known that from the time my head had hit the pillow a few minutes ago.
The last week had been utter and complete hell for me.
Something was happening with my woman, and I had no idea what she was thinking.
That wasn’t normal for us.
Okay, I’d given her last weekend because I figured that sometimes women just wanted to do female things with friends.
We had spent almost every free moment we had together for the last few months.
If she wasn’t at the ranch, I was taking her out for dinner or spending time at her place. On the evenings we didn’t see each other, we still talked by text or on the phone.
I’d liked that just fine, but I thought maybe it had been a little too much for Lauren.
However, when she’d skipped every single morning workout this week, I’d known that something was wrong between the two of us.
She’d been avoiding me, and I had absolutely no fucking idea what to do about that.
Yeah, she’d assured me earlier that this was about her and not me, but I wasn’t buying that bullshit.
I knew Lauren.
If this wasn’t about me, she’d be here talking to me about whatever was up.
We were tight emotionally.
She’d share her problems with me.
There was nothing we couldn’t talk about anymore.
I’d given Lauren her space, but I was done with that.
If I’d done something wrong, I wanted to know what the hell it was so I could fix it.
If she wasn’t here in the morning, I was going after her.
A guy could only take so much before he lost his patience, and I was at the end of that rope.
I pounded the shit out of my pillow because I wasn’t comfortable, but when I finally flopped back again, it still felt as hard as a rock.
I was missing my woman, and my irritation level wasn’t going to change until I resolved this situation.
And I would resolve it.
Any other option was unacceptable to me.
Before Lauren, I wasn’t the kind of guy who would ever admit that I needed someone, but I needed her .
Hell, maybe I always had, but I’d never known exactly what I was missing until I’d met the other half of my world.
Now, I was completely fucked.
I was about to give up on sleeping and get up to get a drink, but I hesitated when I heard a faint noise coming from the front door.
My heart started to pound against my chest wall.
I wasn’t worried that someone was breaking into my house.
My ranch was isolated, and it was in Crystal Fork, Montana.
I’d left the damn door unlocked on purpose.
I’d left it unlocked at night for the last week.
I hadn’t ever thought to give Lauren a key because I was always here when she came over.
I’d wanted her to be able to get in if she suddenly decided that she wanted to talk.
I heard the distinctive sound of the front door closing, and when I heard the light footsteps moving past the kitchen, I recognized them. Lauren had a habit of taking her shoes off at the door, so the only sound she made when she was walking was an occasional creak that came from the wooden floors.
“Cole?” she called out hesitantly as the hallway light came on.
The sweetness of that sound made a lump form in my throat.
Fuck! I’d missed that voice.
I’d missed her.
Every damn thing about her.
I swallowed hard when I saw her at my bedroom door. “I’m here,” I said huskily as I rose from the bed.
Lauren stepped into the bedroom and switched on the lamp at the bedside.
She looked at me, and her face was anguished when she threw herself into my arms.
I caught her and held her as tightly against me as we could get.
The only thing that would have felt better was if we were skin-to-skin.
I was in a pair of boxer briefs, but Lauren was fully dressed in jeans and a T-shirt.
She pulled back to look at my face. “We have to talk. I’ve been incredibly stupid, Cole. I just wanted to see you. I wanted to tell you that I was sorry. And I wanted to tell you how much I love you.”
She was babbling, her expression remorseful, and her eyes shiny with unshed tears.
However, my main focus right now was on the words that had just passed through her gorgeous lips.
I held the sides of her face so that our gazes would lock. “Say it again,” I demanded gutturally.
“I’m sorry,” she said tearfully.
“Not that ,” I said impatiently.
“I love you,” she said breathlessly. “I love you so much. I wanted you to know that before I tell you what happened.”
Some of the tension left my body as I lowered my head and kissed her.
My gut clenched as I devoured her lips like a desperate man.
I hadn’t realized how damn sweet those words would sound until she’d actually said them.
She obviously wasn’t planning on breaking up with me.
She loved me.
Now that she’d said those words, there was no way in hell that I was ever going to let her go.
No more space for her.
I was going to be at her side the next time I knew something was bothering her.
She was even more breathless by the time I finally released her mouth.
“I missed you,” she said as she ran her hand along my stubbled jaw.
“Then why in the hell didn’t you just talk to me?
” I asked in a disgruntled voice. “I’m always going to be here for you, angel.
I love you, too. I probably have almost from the beginning.
Your silence nearly killed me. It started to make me think about things I probably shouldn’t have.
You know I’m not an insecure guy, but I started to wonder if you wanted out of this relationship when you started blowing me off every single day. ”
She shook her head. “Never. Honestly, I was worried that you were going to want out. Cole, I’m not sure how to say this, so I’m just going to blurt it out.
My brother killed your father. He admitted it in one of the last entries in his journals.
He went to talk to your father about what happened in the barn that day.
I think he was hoping he would scare him off of trying anything with me in the future.
Your father goaded him. Told him he’d eventually find a way to get to me.
He even admitted that he killed your mom to intimidate my brother.
I think Keith felt like he was backed into a corner, and he shot him. ”
I tightened my arms around her.
Fuck!
I hated that she’d gone through that kind of discovery alone.
“That’s not a huge surprise to me, angel,” I told her honestly.
“I had no proof, but I suspected that it could have been your brother. It made sense. My father was killed just a few days after he pulled that bullshit in the barn. If I’d had a sister that had caught the attention of a child molester, I would have been tempted to do the same thing.
I couldn’t blame him for wanting my father dead. ”
Her eyes widened. “Why didn’t you tell me that you suspected Keith?”
I shrugged. “Because I didn’t know for sure that it was him, and I knew it would turn your world upside down if it was true.
Justified or not, learning that your adored sibling murdered someone would change some of your perspective about that person.
You loved him, and you lost him way too soon. I didn’t want that to happen.”
I hated the fact that it obviously had happened, and that she’d been through hell alone in the last week.
The news had obviously devastated her, and it apparently had turned her world upside down.
“I was afraid to tell you at first,” she said softly. “You and Asher were blamed when it was my brother who actually killed your father.”
I frowned. “You thought I’d give a shit about that? Hell, I kind of wish you’d never found out the truth, but only because it would have been less traumatic for you.”
“I was heartbroken,” she confessed. “I had to come to terms with what my brother had done and why. I’ve spent a lot of time talking to Tanner.
He was Keith’s best friend. It was a shock to him, too.
Keith never told him. In the end, I guess I was afraid that you’d look at me differently.
I am the sister of the man who killed your father. I’ll never be able to change that.”
“And I’ll never give a shit about that,” I growled.
“Hell, Lauren, you never blinked an eye over the fact that it was my father who nearly molested you. I was the son of the man who almost molested you. In fact, you made damn sure that I knew that I wasn’t my father just because we were related.
Did you honestly think that I was going to care that it was your brother who killed a father who did nothing but abuse me and my brother? A man who killed my mother?”
“I’m sorry,” she said as a tear plopped onto her cheek. “My head wasn’t in a good place.”
My gut twisted as I looked at the agony in her eyes.
It really didn’t fucking matter that her thought processes didn’t make sense to me.
Those emotions had been real for her , and they’d obviously put her in a really bad place for a while.
“Stop apologizing,” I said grumpily. “I should have pushed harder to find out what was wrong. I guess I was a little insecure myself. I hate that you went through that alone. Don’t do that shit to me again, Lauren. Whatever it is, whatever is wrong, we’ll always get through it together.”
“I won’t,” she reassured me as she hugged me so tightly, I could hardly breathe.
I held her warm body against mine, and she felt so good that I decided I could wait a little while longer to take another breath.