23. Chapter 23 #2
Her so-called proof was a photo she took last week when she thought I was sleeping; for someone who openly told me her password, bless her soul.
She set her own trap. Of course, I didn’t violate her privacy or delete the photo or the hidden camera footage she’d taken of us spending the night together last year.
No.
If she wanted to play games, then let’s play games.
I was even generous enough to allow her the first move.
If she deleted the footage in front of me right now, because I know she wasn’t smart enough to make copies.
Then I’d spare her any further embarrassment, but when she doesn’t take the bait.
I gently reveal my knowledge of her father’s slush fund in the Cayman Islands and how he really got to be a judge for the Supreme Court to void all his sexual assault cases through bribery.
Should she not want that publicised, she had to back down.
And just like that, there were tears, begging and a loss of pride. By the time she’d left my office, she had no dignity left, but she did have a better understanding of how to pick her battles.
Her temporary obsession with me was nothing compared to my years of experience dealing with selfish women. She now knows exactly what will happen if she comes near me or any of my people again, and I have no remorse on the issue.
Once she’s gone, Crystal is nothing but a memory, and Luna is again the centre of my thoughts. From her scowl, the blatant way she looked up at my lips, and I caged her against the wall earlier.
God, I can’t stop thinking about her.
I’m meant to be putting as much distance between us as possible, and although I’ve been staying with Nigel for the past week, it’s not enough.
I don’t know what I was thinking; having dinner with her family and convincing myself that it was for Theo’s sake was just an excuse.
I didn’t fit into the whole family dynamic thing; it was unnatural, and to make it worse, I think Luna may have noticed how I reacted when I saw Mother on the TV.
I had to kiss the one woman I can’t have.
That was wrong in itself, but her grandmother is obsessed with my mother.
I so much as blink wrong in Luna’s direction, and it’s all over: my career, my reputation, the life I’ve built, and Luna holds the key to my destruction.
It’ll never be the same if people find out I’m Joan Walters’s son; she hid from the world.
Not to mention Theo… I won’t put him through something like that.
We’ll have to move countries, start all over again…but the only downfall of having a mother who’s literally been across the world, there are only so many places you can hide.
A new sense of anxiety is punching a hole in my stomach when I can’t bring myself to eat lunch, so instead I focus on studying for my case in a few hours.
Hoping the deeper I get into work, the less I think about a certain dark-haired beauty.
****
My head is killing me, my stomach is seconds away from devouring my arm as a source of food, and my lack of sleep is finally catching up to me as I climb out of my car and make my way up to Nigel’s flat.
I have the right to yell at him for picking a flat on the sixth floor, in a building that’s far too old to have a lift for what I pay him.
But by the time I reach his front door, I know doing that is wrong; he’s been a good host to me these last few days, and although being around families makes my stomach hurt, someone did teach me how to have manners when you’re in someone’s home. A small smile crept on my face, thinking of her.
I made a mental note to call her soon and check in.
Pushing the spare key through the lock required a lot more energy than I cared to give when the door didn’t open all the way.
I had to push a little harder and wiggle myself around the door to get inside.
Then I notice my duffel bag and dry-cleaned suits hanging on the coat rack by the door.
I’m about to question why these are here, but then I sense Nigel’s presence a few feet away.
His body language is stiff, an uncomfortable look across his face, with clenched fists; translation: he has something he’s scared to tell me.
“Go on.” I encourage, though I know what’s coming. However, I’m going to make him say it. After all these years of working together, he should at least be able to say this. If he could threaten to quit his job because he didn’t want to look after Theo, then he could do this.
“I have deep admiration for you, Oliver and as much as I enjoy the view of you coming out of the shower these past few days, but…” he pauses to look at me, but I do smirk to lighten the obviously awkward mood.
“I can’t host you for much longer…I’m so-” and that’s where I stop him. I don’t do great with apologies, nor do I like hearing them, so I hold my hand up, and he clamps his lips shut while I gather my things.
“Oliver, I-” He tries to say, but I ignore him by opening the door.
“That’s enough, you know I hate this sappy crap, thank you for being honest with me and thank you for your hospitality.” I turn to nod at him,
“I will see you at work tomorrow,” I recite, walking out and not looking back.
I fling everything in my car, knowing that returning home is probably best. I have to put Theo to bed, and leaving again to stay at a hotel seems like a waste, so I climb in the driver’s seat when something twists in my chest.
A familiar pang twinges in the bottom of my stomach, but I don’t acknowledge it.
The flashback to the last time I had to leave when it wasn’t my choice crept back into my mind, but I dismiss it, hearing the sound of my car coming alive, and drive myself home.
It is useless to dwell on feelings I don’t want to feel.
****
The sad part about having an assistant who lives close to me is that it only takes me under seven minutes to get home. As I pull up outside my house, I see the lights indicating life.
The possibility of going inside to hear Luna and Theo laughing is extremely high, and usually seeing such a display has little to no effect on me.
But the sting of Nigel kicking me out and the exhaustion that comes from avoiding both Luna and lack of sleep has lowered my inhibitions to a dangerous kind of low.
If I go inside, there’s no telling what I’ll do, and I’ve already passed the mark of making mistakes.
The turmoil of my carelessness and the events of tonight bring up memories and feelings I haven’t felt in a long time.
An unwanted trip back to my youth, and unlike what I’m able to do daily, they won’t go back into the deepest part of my soul.
I can’t seem to suppress these feelings, so here they are, haunting me.
I hate Luna for being the source of them resurfacing, and that I’m hiding out in my car like a coward because I’m afraid I’ll go inside and put the moves on my boy’s nanny.
I’ve become the low of low, haven’t I? A worthless excuse of a man who can’t control his urges, so he acts impulsively and right now I have three options.
Go to a hotel, wait until Theo and Luna have gone to bed, then go inside; go inside now or lastly, book a flight out of the country.
When I think of Theo, I should go in to tuck him into bed since he’s barely seen me these days; the feeling of guilt hitches a ride on the roller coaster tunnelling through my veins.
When that gives me the final kick to get off my ass, be a real man and walk into my own house without feeling anxious.
I climb out of the car, walking up the stairs, feeling my feet get heavier with every step. By the time I reach the door, I have to take a deep breath in and out, then push the key through the lock.
The faint sound of go-karts racing fills the house - aka, Theo is playing his only obsession. The moment I shut the door, I hear the game pause, and my mini-me comes crashing into my legs. I ruffle his brown hair against my custom-made charcoal grey trousers.
“Ollie!!” Theo yells, making my heart thump against my ribcage. How is it possible that I saw him this morning and tucked him into bed last night, and yet I can hear the “I missed you” laced in his tone.
Come to think of it, it does make sense. I haven’t been around like I used to. Especially since Luna moved in. Now having yet another thing to feel guilty about, I scoop Theo into my arms and hug him tightly.
Usually, after an exhausting day, the firm embrace from this little boy washes everything away…
but for some reason, this time it didn’t work.
I hug a little tighter, but again, nothing.
In fact, the storm brewing inside me was getting worse.
My heart thumps like a racehorse on the track, yet my chest feels hollow, empty.
I was suffocating, and a childhood-based ache churned in my stomach.
I try to hold on to Theo as long as I can, hoping his superpower that allows me to relax the moment I step through the door, it might be having a delayed effect from not being around much, but as it approached the two-minute mark, Theo gets bored, begging me to let him go because he remembered he stopped mid-race.
I don’t show the disappointment on my face because what’s the use in that? Putting him back on the ground as he scurries back to the living room. When the sound of Super Mario cheering fills the household again.
I put my briefcase down by the door and head toward my office. Since this feeling won’t go away, I might as well use this energy to get some work done.
Making my way to a destination that is no more than twelve strides is a painful effort.
My body feels like it weighs a ton, and I would rather sleep than push towards more paperwork, but if I don’t keep my mind busy, all it’ll be filled with is a certain brunette.
My legs finally stop, reaching our destination, but I realise it’s the wrong one when I look up to see those tempting brown eyes staring back at me.