41. Chapter 41
LUNA
Subject: Happy New Year!!
To: LooneyLuna@
From: TheOliverwalters@
My Dearest Luna,
It’s officially a brand-new year, the birth of new beginnings.
A time for slates to be wiped clean. New Year’s resolutions are being made as the world starts again.
I hope this new year brings you nothing but joy.
I hope the celebration of Seollal with your family went well, paying respects to your ancestors and grandfather.
A man I hope to pay my own respects to in the future.
God, I wish I could see how beautiful you look in a Hanbok.
At the end of every one of my emails, I’ve been sharing small facts about myself, but this is my favourite fact: my favourite word is Luna. Did you know that your name in Italian it may stray from the path you intended for it, but it always makes its way back home.
Love Your Surly Bastard, Oliver
I read it over and over. The mention of a ceremony that is deeply important to my family and my culture, and the mention of a new beginning, makes me believe that that’s Oliver’s way of saying he’s coming back…but that email was sent almost three weeks ago, and I’ve heard nothing since.
Yet again, I keep checking my phone like a crazy person.
It took a few months, but I found two part-time jobs that didn’t interfere with my weekends at the care home.
The pay is crappy, minimum wage, but living with my family, who refuse to charge me rent, has its perks.
I still make an effort to get groceries and help around the house, as living with a baby isn’t easy, but we’re all making it work.
I don’t understand what Oliver is trying to tell me, nor do I know why I’m waiting for him.
I guess cause I liked reading his emails, to see I wasn’t the only one suffering all this time, and I did miss the comfort of taking care of Theo.
The job had its own form of exhaustion, but the money was good.
Had I kept the wages I earned, getting part-time jobs wouldn’t have been necessary, but I don’t regret returning them and leaving with my pride.
I had to show him and myself that I didn’t do this job for the money, and that isn’t the reason I fell for him either.
But, after what will be eight months since Oliver left, I don’t think I can wait any longer, nor do I think I should.
When I’m ready to have another relationship, I want to do things differently and holding on to what could be isn’t healthy.
Therefore, I’m no longer going to be pining over Oliver Walters. I’m days away from turning twenty-seven, and it’s time I get a new outlook on life by first pulling myself out of bed and getting ready for the day.
It’s Saturday, so I’m up early to head over to the care home and spend time with the kids, letting the exhaustion of multiple jobs melt away the moment I see them.
Feeling the excitement when the kids hear me come through the front door is what has honestly gotten me this far.
I do, however, miss being greeted by a small boy with curly brown hair, green eyes and the best hugs in the world, but I have good memories of him, and if I really wanted to reach out, I always have the option.
I push away any thoughts about either of the Walters brothers and jump in the shower, running my fingers through my hair. I have enough time for a quick co-wash and to style my loose but mighty curls.
A steamy memory of Oliver and me in the shower, of him washing every inch of me so delicately, causes a lump in my throat and tears stinging my eyes.
One of my favourite memories I have with Oliver; it was so simple, intimate.
Moments like that convinced me he had to love me, the way I loved him, and that’s my cue to get out of the shower before the real tears start.
I pushed that thought to the back of my mind and headed towards mine and Leo’s bedroom to do my hair. I missed having my own bathroom, instead of having to share with LJ and Macy.
Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful they took me in, but the past few weeks I’ve seen things that make me think it’s better to go and live with Gran again. I shiver at the memory of catching my brother and sister-in-law doing it in the shower - I seem to be cursed in that department.
I finished my hair in record time, and even managed to style my new fringe I got last week, adding a pair of crinkled hoop earrings, and my signature scrunchy that Ji-ji brought me all those years ago and attached it to my wrist.
I never go anywhere without it.
I decided to make more of an effort with my look today. If I was finally going to start having a new outlook on my life, I might as well start with my looks.
Aside from my new haircut. I add subtle pink glitter eyeshadow to my eyelids, draw two perfectly shaped cat eyes, something that never happens - so I take it as the universe’s way of telling me today was going to be a good day.
I finish off the look with a touch of blush, mascara, and a healthy coat of setting spray to lock the makeup in.
Then slip into my new favourite matching underwear, a mint-coloured number I picked up from Victoria’s Secret last week.
Though I’ve never been one to buy sexy underwear, I saw it in the window, and once I found my size, I just had to buy it.
Too bad no one would end up seeing it but me, of course.
Flicking through my closet for what to wear, as it was still pretty much winter here in the UK.
I had always preferred the cold to the hot weather, but some years I wished for sunshine during my birthday month.
Outfit-wise, I settled on a fuzzy green jumper LJ I saw spots.
With the bittersweet memory in mind, I almost met the same fate as Oliver, rushing past the barriers and towards the escalators down to the underground.
I only had a few stops to go before I reached the care home, once I reached the bottom.
I waited a few minutes before the underground pulled up and I stepped inside, along with the Saturday morning rush.
The mornings are always crowded, with people being squished against others unless you’re an elderly person, pregnant or someone in desperate need of a seat. Today, there were no seats available, not that I could see, trapping me in a sea of people.